chantal
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Post by chantal on Sept 30, 2014 13:28:16 GMT
For last few days I have felt like im failing as a mother. my daughter is 14 and has been diagnosed with adhd for 2years now. we have the daily behaviour problems that have now seemed to escalate so bad. she smashing my house camhs only see her to do a check up, social services closed a case on her, my family don't help me. feeling very alone right now. Not sure how much more I can take of this.
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Post by annie on Sept 30, 2014 20:24:24 GMT
Hi Chantal
Sorry to hear things are so difficult for you - the teenage years can be a nightmare and even more so when your child has ADHD.
Managing emotions can be very difficult for young people with ADHD; they can go from 0 to 100 without you ever seeing it come along! Is your daughter getting any support in school? Unfortunately many young people with ADHD only get a medication service (the same applies for adults) without being offered any psychological interventions.In some areas the LA/Camhs provide parenting courses directly related to children with ADHD -parenting a child with ADHD requires far more skills than "normal" parenting. Ask Camhs if there are any Parent support groups in your area.
Not sure what else I can suggest other than to say keep badgering Camhs to offer more than just meds.
annie
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Post by tink on Oct 2, 2014 7:19:27 GMT
Hi Chantal,
I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time right now. It's really hard dealing with a teenager, esp one with ADHD... I have been where you are and I completely understand how difficult it is for you. My daughter did gradually grow out of the terrible teens, but I really didn't think I could cope at the time. It requires so much patience and, at the end of the day, we are only human and we are allowed to have our own meltdowns, tears etc...
It's awful for our kids as well... They want and need to be loved, but it can seem so hard when their behaviour is really appalling. I went through a stage of loving her, but really not liking her at all! I didn't berate myself for that though... My daughter is 21 now and still relies on me a lot, but at least she has grown up a lot. Although still frustrated and snappy sometimes.
You are not in any way a failure... You're coping the best you can. You're not alone here and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care of you.
Jane x
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Post by shiveringsky on Oct 2, 2014 12:59:35 GMT
Hey Chantal,
I cant imagine how frustrating and upsetting it is for you right now, but I do sympathise. Pushing against a brick wall and dealing with it still is no small achievement even when it feels like it is taking you backwards instead of forwards. I dont think I have much that is useful in terms of advice, not being a mother myself. But speaking as someone who had a very fraught relationship with her own Mum, in part due to not knowing why I was a bit of a temperamental maniac I can say without any doubt that you are not a failure. Not in any way, shape or form. The system certainly has elements of fail within it, but you are not the system. Just try, if you can, to go easier on yourself and give yourself time to process and compute. When it all comes down like a ton of bricks, be a friend to yourself and just remember that the hardships you and your daughter is going through are nobody's fault. Not yours. Not hers.
You will make it through this and in the meantime, vent away. We're here. x
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Post by supine on Oct 10, 2014 21:58:03 GMT
chantal - I am not a mother (never will be) and don't have kids. Also, my mother actually was a bit of a failure so I should probably keep my trap shut but.. have you thought of telling your daughter about this place? Logging on here under a pseudonym to vent her spleen and get advice from people who have been through what she has been through might be helpful. Of course, you may want to avoid telling her your pseudonym - perhaps you could end up chatting and being friends online without realising who each of you are? That sounds like a plot to a movie and probably fraught with peril so feel free to completely ignore it
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