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Post by grim on Jan 23, 2013 22:01:21 GMT
Hi all, I was diagnosed with ADHD early last year,as i may have mentioned already I am aware that with ADHD your perception of situations,people,events,etc isn't always as it should be.Two of my sons have ADHD and i've observed them over the years frequently mis-reading things that are going on around them.They both have fallen out with many of their peers at one time or another due to mis-understandings....you get the picture (i hope) Well,all of this got me thinking.What if i've been mis-reading people and situations all of my life? What if the life i recall isn't really how it happened? I've already learnt that i got it completely wrong with how i perceived my relationship with my father when i was young.I thought we never got on,and that he didn't really have a lot of time for me...when in reality he used to spend most of his spare time with me,doing "stuff" together,and was endlessly bailing me out of whatever bother i'd get myself into So i'm beginning to think i've got my whole life wrong ,it wasn't the way i remember it being. ...and to be honest it's tearing me up,i'm struggling to get my head around it.
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Post by claudhopper on Jan 23, 2013 22:18:11 GMT
I get what you mean. It isn't entirely my experience but I think it's more due to different stages of development compared with your peers than 'getting it wrong'.
So was your dad aware of what your perception was? Your relationship is you and his understanding each other. So if you think your dad was distant maybe he didn't give you assurance that he wasn't. In other words I don't think it's worth dwelling about. You were no more responsible for your relationship with your dad and your perception of it than he was, surely.
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Post by grim on Jan 24, 2013 9:31:10 GMT
The point is,it took me about 40 years to realise how hard my dad tried with me...backing me up and helping with all the shortlived hobbies,taking me to various events,etc. The more i look back now,with more clarity,the more i see that he really tried...but that's not how i saw it at the time. This is just an example (one piece of the puzzle) of the way i am coming to question much of the people and things i've been involved in/with throughout my life...and the many situations i didn't understand at the time.
The best way i can illustrate where i'm at is a comparison with the ending of "The Sixth Sense",when B.Willis finds out he's been dead all along,which changes everything he's experienced in the story .It's that sudden and huge shift in perception that i'm finding difficult to get through,since my diagnosis.
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Post by li0nberries on Jan 24, 2013 10:40:10 GMT
I totally get that! I am finding myself getting negative and freaked and fustrated by the whole new slant on things and for myself I find the things that r helping r looking out for my self pity slides and dodging them cause when I feel sorry for myself i don't focus so well on making things better for the people I love. And ( know u shouldn't start a sentence with and), anyway AND trying to make something positive out of it. Ur dad obviously loves you uncondionally, so it would probably mean loads to him if you spent a really special day with him, just doing the things he likes, so he can see that you do care enough to be aware of his interests and maybe at the end give him a thank u card and flowers, just putting thank u for always being there. Might just b an excuse for me not to have to give too much emotionally but I figure sometimes action with fewer words and justifications means more.
Hope I didn't sound critical there cause wasn't assuming ur just like me, it's just I'm my only experience with this stuff.
Sixth sense - great film. Have you seen momento, if not maybe try it :-)
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Post by mizmog on Jan 24, 2013 14:03:47 GMT
I completely understand having been diagnosed a couple of yrs back and now nearly 40 I am still struggling with the concept that I've got it all wrong AND if I have got it wrong, then how can I trust my own judgement now!
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Post by grim on Jan 24, 2013 21:24:38 GMT
so it would probably mean loads to him if you spent a really special day with him, just doing the things he likes, so he can see that you do care enough to be aware of his interests and maybe at the end give him a thank u card and flowers, Trust me,he'd absolutely hate that! ;D We have our relationship sorted now,after all these years.We live a fair distance apart,but when we visit (or he does) ,we're comfortable with each other and chat a lot about this and that...so it's all good. I think my diagnosis clarified a few matters for him as well. Yeah,that's kind of a tricky one mizmog,ain't it
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2013 8:07:08 GMT
The point is,it took me about 40 years to realise how hard my dad tried with me...backing me up and helping with all the shortlived hobbies,taking me to various events,etc. The more i look back now,with more clarity,the more i see that he really tried...but that's not how i saw it at the time. This is just an example (one piece of the puzzle) of the way i am coming to question much of the people and things i've been involved in/with throughout my life...and the many situations i didn't understand at the time. The best way i can illustrate where i'm at is a comparison with the ending of "The Sixth Sense",when B.Willis finds out he's been dead all along,which changes everything he's experienced in the story .It's that sudden and huge shift in perception that i'm finding difficult to get through,since my diagnosis. Lovely - thanks. One of those posts that really resonates. My Dad was like that for me.
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