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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 0:33:54 GMT
Does anyone here have a bit of knowledge of this disorder? I know it can be co morbid with adhd.
Im asking because I'm having problems with one of my children, and I'm wondering if it could be ODD - I could do with having a chat with someone.
If ODD is similar to Adhd, I don't want to handle it wrong and place expectations which are impossible to meet - I would really hate to be guilty of that.
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Post by grim on Aug 2, 2014 8:45:30 GMT
Hey Pet, One of my brood is diagnosed adhd with o.d.d.
I'll help if i can
Ask away,or shoot me a message if you'd prefer.
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 15:08:55 GMT
Thanks grim. Firstly, with ODD - is it like adhd where brain is wired differently so 'lack of respect of authority' can't be helped? And secondly, from what I've read, people with adhd tend to feel terrible for their 'shortcomings and failings'. Is this not the case with ODD?
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oram
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 39
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Post by oram on Aug 2, 2014 16:13:35 GMT
Gingerbread charity can help with support for most things family orientated.
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 17:08:18 GMT
Cheers oram - I'll look them up.
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Aug 2, 2014 17:31:37 GMT
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Post by grim on Aug 2, 2014 19:05:38 GMT
Thanks grim. Firstly, with ODD - is it like adhd where brain is wired differently so 'lack of respect of authority' can't be helped? And secondly, from what I've read, people with adhd tend to feel terrible for their 'shortcomings and failings'. Is this not the case with ODD? Hi, "Firstly" - ODD has been linked to (amongst other things) improperly functioning neurotransmitters,so it is very possible that it's not a deliberate way of acting. "Secondly" - Definitely not the case. My young'un (not that young,he's 19 this year) will never accept responsibility for his often obnoxious behaviour. It's always someone,or something elses,fault...and why is he always being treated so unfairly etc etc. There's also nothing in the way of guilt or remorse...or even recognition that feelings might have been hurt etc.
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 19:54:21 GMT
Your 19 year old sounds like my 15 year old. She's always been like this. It's a nightmare. I always react in anger which achieves absolutely nothing.
Just to add here - the last few years I've learnt to hold my anger in 97% of the time. I know anger doesn't work. But I haven't yet found what does work.
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 19:58:38 GMT
I guess the next question is - how on earth do you handle it? To me, black is black and white is white. And you respect those who have authority over you, especially if they are working for the best for you.
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 20:04:36 GMT
She is the polar opposite to me - I don't get her at all. I don't have a clue what goes on in her head. She's sweetness and light provided she's having fun and things are going her way and she's getting stuff. But as soon as you want something from her, it's like a blank expression glazes her face and an impenetrable wall goes up. I'm strong willed, but I feel a light weight next to her - I can't compete with her will.
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Post by shapes on Aug 2, 2014 21:22:19 GMT
Isn't that what most people with ADHD are like?
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 21:36:57 GMT
I don't think so? All the ADHD'ers I've spoken (ie on here!) would bend over backwards to help someone else and are extremely giving.
And most have sensitive consciences - isn't that why we end up with low self esteem partly?....the guilt...? And we want to improve?
These are just my thoughts...I'd love to hear others perspectives
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Post by petra on Aug 2, 2014 21:45:39 GMT
Also, when I talk about respect, I'm referring to an attitude of heart more than external compliance.
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Post by .... on Aug 2, 2014 22:36:59 GMT
Very limited experience, but children with ODD seem really bad at coping with changes of plan & are prone to 'shutting down' when they can't cope. I have wondered if extreme anxiety causes some of it?
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Post by JJ on Aug 2, 2014 23:45:49 GMT
Firstly, with ODD - is it like adhd where brain is wired differently so 'lack of respect of authority' can't be helped? I've not read everything on here (or fuzzy' s link), and I also don't know anything about ODD, but when I went to an adhd conference earlier this year, one of the psychs said several times that not dealing with and treating adhd leads to ODD - as in ODD wasn't a condition in itself, but a response to untreated adhd in some people. He was essentially saying that ODD is a reaction to being treated badly / blamed for the symptoms of adhd and that ODD could be halted if we would recognise and treat the underlying adhd. I have to say that it didn't really ring true for me, because my nephew has diagnosed adhd and a lot of ODD symptoms (not sure if diagnosed, my sister doesn't ever say anything) - she's always gone out of her way to not make him feel bad for adhd symptoms - she's got patience by the bucket-load and has done whatever she could to ameliorate and mitigate adhd stuff - and yet he has something ODD about him. One anecdote doesn't prove or disprove anything of course.... And the psych was really lovely and so completely on the side of people with adhd, making others recognise adhd, pushing the case for treating adhd as soon as possible... I don't know what I think, but I'm telling you what I heard xx
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Post by petra on Aug 4, 2014 0:14:26 GMT
I really appreciate the space to be able to have talked about sensitive stuff on here - that and everyone's feedback has really helped. It was like I was in a vacuum, and talking about it and hearing others, and not being judged....thank you. I've had some major lightbulb moments today over this, and like other things in my life atm have totally done a 180 degree turn and changed tack. Then tonight I had the best ever chat with my daughter - the walls were down and I and she can see a way forwards. Am feeling hugely relieved and really positive
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Post by scatterbrain on Aug 4, 2014 0:26:20 GMT
Really pleased for you
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Post by grim on Aug 4, 2014 8:15:26 GMT
I'm happy you've found an approach that seems to work pet,that's really good news...especially an approach that avoids a shouty confrontation type of scenario.
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Post by shapes on Aug 4, 2014 11:02:54 GMT
That's good news.
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 15:22:22 GMT
Odd is another developmental disorder so yes can be a comorbid of adhd. i once worked w a kid who had this, we basicly avoided situations where he cd say no, like instead of saying do you want to wear this and getting no, we wd lay out two outfits and let him choose, like it was his own idea to get dressed. Youbger kid obviously but you get the jist. I think when dandas website was still up and running they had odd placed between adhd and asd on the diagram of nd conditions and how they link up. Try reading non violent communication , it might be a helpful approach.
Previous to being recognised as a developmental disordwr odd was considered a conduct disorder, which when dx in children is then rediagnosed as a personality disorder in adulthood, so thete maybe sm stratagies related to these that you might find apply still. Not sure though, pds are now thought to be an extension of ads so the general consenus on these may have changed anyways, jst a though, sorry if no use.
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Post by petra on Aug 5, 2014 19:34:06 GMT
we basicly avoided situations where he cd say no, like instead of saying do you want to wear this and getting no, we wd lay out two outfits and let him choose, like it was his own idea to get dressed. I think this is the key I've learnt at long last - to not get into the fight/ power struggle in the first place - it never works, I never win - daughter wins and I'm left fuming. If anyone's into dog training/ behaviour - it's the equivalent of getting a dog to walk at your side - you have to get the dog to want to and choose to walk by your side, and it's unlikely in a million years you will achieve this by (which is a natural human reaction - but wrong) pulling back on the lead - this will only ever train your dog to pull more. Interestingly, for me at least, in dog training this is called opposition reflex. I think by the time my children become adults and leave home, I might just be knowledgeable enough to begin parenting...
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oram
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by oram on Aug 5, 2014 21:42:30 GMT
This may help. For de escalation (i've worked front line service a fair amount) it works for me if you let the person blow up, when they stop you say something... they'll more than likely interupt again with another out burst, you wait for this to blow over then interject again... this carries on and eventually you'll get to say what you need to say... they'll have that release. It may not mean you've reached a coherent understanding but it allows for each person to say what they need, and mostly I've found it builds empathy.
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Post by shapes on Aug 5, 2014 22:33:58 GMT
The more I think about it the more I probably had this as a child at least a bit.
Definitely try and avoid confrontation as it doesn't really help.
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