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Post by Anthia on Feb 4, 2013 8:59:55 GMT
Hi everyone,
I'm wondering if any of you have experience with this. 1/If I'm worried about something,have an argument with someone, am afraid,don't like something, I seem to obsess about if for days, this also applies if things are going well. 2/Does anyone have experience with sulking, I mean if things don't go my way, or again if I have a nasty argument.
I don't know if these are ADD 'traits,' or whether it's my immaturity. Any comments are very welcome!
Anthia
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pip
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Post by pip on Feb 4, 2013 9:54:58 GMT
If i have an arument or feel i have upset someone, or have done something stupid that could have been worst in the past, I can honestly still be thinking about it years later. Days after I get very worked up and always on my mind, im not sure if its classed as some sort of anxeity, but it is something thats quite frustrating. Not so much the sulking but deffo the first one.
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fidgmidg
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Post by fidgmidg on Feb 4, 2013 11:13:41 GMT
I know how you feel! I've always been the same, I think a lot of us with ADHD tend to be over sensitive and stubborn. I tend to blow a little argument way out of proportion just because I can't let something go.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 4, 2013 13:18:03 GMT
I do the obsessing thing a lot. If I am upset about someone's behaviour, I will rehearse potential arguments over and over for days and feel quite unable to shut them off, sometimes. There are also incidents from years ago that still sometimes cause me to squirm. I will also refuse to speak to someone who has upset me. Up to my thirties I would go to a friend's house if my partner upset me and not tell him where I was for days. If friends do something which I find unacceptable, even people with whom I have been friends for years, I am quite capable of never speaking to them again. And, what's more, the towering righteous indignation I feel on these occasions means it doesn't really bother me. I am not sure if those traits have anything at all to do with ADHD, or if they are just charming quirks all my own. Either way, it's no wonder my friendship/relationship history doesn't bare close examination.
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Post by Anthia on Feb 4, 2013 13:34:43 GMT
Gosh, I can relate to everything above, esp when I get sulky, then I don't give a damm about anyone or anything- it scares me sometimes. I've been told at times like that I become the most irrational, argumentative pain in the neck or even better, wicked witch of the west
Anthia
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Post by claudhopper on Feb 4, 2013 13:56:06 GMT
Everyday I'm haunted by the stupid rude remarks typically made by an individual I haven't seen for five years. I go through the same rebukes, endless stupid questions, confrontational behaviour etc. I have to deal with it in my imagination.
I think it's an expression of an underlying anger I have. Hopefully medication will dampen it down a lot.
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shrew
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Post by shrew on Feb 4, 2013 23:55:45 GMT
This is me, so much!! I sometimes catch myself visibly frowing and grimacing/shuddering in public because my mind is so preoccupied by reliving and analysing past/imagined arguments. I often have that towering righteous indignation kathymel mentioned as well - I always feel 100% justified when I'm in a mood.
Concerta has definitely helped me see the bigger picture and let go of some of that pent up rage – I still find myself going in to one of my angry daydreams but am able to shake myself out of it much more easily. I can laugh at myself a lot more and catch myself before I start feeling all hard done by and cross.
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shrew
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Post by shrew on Feb 4, 2013 23:56:42 GMT
(p.s - I also always think it is because I am immature or was given my own way too much when I was a kid!)
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 5, 2013 0:05:34 GMT
You mean, if I get drugs I might have to accept I'm not right all the time? Well ... I'm not sure about that! ;D
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Post by li0nberries on Feb 5, 2013 0:26:47 GMT
I'm not worried, won't change the fact I'm always right. I will just be more gracious about it and try and feel pity rather than resentment to the poor being that doesn't understand it is a blue moon job when I'm wrong :-)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2013 7:14:23 GMT
I'd love to get you all in a room and discuss something controversial I am not quite as extreme as some people that replied, but still do show these traits. I used to be worse, but less aware of what I was doing. It could be that meds have "opened my eyes" to it a bit, and allowed me to let things go a little bit easier. I also hate confrontation these days. I have to make myself be polite in situations where I would be an arguementative sod in the past. Though to be honest, it probably makes me look really sarcastic (which kind of does the job, without the confrontation). John
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Post by Anthia on Feb 5, 2013 8:09:27 GMT
I've been trying to find a connection ADHD and sulking on the internet but there doesn't seem to be much out there. If I say though that sulking is a form of anger albeit silent then whow a whole different story emerges. What I'm excited about is the fact that meds might be able to help, I'm in the process of getting info about beginning meds so this is really exciting for me, I hope I'm not putting too hope on these wonder medicines. Please share Anthia
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Post by jan on Feb 5, 2013 8:09:56 GMT
i'm the same - in that i relive arguements over and over and over again as someone said above sometimes years later! and with the friends thing if i get upset by something - usually if i feel let down ,thats it ,iv'e cut so many friends off and never spoken to them again . needless to say can't have birthday parties anymore - not many left to invite! but worst thing is as said above it doesnt really bother me! saying that i'm not confrontational anymore as anxiety has taken over my life for years now but if its a moral kind of issue then i cant keep my gob shut!
what frightens me is that i may one day get like this with my daughter. thankfully i read a really good parenting book years ago and it said its the duty of the parent to try and make things up after an arguement even if the child is in the wrong and ive stuck to that so far but now she's a young adult i'm finding it harder and what scares me is i think i'm capable of just switching off from her as wlell
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Post by Anthia on Feb 5, 2013 9:53:47 GMT
Does anyone have experience with the calming effects of music ? I mean I've heard it can really help to relieve anger, that's if one remembers to use it soon after ! Then the next question is what kind of music helps ? Anthia
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2013 11:28:55 GMT
Just so long as it's loud enough to distract me from the anger/frustration, I don't particularly care about genre.
John
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Post by claudhopper on Feb 5, 2013 16:01:59 GMT
I'm not worried, won't change the fact I'm always right. I will just be more gracious about it and try and feel pity rather than resentment to the poor being that doesn't understand it is a blue moon job when I'm wrong :-) My kid brother and I used to have friendly 'discussions' and he always said he wasn't wrong and I always said I was right... but we could never agree One other thing I've noticed about having a good discussion is that I can hyperfocus to an incredible degree and speak about a thousand words a minute in perfect clarity but then get easily knocked out of my rhythm and forget what I was on about.
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Post by Anthia on Feb 6, 2013 4:47:27 GMT
My problem is and if anyone has some suggestions they're very welcome, I sulk when I can't change something and I won't give up Neither can I communicate at that moment. I have just come out of a sulk with a dear older friend of mine who has supported me immensly emotionally in the past twenty years, she has cancer and is probably dying yet still I can sulk. I feel so rotten after it is over and can usually explain my behaviour, but doesn't anyone know any help for this behaviour? Anthia
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Post by mizmog on Feb 6, 2013 8:03:46 GMT
Anthia I absolutely get it!
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Post by Anthia on Feb 7, 2013 13:16:42 GMT
Does no one have any hints about managing their anger/sulkiness ?
Anthia
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Post by li0nberries on Feb 7, 2013 14:21:05 GMT
I rarely loose my temper and when I do, I truly explode, which leaves me feeling awful.
The way I avoid this is by asking whoever it is to give me space until I am calm enough to discuss it. I give myself a maximum of three days calming down process during which time I usually remind myself of the past times when I've lost it and all the awfull feelings that went with it.
then I try and look at everything I've done wrong in the situation rather than the other person, because when I sit there and look at how I've been wronged, I turn into someone I don't like but if I find stuff I did that didn't help the situation, then I find there are things I can do that make me more of the kind of person I want to be.
Plus a lot of the time I'm getting that grotty because I'm feeling sorry for myself and if I manage to be honest enough with myself to admit that, I'm so disgusted with myself it snaps me out of it a bit.
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Post by Anthia on Feb 7, 2013 18:53:21 GMT
Thanks li0nberries, I can't believe how wonderfully simple and yet so helpful advice you've given here. It's certainly worth a try to have such a strategy ready for those unexpected moments that one might forever regret. Anthia
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