mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on May 19, 2013 18:42:43 GMT
I know all I ever seem to do is rant but, this has now reached crisis level for me. My husband has said tonight our marriage is over and I no longer have to stress about the kids. Well. All I can feel is dispair but then again I deserve it, I basically asked for it when I said I can't cope anymore with being a just a parent and a bloody crap one at that. My moods are awful again I feel so angry and I lash out at everyone and the kids bare the brunt, so maybe it's for the best. But how do I cope without my rock? I know my kids will be fine with him. I am feeling extremely vulnerable right now and not sure what to do. The guilt over what I have done to my family is immense.
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Post by JJ on May 19, 2013 19:27:23 GMT
I get the guilt - but you didn't ask to have this condition and what you describe is exactly the kind of thing it does to us....
I frequently feel like a crap mother and like I can't cope with it anymore and just want out....
Didn't you say you were still getting used to your medication? Can things calm down a bit until you get settled on a good type / dose?
Ohhh, I don't know what to say to you because I can imagine how overwhelmed you must feel and everything I think of sounds pants in comparison to what yr saying - but I'm sending hugs xxxxxxxxxxx
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on May 19, 2013 19:52:32 GMT
Thank you Jj nothing you have said sounds stupid. I have spoken to my husband again and he is not wanting us to split but he thinks I need a temporary break away from them. Not what he said earlier though. He is very worried about me and the kids and is in bits. He also called social services on me for adults but they have also referred to child SS too they were useless last time and we all felt worse with no help from them at all. They did suggest that my specialist, gp and SS together can help me get respite. Yeah meds are still waiting to kick in, nothing so far from them. Husband is going to see gp and see what he can do. I just feel lost and very depressed but things seem better than when I posted this thread xx
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Post by JJ on May 19, 2013 20:20:29 GMT
I don't know much about the meds cos not got mine yet but I have my fingers crossed for you that you feel something soon. I know what it's like when you're in that pit and nothing can bring you round other than a change of brain chemicals, I know what the anger, despair, blackness etc etc is like....
Maybe some respite will be good for you, but probably not as good as medication working....
All I can say is, if my own experience is anything to go by, this can't be the first time you've felt this way and you've come through it before so you can do again.
However much these meds are making you crazy, at some stage you'll find something that works - everyone does to one extent or another. Maybe this meltdown tonight will kick start a process for upping yr dose / changing yr meds- if u can, use it and see yr GP/psych or whoever's sorting your meds out. You're on the path at least (remind everyone that you're on the path and trying to help yourself and the situation)...
You're not in a position to react in the way that you'd ideally like at the moment, so try as much as you can to do what you think you should do ( or as near as you can get) rather than what your emotions tell you- even though it'll be half hearted and not that well acted and not complete- every little bit helps. From my experience, the nearest and dearest, who bear the brunt, always react better and allow you more room if you acknowledge you know you're not well - even though that knowledge doesn't change the way you feel/react, if they feel their situation is being acknowledged, they're a million times more sympathetic (learned this the hard hard way, can't always put into practice myself but it is sound advice)
Load of rambling cos nothing anyone can say can make this better for the time being, but there's support here and people who understand xxxxxxxx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2013 20:26:16 GMT
Firstly, I appreciate you are having a rough time. Actually, I probably don't appreciate it at all but I can imagine and you have my sympathy.
However...
I have personal experience with this kind of rationalisation and it did not end well.
You are probably a good mother but you don't realise it. Get some help.
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on May 19, 2013 21:14:11 GMT
Thank you for your replies x
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Post by cheekybuddha on May 20, 2013 9:23:03 GMT
Everyone has a coping limit and yours has been reached and breached, it's not your fault. I'm heartened to hear your husband wants a temporary break, although painful it could be just what is needed to turn a corner and have life improve.
Take some time for yourself to relax and heal a little You feel like a crap mum, but your just human and dealing with difficult issues. You just haven't had the tools and good health to cope of late, try not to blame yourself for this. I hope this will turn out to be a positive experience and allow you some breathing space to figure out how things can be made easier long term.
Accept all help offered! And don't beat yourself up, you probably aspire to very high standards, as do I, but without a full tool kit it may not be possible to reach every standard and dream for your family you hold. ( I know I'm on a journey of acceptance right now)
Sending you love and a hug x
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Post by cheekybuddha on May 20, 2013 9:35:17 GMT
BTW you sound like you might be suffering from depression, if your not already treating it, can I suggest you look into it. Many people take an anti depressant alongside a stimulant
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on May 20, 2013 13:21:08 GMT
Thank you I'm on Strattera not a stimulant and not sure you can take anti-d's with them. GP and social services think I need to speak to the psych more about how things are. Contacting them today. I do have depression and anxiety issues on top of ADHD, amongst other things according to one psychiatrist (not the ADHD one). I am dreading the intervention of child social services, it causes more issues - such as anxiety, they were of no help last time. Back to work tonight as last week felt better and therefore shot myself in the foot jumping in too early, I never learn. I am hoping it helps, having a distraction. x
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Post by dizzydee on May 20, 2013 16:07:23 GMT
I'm sure some one will correct me if I'm wrong but I think Strattera is some kind of anti depressant and can take a while to get going.
I have not felt like you do for a long time now. I did actually end up on my own for 9 months, when my kids were young and then almost a year when they were older it was horrendous but by the third time this had happened to me, I had learnt that I can look after myself and I am not a complete waste of space, which is good.
Maybe you need a disaster to happen so that you can grow too.
not sure that sounds right?? but hope you catch my drift
xxx
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on May 20, 2013 17:02:29 GMT
I understand dizzydee, yeah it can have an antidepressive effect when it kicks in and can take up to 2 months. Now on week 5. My psych is going to contact me tomorrow. I am glad it has been a long time since you felt like this and it does give me a little bit of hope that things can get better. Thank you x
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Post by jan on May 22, 2013 20:58:42 GMT
hi mrsh only just see your post or would have responded sooner xx hope things are on the up still, try not to beat yourself up cos you know if you didn't care about your kids you wouldn't be on here posting about how bad your feeling would you - know what i mean? i wont try and say much as its all been good whats said so far but the bad mums are the ones that don't give a second thought for their kids and aren't able to put them first - sounds to me like your always worrying about how good a mum you are - well if your doing that it just shows what a good mum you actually are. peace and strength to you mrsh love jan xx
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Post by furiousfrog on May 24, 2013 8:35:22 GMT
Hey there,
Not to start anything, but what you're going through is awful - everyone here understands the frustration and being overwhelmed with everything. The break might be good for you but I'm concerned that your OH is directing his anger at the wrong person.
It's too easy to be polite and not get anyone's back up but if he loves you (and he clearly does) then he should be phoning up and giving your psych stick until something gets sorted out. They have a tendency to dismiss women as hysterical (I've had this mentioned to me more than once) and having your OH saying "No, there IS a problem - it's not just depression and she needs help" might be more powerful to Drs than you sitting there on your own saying the same thing.
I understand he's tired and frustrated and fed up with your inconsistencies. I've had this conversation with my OH, but ultimately, they're in a better place to deal with the red tape, endless meetings and paperwork because he doesn't have the same barriers that you do.
How would it be if you asked him to help you? Say you can't do it alone and the idea of being a partnership is that you look out for each other. I'm sure there's times you've supported him through bad times, surely it's not too much to ask that he does the same now, when you desperately need that support - not just leave you to deal with it as soon as things get too hard.
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