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Post by dishwasher on Apr 2, 2012 18:43:17 GMT
I was diagnosed last year at the age of 29. My ADHD and Dyspraxia prevented me from developing either professionally or personally at anything like a normal rate.
Obviously Im simplifying the issue but bascially I will be in the same position at 31 as I should have been at 21. I mean this in terms of my career and personal life although my personal life was even worse affected an is more important. Has anyone in a similar position thought about simply 'repeating' the wasted years perhaps with the help of other ADDers or people who for what ever reason are in a similar position?
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Post by prunesquallor on Apr 2, 2012 19:57:36 GMT
Hi;
you have an interesting thought there. How to develop it?
Do you mean perhaps getting together with people in this situation for study groups, setting up a business, or something like a dating agency?
IMHO, there are things that happen in society that result in people who different being disabled (in the active sense that some peoples' behaviour excludes and disadvantages others). There's much to be gained by mutual assistance between those so disadvantaged.
P
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 20:16:59 GMT
I strongly believe that you can help mend a lot of your pain through connecting with others who experience similar things. this forum site has been so good for me. i finally feel like im not alone or crazy. although i know i am a little crazy.. but in the good sense.
once you begin to realise why you felt the way you did and behaved the way you did you will begin to mend yourself to some degree and even aceot yourself more.
maybe you dont need to re live your past as alot of people with adhd don’t really even live in the present (always trying to keep up, behind, disconcerted confused etc) you just need to live a little more in the moment once you can manage your symptoms better so that your future is enjoyable and as bright and memorable as it can be !
Gem
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 22:59:08 GMT
I feel like I have repeated and repeated and repeated, when I look and see what other people have achieved in their life compared to me I just want to scream. And the older you get the harder it gets to swallow your pride and start from scratch.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2012 13:15:45 GMT
Dishwasher Ambleman I totally understand where your at. But give yourself some credit, You have a condition that prevents you from doing certain things or doing things different to others(everyone is different in how it affects them). Your not a failure professionally or otherwise(I've had counseling and talked to my friends to come to this conclusion). A career is not a measuring tool at being successful, you may be successful in other ways , have lots of friends , nice home people that love you. . In order to move on with adhd, (its taken me several years) you have to accept yourself for who you are and focus on your strengths which I bet there are many (if you cant think of any ask someone to write them down for you). Then you have to play to your strengths. I buried my head in sand after diagnosis, and couldn't accept things like not been able to do a stressful job or go back to nursing, this in turn was denting myself esteem and causing me to go from job to job in order to try and prove myself that I could do these jobs each time it chipped away a bit of me until I FELT USELESS. I now work part time, money is tight but I'm more organized as I have time to be so spend less. I sold my car and walk to work and back 7 miles a day. This saves a fortune, and I'm happier. If a little bored sometimes. But that's a small price to pay. My relationship with my partner is better cause I'm less stressed out. I still panic and have days when I procrastinate, but they are less and less, and I'm having cbt and counseling for this (2 and half years waited for this). I'm 35 and was diagnosed at 32 its took me 3 years to get to the stage where I am now you will get there too. If a man was disabled and in a wheel chair you wouldn't ask him to walk, or he wouldn't think he could. Its the same analogy accept yourself and love yourself for who you are.
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Post by dishwasher on Apr 3, 2012 17:53:53 GMT
In theory it is possible to make a fresh start by writing off past failures as not counting due to lack of diagnosis etc. I would not actually pretend to be over 10 years younger. That would be creepy but I would try to do all of the things I missed. What is needed is a recently diagnosed ADHD equivalent of what Brighton and Soho are to gays.
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han3617
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Post by han3617 on Apr 3, 2012 18:35:58 GMT
In my case I would have to repeat the last 30 years! But yes, I do understand - and yes, feel like professionally and personally my peers seemed to grow and develop whereas I did not. I don't want to pretend I am younger - but whether I want to or not, I feel that I never really grew up or matured! Sometimes I think I should just start again - particularly since I have at last been put on meds today, at long last - but at 51 I feel so far behind everyone else, that I wonder if it will be worth it - particularly in view of my numerous medical conditions. Amblyman - you totally hit the nail on the head, for me: "And the older you get the harder it gets to swallow your pride and start from scratch" I actually had a rant about this the other day on the Venting board: I feel hugely grateful that I've at last found a GP who will take me seriously and prescribe for me - and I usually manage to stay positive. But at times I just cant help wondering what might have been, had I been diagnosed sooner...
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Post by dishwasher on Apr 3, 2012 22:29:11 GMT
never too old. just need to know the right people.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2012 22:32:35 GMT
I have used the wheelchair analogy myself, a guy I worked with thought I was full of shit and making excuses and tried to 'help' me, for which read constant criticism, berating my work and another instructor who was a PTSD counsellor kept telling me I needed to 'want to change'.
Neither had any concept obviously of neurodevelopmental problems, I can no more 'straighten up and act normal' than an amputee can stand up and do the running man...
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Post by dishwasher on Apr 6, 2012 10:22:33 GMT
I still think that it's possible to find appropriate work/study/hobbies etc with the help of similar people (in the sence of how their lives have been affected). There tends to be a higher concentration of people who Im on the same wave length with in specific places. Travelling helped alot for me (a realise the budget is a problem). I tend to put my life on hold while I work for minimun wage to save up to be human when I travel.
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mindfuzz
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Post by mindfuzz on Apr 20, 2012 22:26:49 GMT
i know that feeling i have spend since i was 16 until a few years back overcoming lots of tragic things that had me out of the world while i re build my self.
i some times feel really sad of all the things that i missed out on like girlfriends good job and just being happy. But when i really look at other pepole yea they have this and that and sometimes it not good. I think if i had spent the last 10 years working and doing the things normal people do i would not have learned as much as i have.
there are no short cuts to knowing and over coming your self.
You should race against your self not other people become the best at what you want to be even if is take you a year or fifty.
all this stuff is easy to say. and i do get really pissed of at the years that were lost from time to time. but what you think is know use to you know can turn out to be your greatest assest.
“Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.” ― Winston S. Churchill
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