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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2013 7:33:28 GMT
Hi, does anyone out there have problems answering questions ? I'm told I never answer any question, but go around the subject, or make very loose associations.
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Post by contrarymary on Oct 4, 2013 9:55:32 GMT
hi anthia some direct questions i can answer, some yes/no questions too. it kind of depends on how i'm doing, who's asking them, how much energy i've got etc. there are some situations / questions where i don't have a single clue .... and it feels as tho the question is not in a language i speak but is a balloon, and the harder i try to concentrate on it the further away it goes, until it has drifted out of reach and out of mind.... a lot of the time i find myself chatting around the question, or repeating the question back, or turning the question around so that it becomes a sttement (How do you feel? how do i feel? i feel....) but often i still can't answer it and will simply repeat the words over and over and then change the subject! annoyingly this is particularly bad when i'm asked a question that relates to information that is about me, rather than about train times or chutney recipes or other factual things. if i'm asked do you have any problems with that... or what do you think... or do you have any ideas about... or similar then i don't have a clue. open questions are the worst. apparently i often change the subject quite quickly! or questions which relate to some thing complicated where i don't seem to be able to summarise at all and either say nothing or say absolutely everything in a sort of brain dump which makes doctors appointments the pits generally. it's astonishing how much doctors rely on an accurate medicall history or symptom history, and how getting that right or wrong can mean good treatment or absolutely terrible treatment and the wrong diagnosis. the amazing thing about my GP is that we've developed a communication system where i arrive with everything written down - bullet points, with a few bits of detail underneath - and just hand him the piece of paper. he reads it and then asks questions. because i know that i've already told him the important stuff, i'm really relaxed and better able to answer the questions, and because he's been my GP for about 20 years (!) if i'm stuck i am ok just saying - i'm sorry i don't get those words, or what do you mean or are you asking me x or even does not compute. which i guess is why i'm a bit neurotic about being ready to see a psych, and wanting to know that they know what they are doing before committing my energy to it... which is a long and slightly off-topic answer to your question about questions - sorry! is this the sort of thing you meant?
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Post by computermandan on Oct 4, 2013 11:30:44 GMT
I have this problem too... dance around answers, ideas and thoughts and end up convincing myself I don't know when I do...
end result?
-> because it's easier I say "I don't know" a lot.
My Boss hates this and so now I have to try not to say "I don't know"
so he now has to put up with the nonsense I spout whilst concluding random thoughts and end up talking about something entirely different.
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Post by Lesley on Oct 4, 2013 11:50:18 GMT
Hi Anthia
I don't have trouble answering questions (or at least no-one's ever told me I have), but I do know someone who is infamous for never answering a question, while clearly thinking that they have given a complete and totally adequate answer. They don’t have a diagnosis of ADHD (and are unlikely ever to seek one), but since I began finding out about it for myself, I have thought it very likely, for all sorts of reasons, that they do have it.
Sometimes they don’t give enough information e.g. when asked "How long is dinner going to be?" they say "It's only been in the oven 10 minutes" - which would be an answer if we knew what they were cooking and how long it needed to be in the oven, but they seem oblivious to the fact that their answer as it stands is incomplete.
Sometimes they leave you to infer the answer from what they say. Such as, when discussing with their partner which of them should pick their son up from a birthday party, they said something like "I've got a meeting which is likely to go on until 5 o'clock" - from which in this case, I’ll admit, it’s pretty clear that they mean they can’t do it so their partner needs to, but if you wanted to be awkward you could ask "Do you mean that you want to collect him so you can get out of staying to the end of the meeting?" In many cases their replies are extremely ambiguous, much more so than in this example which I’m quoting only because it’s the only one I can remember at the moment.
And sometimes they give an answer which is not so much a case of “very loose associations” as of “in a different universe from the question they were asked”. They do this in conversation, as well, introducing a completely new topic while clearly thinking they are seamlessly continuing the existing conversation.
They are dyslexic and blame it on that, but to me it looks much more like ADHD (there are other ADHD-like things they do as well).
Is this the sort of thing you mean?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2013 11:55:27 GMT
Hi Contrarymary
It's something like what happens. Are you ever told that it's so exhausting to ask you a question, because I just can't give a simple answer. It's not like I make the answer complicated, it's just that I don't answer.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2013 12:02:12 GMT
Hi Lesley,
Yep that is what I mean. Never mind just trying to answer the question, but leaving out the most important facts, and then coming back with the info in bits and pieces when everything has already been sorted out.
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Post by inca on Oct 4, 2013 14:35:38 GMT
Hey. I tend to have trouble answering questions, unless there's an obvious answer. If someone asked what time a bus was due or that sort of thing, then that's okay. If i am asked something without a definite, i struggle, as often it seems there is no one answer, and i can see things from several points of view. My old manager used to sometimes ask whether we should go down a certain route with a client or staff member, and often got the answer 'yes and no', then an analysis of different options, which just confused the situation! i also sometimes start with 'in theory', then a long explanation, again not helpful! She learned over time to cut in with something that would get me back on track!
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Post by computermandan on Oct 7, 2013 9:06:15 GMT
oh my goodness... routes and avoiding traffic... i go in some odd directions sometimes due to those kinds of decisions. Lets not mention giving directions to people in the street, or taxi drivers, or even friends taking me somewhere.... oops we were supposed to turn back there sorry!
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nomad
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Post by nomad on Oct 8, 2013 14:42:29 GMT
Yes I struggle with answering questions 'in real time'. Then again, I struggle with all conversation really. My disorganised mind thinks much slower than neurotypicals so I can't really have normal conversations - don't know whether that is a normal trait for ADDers? Having to think through answers on the spot is particularly difficult so I try to ask people to put things in writing when possible.
Tend to wander off-topic a lot as well, both in talking and online, which can annoy people.
Funny computermandan mentions giving directions as that's something I've noticed I always struggle with. I've taken to carrying a photocopied street map when out, so that when people ask I can show them rather than have to explain badly.
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endeavour
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Post by endeavour on Oct 8, 2013 17:31:10 GMT
Wow, it sounds as if Lesley has met my husband! I cannot remember the last time he gave me a straight Yes or No to a direct question. Normally I get a "It depends" followed by a long diatribe of the pros and cons of any given situation. It used to drive me mad before I learned about ADHD. Now I try to let him finish his monologue and then say "Great, but my original question was ....." Sometimes, we go around this loop several times before he either gives me a sensible answer or walks off telling me that "I don't understand ..." or "These things are not definitive". etc. I take that to mean "I don't know."
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Post by JJ on Oct 8, 2013 20:29:20 GMT
Normally I get a "It depends" followed by a long diatribe of the pros and cons of any given situation. ...." Sometimes, we go around this loop several times before he either gives me a sensible answer or walks off telling me that "I don't understand ..." or "These things are not definitive". etc. I take that to mean "I don't know." This made me laugh so much - could've been written by anyone who knows me
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2013 1:53:06 GMT
Dan summed it up perfectly for me... it's the avoidance of saying, 'I don't know.' I guess we feel that phrase is too dis-empowering? Also, saying 'I don't know' possibly implies total ignorance which is so far from the truth it's borderline dishonesty. Ultimately, it's driven by the need to prove we aren't idiots despite not being able to recount basic instructions or walking into rooms and forgetting why we are there
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 13:50:36 GMT
Totally agree with Michael. the bit after "I guess" not the bit about Dan lol hang on why didnt I just use quote. oh Im here now. just. this topic has made me smile this afternoon. Here's another one... when you've missed a turn driving... making the decision on where is best to turn around whilst driving past lots of suitable turning spots. or IS that just me lol
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Post by boo on Oct 10, 2013 22:30:17 GMT
do i answer questions? the answer is i don't know.
So, the question is, do you think i answered this question? maybe. or maybe not. is it ok to answer a question with a question.
what do you think?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2013 7:41:11 GMT
I was once the unlucky one to receive a hot and bothered guest. In reply to his question 'how are the sisters doing ?,' I said 'they are studying music at the moment.' When he groweled "I said how are the sisters ?" I felt so ashamed I wanted to crawl away into a bush and die of shame. So I guess it really helps seeing you lot laugh about it.
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Post by boo on Oct 11, 2013 20:17:56 GMT
and if he had any manners he would have made an effort to repeat the question first, before growling at you and making you feel like he did
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Post by boo on Oct 11, 2013 20:22:43 GMT
Here's another one... when you've missed a turn driving... making the decision on where is best to turn around whilst driving past lots of suitable turning spots. or IS that just me lol haha not just you, i do that too I think it's cos by the time i have processed that it's probably a good place to turn around, i've passed it!!
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