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Post by Delilah on Apr 18, 2012 21:58:24 GMT
Does anyone else have difficulty maintaining the interest of a the other party in a conversation?
Sometimes I just pretend I'm on a mobile phone call because I don't want to be rejected a few seconds into starting a conversation.
I see other people seeming effortlessly chatting away for ages and I just look and wonder how they do it?
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Post by Delilah on Apr 18, 2012 22:07:23 GMT
For anyone reading this, I'm new and typical ADD just realised I've posted this in the wrong place!!!! mod comment we have the technology! pd
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Post by twix on Apr 19, 2012 7:34:27 GMT
Hi. I think a good trick is to remember that people like to talk about themselves, so if you ask them how they are or to give you their opinion on something they will happily chat for ages.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2012 8:23:21 GMT
My son is exactly like that! Good point twix
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Post by mizmog on Apr 19, 2012 9:38:02 GMT
That's a question that regularly swims round my head! Lol
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Post by 16stonepig on Apr 19, 2012 9:58:03 GMT
I usually find that I just can't maintain my own interest. They'd probably be happy to keep talking about whatever dull little thing they want, while I just drift off into some more interesting thought, make an excuse and walk away.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2012 10:21:40 GMT
Hi. I think a good trick is to remember that people like to talk about themselves, so if you ask them how they are or to give you their opinion on something they will happily chat for ages. I use that technique a lot, to the extent that I then end up sounding quite inquisitorial - then I get stuck when they turn it around and ask 'and what about you?'. I've never perfected that balance between saying waay too much and not having anything to say at all. Pressure!
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Post by dishwasher on Apr 19, 2012 23:39:34 GMT
what about deliberately saying something controversial or provocative or just quirky just to get a more interesting reaction? I do this alot.
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Post by 16stonepig on Apr 20, 2012 8:52:00 GMT
Yep, I do that. It's just so much more fun, isn't it? It has very nearly got me into lots of trouble at work.
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Post by sherry on Apr 20, 2012 18:07:55 GMT
Ah yes, the drop a grenade in a room and walk away scenario, yep love that!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2012 22:13:31 GMT
what about deliberately saying something controversial or provocative or just quirky just to get a more interesting reaction? I do this alot. I tend more to do that by accident and then realise I've done it when people look shocked and/or laugh nervously and move away... ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 3:57:35 GMT
Thank God!!!!! Someone finally gets me!!!! My entire life people have always looked at me and asked where did that come from....Shock therapy, love it. Downside is I tend to loose jobs and friends that way.....Oh well we can't all be prefect.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 9:43:11 GMT
I usually find that I just can't maintain my own interest. They'd probably be happy to keep talking about whatever dull little thing they want, while I just drift off into some more interesting thought, make an excuse and walk away.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 9:47:26 GMT
I usually find that I just can't maintain my own interest. They'd probably be happy to keep talking about whatever dull little thing they want, while I just drift off into some more interesting thought, make an excuse and walk away. i guess what one person finds interesting is uninteresting to the next ,makes for good variation
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 9:50:32 GMT
Does anyone else have difficulty maintaining the interest of a the other party in a conversation? Sometimes I just pretend I'm on a mobile phone call because I don't want to be rejected a few seconds into starting a conversation. I see other people seeming effortlessly chatting away for ages and I just look and wonder how they do it? maybe your just over surrounded by boring people and just need more stimulation
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 16:27:01 GMT
Thank God!!!!! Someone finally gets me!!!! My entire life people have always looked at me and asked where did that come from....Shock therapy, love it. Downside is I tend to loose jobs and friends that way.....Oh well we can't all be prefect. You should have a look at the ancient thread on forum names - why planetdave is, actually, planetdave...
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Post by claudhopper on Apr 22, 2012 17:02:35 GMT
I get flumoxed by the most mundane stuff. If someone asks "what have you been up to lately" or "how are you" I can't really add much more than the most factual. I like to change the topic asap to something more interesting but I'm frightened the other person won't be interested or will be immediately lost or scared away.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 20:21:23 GMT
Thank God!!!!! Someone finally gets me!!!! My entire life people have always looked at me and asked where did that come from....Shock therapy, love it. Downside is I tend to loose jobs and friends that way.....Oh well we can't all be prefect. You should have a look at the ancient thread on forum names - why planetdave is, actually, planetdave... aadduk.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=lounge&action=display&thread=947
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 20:29:45 GMT
I totally get what you mean claudhopper- often I’m walking into work - so flustered by everything - getting in on time- making sure my bag is packed - thinking about my to do list - then someone says morning to me and I’m totally flustered - over sensitive to any stimulus in the morning. Often i blurt something ridiculous back and go red. if I’m asked about my weekend i often can’t think or just real of a number of activities followed by ermmm ermmm. i feel so flustered and stupid - my brain does not seem ready for random q and conversations - its too slow – yet my thoughts race – and i can analyse everything around me - does anyone else fee l like this ? it’s horrible - especially in meetings or committees - sometimes i wish i could trade my brain - it is a constant source of frustration and many days end with me resenting myself - beating myself up.
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hopeful
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Post by hopeful on Apr 22, 2012 20:41:10 GMT
I totally get what you mean claudhopper- often I’m walking into work - so flustered by everything - getting in on time- making sure my bag is packed - thinking about my to do list - then someone says morning to me and I’m totally flustered - over sensitive to any stimulus in the morning. Often i blurt something ridiculous back and go red. if I’m asked about my weekend i often can’t think or just real of a number of activities followed by ermmm ermmm. i feel so flustered and stupid - my brain does not seem ready for random q and conversations - its too slow – yet my thoughts race – and i can analyse everything around me - does anyone else fee l like this ? it’s horrible - especially in meetings or committees - sometimes i wish i could trade my brain - it is a constant source of frustration and many days end with me resenting myself - beating myself up. Totally me. Add to that the friendly "What are your plans for the weekend?" question. This brings me out in a cold sweat! Plans? For the weekend? I usually mumble something about not having much planned, but I would love to give the genuine answer that would be something like this: "I'm planning to try and get dressed this Saturday, maybe even wash the pile of dishes in my sink. Of course it will probably take me until Sunday afternoon to even start any laundry or housework, but I will spend hours sat at my PC surfing aimlessly. You?"
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 21:21:27 GMT
Ha yes definitely can relate to this - i mean what hope do we have if we cant respond to some of the most basic conversations !! ah its a night mear !
i would also totally be the same if i had my weekend free to myself - i have all these plans (not that exciting but 'must do' things) i end up only doing half if im lucky and having rational reasons for why i have not done the rest to make me feel better! i always get so sucked into the internet reading or watching something or another, left feeling guilty that Ive wasted time (something i have very little off!!) when i do get up to do things its quite painful but if you just get on with it its less painfull than letting yourself think about it !
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Post by mmm on Apr 23, 2012 11:45:22 GMT
you have to mix it with the neurotypicals if you want to appear like them, and that includes all the mundane routine 'niceties' like
- did you have a nice weekend
- got much planned for the weekend
- did you see 'abc' on the tv last night
- was there much traffic on the roads
awful isn't it... i tend to mimic them, but i quite often get tooo close and end up sounding like them too, or adopting the same posture lol
worst of the lot for me is "how are you", when the person really means "hello".
just put together some stock phrases, and work hard at instant interpretation!
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Post by 16stonepig on Apr 23, 2012 12:52:28 GMT
I am 31 years old, and yet that still completely baffles me, every time it happens.
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Post by twix on Apr 23, 2012 13:10:55 GMT
I really enjoy watching the big bang theory, Sheldon's takes on social niceties and small talk.
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Post by Mouse on Apr 23, 2012 14:57:14 GMT
I spend most of my life trying to drag info and conversation out of my OH so when I come across someone who talks freely I am overjoyed and will lazily sit and listen! I don't care if they're all 'me, me, me' cos it is a luxury to listen as far as I'm concerned.
Not having to start the conversation or formulate questions is a joy. I am better if I am asked a question. Though I know I sometimes give conflicting answers when asked the same question cos I am greatly influenced by how I am feeling at that time.
Eg ask me whether I liked school and my answer will be influenced by whether I'm having a good day or not!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2012 15:11:46 GMT
If I know someone doesn't really like me and they're doing the "how are you" hello just out of politeness, I deliberately give a really weird answer
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Post by Mouse on Apr 24, 2012 12:21:50 GMT
If I know someone doesn't really like me and they're doing the "how are you" hello just out of politeness, I deliberately give a really weird answer LOL (I go extra polite!)
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Post by mighty on Apr 24, 2012 13:06:26 GMT
I find myself drifting away from what people saying a lot, but I'm now an expert at working out roughly what they're saying by catching important words and ends of sentences! Think I'm pretty good at conversation but a lot has come from practice and effort. I'll say random things I'm thinking though, often to people I don't really know.. often results in me being asked if I'm high lol
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Post by claudhopper on Apr 24, 2012 13:56:32 GMT
I have an urge when asked 'how are you' or whatever to actually answer how I am, like: "a bit shit really, I've done fuck all for about 4 weeks except listen to radio 4, think, drink tea and look at the mess around the living room.. you?" I have to either come up with an obscure thing that's happened lately, talk about what I've heard someone else has done, things like that. Just to move the conversation on to something new. I can't do small talk without a massive effort. Most of my conversation has to jump ahead to an interesting thought about a parallel or metaphore for what someone has said. People claim they don't know what I'm talking about or odd. It's difficult to slow down.
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hopeful
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Post by hopeful on Apr 24, 2012 15:03:30 GMT
I have an urge when asked 'how are you' or whatever to actually answer how I am, like: "a bit shit really, I've done fuck all for about 4 weeks except listen to radio 4, think, drink tea and look at the mess around the living room.. you?" I have to either come up with an obscure thing that's happened lately, talk about what I've heard someone else has done, things like that. Just to move the conversation on to something new. I can't do small talk without a massive effort. Most of my conversation has to jump ahead to an interesting thought about a parallel or metaphore for what someone has said. People claim they don't know what I'm talking about or odd. It's difficult to slow down. We could be twins. I try to do small talk, but it feels so flat and awkward to me. And I often jump in to a conversation on what to my train of thought is related, but is met with blank stares. Sent from my GT-I9100 using ProBoards
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