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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 10:31:15 GMT
Anyone else all but unemployable out there? I have bee turned down for NHS jobs cos of references, cant get care work cos CQC will trawl through my history of patchwork employment.
Also I have qualifications which are all but worthless cos of lack of placement, my last job 3 jobs I couldnt even get through the training period cos of my disruptive element. Doesnt matter that ususally I am the smartest person in the room, including the instructor cos I cant SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Saying that, I cannot tolerate bullshit being taught to people, and I am shocked at the level of education of the british public, is it just me? I know I have problems but JEES people are thick!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 13:28:45 GMT
thats me. no job for over a decade and even before that i had a couple of crap ones which didnt last long. Ive never really worked but have got qualifications coming out my ears. Spent most of my life on benefits.
im whats known as a massive underachiever.
people take one look at me and immeditaley make their mind up about me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 13:31:33 GMT
oh and regarding the people are thick thing. I see the same as you. i am waiting to be diagnosed with aspergers and adhd. Im in what can be known as the aloof group. I tend to see and moan about everything and its usually about other people. I tend to see what most people cannot and yes education is one of them.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 22:13:53 GMT
I have mixed feelings about this post. if you believe you are unemployable. then I guess you are, especially if all the work you are looking for or willing to accept is to do with your studies or qualifications. Sometimes life sucks balls and you have to pick yourself up and do something you dont want to do to get by. something is better than nothing and there are heaps of people out there willing to do pretty much anything for work because they have to. they don't have computers or phones they can check the internet or chat online with. they have disabilities that keep them from leaving their houses or speaking or reading... they are unemployable. you have a serious attitude problem and you are not willing to get proper help and allow someone to help you. you are not willing to help yourself. that's not unemployable, that's just stubborn and in my opinion just as 'thick' and ignorant as the next. it's selfish and quite frankly i'm tired of hearing it. sorry. if you want help, take what you're given and stop picking out what you like and chucking out the others. it's seriously ungrateful.
the reason why you cant' get a job working with people and helping people? one simple reason. you can't help people if you can't help and support yourself. until you buck up and sort yourself out, you aren't going to get a job working in medicine and care. sorry, simple facts. These people need you to help them, not bitch, whine and complain about how your life is shit. their life is shit, that's why they need help. but at least they are willing to accept that and get help.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 22:23:28 GMT
and don't fucking start about how you have asked for help and tried to get it. if you speak to them and stay the things you say to me and to others on here trying to help you. I don't blame them for not helping you. you are not accepting of help and are not ready for help. you need to really want it and need it before you will get it. you can't just go in and ask for it and then tell them how to do it taylor made to you. They are the ones that tell you what help you need and how they can help you and then you try what they tell you with out bitching about it because you are so desperate to get any help you are given. threatening with suicide or even attempting it is not a way out...and not how you should ask for help. no one can help you if you are willing to accept the help they offer.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 22:24:17 GMT
<having a shit month sorry if i've offended bit fed up>
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 22:49:27 GMT
Well I am happily going to ignore that comment being as today I failed to even get a job collecting for charity despite trying my best at a group interview for giftaid and making a complete ass of myself. I am taking the tablets the doc gave me and other than making me groggy they are not helping in the slightest.
My observations about education actually have little to do with my condition, it's not arrogant to be aghast with the general level of education of the public but I expect a graduate to be able to spell or know what VAT stands for or, hell be able up formulate a coherent sentence!
Again you seem to want to pick a fight and I am not playing anymore, theres nothing you can offer to the table and I would appreciate if you would cut it out. I really don't want to do care or nursing tbh and your definition of 'medicine' is a lot different to mine. patient assessment and treatment with actual clinical autonomy with the opportunity to directly affect a patient outcome. Ie grown up work. Not bum wiping.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2012 23:28:44 GMT
While I am moaning, I had a manual handling instructor that couldn't spell manual handling, sorry dyslexia is not an excuse. Taught that our spines are damaged during birth WTF? (chiropractic bs) and that natural posture is with your back to a wall with your chin up....err no check a reputable a@p book.
Also last guy was teaching the long discredited idea about communication being 7% verbal and got arsey when I asked him why in that Case someone who doesn't speak English can't understand 93% of what is said and the nhs had to spend over 6 million on translators a year. Oh yes and then mangled cardiology till I embarrassed him and he promptly ran on told on managers who fired me for being "disruptive" erm how many chambers in the heart again? What is an MI? What's a narrowing pulse pressure? Mmmm was almost worth it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 8:40:51 GMT
I tend to see and moan about everything and its usually about other people. I tend to see what most people cannot and yes education is one of them. Hey, Mage - don't take this as confrontational, but... I found the language in your post quite telling.. It suggests a pretty absolute belief in the 'correctness' of your point of view, and you're acting on that belief - in a way that probably isn't going down too well with people around you (you listening, too, ambly?)! I reckon there's a fair layer of subjectivity in the way we interpret what we think we 'see'. To illustrate, I might say, 'I tend to be struck by things that others don't even seem to notice'. Setting aside the different style and positioning, would what was actually happening in my world be very different from what was happening in yours? The difference, I think, is that I'd be acknowledging that when i react differently to info received in my brain, I might be the one who is out of kilter. We might sometimes convince ourselves that we have a 'better' insight than the rest of the world, but I suspect it's generally safer, at least initially, to acknowledge that while our perspective can legitimately be different, it's not necessarily better, and quite possibly not 'the truth'. And having said all this pompous blurp, I call open season on my own thoughts - planetdave could talk at length (if he wasn't quite so laconic) about my annoying preference for over-analysis. I'm not precious, fortunately, so feel free to deconstruct me right back! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 8:45:10 GMT
<having a shit month sorry if i've offended bit fed up> She is, and not speaking our minds when we're cross is bastard hard even on a good day. So let's all take deep breaths.... ....before round 2!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 8:59:22 GMT
sorry dyslexia is not an excuse. Actually....I think it probably is! Ambly, why did you feel you had to score so many points over your instructor? What would have happened if you'd kept your mouth shut? My guess is that you'd have felt the guy was giving out - and perpetuating - mistaken views. Not good, so you had a duty to speak up and get the 'truth' out there, for everyone's benefit... So what would have happened if you'd still made your points, but in a way that didn't make the other guy feel bad? Do you ever go for win:win outcomes when you head into 'battle' on a point of principle? Getting the truth out there is your 'win' - can you now think what might have given him his, and let you both come out of the experience feeling ok? Perhaps you'd get more success if you saw getting that side of the deal right as your biggest challenge, and pursued it ruthlessly. You'd still be acknowledged as highly competent, but you'd be seen as a nice bloke, too.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 11:28:49 GMT
cos i have terrible interpersonal skills, cos i cannot seem to shut up. and if my adhd isnt an excuse for having problems dealing with people then why should dyslexia be an excuse for him?
Btw he didnt claim to be dyslexic I am making a point, its more likely he had never been pulled up on his spelling or the lets be honest BS he was teaching.
ADHD affects mme primarily in my human interaction, and i have a variety of "deep character flaws" as described to me by an instructor that are either secondary or as a result of my underlying problem.
I have zero self confidence and constantly flipflop between cocky and arrogant and unsure and nervous. so as u can imagine i rapidly piss people off. and no amount of positive thinking, mental exercises or focusing help cos i cant maintain it.
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Post by goosey on Jan 28, 2012 11:28:55 GMT
kameel, your post is not very helpful.....if you're having a shit time try exercise / go for long walks / have relaxing baths etc.....can help your anger and frustrations as it increases serotonin levels (ie mood) in yr brain.
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Post by boo on Jan 28, 2012 12:29:04 GMT
amblyman
one characteristic of ADHD can be poor self awareness, couple that with low impulse control and viola, you have yourself a problem!
when i learned of ADHD, one of the things i did was re-evaluate whether my self awareness was a bit shit!
I discovered it was and it gave me an opportunity to perhaps see why at times i managed to piss people off but didnt quite get why!
i think there is a difference between saying i dont understand why i piss people off, and i do understand but hey! it aint my fault so deal with it world!..... and while you're at it, you do the changing! so that i dont piss you off any more!
well, that aint gonna happen is it! not in a month of bloody sundays, so you got 2 choices. carry on and live your life whinging and whining that the world is so unfair and woe me, woe my life, or take a step back and TRY and make the change. Its not easy, i still struggle!! but if you insist on going through life blaming everything on others or your condition, then i think you may find yourself stuck in your perpetual cycle for a long time to come, its one that sadly, i feel may be somewhat self imposed
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 13:54:44 GMT
kameel, your post is not very helpful.....if you're having a shit time try exercise / go for long walks / have relaxing baths etc.....can help your anger and frustrations as it increases serotonin levels (ie mood) in yr brain. Oh hey! Why didn't I think of that? Oh wait I did. I can't take baths often because they give me urine infections and honestly it stresses me more looking at my fat body floating round in my own filth. I would rather a shower, but then thats not much better because the cubicle is small and I bang around in there. Long walks can't do often because I can't afford to keep fuxking up my knee or spraining my ankle with the tendons so bad with my weight so high, same with most exersize except swimming which requires a membership, money time and motivation most of which I don't have atm. So there goes that idea. Got anymore condisending 'helpful' posts for me? Pot kettle imho. Great advice though for someone asking for help, I'm not asking though. Just venting like the rest to a public bitching post obviously asking for attention.
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Post by goosey on Jan 28, 2012 14:52:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 15:20:58 GMT
the lack of civility on here is astonishing, saying that it is an ADHD site... kind of makes sense that everyone is going to annoy everyone else. I am kind of annoyed to be told that I need to "have more self awareness" etc. well DURR!!! Its an ego-symphetic disorder right? meaning its DIFFICULT to understand that you aren't the same as other people.
Maybe you had the benefit of understanding parents, employers, schools? well I certainly didnt, and havent, I have had the fun of being misunderstood all my life, being laughed at, told I am inadequate, etc. Funnily that does strange things to ones psyche. If I could get on better with other people I would, if I could not upset people, I would, and if I could change, I would. Its not an option of "deciding to change".
You dont tell someone with a quadriplegia "why dont you stand up?", you dont tell someone with deafness "why dont you hear?" Why can you tell someone with ADHD "why dont you be self aware?" Why is that any more acceptable or heplful? why is it any more possible?
I have an appointment with the Barbury, I want and will take the meds, I will do the therapy. But like I said to the psychiatrist, whats the point of 3 days of anger management? Its not that I DONT KNOW how to act. Its that I hvae NO CONTROL sometimes. Thats the definition of a DISORDER.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 15:25:07 GMT
How rude......you can go play in the outside lane of a motorway as far as I'm concerned. If you want to offer me real 'advice' and 'help' message me privately like you mean it and don't post on a thread all holier than thou making me look like a prick for saying what everyone else is thinking about amblyman. sure i'm not perfect and i'm sure there are people who want to say what you say to me to me as well. however saying that my post isn't helpful and then doing the same bloody thing posting another antagonizing unhelpful post, pot and bloody kettle to me isn't going to make matters any better is it, especially since previous instances would tell you it pisses me off when people tell me what to do... as for wishing me in traffic and to be put out of my misery. thanks. best advice so far. wouldn't be the first time i've thought about it. i'll keep it in mind thanks.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 15:27:22 GMT
the lack of civility on here is astonishing, saying that it is an ADHD site... kind of makes sense that everyone is going to annoy everyone else. I am kind of annoyed to be told that I need to "have more self awareness" etc. well DURR!!! Its an ego-symphetic disorder right? meaning its DIFFICULT to understand that you aren't the same as other people. Maybe you had the benefit of understanding parents, employers, schools? well I certainly didnt, and havent, I have had the fun of being misunderstood all my life, being laughed at, told I am inadequate, etc. Funnily that does strange things to ones psyche. If I could get on better with other people I would, if I could not upset people, I would, and if I could change, I would. Its not an option of "deciding to change". You dont tell someone with a quadriplegia "why dont you stand up?", you dont tell someone with deafness "why dont you hear?" Why can you tell someone with ADHD "why dont you be self aware?" Why is that any more acceptable or heplful? why is it any more possible? I have an appointment with the Barbury, I want and will take the meds, I will do the therapy. But like I said to the psychiatrist, whats the point of 3 days of anger management? Its not that I DONT KNOW how to act. Its that I hvae NO CONTROL sometimes. Thats the definition of a DISORDER. a-fucking-men. best post yet from you ambly. i'm frank with you, because you are frank with me. i hope you can understand and respect that. as i respect your frankness with me, even though it bites sometimes. i understand you're angry and frustrated. so am i.
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Post by goosey on Jan 28, 2012 17:10:43 GMT
<sigh>
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Post by mccutcheon on Jan 28, 2012 18:01:08 GMT
oh noes, kameel, you spelled "condescending" wrong. that's going to be it now...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 18:05:28 GMT
oh noes, kameel, you spelled "condescending" wrong. that's going to be it now... I KNOW!! i was replying with my phone and i couldn't for the life of me remember how to spell it and my spell check was no help. it drove me mad!! i was gonna change it when i got back but i forgot... lol done now. HA! x
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Post by mccutcheon on Jan 28, 2012 18:12:48 GMT
you will never hear the end of it tsk tsk....
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Post by boo on Jan 28, 2012 18:20:36 GMT
Maybe you had the benefit of understanding parents, employers, schools? well I certainly didnt, and havent, I have had the fun of being misunderstood all my life, being laughed at, told I am inadequate, etc. Funnily that does strange things to ones psyche. If I could get on better with other people I would, if I could not upset people, I would, and if I could change, I would. Its not an option of "deciding to change". No i didnt! If its not an option to be able to make changes to help yourself, how have any of the rest of the members on this board managed? (at least to some degree, which is surely why we are able to share some of the self help strategies! ) I am far from having it all sewn up and I still have difficulties, and I take exception to anyone spouting that i must have had it easier if i can work through any of the problems and issues that having the DISORDER can bring. I am kind of annoyed to be told that I need to "have more self awareness" etc. well DURR!!! Its an ego-symphetic disorder right? meaning its DIFFICULT to understand that you aren't the same as other people. DIFFICULT not IMPOSSIBLE If you dont know what is causing your issues/difficulties/problems, you cannot do anything about it right?! Once you know, then you CAN, or at least have a bloody good go at trying! If you can but wont, then that is not a DISORDER but a CHOICE. I have CHOSEN to try and make changes where I can. I am well aware that there will be things I simply cannot do anything about, but I do my best to give it a go, and I WILL NOT be told that it is probably because I had the benefit of growing up without being misunderstood and laughed at and told I was inadequate, because I didn't
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Post by mccutcheon on Jan 28, 2012 18:50:21 GMT
To be honest, so far I've avoided most of amblyman's threads because they kind of "annoyed" me. But I sort of stumbled into this one now without noticing at first. And now I feel a bit annoyed again. I thought I would just walk away again and not comment, but I've been giving it some thought and I kind of feel like I need to.
So, my point, and I do have one:
I think MOST OF US have had the problems of being misunderstood etc. MOST OF OUR LIVES. It's part of the disability. So I find it a bit harsh to assume you have it harder/rougher/tougher than everybody else.
Sure, we all have DIFFERENT PROBLEMS if you spell them out, but at the end of the day we ALL have to take responsibility for our own lives - ADHD or not, diagnosis or not, medication or not.
Yes, that's a lot EASIER with a proper diagnosis, some therapy and medication. But the fact that you don't have that YET doesn't mean you get to lean back and whine.
None of us got meds right away - hell, some STILL don't take meds for various reasons - but we still ALL make an effort to get better, to fight the disability, to improve.
Before I had meds I never knew when to keep my mouth shut either. But the thing is: I TRIED damn fucking hard to learn it. And I improved. I still wasn't what's considered "normal" but I got better once I knew why I was doing these things (diagnosis!). And now with the meds I'm quite the functioning person, and I've even begun to like myself (shocker!).
But I digress. When I first read your postings, amblyman, I thought "Oh shite, that's fucking bad." I was worried about your suicidal thoughts etc. But - and I hate to admit that because suicidal thoughts should NEVER be disregarded - after a while I began to get the feeling you just WANTED to whine. Like you WANTED to feel bad. And whine. And feel sorry for yourself. And then whine some more.
And sure, that's what this forum is for, in part - to get some pity when you need it and to vent and to commiserate. BUT it's also for getting better. And I have to agree with kameel (I went back and read the other threads now so I saw that she was actually really trying to help you out in a commiserating way first) that you seem quite stuck on the whining part.
I think feeling sorry for oneself is definitely part of the process. But it's a PROCESS. And that means that once you're done feeling sorry for yourself, you go pick yourself up off the floor, you wipe away the tears, you take the advice you got from your friends here and you start your path to getting better.
I really don't want to make you feel worse, amblyman. Really not! I'd like you to see that THINGS DO GET BETTER and that YOU HAVE THE POWER to make them CHANGE. That is some seriously awesome power, mate.
Any disability - be it ADHD, dyslexia, BPD or any other kind of disorder - IS an excuse. But only to a certain extent, I think, especially if it is diagnosed. It can get us some leeway when we desperately need it and that's a great thing and only fair. But then we're expected to get better, and that too is only fair, namely to the people around us.
Sorry for the long-winded comment. I do hope you get better and don't kill yourself. As stupid as that sounds just now. But it's just like I hope everyone else here can find a way to get better too.
Big fucking hug, everyone.
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Post by goosey on Jan 28, 2012 18:56:18 GMT
Boo, lets's go play somewhere else....
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 19:26:27 GMT
Kameel I get, she annoys me often but I get it, trying to help and boncing between postive and negative. fank yoo x Career - You're still breathing, so there's time. be patient. Friends - *waves* Family - I left mine...maybe with time and change they will be round. but doubt it so move on. family sucks sometimes. i have an ocean between mine. Debt - miniscule compared to what else is going on. you'll be ok and work it out if you are honest with people about your situation and you get some help. Education - you're already educated, intelligent(questionablewiththisbehaviour), and seem to know what you want(ordoyouandthatstheproblem?) meh, fixable with time and effort, don't lose heart. and don't say cunt! it's a fucking bad word damn it. ;D
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Post by mccutcheon on Jan 28, 2012 19:35:24 GMT
For future reference:
1. Don't call people names. Especially not ****. That is so fucking low. 2. Don't you dare tell other people that they "don't suffer properly" 3. I'm done.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 20:02:47 GMT
Thread closed.
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