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Post by mypineappledream on Aug 17, 2014 8:41:41 GMT
Sooo, I accidently went on my first date. I really wanted to see guardians of the galaxy so I posted on Facebook and this guy who I knew two years ago answered, it got a little "date-like" but I wasn't sure. Then yesterday I went to a party, where some other people from two years ago also was, the guy was staring at me and the other guys were giggling so I knew right away that it had been a date.
Now the guy stayed in the background and didn't say much (which is kind of typical for him) while the other guys and I were "fake fighting" and grabbing each other (this is also normal)... Then the guy grabbed me and polled me in so he was standing behind me with his face snuggling my hair and started rubbing my body.
Now here's the thing, this is an awesome guy, really, but I've never had sex and I don't do well with intimacy at all so I just sorta walked away and he looked so sad. I don't know what to do now...
Do I just go the honest route and tell him I struggle with intimacy due to my Asperger’s?
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Post by danherts on Aug 17, 2014 9:09:33 GMT
By the sounds of it you both like each other, he feels rejected and you feel guilty about that and want him to know you like him?
I don't think you need to tell him specifically re aspergers if you don't want to just yet. If you are interested in him you could just tell him that and say you want to take things slowly.
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Post by Bee on Aug 17, 2014 11:26:50 GMT
Just be honest, tell him you like him but you're a bit awkward with intimacy.. (As long as you DO like him) I expect I'd have felt the same way! No one gets »that« close without some kind of mutual understanding of what's going on. If all you did was walk away he might have got off lightly - I probably would've thrown my elbow into his ribs. But dating is confusing. You have to pick up subtle signals, and read facial expressions and voice intonations. It's confusing for anyone. Much simpler to just sit down and say "oi. I like you but you confuse me. Do you like me or not?" And then you know where you are
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Post by shapes on Aug 17, 2014 15:55:20 GMT
Yes, be honest. You have nothing to lose.
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Endymion
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 34
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Post by Endymion on Aug 17, 2014 16:32:15 GMT
Definitely be honest. If he is a good catch then he will understand and do things at your pace and if not, then...
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Post by ryt on Aug 17, 2014 20:40:40 GMT
be honest with regard to your intentions... but not necessarily your life story
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justmrm
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 3
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Post by justmrm on Aug 17, 2014 22:31:33 GMT
I see the other side, maybe it's not a result of any particular condition, in that perhaps he was being over familiar with you.
You have the right to be you, if you don't feel comfortable with somebody touchy feely, then keep a comfortable distance but still engage with him for reassurance.
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Post by mypineappledream on Aug 18, 2014 10:39:13 GMT
Thank you all for your advice; it is very much appreciated because these things are difficult to explain to "real life people". I don't think he or any of the other people there would have categorised his touching as to much as I just before that had two guys and a girl squeeze my boobs. The different being that the three of them did it for fun/laughs, wasn't standing to close and never touched my back (which is my worst area). It is very difficult for me to read expressions, especially in this scenario because people usually never hit on me. He already knows about the Asperger’s and the adhd, but when I told him he just said that no one would be able to tell. Honesty is the way to go for sure, so I'll do that. Thanks again
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