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Post by mighty on Jul 6, 2014 19:20:38 GMT
Any experiences please share. What are your cycles like? Your highs, lows, psychosis, coincidences, your coping strategies.... Thanks
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Post by petra on Jul 7, 2014 12:05:05 GMT
Hi mighty At the moment I feel like I don't know what's bipolar and what's adhd....so can't really answer. I think they feed and trigger each other. And although diagnosed and on meds for bipolar, I'm not even sure anymore if I've got it
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Post by grim on Jul 7, 2014 18:57:07 GMT
Any experiences please share. What are your cycles like? Your highs, lows, psychosis, coincidences, your coping strategies.... Thanks Mighty,what do you mean by coincidences? (I'm probably missing something blindingly obvious,but hey) Oh,and I was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar 14 years ago.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Jul 7, 2014 21:27:16 GMT
I was diagnosed bipolar 2....3 years ago....I knew 100% that I had it.....AND I could trace it back to childhood....7 years old....
highly genetic.....and runs in my family.....although that only became apparent in recent years....
Once I had medication for it, insight, and attended a bipolar-specific course....no more huge ups and downs....*
but still ever-present cognitive deficits+......so that was when the ADHD revealed itself....and coinciding with my young daughter being diagnosed ADHD.....and I can distinguish completely between the two conditions....
The hypomanias always were very productive....inhumanly so....way, way more than ADHD hyperfocus....to begin with....(I wrote a full size novel in 3 weeks flat)
....and then once you're so high up, there's only one way to go....and I would become rapidly very confused....and then slow...
At it's worst, it was rapid-cycling....so 3 weeks hypomania....short period of normality.....3-6 months depression....and for some people, antidepressants make it permanently worse
+ ....even with bipolar, some cognitive deficits can be ever present....i.e. even when totally euthymic...no episode...
*......I've come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to be flatline/normal/stable....and, in all honesty, don't want to be
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Post by petra on Jul 7, 2014 22:39:19 GMT
If it is that I do have bipolar, mine doesn't look anywhere near as exciting or as intelligent or as productive as that. And apart from 2 highs and 2 big depressions I don't find it very clear which is adhd and which is bipolar...or what's been brought on by what for me have been extremely difficult life circumstances.
I think I'm going to give up label hunting...I'm starting to find it really boring. Hopefully, at some point I'll get medicated for ADHD and hopefully that will enable me to function. Then, I just want to forget all about it as much as I can and work with what I've got.
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Post by petra on Jul 7, 2014 22:52:29 GMT
The way I cope with depressions these days is I basically sleep through them until they ease. I used to 'try really hard' to break through them, but I just can't anymore. It's not uncommon for me to stay in my pj's mainly in a darkened room for a week or more at a time. I can sleep for Britain. Then, one morning I'll wake up, and feel a bit better and then I'll know I can get up and carry on, though I do tend to be extremely fragile for a few days and snap easily. But wether this depression is bipolar depression or adhd depression I have no idea anymore. And, I never have more than 3 days in a row 'stable' - it just doesn't work like that for me.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Jul 7, 2014 23:16:13 GMT
Hopefully, at some point I'll get medicated for ADHD and hopefully that will enable me to function. Then, I just want to forget all about it as much as I can and work with what I've got. Petra....I really believe that sorting out the ADHD is the key.....I'm sure my road of discovery would have been a great deal easier and less bumpy if the ADHD had been sorted.... as an aside, the worst of all was a mixed episode.....low mood, high energy....totally caused by Prozac....made me psychotic, thinking that I would be ok if I swerved onto the other side of the road...... (Ok if you've got the mood stabiliser too)
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Post by astraka on Jul 8, 2014 7:27:00 GMT
Petra and fuzzywuzzy; I recognise so much of myself in what you've described, only you put it so much better than I could! I've always known that there was an underlying problem that prevents me coping with the mood swings and may be the cause of them. I'm focusing on getting some structure into my life at the moment.
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Post by mighty on Jul 8, 2014 17:53:14 GMT
Thank you for sharing grim - that's pretty heavy man, hope you're managing to cope a little better now? By coincidences I mean the experiences of noticing them everywhere, and feeling they have special meaning to you and such. fuzzywuzzy - it's interesting that you see such a distinction between two apparent conditions. I think we have very different views on psychiatry in many ways, and I personally question the idea of discrete psychiatric 'diseases'. I hope you're doing ok these days petra - I hope you're doing ok I think it's a good idea to give up label hunting - something that may fit into describing some of your traits may not do much good in explaining things in depth. With that said, best of luck with your adhd journey if it will help I can totally relate to sleepy times. astraka - good luck getting some structure
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Post by petra on Jul 8, 2014 19:39:43 GMT
mighty - glad someone relates to my sleeping patterns - I always feel like an extreme freak with mine and can't imagine anyone else able to sleep/ need as much sleep as me! It's not cool!! Re coincidences, both times I've been supposedly high - 7/8 yrs apart by the way, everything has been filled with INTENSE meaning. Everything I've said/ done has seemed phenomenally profound, insights have known no limits to their depth, conversations, connections/associations newspaper clips/ radio/ television clips all filled with intense meaning. And looking back, both times,I knew exactly what and why I was thinking like I was and did the things I did....I wasn't 'crazy' or at least not how I define crazy. I think now there were large grains of truth in it all, but things became so intensely focused and blown to extreme proportions - and I think my brain filtered everything out that wasn't relevant to where I was at, and probably manipulated and read meaning into otherwise fairly ordinary things. I also happen to consider both these times in my life as being very important. Things that needed to happen, which when I was in a normal/ flat/ low energy state of mind wouldn't of happened...happened. After both times I plummeted into a big deppression, the first one being far greater in length and severity to the second one. There was also damage clear up, financially, relationally etc..I am still paying a price for my episode in 2012 in subtle ways, plus embarrassment/shame. But looking back, I'm glad both times happened - for all the hurt and pain I feel what I gained is invaluable . I personally don't think it was coincidence that I found out about adhd Feb 2013 - after everything that had happened I was in the perfect place in all kinds of ways to learn about it and begin the battle to receive treatment. But that's just my experiences. I think fuzzywuzzy is more like Kay Redfield Jamison (Unquiet Mind) who is phenomenally intelligent, talented and has great energy and the potential to live a genuinely extraordinary life. I wish I was like that, but I'm not, and I have to accept who I am and work with what I have.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Jul 8, 2014 20:39:02 GMT
That's really lovely petra.... I'm not sure I feel like that.....although closer to that ideal now than I ever could have felt pre-insight but think of it this way....we haven't seen the full awesome potential that is you....you've been held back for most of your life....and the majority of that time has been unknowingly... you come across to me like someone very sensitive to others, who is wise and just 'gets things' things easily (exempting jokes!? ) and writes and explains things in a simple, beautiful and easy to understand way...... i can can only begin to imagine how (even more) amazing you'll be WHEN you win your battle! ....the kind of battle that mere mortals would flinch at and go by the wayside.....hopefully, not much longer now.... just as an aside (again!) the best way I can illustrate my experience of bipolar.....is the film 'Limitless' ...only I'm like that without any magic drug
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Jul 8, 2014 21:40:51 GMT
Hmmmmm.....see now, as per another thread ( contrarymary's) I'm hyperfocus-ing on the difference between ADHD and bipolar disorder.... as opposed to the similarities and overlaps, of which there are many.... see....hyperfocus....and hypomania.....are not at all the same.... HyperfocusWith hyperfocus, the level is stable, although the hyperfocus 'state' comes and goes....so an hour here, a few hours there, a few days.... it is often to the exclusion of all else not always, but it is more likely to be triggered....i.e. You've got an exam coming up.....you're cooking a special meal....you're spending ages thinking about your outfit to a friend's wedding etc etc... it will not necessarily be accompanied by other symptoms although it can be, but they are more likely to be incidental, so for example you're so absorbed that you forget to eat you are still ' you'
it is not necessarily related to your mood....you can hyperfocus whether you are feeling up, normal or down.... Hypomania - (the high type, not the agitated type)With hypomania, the level builds up and up and up.....and is more likely to be an actual discrete and distinct period of time, usually a couple of days (cyclothmia) 4 days (bipolar 2) or 2 weeks plus.....and obviously can then build up to mania.... it is less likely to be just one thing to the exclusion of all else....it is 'manically' doing everythingWhilst it can be triggered....e.g. By a forthcoming 'happy' event, like a party....it is a phase that can seemingly take over you for no reason whatsoever.... it is accompanied by many other symptoms....not only not eating or sleeping, but not needing to eat or sleep, feeling absolutely fine on 2 hours sleep, not groggy the next day because you just stayed up too long on the computer, feeling euphoric, feeling superhuman, sometimes thinking you actually are superhuman , feeling utterly elated and euphoric, talking at the speed of light, racing thoughts way beyond ADHD..... In the early stages, you might start off still being 'you', just with the ante being upped, but you very quickly become a very different you.....and obviously can border on losing touch with reality.... Being at heart, not only a 'mood' disorder, but a cyclical one at that, this elated episode will usually be followed by a depressed episode, frequently much longer than the high.......whereas hyperfocus might just have made you a bit more tired and a bit less productive.... anyway....enough of me....and my flipping hyperfocus...
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Post by mighty on Jul 8, 2014 23:17:41 GMT
are they exclusive to 'adhd' and 'bipolar' respectively though?
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Post by petra on Jul 8, 2014 23:33:47 GMT
fuzzywuzzy - genuinely thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words...reading them felt like being given a beautiful reflection shown back to me, with light and hope, rather than the dreary drudgery one I usually see glaring back at me xxx
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