pazza98
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Post by pazza98 on Aug 5, 2014 11:39:33 GMT
Hi all, I'm very sad and frustrated. I was diagnosed some time ago and on medication which is helping a lot with work, but I'm struggling with my personal life.
My wife and I have had many many discussions about finances, me pulling my weight and making progress in my career. We've been married two years and are expecting our first child at Christmas, we've started renovating our house, but costs have spiralled out of control and I am to blame.
I'm very ashamed and want to make amends, make progress but I don't really know how, I've tried so many times and it always peters out, I need a coach or an independent third party to help keep me on track.
I'm at an all time low today.
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unohoncho
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Inattentive Clown waiting for an ECG and blood tests
Posts: 70
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Post by unohoncho on Aug 5, 2014 13:59:57 GMT
Sympathise with you Pazza, it's times like this when people tell you to 'pull yourself together' and you feel like punching them If the costs have spiralled with your renovation and you can't continue, you are going to have to halt the progress until a time when your finances are in a better condition and make the best of unfinished rooms as best you can - I've only recently been finishing projects that have taken 12 years to complete so know only too well what it's like living in a DIY hell. I hope you can get yours finished a lot quicker than I did... only reason mine are being finished is so I can sell my house to quash all my debts that I've ran up How supportive is your wife in all of this ? Have you spoke to your GP about you feeling low ?
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pazza98
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Post by pazza98 on Aug 6, 2014 12:51:38 GMT
when people tell you to 'pull yourself together' Hi, thanks for the feedback, encouragement and anecdote. Another example . . "Just do . . ." It's probably that simple, but overcoming the inertia of not just doing it means it isn't that easy. I think people who say just do it, should add something like "I / we know it's not that easy, but once started (just doing it) it'll be much easier"
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unohoncho
Member's posted somewhat
Inattentive Clown waiting for an ECG and blood tests
Posts: 70
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Post by unohoncho on Aug 6, 2014 13:09:22 GMT
My wife can't understand why I can't focus on tasks as simple as tidying up after myself, gets her quite uptight. We went to see a marriage counselor 2 year ago and she was getting quite angry with the counselor guy who was telling her to give me a break, and that in my case I wouldn't be changing at 40 years of age if I've been untidy all my life... so she needs to let go of things she cannot change about me. Sessions didn't help....
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Post by Jimbob on Aug 6, 2014 22:54:22 GMT
Hi
It sounds like you're under immense pressure. Obligations of a husband, a father to be and someone who should now be fixed on his new medication. Add in your huge sense of empathy and the weight of the world is now on your shoulders.
Start simplifying your life. Do things you love. Dispense with those you do not. Don't take on tasks you are not good at. Yes, this means admitting you might not be amazing at something.
If you work in Finance, resist the urge to do your own DIY. Just don't go there. Pay someone else. Every time. Can't justify the expense? Just envisage the trauma of investigating every possible option, not being able to decide, then time constraints dictating the most expensive option in an impossible timeframe... and it still not getting done.
Rome wasn't built in a day and you are effectively re-learning 'life' on that medication.
However, do whatever it takes to minimise her stress during pregnancy. There have been studies that suggest elevated cortisol could affect your child, subtly, well beyond the early years.
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