mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Aug 18, 2013 23:11:49 GMT
Hi there, sorry I have not been posting for a bit and bei g supportive but moods are Just low at the moment and ups are a rarity. So lack of motivation has meant I have been away from here Low mood has made me miss being high and thrill seeking.... But then I remember what happens, can anyone relate with just the ADHD as I know there are a lot of comorbidities some of which I have. I shall explain a little more.... Every now and then, about 1 or maybe 2 times a year I get in some sort of trouble, mainly in a sexual way. I have found ways of avoiding this a little by not going on nights out without husband and also being paranoid and distrustful of everyone. I know I aM to blame for my behaviour and sympathy is not what I am looking for, just ways of coping and getting through the impulsiveness etc... I once took ecstasy very ignorant about it too, with someone I believed to be a friend. But later it turned out he wanted me off my face so he could have his way with me. Looking back this now really upsets me I felt used and violated but at the time I was high and felt what i know know was very false happiness. A couple of years later I met someone who I had a lot in common with. No drugs this time just kind words and promise of excitement. I fell for him (by the way I am married) he then Put images of me on the Internet, swinging sites etc... Set up a meet without telling me, until we got to his flat. It was a man the age of my dad and I have never ever felt so disgusting in my life. Yes I love excitement and the word no is in my vocab I just felt humiliated and scared so just did what they asked. I feel sick thinking about it now. I also got myself in to a nasty situation when I was 15 with a 26 year old man. No idea why except maybe attention. As I write this I judge myself but aswell as get help I want to offer help. Nobody should feel like this and get in to this sort of dangerous mess. Thank you to all who have made it this far. It took a lot out of me writing this, effort and tears. Here is to a world of better decisions xxx
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2013 23:35:44 GMT
Wow, brave post. I salute you!
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Aug 18, 2013 23:55:23 GMT
Hi mrsh,
like Michael, just wanted to voice support really....and admire your bravery
I'm sorry that you're feeling low......hope that changes soon...... I wish I could help you not to ruminate over these things too, but of course it's far easier said than done.....you have to realise that you are not really 'you' when a lot of these happen....that's why it's called a disorder
I have had to learn to not allow myself to go so high.....it is very hard to do, especially after a period of feeling so low, but I have to try really hard
sending you heartfelt best wishes x x x
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Aug 19, 2013 0:02:21 GMT
Thank you both, I am not sure it is brave just like to share LOL. Serious for a moment though, I think the highs are getting far fewer due to meds but the lows are worse and more frequent which isn't good either but easier to monitor. Oh the hope for a balance xx
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Post by JJ on Aug 19, 2013 0:08:00 GMT
Hi mrsh xxxx.
That really must have taken a lot out of you - and if there are people whose adhd and / or other co morbidities affect them like you, then I'm sure it would be a huge relief for them to see your post and that they're not the only one.
These situations you describe must be very difficult to think about now, let alone having experienced, and I think your writing about them shows a strength of character that maybe you're not giving yourself much credit for.
We're all a product of our genes, our upbringing, our experiences, our social situations, our circumstances and our brain chemistry - all of which we don't have as much control over as would be ideal - and as would be enough to warrant overly critical judgement of ourselves by ourselves and by others. I know it's natural to judge yourself - but what I've just said about how / why we are the way we are is true, so don't be too hard on yourself.
What we do have some control over is acknowledging difficulties and trying to help ourselves to the extent that is practically possible. You've already acknowledged issues and have taken steps to try and help - you limit going out without your husband and you're taking medication to help. Many people go through life not doing anything, not even seeing problems.... You're not in that camp and again, there's something really positive and strong about that, for which you should be proud of and give yourself credit for.
I wonder whether you've ever had counselling specifically for these 3 incidents you speak of - used, humiliated and violated are strong words for profound feelings that leave their mark.... I know counselling isn't a panacea, but specialist counselling for these can be beneficial - even years later...
I'm so sorry that the atomoxetine still isn't being as good as you'd hoped xxx are you on the strongest dose now? Has your psych talked about trying Dex at all? ( I just looked back at your threads and saw that concerta and mph weren't for you)
It doesn't matter how frequently or infrequently you post - we're always here xxxxxx
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Aug 19, 2013 0:19:54 GMT
Thank you jj that means a lot. I am being put forward for counselling so will mention them as best I can. At least I can hide here They have put me up to 60mg only days ago but hubby is miffed so we are going to ask for 80mg as it feels like a delay again. No mention of other meds as yet another 2 months until I see psych. Nurse upped to 60mg maybe a chat on phone to psych will get it upped sooner but with low mood I expect he may wish to stay cautious. Don't ask, don't get and all that xxx
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Post by JJ on Aug 19, 2013 0:29:55 GMT
It does seem like forever your dosage increases...... Fingers crossed the latest one does something xxxx
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Post by cheekybuddha on Aug 19, 2013 9:33:35 GMT
Hi mrsh
I think insecurity, childlike naivety, impulsivity and finding it hard or impossible to assert yourself in certain situations, like when you are trying to please another
Can all be traits of spectral disorders such as adhd
Try be kind to yourself and get support/counselling, great a advise from JJ
X
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Post by Kathymel on Aug 19, 2013 11:28:21 GMT
Hi MrsH. Lovely to see you back here, but sorry to hear you are feeling so low. That was an incredibly brave post and you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to say it. I have a history of promiscuity and impulsive, ill-judged sexual behaviour. I have found it convenient in the past to ignore the warning bells and red flags of people's behaviour, in favour of just accepting their attention, regardless of the consequences. I found it hard to separate the ideas of sex and love - if he wants to have sex with me, he must like me, right? I also found it hard to assert myself in situations where I felt uncomfortable and ended up doing things I wasn't happy with. Some of it was down to naivete, some about wanting to be liked. A lot of it was also impulsive behaviour. All of it, in one way or another can be linked to symptoms of ADHD or the behaviour we develop as a result of the social minefield that ADHD creates. Low self-esteem and the need to be liked can override our instincts to remove ourselves from uncomfortable situations. You have no need to blame yourself for any of this. Really. If you believed that the people you were with were genuine, how could you have prepared for what happened? If you didn't have the social tools to be able to deal with the situations you found yourself in, how else could you have behaved? What matters is not castigating yourself for the past, but finding ways of increasing your awareness of the possible risks so as to avoid repeats. I have a favourite site that I've posted about on here before. It opened my eyes to the abusive behaviours of other people that I had either not recognised before, ignored or just accepted as inevitable. It has made a world of difference to how I perceive others and how I feel about myself. What I've learned from it has made me more confident in my ability to spot twats, (even the more subtle ones), call people out on unacceptable behaviour and avoid getting into situations in the first place. The site is Heartless Bitches International. It is funny, acerbic and full of strong women who have come through shit. I heartily recommend having a browse, perhaps starting with this page: The Red Flag List
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Post by jan on Aug 25, 2013 14:20:53 GMT
oooooh babe - you are so so brave to talk about this to us - and i'm so glad you've had such great responses - ive been away and not had access to internet otherwise would have responded sooner.
as women - adhd or not i'd say all of us have had bad sexual experiences at some time or other over the years - particularly when we are younger - every single friend ive got has been raped - not by a stranger but by a man that they knew that has got them pissed or whatever but they blame themselves for putting themselves in the situation in first place. your situation is similar.
I would re iterate what Kathy and jj have said already - but also know there's no point telling you not to feel bad about it cos the experience is still there in your mind. I did some therapy called emdr (could be edmr I get mixed up) last November - its specifically for trauma - I had 4 sessions and am COMPLETELY CONVINCED is the reason why I am not suffering from anxiety any more. had really bad anxiety for about 3 years previous to that - so bad at one point couldn't even look out of my window or go outside door to put rubbish out.
have always had baseline anxiety even as a child - think that's why turned to alcohol at such an early age (11) but for that 3 years imparticular it got really really bad and was completely debilitating and took over my life. was talking to a friend last week cos she still suffers with anxiety and she was wondering what i'd done to get over it so well and that's when I remembered that i'd done the edmr - had completely forgetten about it. I really do think it worked. the guy I done it with said something like - can't remember exactly - that the European journal of psychiatry or may have been pshycology wrote that its the most important discovery since penicillin!!!!
I wasn't very impressed with the guy that I saw - as a therapist I didn't think he'd be much good - forgetting things i'd told him and getting things mixed up and stuff - which is not much good in the sense of making you feel cared for - but it didn't matter really as its you doing the work when your looking at the lights. i'd really recommend it - its pricey - but he gave me a concessionary price -£60 hour instead of £80. (cos I asked ) he was a war correspondent for the bbc for 30 years and that's how he got interested in treating trauma - he treats journalists that have worked in war zones. any way I think what you are describing is trauma look up his wb site brayneworks (his names mark brayne) its in Paddington and somewhere else out of London can't remember now.
and just to add - I was really lucky through my drinking years as I always had mates around watching my back and making sure I didn't get into the kind of situations you have described - had some skin of the teeth experiences though but when I went to Greece to live - (on my own and realise now in a manic phase ) wasn't so lucky - memory is hazy but pretty sure was drugged with date rape stuff and gang raped or maybe I was consenting don't really know and on another occasion having oral sex with someone cos was pissed (and spiked again I think ) and they turned all lights out and I thought was my then partner of few days. all this was due to fact was with people that I was trusting but shouldn't of been.
hope my post may help just want you to know that your not on your own and that as women we all make the wrong call in sexual matters sometimes so please don't beat yourself up any more for those decicions but at same time go and get some treatment so you can erase the feelings of the experience that your left with xxxxxxx
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Post by JJ on Aug 25, 2013 14:38:19 GMT
EMDR is recommended by NICE now - or someone / something with authority has said there's good evidence it's effective -
I was referred by my GP about 3 years ago - and had it in the practice.
I'm pretty sure it's available everywhere now - or is going to be.
The gov has recently given lots of money for psychological therapies to pay for IAPT initiatives (improved Access to Psychological Therapies). So your area should have an IAPT website, which lists what's available and your GP refers you to them or through them.
I def saw EMDR on either my one or somewhere else's area v recently on the net
The money must be enough or good (in my area at least) cos I had my first appointment for EMDR within a week or so of seeing my GP and my friend recently had her first regular counselling appt within a week only a few months ago.
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Post by jan on Aug 25, 2013 14:58:24 GMT
did you find it helpful jj?
I was shocked because my anxiety just seemed to disappear over night from about January - I still had a bad depression in jan and feb and lot of march but not as bad as previous depressions - but anxiety has gone - completely - was shocked when I realised
(do your smileys keep moving around - mine do - its weird )
offers still there to meet you and see you back onto train if you gonna make sept sup group (also sofa if you have child free night )
sorry mrsh - for (sort of ) de railing your thread x
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Post by JJ on Aug 25, 2013 15:34:11 GMT
Tbh jan, I didn't find it helpful. But I had severe PTSD - it's rated using a detailed and long scale and I was at the top of every single score - I was a complete wreck and very very ill psychologically, I could barely function. I had it while waiting for tertiary level CBT with a clinical psychologist - and even after 9 months of weekly sessions of this, I only came down fractionally in my scores and was still classed as in the severe range. So that I didn't benefit doesn't mean much IMO tbh. Thanks so much for offer re meeting - was going to ask you nearer the time anyway - well last minute actually - cos too anxiety provoking to commit any sooner
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Post by JJ on Aug 25, 2013 15:35:32 GMT
And interestingly - some research has found that PTSD is triggered more easily and more severe in people with adhd.....
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Post by jan on Aug 25, 2013 15:42:54 GMT
- oh that's a shame - but we are all different I suppose and respond differently to various therapies/techniques
DON'T LET THAT PUT YOU OFF MRSH - YOU WONT KNOW TILL YOU'VE GIVEN IT A GO XXXX
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Post by supine on Aug 25, 2013 15:55:08 GMT
I'm sorry to hear you have had such a rough time, and being a bloke I'm tempted not to comment further, except there was something about your original post that reminded me of my mother (who has bi-polar disorder).
I don't know your full situation or history, but when my mother got manic she made all sorts of irrational decisions and poor choices in men. Just thought it was worth a mention just in case, because as I understand it some ADHD meds are contra-indicated for bi-polar.
It must have taken a lot of guts to post that message, so I'm sure you have what it takes to make it through the other side of this to better feelings in the future.
Good luck.
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Sept 1, 2013 19:48:33 GMT
Hi there, thank you to everyone who has replied, I am not good at remembering to check, mind is full of unimportant rubbish LOL. Jan I have PM you. Supine - It is great to see comments from men about these issues, although I can see how it could be a little awkward maybe. My psychiatrist and I have discussed the bipolar type symptoms I have shown, and although we are not ruling it out yet, it is the ADHD he thinks is at the root of it. The reason is he thinks it is impulsive behaviour and I have a long history in to childhood of impulsivity causing issues. So for now I am tending to agree with him. I never really have had sustained moods - they last for hours and only very rarely have lasted up to 2 days. I am really unsure tbh, but thank you so much for your input
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Post by chickster on Sept 5, 2013 22:34:41 GMT
MrsH DONT blame yourself!! Those men lied to & manipulated you, the shame should not be yours - its theirs. Everyone makes bad decisions & does silly things, includiong those without ADHD. You arent making malicious decisions, or being cruel are you? They, on the other hand were. I dont think its too much to call them predators, & I think as long as your husband doesnt find out (please dont be tempted to confess) it will gradually taper off & you will grow out of it/get cleverer at stopping it before it starts.
As for Janev's EMDR story, very impressed...I will give it a go in the next week or two & report back (I dont live that far from Paddington so will see that guy). Also, EFT is something you can do at home & might work well for this. I had one session of EFT with a therapist but it was just before August hols & we only had one session which opened up some painful memories that couldnt be closed again..I think the quieter EMDR (dont think you have to say much) is better for people with a lifetime of f*cking up & bad memories.
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Sept 7, 2013 19:02:12 GMT
Thank you chickster. My husband actually knows everything. He is a wonderfully supportive bloke who now tries his best to keep me safe. I will keep reading in to these therapies xx
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Post by Drewa on Oct 21, 2013 17:04:47 GMT
EMDR is recommended by NICE now - or someone / something with authority has said there's good evidence it's effective - I was referred by my GP about 3 years ago - and had it in the practice. I'm pretty sure it's available everywhere now - or is going to be. The gov has recently given lots of money for psychological therapies to pay for IAPT initiatives (improved Access to Psychological Therapies). So your area should have an IAPT website, which lists what's available and your GP refers you to them or through them. I def saw EMDR on either my one or somewhere else's area v recently on the net The money must be enough or good (in my area at least) cos I had my first appointment for EMDR within a week or so of seeing my GP and my friend recently had her first regular counselling appt within a week only a few months ago.
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Post by Drewa on Oct 21, 2013 17:21:33 GMT
I wrote a long intro last night then somehow lost it but I can speak a little of my experience with my local IAPT service. Although i had been asking my GP for some counselling for more than 2yrs he had never mentioned IAPT or that I could self-refer. When I asked him why at a later date he said that anyone he refers is usually not considered suitable! It's quite a funny story how I came to see them - I went to our local out-of-hours service about a really bad case of cystitis that wasn'r responding to treatment. Whilst I was there they asked to see my current medication (which I had been asked to take with me) and the doctor asked me about them, as many of them were psychiatric medications. Somehow she got round to asking if I had ever thought of killing myself, which I answered honestly that I had many times. She then asked me if I had a plan and I said "yes" but I wasn't going to tell her or anyone else what it was as I wanted to make sure I did a proper job of it. Despite me saying I had no immediate plans of carrying it out, she went scurrying off to get her senior doc. who decided to refer me to the emergency mental health team (completely unnecessary) and told me about IAPT. I've just put this because it struck me as funny as I'd only gone about a bladder infection!!
Not long afterwards I was assessed by someone from IAPT who told me I could go into a "sad and worried" group for which read depressed and anxious and that after so many weeks I might get to have some one-to-one work. Well I did try and go a couple of times and the people running it were great but it wasn't for me and I emailed them saying why, and thinking that would be the end of it. They got back to me and told me I could be referred to an IAPT counsellor at my doctor's practice!!!! So I was and have been seeing her for several months now. It is meant to be following CBT but we interpret that somewhat loosely!
By the way - what is EMDR?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2013 17:42:26 GMT
Just to say hi Drewa and welcome If you sign up on here there are more sections you can read (I don't get paid for new people signing up - note to self - must have a word with Planet Dave about that). Haven't a clue what EMDR is sorry.
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Post by jan on Oct 21, 2013 19:44:16 GMT
By the way - what is EMdr? EVENTS & WORKSHOPS EFT AND MATRIX REIMPRINTNG @ MBS FESTIVAL BRIGHTON 01/11/2013 Karl Dawson will be presenting a 3 hour talk on EFT and Matrix Reimprinting on Friday 1st November 2013 from 3.30 - 6.30 pm For more details see the Brighton Mind Body Spirit Festival website www.mindbodyspirit.co.uk/brighton... READ MORE WOW - its £30 (on top of price for ticket to get in - i need a sugar daddy
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Post by cheekybuddha on Oct 22, 2013 5:35:29 GMT
EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitising and reprocessing , often used for PTSD en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing That conference looks great Jan, I have the book by him , although of course I haven't actually read it! I found EFT really good and would highly recommend. I would love to go to a conference on that, I'm so frustrated, my sons dad is quite unreliable and works at weekends, if I was to ask him to have my son, then booked on he would cancel on me. It's sooo frustrating am I gonna get anything done on next 15 years?!
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Post by jan on Oct 22, 2013 6:42:23 GMT
EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitising and reprocessing , often used for PTSD en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing That conference looks great Jan, I have the book by him , although of course I haven't actually read it! I found EFT really good and would highly recommend. I would love to go to a conference on that, I'm so frustrated, my sons dad is quite unreliable and works at weekends, if I was to ask him to have my son, then booked on he would cancel on me. It's sooo frustrating am I gonna get anything done on next 15 years?! i thought that me (or someone else ) put a link of her talking you through how to do this but i couldn't find it last night i'l have another look - i want to go to this i sent a message to brighton adhd supp group asking if anyone knows of somewhere cheap to stay (twice ) - hint hint but no reply i am going to the omyoga show at weekend - what part of the country are you in ?
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Post by jan on Oct 22, 2013 7:19:14 GMT
found it ( gettin good at this stuff i am ) It's hard for me to describe (as a non-expert). You also need to do it properly for it to work. Best thing to do is watch the author's video 'How to do EFT Tapping' - clairephayes.com/about-eft/ been meaning to do it myself since the post - another thing on the list
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Post by cheekybuddha on Oct 22, 2013 7:23:15 GMT
Yorkshire! I have a friend in Brighton I could probably stay with but I don't have the time, he is doing something in staffs is that any interest to you?
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Post by jan on Oct 22, 2013 7:34:40 GMT
Yorkshire! I have a friend in Brighton I could probably stay with but I don't have the time, he is doing something in staffs is that any interest to you? X apologies - not with you there how do you mean ? just got an answer from brighton supp group - link for travel super market
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Post by jan on Oct 22, 2013 7:37:16 GMT
I would love to go to a conference on that, I'm so frustrated, my sons dad is quite unreliable and works at weekends, if I was to ask him to have my son, then booked on he would cancel on me. It's sooo frustrating am I gonna get anything done on next 15 years?! oooo - shame - bit far was gonna volunteer my daughter for baby sitting services
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Post by jan on Oct 22, 2013 10:44:17 GMT
It's sooo frustrating am I gonna get anything done on next 15 years?! yes you are - you going to move to portugal (hopefully i'l be with you ) build/buy a yurt @michael - you any good at carpentry? - them yurts are expensive , start an adhd retreat - be free - and possibly (just a thought ) run an alternative addiss conference next year (for those that prefer the out doors to dark , dismal , germ ridden hotels )
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