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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2011 8:42:56 GMT
Not you, any of you. Obvs I love you all because you're all lovely and ADHDy and like me, perfect in all your imperfections ;D
Have you ever really hated anybody? What's the difference between dislike and hatred? It seems to me that disllike is just the otherside of indifference but if you hate somebody, does that say more about you than them? I am struggling not to use the word hate to describe my feelings for someone in real life and so am trying it out here to work out if I do hate her, and also whether i can stop hating her before it adversely affects who I am as a person. i.e. I don't want to be an angry ball of hatred. I would rather be a serene little ball of butterflies.
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Post by odat on Dec 2, 2011 10:37:09 GMT
Hate just seems a much stronger word than dislike, the same as like and love. So on the scale we have love, like, neutral/ambivalent, dislike, hate.
I've never hated anyone for more than a few raging minutes because I can't be arsed to invest that much energy into someone I don't like. It's like the saying 'resentment is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die.' I'd much prefer to be completely ambivalent to them and have no feeling whatsoever.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2011 11:19:51 GMT
I don't think I'm ever going to feel neutral but I'd settle for dislike because I completely agree that I don't want to invest so much energy into someone I don't like. I think that if someone you dislike seems intent on annoying you then what you feel is dislike mixed with anger, and until the anger abates, it feels a bit like hatred. Thanks for your reply
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2011 11:59:01 GMT
I think Odat has hit the nail on the head. It's all about the energy invested in the emotion. To love or hate someone requires energy; to like or dislike somebody requires little or no energy, and is very much an equilibrium. When you love someone, and the love is returned, you again create equilibrium as the energy is returned. Based on this equation, for you to be balanced emotionally you would need the other person to show as much hatred as you feel. You would draw energy from the fact that your existence drives somebody insane (I know I do!). Hatred with no reciprocation would eventually leave you devoid of fight, drive, and emotion, and simply empower the hated. Or, that could be a load of new age bunkum. Take what you can from that
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2011 12:53:30 GMT
I think Odat has hit the nail on the head. It's all about the energy invested in the emotion. To love or hate someone requires energy; to like or dislike somebody requires little or no energy, and is very much an equilibrium. When you love someone, and the love is returned, you again create equilibrium as the energy is returned. Based on this equation, for you to be balanced emotionally you would need the other person to show as much hatred as you feel. You would draw energy from the fact that your existence drives somebody insane (I know I do!). Hatred with no reciprocation would eventually leave you devoid of fight, drive, and emotion, and simply empower the hated. Or, that could be a load of new age bunkum. Take what you can from that No, that makes a lot of sense. You both talk sense and I need sense talked into me. I feel like she feeds off my hatred and that's destructive and corrosive. Thanks
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2011 21:20:59 GMT
i hate you too... and i will answer this properly when i'm on my meds and can read it and make sense of it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 0:07:00 GMT
I'm with the other guys - I never feel enough sustained strong negative feeling about anyone to really call it hatred. I've loathed two people that I can think of, both of whom were bosses who bullied me relentlessly and took all the joy out of one very good job and another that could have been fun. It was painful at the time, to feel my self-esteem being flayed off my back with such relentless, systematic cruelty.
I might have said I hated them at the time, but i doubt I really did, properly. I resented them, and what they took off me, and now, looking back, i despise them - angrily - for their pathetic behaviour...
But when I heard that one had died of bone cancer, I had no pang of sympathy. Not a shred. I never went so far as thinking he deserved it; but nor did I ever think that he didn't. I just thought, there ya go. Karma.
Hatred is indeed corrosive, and he was an angry, haty individual. I just think that all the bile he had festering away in him corroded him completely away, in the end.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 14:18:31 GMT
That's the thing, I think if you let yourself hate, all the bitterness turns you into a hateful person.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 16:15:43 GMT
right, replying properly now.
I think the words HATE and LOVE are highly subjective, I suppose if you really wanted to be philosophical about it, you could say the same about DISLIKE and LIKE! lol But I think more so with LOVE and HATE, as they are seen as stronger words.
I HATE that I can't do things or help things. I don't think I've ever HATED anyone or anything in particular. But I do dislike quite a few... I wouldn't judge someone based on their saying the word or even believing they HATED something. But again, like LOVE, you can say a lot of people abuse the word and use it really when they don't mean it. It's become a 'comfort' word, where it's almost slang in the English language. When looking in to translation into other languages, in some cases the word or phrasing of HATE or LOVE doesn't actually translate to the same meaning or strength in a lot of cases. Some words just aren't spoke of or used as they are, foreign or blasphemous/rude.
I don't think it's HATE that causes unrest or bitterness so much, but more so negativity in general. Be it through closed mindedness, uneducated, lack of respect, selfishness or no interest. I think those in combination can make a very unhappy or bitter person, as deep down they are not appreciated, accepted or understood by even themselves a lot of the time!
This can break someone down, and when they leech out this sort of vibe they are bound to get a similar one back. Which over time can be very unhealthy. I'm a firm believer that negativity and lack of hope can kill a person.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 17:58:09 GMT
Ooh, words! I love words...
Isn't it funny how loathe, hate, love, like, are gut-feel words?
They're ancient, old English/Germanic words, unlike their prissy Latin cousins 'detest', 'abhor', 'abominate'...'prefer'...'desire'...
I din't know why they capture the quality of an emotion so well - but they're tribal words, no brain required. We just feel them.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2011 18:25:27 GMT
Ooh, words! I love words... Isn't it funny how loathe, hate, love, like, are gut-feel words? They're ancient, old English/Germanic words, unlike their prissy Latin cousins 'detest', 'abhor', 'abominate'...'prefer'...'desire'... I din't know why they capture the quality of an emotion so well - but they're tribal words, no brain required. We just feel them. some how i don't think my 16yr old bf 'felt' it when he said "i love you" every time we hung up the phone together... (and before you start, i was 16 too, i'm not a pedo...)
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 1:05:46 GMT
...or even a paedo?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 13:41:30 GMT
...or even a paedo? ehem...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia
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Post by random on Dec 4, 2011 16:04:38 GMT
If there was a wikipaedia it would spell it paedo :-)
Sent from my Nexus S using ProBoards
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 20:23:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 21:40:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 22:38:09 GMT
Whaaaat??? You never seen a pedant in the wild? We feral. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2011 22:56:51 GMT
Whaaaat??? You never seen a pedant in the wild? We feral. ;D wouldn't it be a paedant??
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Post by Ravendarque on Dec 5, 2011 14:12:54 GMT
Nope, because as all good pedants know, paed- is a Greek root and thus we English, unlike our American counterparts, honour the diphthong. Pedant, on the other hand, is of French origin and does not use a diphthong.
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Post by Ravendarque on Dec 5, 2011 14:13:49 GMT
Oh, grrrr, by the way. I feral.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 14:58:17 GMT
Nope, because as all good pedants know, paed- is a Greek root and thus we English, unlike our American counterparts, honour the diphthong. Pedant, on the other hand, is of French origin and does not use a diphthong.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 15:00:45 GMT
Nope, because as all good pedants know, paed- is a Greek root and thus we English, unlike our American counterparts, honour the diphthong. Pedant, on the other hand, is of French origin and does not use a diphthong. p.s. i was being rather facetious, RE: paedant... I'm one of the rare, educated Americans.
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Post by dizzydumpling on Dec 5, 2011 16:00:13 GMT
Are you sure you're not being facaetious Kameel? (yeah I know - well someone had to didn't they! - cue Vic Reeves - "You wouldn't let it lie!") Only on an ADHD forum could these last few posts have existed, I swear!! ;D - that's whay I love it!! What was the originasl post again? I'm sure I was formulating some sort of opinion/reply on something before it all went a bit tangential!
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Post by Ravendarque on Dec 5, 2011 16:07:19 GMT
Sorry, I often forget my dead-pan style of humour only works in text if you know me. You kind of have to infer the smirk.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 16:13:59 GMT
Are you sure you're not being facaetious Kameel? (yeah I know - well someone had to didn't they! - cue Vic Reeves - "You wouldn't let it lie!") Only on an ADHD forum could these last few posts have existed, I swear!! ;D - that's whay I love it!! What was the originasl post again? I'm sure I was formulating some sort of opinion/reply on something before it all went a bit tangential!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 16:15:53 GMT
Sorry, I often forget my dead-pan style of humour only works in text if you know me. You kind of have to infer the smirk. don't apologize i did the same blooody thanG!!! ;D
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Post by dizzydumpling on Dec 5, 2011 16:38:44 GMT
Be it through closed mindedness, uneducated, lack of respect, selfishness or no interest. I think those in combination can make a very unhappy or bitter person, as deep down they are not appreciated, accepted or understood by even themselves a lot of the time! Absolutely! If hatred is seen as the negative and anger-fuelled emotion that stems from the above then hopefully we all have the opportunity to give up hatred and become happier people. Unfortunately it's easier said than done much of the time! I think it definately helps to have developed an understanding of ones self first - i.e. once we can recognise our own failings/differences and and understand that they stem from a combination of our hardwiring, genes and environment, then surely we have to acknowledge that other peoples' are also a combination of the same, and therefore, even though we may not be able to understand the behaviour of those we 'hate', a closer inspection of their background combined with recognition that some people are just wired differently - ie with certain urges, no ability to empathise, feel pity, kindness etc - we can undserstand how they became the way that they are. Sometimes, if their issues are more social/environmental, we may be able to improve our relationship with that person - maybe even help them in some way (?) But at other times, I think we just have to recognise that we can't change a thing, so just accept it for what it is and get on with appreciating the rest of our lives and the other people in our lives who don't make us feel this way. (That doesn't mean we should just accept being treated badly by people though obviously!) 2 examples (for anyone who can ber arsed!) I used to hate my father - with a vengeance (to the point that I even dreamed about killing him in violent ways!) until about 3 years ago I recognised that he was an undiagnose/unchecked aspie who was spoilt rotten and rewarded for selfish & bad behaviour throughout the 1st 20 years of his life by a neurotic mother and who had no self-insight whatsoever. However, he was about 55 by the time I realised this and far too old to be diagnosed/counselled by a long lost daughter - so now it's just a case of shrugging the past off and moving on. I no longer hate him - just feel a bit sad, as had he been born a few years later his condition might have been recognised and he may have been helped to live a kinder and morer fulfilling life! Also, I remember a boss of mine who I intensely disliked because she was really nasty, hard-faced and sarcastic - then I found out that she was being battered/bullied regularly at home by a horrible husband, and my attitude changed towards her. As my resentment melted away, she seemed to become far more approachable as a boss and I don't know if it was simply my perception of her that changed, or if she picked up on changes in my attitude toward her and these were reciprocated, but whatever it was, just understanding one aspect of her life made my hatred diminish overnight! Apologies if I've just paraphrased what anyone else has said in previous posts - I know I do this sometimes!
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Post by Ravendarque on Dec 5, 2011 17:22:21 GMT
Oh, to steer us back on topic - I think hatred exists purely because it is fuelled. If you don't provide it the fuel, it will burn out and I believe that proximity is the fuel.
As an analogy, how does it make you feel if someone is shouting right in your face? Anger, urgency, panic? What about if that person dos the same thing, but 50 metres away? Do you feel more calm, more detached, more analytical?
It's not always possible to distance yourself physically of course, but sometimes taking a step back and saying 'Life is huge. This hatred is consuming my entire vision. I choose to turn away and look at better things.' helps.
Easier said than done though, eh?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 20:31:10 GMT
Oh, to steer us back on topic - I think hatred exists purely because it is fuelled. If you don't provide it the fuel, it will burn out and I believe that proximity is the fuel. /quote] I agree with this.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2011 20:33:10 GMT
Nope, because as all good pedants know, paed- is a Greek root and thus we English, unlike our American counterparts, honour the diphthong. Pedant, on the other hand, is of French origin and does not use a diphthong. Kameel, can you explain to us all what's going on in this smiley, please?
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