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Post by scatterbrain on Aug 4, 2014 16:56:16 GMT
Came off anti depressants on the advice of psych and have been on Concerta over a month now. Over the past 10 days I have been feeling depressed. I'm not getting anything done but am spending more and more time 'hiding' in the bedroom feeling like I can't face anyone or anything and wishing I could put an end to it all (Don't anyone panic - when I get like this I imagine what it would do to my child - which stops me but also gives me something else to cry about). I have been in this situation many times over the past 12 years starting when suppressed memories of childhood abuse came back to haunt me. I felt like I was having some sort of breakdown. I was put on anti depressants and eventually had psychotherapy but don't know if either of these things helped. The trauma over the return of these memories lessened with time or burnt itself out and I have since been unable to understand my ongoing depression. I really thought I had cracked it when I discovered there was an inattentive ADHD. It made sense - the ongoing depression because I can't get my act together rather than me not being able to get my act together because I am depressed.
I am starting to question it all over again.
Could childhood inattentiveness/inability to focus be explained by ongoing trauma? As an adult could my symptoms be solely down to PTSD rather than ADHD? Have I pinned too much hope on things getting better with ADHD treatment?
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Post by shapes on Aug 4, 2014 19:34:35 GMT
Sorry to hear that.
I think everyone questions their diagnosis sometimes.
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Post by petra on Aug 4, 2014 20:52:19 GMT
Firstly scatterbrain...a massive hug xxx My opinion is that it's probably several things working together, which all need to be addressed in some way. To me, the trauma is still there at some level - damage has been done, and even if the memories are not quite so frequent and piercing, it's understandable that there is an ongoing depression at the surface. I think we can have too great an expectation of being better and cured and therefore able to move on as if nothing's happened. I started on antidepressants in my early 20's and several times my GP said I was time to come off them. Each time I did, I was so determined, and managed for a while but then fell apart - what was inside me was too strong for me. I clearly remember walking to collect one of my little girls from school during one of these times, and it felt like I was a bottle of pop which had just been shaken and had the lid removed. All these intense unbearable emotions were surfacing at a terrific rate from my inner being...and I just couldn't handle it. I have accepted now that I will most likely need to be on antidepressants for life. Obviously, I'd prefer to be well and not take any chemical tablets...but that isn't my reality. I'm not perfect on antidepressants...but my life is simply unbearable off them. I no longer have a need to talk about my past/ childhood - but like planetdave said - the things which have happened to you do form who you are - they are concreted in to an extent. With things like this, I am light years from where I used to be. I always had my mind on the past and the pain of it all. I no longer do anymore - which is great - but I can't expect myself to be/ function the same as if they never happened. And I think with things like depression/ bipolar/ adhd - they are things which have to be controlled, medicated, and we need new and creative tools for living. I don't think they can (usually) be treated, dealt with and then forever forgotten about whilst we go on to lead a normal life. I don't see why your psych is so keen to get you off antidepressants - especially at the same time as beginning Concerta? I don't see the logic or the sense in it? Or the need? It's not ok that you are feeling like you are.
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Post by foggyboy on Aug 4, 2014 21:48:47 GMT
Having spoken to you quite a lot recently, I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a tough time...thoughts are with you. petra replied so eloquently I don't think there's much I can add but you shouldn't be dealing with this alone. Is your next psych appointment soon? Can you get back in touch with him and explain what you're going through? Do you have an understanding friend or member of the family you can talk to? Best wishes x
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 14:59:56 GMT
there was a diagnosis put forward to the last dsm called developmental truama disorder to cover those who present as adhd due to trauma. I dont think it was accepted (which doesnt mean much, compkex post truamatic stress disorder still hasnt been accepted but has long been used). I last read.about it on the truama pages, although you cd prob jst google. I personaly identify w dtd, and w adhd (and w being highly senstive, which again can present alot like adhd....) so you.cd both have adhd and sm form of truamtic innattentiveness. Both can be addressed in different ways, ofzen at the sametime.
Do you have support? Therapy, cpn etc? You might find the our childhood forums useful to deal w memories, napac forums are gd to and the wounded healer journal forums.
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Post by scatterbrain on Aug 6, 2014 20:15:32 GMT
Thanks everyone, I appreciate all your replies and support and the massive hug ,Petra(someone tell me how you tag someone).
I also feel I have no need to talk about my Childhood (Petra). I went through it all years ago with a psychotherapist and even then I felt it was too late. I had been on a waiting list so long (mid breakdown would have helped) and it all had to be dragged up again when it was no longer at the forefront of my mind. The thing is, I was getting into this state from time to time when I was on the anti depressants so I don't know whether they were working or not. I also read (somewhere on here) that SSRI's are one of the worst things to be put on with ADHD. I don't know what the better thing is???
Foggyboy, Friends just don't seem to get it and I can't talk to my family - that's why I'm looking for help on here! I went back to psych yesterday. He wasn't sure either whether the depression was depression or if it was down to needing a higher dose of Concerta. He opted for the latter which I took this morning but still feel pretty grim.
Blaze, I looked up DTD and yes it seems quite plausible although I'm not very focused at the moment and can't quite get my head round reading it and taking it in. I'm not dwelling on the past so don't really think it would do me any good to be looking at the other forums you suggested, but thanks anyway - I wish someone had suggested them 12 years ago.
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Post by petra on Aug 6, 2014 23:05:25 GMT
Let's hope the higher dose of Concerta works. But I'm sure I've read others on here are on mph plus antidepressants. I'm still waiting to begin mph, but my psych greatly ramped my antidepressant dosage up plus my mood stabiliser up before she felt ready to prescribe mph for me.
My personal opinion is that if past stuff has 'semi' been dealt with, and isn't at the forefront of your mind, it can do more harm than good dredging it all up again - I know everyone and what they need is different though. Some things are just best left in the past.
I don't think you can do anymore than what you're doing, but I feel sure in time, with the right approaches and medication you'll get to a much better and more acceptable place. It's just horrible in the process waiting to see what meds work and dealing with the side effects whilst going on/ coming off stuff. The key is to keep going and not to give up - which I know is easier said than done, but it's true x
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Post by scatterbrain on Aug 6, 2014 23:08:11 GMT
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chrispy
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 81
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Post by chrispy on Aug 7, 2014 7:45:53 GMT
scatterbrain, it is important you get checked out by an endocrinologist. Stimulants making you dizzy, bad experiences with antidepressants, feeling you are suffering from PTSD, it's all pointing to the possibility that you have a disease in your endocrine system. It is important that you do get checked out by a proper endocrinologist, because other doctors to not have the foggiest idea what they are doing when it come to your endocrine system, and if you do have a disease, going on stimulants may seem to help in the short term, but in the long term it is the worst thing you could possibly do.
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Post by scatterbrain on Aug 9, 2014 0:21:31 GMT
chrispy, thank you for your concern but I don't think I share it. OK, I don't know if the anti depressants were helping and I had bad experiences coming off them. 12 years ago my GP told me I had PTSD, so that just leaves the dizziness. The good news is that I have snapped out of the depression - I hope I haven't spoken too soon!
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chrispy
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 81
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Post by chrispy on Aug 9, 2014 9:07:29 GMT
Hi scatterbrain, that is fine, I totally understand. Glad your depression has lifted, hope you sort out the dizziness soon.
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