surprised
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Posts: 47
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Post by surprised on Jul 31, 2014 21:36:42 GMT
I am waiting for my diagnosis but i know. I really know. And i feel so angry that i have seen so many mental health 'professionals' over the years and its never ever been even hinted at. Like many of you, i have struggled my whole life and now i know why but i feel that most of my life has gone now, at least the part where i could make a real career and get somewhere in life. No kids, no husband, no career. Im 48 this year and part of me thinks whats the bloody point now? No wonder i couldnt make a relationship work. I have always said if i wasnt me there is no way i would want to be with me. Is this normal to feel like this? I feel like i have been cheated somehow. My brother was recognised but not me. But of course he was extremely 'hyper' so i guess little ole me just didnt get noticed.
I always had nightterrors/mares. Ever since i can remember. Last wk i spoke to my mum about always coming into her bed when i had one. I used to stand by the bed with my pillow (didnt like smell of my dads) and he used to go in my bed. She said she just thought i didnt like sleeping alone. What?!?! So for all those years she never bothered to find out why??? I thought she knew why but it makes me wonder what else they never bothered with.
Sorry, dont know where else to express these feelings. Keep crying about it all tonight :-((
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Post by .... on Jul 31, 2014 22:26:53 GMT
I don't think its too late for everything. I can imagine it feels like it. It's an overwhelming feeling too. Am sending virtual hugs!
If you read around you will hear nowadays of many people being diagnosed in different stages of adulthood. Thank goodness ADHD is becoming better understood at last. Late being better than never.
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Post by .... on Jul 31, 2014 22:34:07 GMT
Ps. I don't know what to tell you about the anger, I'm still working on that bit myself sometimes.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Jul 31, 2014 23:24:35 GMT
Hi surprised.... i really, really empathise.....it's hard....we can never get back those years, the years of youth, the years that our peers forged ahead with careers and relationships.....it's tragic and a hard reality to bear.....and to think that no-one 'noticed', especially those close to us makes it doubly hard....and the realisation that medication, whilst not a magic bullet, could have levelled the playing field for us.... i went through all this....things got worse in some ways for a year or two after the knowledge that I had it (but pre-diagnosis)... at least they did with my family relationships while I struggled to make them understand.....looking back though, I started to feel like the real me for the first time in my life, and that is liberating but also takes some adjusting to...and it's a process you have to go through, to come out stronger and more knowledgable, the other side even now that I'm on a major road towards finally achieving things in my life, that like you, and many of us here, we've been denied our whole lives, I still dwell on the past at least once a week, and I get down and think of how things might have been..But, continually dwelling, well....that way only lies depression or worse....48 is still very young these days....and we all chop and change jobs and even careers in a way like never before..... anything is possible.......you can be whatever you want to be.....and you will gain so much insight into yourself, your condition and your strengths, that I really believe you will be a much better YOU than you ever could be, had this not happened.....a lot of us here actually say that our lives are seen now only as pre-ADHD insight and post-ADHD insight...(edit - phrase coined by petra )....and there really is no comparison.... Enjoy the process, take your time, accept that there'll be bumps....and then maybe in time you could put some of your passion 1. Into a passion of yours.....and 2. In trying to change the situation for others in the future x x x
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Post by danherts on Aug 1, 2014 9:41:36 GMT
As fuzzy said I think you need to look forward. The past is gone but now you have hope to change the things you want to change.
You can look back and think of the help you missed out on, or you can feel good about the realisation that the cause of your problems is a 'condition' that has a very effective treatment that will open up new possibilities and help you fulfil the things you feel you've missed out on.
I think ADHD-PI is an easy things for professionals to overlook and really the understanding of it is still in its infancy.
We have no frame of reference of what is 'normal' and I know in my case if I had sought help before I would have described the problems of anxiety, failure, depression, isolation and rejection rather than the obvious cause that there was something fundamentally different about me and would have been treated accordingly. I never sought help for those problems because the prognosis seemed poor, that isn't the case for ADHD.
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Post by carly31 on Aug 2, 2014 3:31:01 GMT
Nothing is ever to late. I hope that the realisation will be as cathartic for you as it was for me. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is the feelings that nobody bothered to worry or look for answers for us as children. I found that my diagnosis undid a lot of the damage to my self esteem and my anger towards my mother is slowly dissipating. She has adhd to, I'm sure of it, explains why she was an inattentive mother. I'm glad you've found this forum, it's been the most helpful thing to realise you're not alone afterall this time. Hugs.
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 14:42:10 GMT
Take your time, its ok to be angry and upset. My parents are sws and yet they neglected to notice my adhd, and hmjs, and abuse.... Being a parent myself now i realise how ill equiped many people are for doing this, for actualy seeing their kids rather than.expecting them to be a social norm and turning a blind eye when tgey arnt. Anything that requires realy emotional work, actualy being present w your kids is actualy realy realy tough and i jst think not everyone is up to that. Alice millers deana of being a child is a going read related to that if yiu want sm theraputic literatire.
Theres an awful lot i look back at thinking god if only id known what i know now, the hurt iv caused myself, the risk i put myself at, the mess iv made of certain things, but i think thats life for everyone im afraid, we jst have a reason that we can now identify that effected all this. I think its important to grieve these losses, lost chances, if only we had knows, but i also think for me what has become important is becoming a whole person in a v imperfect world, and i hope that my experience can become useful to othets going through the same thing, tgat to me becomes a useful thing and not anot all for nothin
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