Post by dn2drew on Dec 13, 2011 16:48:31 GMT
hi everyone. first of all i dont aim to come across as so self important but i believe if i give you a brief background history you would understand me better as a member of this board. if my story would bore you (dont worry, it would bore me too) skipt to part 2 (thats the most important part to me). for those who fancy a read, here goes part one;
some of you may of read my earlier posts from when i discovered adhd and i wondered if i might be suffering myself. (thanx to all the people who replied. your advice was great).
i mentioned that i had struggled with everyday tasks and activities pretty much since leaving school. i couldnt understand that the people i grew up with around me had progressed so much, so easily whilst i was moving backwards. even the no-hopers and kids 5 years younger than me were making a better life for themselves. i felt like a loser and in many eyes, i was a loser.
i have (combined) 40+ jobs and college courses under my belt which i have quit/been sacked from due to; punctuality, inattention, boredom, procrastination, confusion etc. i had family troubles from both my side and my partners side, financial troubles, relationship troubles with my partner and friends, alcaholic tendencies, weight problems, axiety, OCD, depression and a responsibility to provide for two kids.
i was at my whit's end. i'd had enough of failure, guilt, stress, confusion, envy of those happy people who found it so easy. that feeling of being lost. i drank more, self harmed and had relief like thoughts of suicide.
i was watching a programme one day and it briefly mentioned adhd. i researched it and found my own view was completely wrong (i had always thought adhd'ers were just people who always like to be centre of attention). the page was describing myself especially when i read the careers part. at that moment i cried as i realised there is help at hand for all the worries i had no control over.
since then i have been diagnosed with adhd inattentive type. i see a team of experts weekly who advise me on coping tactics and medication. although things are'nt going as fast as i would like them to and we have'nt found the right dose of medication that works best yet, my life is slowly getting more positive. ive cut down on drink (although it is still a problem due to boredom and anxiety isues) my relationships with both families, friends and my partner have become stronger and happier, i believe im thinking a little clearer (although im still cloudy, confused and lost but im a really negative person anyway) and im begining to focus better on ambition.
i still have a long way to go till im out of my rut but im glad im moving forward for once ;D
part two
ok, choosing a 'career, path, purpose, way of life etc' is still a massive worry to me. i believe that because of every job ive chosen or every college subject i have tried have become nothing but bad memories, eventually i'll lose interest down the line and fail in whatever i choose to do long term. this has prevented me from commiting to anything im remotely interested in (that and lack of money). for example, im quite interested in writing stories but find it hard to sit at the computer and it becomes a chore. also i feel im not educated enough to write anything serious so even though i see it as my best chance to "happily" make a living, im worried about making a commitment to it. i know change in interests to be a typical adhd trait but its an absolute killer for me. its this trait that leads to boredom, procrastination and punctuality problems.
has anyone else serverly suffered from this? how did you get around it? how did you motivate yourself and find the commitment to your chosen interest? did you manage to make a living from it and are you still happy?
i went to a support group i found on the internet the other day. i was quite dissapointed in the turnout since there was only 3 of us including the organiser. we had a good chat though and got talking to the other lady. she was 32 with a 12 year old kid and she believed she had adhd and aspergers. she told me she was doing sports development at uni and was in her second year. she said she had failed the first year twice and this was here fourth year overall. i asked her what she wanted to do after she had passed and she said she didnt know, she just wanted the degree. i was confused at first but then i realised she was'nt no different from myself. she must of thought "right, ive wasted 10+ years going nowhere. sat around regreting the past, worrying about the future and neglecting the present. im gonna go make something of myself" this inspired me and even though ive always wanted to go to uni, ive never been so serious about it. what have i got to lose? apart from the kids and a commitment to a few bills, i dont have anything!
i only have a few qualifications. gcse's (highest grade c) and a worthless nvq2 in trackwork. what are the requirements for entry and how do i go about getting them? is there help within the uni for people with adhd? im 27, in shed loads of debt and my credit rating is most definately shot to bits (im in more red than mick hucknall, its worse than greece) would i still get a student loan? if im still eligable for a student loan, would it cover support for my children, living arangements etc? if im refused a loan, is there any education alternatives to get a degree for people in my situation?
sorry its been a bit long but theres just one more question. ive tried concerta 12 hour release and went up to 72mg. it made me focused but i felt the days were passing without me noticing and i had horrible depression after. i went onto medikinet 60mg 4 hour release and they did nothing of note, and i kept forgetting to take doses. then we tried medikinet capsuals 8 hour release and so far its just made me anxious alot. maybe abit of focus but still cant tell properly.
i know its different for everyone but how did you take to meds? could you notice a difference? im unemployed at the moment so im not really doing anything challenging to notice but i seem to notice the side effects more than the positive effects. did this happen to anyone else and did it get better?
im sorry again for my post being so long but once i get going, i cant stop! i started writing it at 1pm believe it or not lol
some of you may of read my earlier posts from when i discovered adhd and i wondered if i might be suffering myself. (thanx to all the people who replied. your advice was great).
i mentioned that i had struggled with everyday tasks and activities pretty much since leaving school. i couldnt understand that the people i grew up with around me had progressed so much, so easily whilst i was moving backwards. even the no-hopers and kids 5 years younger than me were making a better life for themselves. i felt like a loser and in many eyes, i was a loser.
i have (combined) 40+ jobs and college courses under my belt which i have quit/been sacked from due to; punctuality, inattention, boredom, procrastination, confusion etc. i had family troubles from both my side and my partners side, financial troubles, relationship troubles with my partner and friends, alcaholic tendencies, weight problems, axiety, OCD, depression and a responsibility to provide for two kids.
i was at my whit's end. i'd had enough of failure, guilt, stress, confusion, envy of those happy people who found it so easy. that feeling of being lost. i drank more, self harmed and had relief like thoughts of suicide.
i was watching a programme one day and it briefly mentioned adhd. i researched it and found my own view was completely wrong (i had always thought adhd'ers were just people who always like to be centre of attention). the page was describing myself especially when i read the careers part. at that moment i cried as i realised there is help at hand for all the worries i had no control over.
since then i have been diagnosed with adhd inattentive type. i see a team of experts weekly who advise me on coping tactics and medication. although things are'nt going as fast as i would like them to and we have'nt found the right dose of medication that works best yet, my life is slowly getting more positive. ive cut down on drink (although it is still a problem due to boredom and anxiety isues) my relationships with both families, friends and my partner have become stronger and happier, i believe im thinking a little clearer (although im still cloudy, confused and lost but im a really negative person anyway) and im begining to focus better on ambition.
i still have a long way to go till im out of my rut but im glad im moving forward for once ;D
part two
ok, choosing a 'career, path, purpose, way of life etc' is still a massive worry to me. i believe that because of every job ive chosen or every college subject i have tried have become nothing but bad memories, eventually i'll lose interest down the line and fail in whatever i choose to do long term. this has prevented me from commiting to anything im remotely interested in (that and lack of money). for example, im quite interested in writing stories but find it hard to sit at the computer and it becomes a chore. also i feel im not educated enough to write anything serious so even though i see it as my best chance to "happily" make a living, im worried about making a commitment to it. i know change in interests to be a typical adhd trait but its an absolute killer for me. its this trait that leads to boredom, procrastination and punctuality problems.
has anyone else serverly suffered from this? how did you get around it? how did you motivate yourself and find the commitment to your chosen interest? did you manage to make a living from it and are you still happy?
i went to a support group i found on the internet the other day. i was quite dissapointed in the turnout since there was only 3 of us including the organiser. we had a good chat though and got talking to the other lady. she was 32 with a 12 year old kid and she believed she had adhd and aspergers. she told me she was doing sports development at uni and was in her second year. she said she had failed the first year twice and this was here fourth year overall. i asked her what she wanted to do after she had passed and she said she didnt know, she just wanted the degree. i was confused at first but then i realised she was'nt no different from myself. she must of thought "right, ive wasted 10+ years going nowhere. sat around regreting the past, worrying about the future and neglecting the present. im gonna go make something of myself" this inspired me and even though ive always wanted to go to uni, ive never been so serious about it. what have i got to lose? apart from the kids and a commitment to a few bills, i dont have anything!
i only have a few qualifications. gcse's (highest grade c) and a worthless nvq2 in trackwork. what are the requirements for entry and how do i go about getting them? is there help within the uni for people with adhd? im 27, in shed loads of debt and my credit rating is most definately shot to bits (im in more red than mick hucknall, its worse than greece) would i still get a student loan? if im still eligable for a student loan, would it cover support for my children, living arangements etc? if im refused a loan, is there any education alternatives to get a degree for people in my situation?
sorry its been a bit long but theres just one more question. ive tried concerta 12 hour release and went up to 72mg. it made me focused but i felt the days were passing without me noticing and i had horrible depression after. i went onto medikinet 60mg 4 hour release and they did nothing of note, and i kept forgetting to take doses. then we tried medikinet capsuals 8 hour release and so far its just made me anxious alot. maybe abit of focus but still cant tell properly.
i know its different for everyone but how did you take to meds? could you notice a difference? im unemployed at the moment so im not really doing anything challenging to notice but i seem to notice the side effects more than the positive effects. did this happen to anyone else and did it get better?
im sorry again for my post being so long but once i get going, i cant stop! i started writing it at 1pm believe it or not lol