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Post by Abby on Dec 8, 2013 23:54:21 GMT
I've been waiting 7 months to see a specialist, (I know some people have been waiting longer and I have a lot of sympathy for you) and my appointment is for Thursday 19th of December. I am having a LOT of trouble at work, I am a housekeeper. I know how to do the job; I know what I need to do to get the job done well. But it doesn't happen. And I KNOW how ridiculous it sounds when I say things like "oh, I'm sorry I haven't mopped that floor you *specifically* told me to 3 hours ago, but I just got so caught up with pulling bits of fluff out of the vacuum that I completely forgot..." I understand their frustration because I am equally frustrated! And I've had 7 months to question whether I have ADHD or whether I really am just stupid. I know which one everyone else believes. I am so low right now. I can't cope with what's going on at work, being shouted at all the time and made to feel like NOTHING. And of course the house is always a tip, and the garden keeps growing and the dishes keep piling up, and my clothes keep getting DIRTY (how dare they?!) And I'm struggling. It feels like I'm treading water, trying so hard not to drown. And drown in what exactly? Life. And no one understands. And all the while there are little voices in my head telling me what an idiot I am!! I'm not sure what I'm asking for.. Except for someone to understand what's going on. I'm so fed up of crying and being alone.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2013 23:58:54 GMT
Howdy Abby I understand a bit. 'Swimming in shit' is the term I use use though
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2013 0:00:13 GMT
and there goes my mobile, subtly undermining me again
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Post by Abby on Dec 9, 2013 0:05:51 GMT
That's a good one, it does sound about right! I just need to find away of communicating this to my boss in a way he'd understand!
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Post by JJ on Dec 9, 2013 13:40:10 GMT
Does your boss know you've been waiting to see someone, or have any idea you could have a condition which causes you to do the things you do? If so, then shouting at you etc is not on (I'll clarify actually - clearly it's not on at all anyway, but I mean it's disability discrimination). You don't have to be formally diagnosed to come under the protection of the disability discrimination act. You describe the symptoms of adhd very well - everyone's house and chores get like that, it's overwhelming at times And the questioning whether it's adhd or just you being stupid are so familiar and common that I'd actually challenge anyone to honestly say they didn't feel that way. Horrible as this all is, you're most definitely not alone and everyone here understands how you feel with this, your thoughts and self-recriminations and the frustration... It doesn't make it better, but it makes it less lonely xxx Stay here and use all the support here - better to sign up properly as well - it kept my sanity (relatively speaking wrt to an adhd'er of course ) and after a while, you find yourself having moments of reprieve from the despair. Xxxxx
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Post by computermandan on Dec 9, 2013 16:35:20 GMT
hello! I regularly feel like this, the extra jobs don't go away and more keep piling up and you can't focus on the one you need to do because you're thinking of the 50 others and the newer ones that appear seemingly more and more frequently.. Lists and lists and lists of lists kept me going for a while until I started losing them, then someone on here or another ADHD related site pointed me in the direction of www.rememberthemilk.com to use as a task list (mobile app etc all available). it's helped me not to forget some things that kept getting me into bother. although rembering to put things in was tricky at first - Im getting on much better at work and at home. (there's only so many times you can forget to do things that happen the same time every week and get away with it! ) I feel for you - it's a real effort to keep doing it - but pick something, get it done and enjoy it.
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Post by DKL - darkknightslover on Dec 9, 2013 17:46:39 GMT
There's also any.do, wunderlist, iPhone's native task list, and Google's reminder feature of Google Now has improved. There's also an app that turns your tasks into rewards for a game that Kathymel is a huge fan of. Can't remember what the hell it's called though.
You could also go for a distraction proof mini clipboard and paper/whiteboard/laminated checklist or a basic notepad and get into the habit of writing EVERYTHING down. You can help this by finding a pen and/or paper you really like using and will want to find any excuse to use. You can also ask your boss to help encourage you to write things down and encourage you in general. Stress makes things so much worse.
Also to get stuff done at home you need to look at what time of day you're most effective. I personally find doing certain things as soon as I get home BEFORE I even sit down for a few minutes (which turns into a few hours) and purposely choosing evening meals to eat that take a while to cook so that between preparation and serving I can do some washing up or general housework and prepare everything for the morning (including pouring out my cereal for breakfast). It takes a while to figure out what works for you, but so long as you're honest with yourself and really look at how you can help yourself do the things you're not so good at you'll eventually Get there.
Another thing worth trying is getting a simple timer (like a kitchen or Lab timer) and set it to go off after 15 mins (and reset it afterwards).
I like kitchen timers because the ticking reminds me that I'm doing something that can't take too long but isn't intrusive for me as it's just like white noise for me now.15 mins I like because for Cleaning tasks it's not a scary amount of time. Also it breaks up the hour so it's easier to keep track of how much time is passing. Even if I don't need to stop an activity after 15 mins it just helps to get started on something I've been putting off, or realise that I've spent 15,30,45 etc mins doing [insert random task].
I originally started using one just to keep track of how long I was spending On breaks as I was always going over as I could never remember what time it started as it was different everyday.
A Lab timer is nice as you can have more than one going at a time. Great if you have something in the oven/something you need to leave for a time and are likely to forget, and you want to spend more than one time unit on tasks.
There are also some good timer apps on Apple and android that do the same thing.
Sorry about the essay, but hope it helps.
Sent from my C6603 using proboards
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 9, 2013 18:03:18 GMT
Hi Abby so sorry that you're feeling so low.... i can empathise on three levels... 1. The wait......Mine has been approx the same....I have had two appointments....currently awaiting the third...it's very frustrating..... 2. Your house..... I was trying to explain my inactivity/chaos to friends at lunch today...they all empathise and say "oh I do that"...or "everyone struggles some times" but as you and I know...they have NO idea.... 3. People believing we're stupid.....or lazy.... oh no....there is a 4th....those blasted bits of Hoover fluff! You don't have long to go now....you're on the right path....and your on here....lots to be p :)sitive about....Have a think about what JJ has said about work....wise words.... and in the meantime maybe cheer yourself up by ordering/borrowing the book...YOU MEAN I'M NOT LAZY, STUPID OR CRAZY! because you're not x
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Post by Abby on Dec 10, 2013 1:04:58 GMT
Oh my good Lord, the support and understanding from all of you is amazing. Thank you so much, it means so much to me! I might seriously consider printing this thread so I can always see I'm not alone! I didn't really even expect anyone would reply. JJ, I have told the Manager that I've got my appointment, and that I've got a lot of the symptoms. He is a very nice man, who may not understand but seems to try. It's the Head Housekeeper who is always shouting at me. My rooms are never clean enough, I forgot to wipe the mirror, I didn't notice the stain on the carpet. He says he's going to file an Official Complaint about me because I 'did not clean a toilet' and he's fed up with it (I did clean the toilet, I just forgot to check behind it). He believes I am "making it up for attention, oh poor little me", and I do not stand up for myself, I don't know why, I just can't. I don't see why he's so judgemental as he suffers from terrible depression; so he must know how peculiar the mind can be. Do you have a link to a site about the UK Disability Discrimination laws? I've looked but can't find anything official that seems to fit the situation. I had lots of things to say to everyone else too, but I can't remember names or what I wanted to say now! Please, bear with me...
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Post by Abby on Dec 10, 2013 1:12:17 GMT
Computermandan and DKL, I've been using a task manager app on my phone, which has been very helpful. And I've got a memo pad app as well, so I can make notes! I'll have a look at the rememberthemilk website, the name of it made me laugh! And DKL I didn't mind the essay, I like the idea of the timer. I think it would make it easier to break tasks into 15 minute chunks.. Although if I really get into something and keep getting stopped by the timer it might end up in the garden- at speed! but certainly something to think about. Thank you both
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Post by Abby on Dec 10, 2013 1:21:23 GMT
And Fuzzywuzzy, I do own that book. I went straight to the library and borrowed their most up to date Adult ADHD book, loved it so much I bought my own copy! It is a big help at times. And yes, I hate it so much when I'm trying to explain my symptoms to people and they go "oh but I do that... Everyone does that... That's just normal..." I am yet to find a concise way to explain ADHD without someone telling me they also have all the symptoms! Sometimes people make me so mad lol
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Post by shapes on Dec 10, 2013 1:24:08 GMT
Hope it all goes well. At the end of the day it's important you make sure you maintain your own feeling of self worth.
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Post by Abby on Dec 10, 2013 1:26:06 GMT
Also, does everyone need 3 appointments before an assessment can be made? I was REALLY hoping it would just be the one 3 hour session.. And they'd questionnaire my brain to mush and read my school reports and tell me what's what..
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Fairy13
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Post by Fairy13 on Dec 10, 2013 1:39:46 GMT
On JJ's advice, I got *Memberised*! And I am done spamming my own post for the night. Thank you, everyone x x x
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Post by JJ on Dec 10, 2013 10:01:35 GMT
JJ, I have told the Manager that I've got my appointment, and that I've got a lot of the symptoms. He is a very nice man, who may not understand but seems to try. It's the Head Housekeeper who is always shouting at me. My rooms are never clean enough, I forgot to wipe the mirror, I didn't notice the stain on the carpet. He says he's going to file an Official Complaint about me because I 'did not clean a toilet' and he's fed up with it (I did clean the toilet, I just forgot to check behind it). He believes I am "making it up for attention, oh poor little me", and I do not stand up for myself, I don't know why, I just can't. I don't see why he's so judgemental as he suffers from terrible depression; so he must know how peculiar the mind can be. Do you have a link to a site about the UK Disability Discrimination laws? I've looked but can't find anything official that seems to fit the situation.. Well done for signing up properly The employer knows about the issue and you are definitely protected by the DIsability Discrimination Act and it's irrelevant which member of staff is mistreating you - none of them should and a Manager can't avoid responsibility for one of his staff discriminating against another. The employer has a legal duty to provide reasonable adjustments for you - so, in the example you've given here, you're not paying attention to detail and you're getting distracted and forgetting things. These are core symptoms of adhd - no excuse not to try to put in place accommodations for you. Your employer could, for example, provide you with a very detailed checklist, containing every stage of the process, which you would have to tick as you completed. This would help with making sure you paid attention to detail. If all house-keepers get one anyway, that's not good enough here, your one needs to be tailored to your needs that arise from your disability. Or you get distracted by something and take too long - your employer could devise some way of making you check in more regularly or whatever to keep you more aware of time and keeping you on track. I don't know, these are just examples of how they could easily and reasonably help you to carry out your work. Shouting at you about something that's a result of your disability is harassment and discrimination and is quite clearly mentioned in the document below. This is the Equality Act 2010 Code of Practice: Employment Statutory Code of Practice and is very readable and clear. The above info is on The Equality Advisory Support Service, their confidential helpline is 0808 800 0082 - I'd give them a call Xxxx
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Post by manson88 on Dec 10, 2013 10:05:35 GMT
I have said this many many many times before, you need to be supported in the work place by an agency who will be able provide disability awareness training for your employer and your colleagues.
Nothing is going to change at work until you address this issue. Cause people will tell you here it's not just Adhd, anxiety disorders and mental health that's why it’s classified as a disability.
Go to your local citizens advice or jobs and benefits centre and talk to the disability officer. To get supported in the work place. Mental health problems has the impact of wellbeing as any other conditions.
I'm on it I went 20 years of my working life with out the support. I'm glad to say I'm happy at work I love my job why? Cause there is someone has supported me getting my job arranged to suit me!!
And I know when the chips are down there's someone there at the end of the phone that I can share with. If its work related she will be on the ball right away to my boss to see that I'm being treated fairly suggest a out come..
Take the anxiety out of work life gets better. Believe me it's the only way. Yeah sure home life is stressing as well but if work is happy its one less thing..
I'm still waiting on my second DX for Adhd this year but I have some to talk to who keeps me on track who helps me get the best out of each appointment should be with a Dr or even work. That's the point of being supported.
Now then if the psychiatrist phones me today to arrange appointment I will be a happy chap!! ;D
Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Post by meepmeep on Dec 10, 2013 10:15:42 GMT
I too am absolutely shit at cleaning/forgetting parts of the task at hand.
It's a very difficult matter to deal with as on your managers side or whatever he will be getting stick if things aren't done right.
Also as an employer it makes rubbish business sense to have a member of staff who isn't able to do their job effectively.
Im not having a go at you, and really hope an ADHD diagnosis gives you the tools needed.
But once on meds the true battle tp change really starts and it's bloody difficult changing after so long of being a certain way.
I hope all works out for you.
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Post by manson88 on Dec 10, 2013 10:38:46 GMT
Think you need to read my thread.
She has a disability. She needs a reasonable adjustment to her job.
She is entitled to work.
She has to work to stay on benefits.
Employers & employees need educated that we are not stupid, or lazy or dnt care, there is a medical condition that we have & they need to understand this.
Her manager needs pulled a side & told to lay off it & understand the more he annoys her the worse she will get.
Anxiety/mental/ health =disability Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2013 10:52:33 GMT
You don't have to be formally diagnosed to come under the protection of the disability discrimination act. That's interesting to know. I wonder if it applies to job applications too? No wonder the gubbermint want us out of the ECoHR in order to prevent expensive and expansive enforcement. Fairy13, I couldn't wait in the end so went private. But I know that's not viable for all of us. Good luck with your journey
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Post by manson88 on Dec 10, 2013 11:49:12 GMT
Yes it does, you get a job on merit/experience.
I drive for lookers of Manchester (van driver) . When I went for my job on the application form it asked me was I disabled I said no.
But I got the job on my experience & never said that I had anxiety or dyslexia or Adhd inattention tendencies.
But the medical questionnaire asked was I dyslexic? had I any mental health issues? anxiety disorders etc was I on medication had a or was I in a medical investigation? & I said yes to all of the above.
This advice came from employment support. Who are an asset. Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Fairy13
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Post by Fairy13 on Dec 10, 2013 15:05:29 GMT
JJ, as a Portuguese friend of mine would say, 'You are an Angel!' Thank you so so much for your help and the information. I will collect all the info I can and then take it to the Manager and ask him to make things right! Manson, if I get the time (and the memory) I'll pop into my local Jobcentre and see if they can offer me an advice on an agency. Meepmeep, I completely understand what you mean. I know that if I was in the Head Housekeeper's shoes I'd be angry about someone not doing their job properly. I know they need someone who can do it, but I also know that I *can* do it. I just need more help than they seem willing to give me at the mo.
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Post by JJ on Dec 10, 2013 20:01:27 GMT
You don't have to be formally diagnosed to come under the protection of the disability discrimination act. That's interesting to know. I wonder if it applies to job applications too? It applies to everything as the definition of a disability doesn't require you to know the cause of your impairment. This is the HM Gov Equality Act Guidance (section A defines a disability)And if you use the link to the Employment Guidance above, section 10.25 on covers the applications process - and the DDA covers that too. In fact, the DDA is supposed to cover everything - and is mentioned in the NHS Constitution and the Health and Social Care Act etc - in these and lots of things I read, it always says something like - nothing in the guidance / obligations here takes precedence over the DDA. And I've never got my head round how, for example, there's the 18 week max waiting times for treatment and many legal health rights for people - and they've all got a little star next to them, which says 'except for mental health'.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 10, 2013 20:06:07 GMT
JJ, as a Portuguese friend of mine would say, 'You are an Angel!' Indeed she is x
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Fairy13
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Post by Fairy13 on Dec 19, 2013 14:22:40 GMT
I have ADHD "in SPADES"!
Edit- I realise that original post looks a little bit of a random thing to post on an AADD forum! I had only just come out of the Psychologist's office lol. I've been diagnosed today. The Psychologist said, about half way through the assessment, "you clearly have ADHD in spades".. And it has really stuck with me. I'm on 18mg Concerta XL for the next 3 months. ... SPADES!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2013 17:49:30 GMT
Snap!
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 19, 2013 22:09:46 GMT
I have ADHD "in SPADES"! I've been diagnosed today. The Psychologist said, about half way through the assessment, "you clearly have ADHD in spades".. And it has really stuck with me. I'm on 18mg Concerta XL for the next 3 months. ... SPADES! I wish I could fast forward to this point in time.....instead of being in Maudsley limbo.....a new medical term
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Fairy13
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Post by Fairy13 on Dec 19, 2013 22:32:59 GMT
I hope that point in time comes soon for you, Fuzzywuzzy.
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Fairy13
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Post by Fairy13 on Dec 19, 2013 22:33:34 GMT
I hope that point in time comes soon for you, Fuzzywuzzy.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 19, 2013 22:46:18 GMT
Thank you.....cos then I can be (doubly) awesome like you... I think for me the self-diagnosis was enough, mentally.....if you know what I mean.... .....(and I think the doubters have my whole life as evidence really ..and to some extent, I know longer care what they think) now, I just need the drugs!
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Post by DizzyLizzy on Feb 23, 2014 11:41:55 GMT
Well done and congratulations, Awaywith/Abby. I remember that feeling very very well. I got my diagnosis in December following a 6-month drawn out assessment process, following 2 yrs on the waiting list. My psychiatrist's words to me were "you have a 'good-going' ADHD" ... I hung onto that like a christmas present ... and keep going back to his report, to reread the words "described a history of typical symptoms dating since early childhood" ; it's like a warm bath at the end of a long tiring day ... that's right motherf**ers, I haven't been making it up and it's not simply a question of laziness or willpower! I hope you get the work thing sorted ok. I work for the NHS and they are going to help me, because Occ Health are shitting themselves at the mere mention of "Disability Discrimination Act" . And don't let anyone tell you that you don't have difficulties or that you should be managing fine - get back on here to remind yourself what the wizarding world is really like, it's not your fault the Muggles don't understand. My advice is to get on the Concerta, it may change your life. And hang onto that word Spades. Good luck sister x x
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