Endymion
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Posts: 34
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Post by Endymion on Jul 8, 2014 8:15:47 GMT
Just wondering if anyone has any advice for me.
Background - ADHD diagnosis confirmed about 4 months ago. Over 40. On meds - medikinet.
For most of my adult life, I have had a problem with alcohol. I haven't drank every day and nowadays, probably have a drink maybe once a week or so and in moderation. Other than that I am fairly healthy - swim most every day, eat healthily, don't smoke and don't do drugs other than the meds.
However, now knowing what I do about the condition and from analysis of myself and behaviour I know understand that when I haved crashed and spiralled out of control, I will find myself in the pub and then crawl home to my family drunk as a newt and then possible do it again for a few more days until I come out of the crash.
I have kids and live with my partner. I am not physcially violent to any of them but I am told that I tend to start ranting at my partner and taking things out on her, verbally. As you can imagine, not pleasant for her and she is at the end of her tether.
Possibly a familiar story for some of you I guess!?
Prior to taking the diagnosis I knew that I probably binged on booze too much - cant get away from that as I am not stupid, but just didn't realise why I binged, could not just have a few, triggers etc. But the real kicker was that when I started taking the meds I began to see, realise and consider how it was truly affecting others around me. A sort of mist being parted and viewing the true me. Not pleasant viewing and not proud of what I have done.
So, now I truly see what booze does to me and realising that I need to stop, full stop, if I ever want to have a decent relationship with my kids and if too much water has not passed under the bridge, my partner, I have had decided to stop for good. Moderation aint going to work. Tried that and failed many many times.
I am going to the GP in the next couple of days to see if I can get help (very good GP) in this regard and agreed to go to counselling with my partner to see if there is any way I can salvage our relationship. I am also reading a few self help books.
Now, the advice bit. Anyone got any good suggestions for me in maintaining the abstinence other than what I am doing above? I though I would stop lurking on here and seek help as I know I am going to find this difficult given the joys of ADHD and thought you guys might be able to advise or at the very least, provide some understanding and support - which may be what I was lacking before ...
Thanks for reading and any assistance would be great and very much appreciated.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 9:10:30 GMT
Hello
Have you considered marking your passage to not drinking?
When I go to work I metaphorically put on a hat - get into character ie this is my professional face. Some people do this when they have a work 'uniform' (work shoes and/or other apparel that is only worn at work).
You can do the same for your new status as a non drinker.
Since it's important for you to 'save' your relationships you could include them in in the transformation.
You can do this is many ways - write a letter stating the intention and frame it, buy a small badge (anything that is a sign - could be a ring/wristband or even a hat if you can get away with it) and wear that every day - anything that states this is me now - not the guy you knew before.
Either tell them or let them discover this watershed - but I'd include them in. Obviously the change has to be permanent because straying is a betrayal of the 'contract' you have with them.
It's something that acts as a tripwire to remind you that slipping is not just you any more even if the others are doubting you.
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Post by greyblanket on Jul 8, 2014 10:27:19 GMT
If I am honest I used to drink quite a lot (I immediately want to justify, qualify, explain and rationalise this, but I won't). I stopped for whatever reason in 2005.
I'm astonished that is nine years ago.
Being an impulsive person around alcohol is not a good thing.
It is also best to avoid situations where other people will want you to drink, or at least if you can't avoid the situation, then don't bring your not drinking to their attention.
I found it best not to mention to people that I had given it up, and just take a glass if I thought it would be complicated to refuse, and just put it down or give to someone else.
I often used to say that I was really thirsty and could I just have a glass of water first.
Also said I had a bad back and was taking pain killers on some occasional.
Certain friends did notice and were concerned, and didn't like me not drinking, I think it may have highlighted something for them.
Above all I avoided any discussion of the fact that I was not drinking. It seems to prompt a personal crusade amongst some people to force you to have a drink.
That the easiest way of not drinking is just not to do it, this sounds a bit simplistic, but I found it to be a helpful thought.
One problem was that as soon as I stopped drinking I started craving sugar, and I found (and still find) that a far harder battle than stopping drinking which I didn't actually find that hard once I had made my mind up to do so.
Good luck
Gb
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Endymion
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 34
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Post by Endymion on Jul 21, 2014 8:02:01 GMT
Thanks for the advice. Got myself a ring and had it engraved with the initials of my two children and the date I decided to stop drinking. Has really helped and not had anything to drink since doing it which is saying something as my partner and I have now split for good and that would have definitely driven me to drink pre-diagnosis and medication.
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Post by .... on Jul 21, 2014 12:19:29 GMT
Sorry to hear your bad news. But great to hear that your plans to change stuff are going well & haven't been knocked off course
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