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Post by JJ on Jun 9, 2013 13:55:13 GMT
I really hope an increased dosage helps you a bit - just take heart that there's so many stories here of medication doing absolutely nothing, then an upped dose suddenly makes everything click into place.
Really pleased too that you're getting some additional intervention and help, like you say, at least there's something happening and the ball's rolling in the right direction.
Fingers crossed and lots of love to you - keep updating xxx
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Jun 9, 2013 16:45:42 GMT
Thank you all today has been a bad one, felt moody and irritable, again my eldest has irritated me with everything. I feel like a nasty bully, it has made me realise I am not like this all the time but when I am it is bad and even though I am aware I just cannot seem to get out of it. My husband is worried and doesn't know what to do. Maybe he should just take the kids out when I am like this until I can learn to get a hold on it. Now the horrid feeling of guilt starts and the spiral of depression is going to hit. Can anybody give me some advice on how to cope with this nasty side? Sorry if advice has already been given my brain is not taking things in well xxx
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Post by jan on Jun 9, 2013 18:45:26 GMT
have sent you a P.M. hope it may help
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Post by JJ on Jun 9, 2013 21:45:03 GMT
I think most mums who had / have young children know exactly what you're talking about and how you feel, it's very very hard.....
I don't know what advice I'd give you but I know from myself that when things have been really bad, the only thing that helps is to take yourself away from the situation because there's a real difficulty with me with self-calming - so if your husband can take them away for a bit that's great- take the opportunity when you can. It's good that you're stopping work for a bit cos that'll give you some breathing space for the short part of the week where theyre at nursery/school.
as far as losing it is concerned, I think as well that acknowledging to the child afterwards that your reaction was your fault and not theirs is helpful ( I know it may have sprung from something they did wrong, I'm talking about the proportion of reaction of course). Your guilt is something I've felt, I don't know what damage my children will carry with them as a result of my inconsistent parenting, I hope not tons of course, but only time will tell....
I still beat myself up over things but I can tell you for sure that it gets easier in this regard when they get older and they can do more things for themselves - you're not stretched so physically, mentally and emotionally - tthere's a bit more head space when you don't have to get distracted every 5 seconds to get juice, take them to the toilet, put spongebob on, read a story, comfort tears, deal with whining,find a toy, get food, put a DVD on.......... and the constant, constant demands. This is massive to tolerance levels for me anyway. Any help at all you can get from anyone to give you some space you should take.
Have you ever heard of Homestart? I volunteered for them a long while back (didn't stick at it of course). They're an international charity, with branches all over this country, that help families with a child under 5. I remember listening to one of their training things and someone said that they try to provide the kind of help that a friend, mum, nan or aunt would provide - so they come over once a week or something and play with the children for a bit to give the mum a break or read them a story while you have a bath (its not a baby sitting service, it's more some support for you in the home and with your family), or they'll help you go out and get your shopping by coming along and helping with the children, they also emotionally support the mum (or dad)-someone to talk to - I can't really explain well and I've not looked at their web site for ages, but from what I know, they might be something that gives you a bit of extra help and space. Around here they work closely with the sure start children's centres. I know involving other organisations etc is scary, but I wouldn't have hesitation in using Homestart myself- its a charity and not an 'interfering' body. Your health visitor should know of them.
I've got nothing useful really to offer you, except my understanding and sympathy.... Xxxx
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Jun 9, 2013 22:58:43 GMT
Thank you, understanding is extremely helpful a lot of parents don't get it. I tried home start once but they don't fund it or it isn't available where I currently live. It was a little saddening as it felt like borrowing a person to look like your friend at the time. May sound silly but that's how I felt. Going to start writing things down like a mood diary as today there was no trigger that I recognised, everything just irritated me, it was like I was looking for a fight today :/ I just hope it gets better xxx
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Post by JJ on Jun 9, 2013 23:13:29 GMT
That's a shame that Homestart isn't possible for you... I get the borrowing a friend thing as well.... The only thing I would say to make you feel better about accepting any help that's offered is that even the most normal person could do with a hand, people like us need help even more - and early years parenting (for me anyway) is like getting through a marathon or climbing Mount Everest - you will do it in the end but really, it's just DIFFICULT and, if someone offers you a lift or a hot water bottle, bite their arm off! You've got to do it, so take everything that's on offer - the real prize is the finishing line when you get to enjoy your children - the early years is just the challenge to be endured without killing anyone/ ending up in prison.
A mood diary sounds good, it might identify triggers and give you a sense of control. You're stopping work now so that's positive and you're getting your medication reviewed. All these things are putting you on the right path, it might be long, but you WANT to be better in so many ways - and that's the real positive that you should take away from your guilt fuelled thoughts about the day..... A really properly crap mum underneath it all wouldn't care less...
Xxxxxx
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Jun 10, 2013 15:43:33 GMT
Thank you so much JJ xxx
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Post by Kathymel on Jun 10, 2013 18:35:31 GMT
A friend of mine posted a link on facebook today to a blog about a woman who set out to stop yelling at her kids. It is an utterly honest account of someone who made herself and her family miserable with her angry reactions. It hit home for me in so many ways and, even though I don't lose it so often now, when I do it is ugly. I am certain that young Genghis has not finished testing me yet (we still have to go through exams, driving lessons, drug experimentation and reaching the legal drinking age, for example). I'm hoping this blog and the strategies she's worked out can help me get through those occasions with more grace. Here's a link to the home page: The Orange RhinoAnd one of the early blogs: The Epiphany
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Jun 10, 2013 19:14:55 GMT
Cheers I will check it out xxx
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