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Post by arabianchiseler on Aug 30, 2014 9:54:44 GMT
Along with the inattentive ADHD, I've always had a heightened sensitivity and ability to notice things.
A good thing about this is I can read people better and am pretty good at reading body language and the emotions in the eyes.
A bad thing about this is I can read people better and am pretty good at reading body language and the emotions in the eyes.
So basically I am a sensitive guy. I accept this.
To explain better: I am a black man living in Birmingham in the Erdington/Boldmere area and working around New Oscott, Kingstanding /Sutton Coldfield area.
Here is the vent: I am 100% fed up of being treated like a criminal in the first instance by people (and by people i mean white people obviously) in the area whether im working, shopping, or just walking about.
I work for a retail company and because of my eye sensitivity to the bright retail lights i often find myself working outside. I can be wearing company colours and only i, not my colleagues will inspire the walk back to the car to re-check the locks.
I offer to help a lady pack her shopping and the first thing she does is clutch her handbag tighter to her. Not so for my white colleagues.
I have kids try to act tougher when they pass me by going into a fighting stance.
Old women crossing the road when they see me coming or getting that "deer in the headlights" look if they're forced to stay where they are to catch a bus.
The blatantly racist comments I've had said or shouted to me from moving cars in Sutton Coldfield means I virtually avoid that area as a matter of course. It's not just the older generations as well, the kids are equally shitty.
It's going stiff when i walk past, gripping your child's hand tighter so they grow up instinctively scared of dark skin, staring at me as I walk past a car whipping round as if they expect me to rush them.
It does my head in!
What can I do? Meds/therapy won't change my basic physiology . I know, I've tried.
I'm getting much better at boundaries but at weak, or tired moments it gets through. I think only Muslims are getting as bad or worse a deal right now.
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Post by arabianchiseler on Aug 30, 2014 10:11:14 GMT
For the most part though, it must be said that I am getting over it.
My talking about stuff is usually the first step to my getting over it. It means I am processing it and my super subconscious is coming up with solutions one way or the other .
I just spoke to my brother and he said that he experienced this stuff too but only when he lived up North, but then he never worked in Kingstanding (although he did caution me against going there a few years ago) :-P
It's not necessary for me to explain or clarify a vent i know, but as this can be such a decisive topic i thought it needed mentioning.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 12:06:21 GMT
Along with the inattentive ADHD, I've always had a heightened sensitivity and ability to notice things. A good thing about this is I can read people better and am pretty good at reading body language and the emotions in the eyes. A bad thing about this is I can read people better and am pretty good at reading body language and the emotions in the eyes. So basically I am a sensitive guy. I accept this. To explain better: I am a black man living in Birmingham in the Erdington/Boldmere area and working around New Oscott, Kingstanding /Sutton Coldfield area. Here is the vent: I am 100% fed up of being treated like a criminal in the first instance by people (and by people i mean white people obviously) in the area whether im working, shopping, or just walking about. I work for a retail company and because of my eye sensitivity to the bright retail lights i often find myself working outside. I can be wearing company colours and only i, not my colleagues will inspire the walk back to the car to re-check the locks. I offer to help a lady pack her shopping and the first thing she does is clutch her handbag tighter to her. Not so for my white colleagues. I have kids try to act tougher when they pass me by going into a fighting stance. Old women crossing the road when they see me coming or getting that "deer in the headlights" look if they're forced to stay where they are to catch a bus. The blatantly racist comments I've had said or shouted to me from moving cars in Sutton Coldfield means I virtually avoid that area as a matter of course. It's not just the older generations as well, the kids are equally shitty. It's going stiff when i walk past, gripping your child's hand tighter so they grow up instinctively scared of dark skin, staring at me as I walk past a car whipping round as if they expect me to rush them. It does my head in! What can I do? Meds/therapy won't change my basic physiology . I know, I've tried. I'm getting much better at boundaries but at weak, or tired moments it gets through. I think only Muslims are getting as bad or worse a deal right now. And you should be fed up with that crap this day and age. I can't say much more without getting angry because I've been through all that garbage myself in a different way - even set upon in my youth because of the woman I was with at the time. But there are people who reject any form of apartheid and I suppose it's to those we should find solace. Sometimes progress is a little too slow though.
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Post by shapes on Aug 30, 2014 21:01:02 GMT
That's a good account of real world racism.
I suppose you just have to value yourself and realise it's the other people's fault.
Or move somewhere else.
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Post by petra on Aug 31, 2014 8:14:14 GMT
I am so sorry you've had these experiences arabianchiseler. It's absolutely wrong and 100% unacceptable x
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2014 9:06:21 GMT
I don't think anyone ought to feel forced to live somewhere else, but this is: (1) Ingerlund and (2) Planet Earth. (1) is going more and more tabloid by the minute - and we ADHDers know all about that, and (2) is full to the brim of displaced and ghettoised Earth citizens re Gaza, West Bank, Jordan and other large areas of the Middle East, Ukraine, Australia, China/Tibet, swathes of Africa and Southern Africa etc, etc. But to take your point, I live in a mixed suburb of a large city because we (my wife and I) don't feel comfortable anywhere else! We made that choice early on after putting up with racist thugs trying to pummel our door down and set it alight in another part of the city some 20-odd years ago!!
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Post by astraka on Sept 7, 2014 10:34:04 GMT
My OH would completely sympathise with you. I'm completely dense to stuff like this but I know he has a really tough time
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Endymion
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Post by Endymion on Sept 7, 2014 12:27:19 GMT
Have you had any checks done in respect of Irlen Syndrome?
Noticed you mention problems with light exposure and so you might have Irlens. If you do have it and start wearing the correct tinted glasses etc, whilst it will not stop the stupidity and horrendous actions of the idiots you have mentioned, it may ease your stress levels?
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mrbuildy
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Post by mrbuildy on Sept 7, 2014 20:03:43 GMT
I think that even the existence of such instances of racism is a huge failing in people, the fact that lines are even drawn with regards to ethnicity is disgusting, it shouldn't even be an issue, seeing as normality of any kind, doesn't exist, people are like snowflakes (and some of them, very special) and it's embarrassing that it's around at all.
I hate giving out advice, because the very act of doing so (for me at least) feels like I'm trying to impart some form of greater knowledge, or experience. However I will say this, you're awesome, don't ever feel like you are the problem around these oxygen thieves, they are the ones with the problem, not you.
Or as Bernard Baruch would say "Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind."
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Post by arabianchiseler on Sept 14, 2014 20:54:18 GMT
Thank you for all of your replies :-) I am getting CBT on the NHS which is helping me to cope with my own and others thinking errors. As I deal with my own crap the stuff that others try to project onto me matters less and less. The stuff with the light may require corrective lenses, true, and I thank you Endymion for suggesting it. Another source that has been helpful is reading a copy of "The Flinch" by Julien Smith. It's a free eBook that I can recommend everyone here to read. His advice is helping me face my fears, although the CBT advice of keeping a regular thought diary is probably helping the most.
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Post by supine on Oct 10, 2014 21:23:12 GMT
We all have our prejudices in one form or another, it's just that most people are idiots and have their prejudices decided for them by TV and Tabloids. Personally, I can't stand idiots. Or arseholes. Or both, they usually go hand in hand. You sound like a decent person, so I guess you're ok
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 8:15:16 GMT
We all have our prejudices in one form or another, it's just that most people .... have their prejudices decided for them by TV and Tabloids. Oh yes. Spot on IMO And its those very same TV and tabloid reactionaries that form prejudiced opinions about mental health, AD(H)D, looks, talents and so on. Tell me why football is a multi-billion pound industry across the globe while mental health research struggles for meaningful funding? Is it because the sheep who follow their leaders are too frightened to one day learn they might just all be biological robots scared stiff of the real truth of what the brain (and its alleged cohort called consciousness) actually is? Our successors, if we get very far without destroying ourselves, will look back at us and really be ashamed of what our "leaders", "representatives" and social engineers charged with deciding right from wrong are currently doing. Rantness over. Have a good day all
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Post by supine on Oct 15, 2014 11:35:46 GMT
I think a lot of these people know very well that there is something else to all this existence malarky, but they just can't cope with it - they'd much rather worry about what they are going to wear on Friday night and what others might think of them if they weren't dressed like one of the herd.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 11:54:19 GMT
I think a lot of these people know very well that there is something else to all this existence malarky, but they just can't cope with it - they'd much rather worry about what they are going to wear on Friday night and what others might think of them if they weren't dressed like one of the herd. ...and then carry on with their prejudice on social media attacking individuals in order to feel part of that controlling herd? And then you get breakaway herds, but herds all the same, claiming that they are no longer part of the herd because of "Conspiracy A" and "Conspiracy B" but collude all the same to create their own Conspiracy C, which other sheep duly follow.... There's a survivalist network on YT telling us "how it really is" regarding ebola. Well, whatever! If it is a real life 28-Days-Later, then I'll just embrace my time. The thought of a new world created out of nothing in order to perpetuate....er....the NT herd, just fills me with dread!
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Post by astraka on Oct 15, 2014 15:27:13 GMT
I also worry about what I'm going to wear...
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