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Post by Babble on Dec 10, 2014 13:12:52 GMT
Nice to have a place to rant about this sort of thing!
So, at first I thought it was just a bad day. Turns out, bad week. Bad month. Bad life.
Being overly dramatic there, but that's how I feel atm. I started working as an admin assistant at the end of August. At first it was fine - making mistakes here and there, getting confused occasionally - things easy to brush off as me being a newbie. But I'm over three months in now, and if anything I'm getting worse and I can tell my manger is getting pissed off. She's been really patient up 'til now - re-explaining how to do things when I go wrong - but in a way it makes me feel worse. I *know* how to do these things, and having someone feel they have to explain simple tasks to me is kinda demoralizing.
We're busy at the moment, and my day is basically a mess of phonecalls, math, problems and hotel bookings that make me feel like my head is going to explode. So I'm making stupid mistakes - adding things up wrong, doing things twice, getting names wrong, being told things and then forgetting the details mere seconds after hearing them. Its not only pissing my manager off, its pissing me off. Trying not to get negative on myself, but failing a bit right now.
I feel like a failure basically. An idiot. Useless. My emotions are all over the place, and its just... exhausting really.
I'm not officially diagnosed. I can't talk to my parents about it (told them about the anxiety years ago, and was told that I'm just 'nesh' aka weak/overly sensitive/soft - not particularly helpful). My friends don't understand, even if they try to be supportive. I'm not very good at being open about feeling like crap, 'cause in my family you put up and shut up.
So its all going down here. Where I can whine in relative anonymity.
I've started looking into support groups (virtually none in S. Wales - boo) and maybe counselling or something, but I'm not sure how to go about it while avoiding outright lying to my parents. I'm looking into self-help things too, but right now I'm just too knackered to think about it. My brain is officially giving up. And its only Wednesday.
Aaand that's all for today, because I need a cup of tea.
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Post by shiveringsky on Dec 10, 2014 14:39:17 GMT
Babble on, Babble! Vent away. Maybe having like minded folk for support will help. It certainly has for me. I feel much less alone than I did when I started on this journey. And massively less idiotic. (edit: Not cos you guys are all just as idiotic! Honestly!)
For what it's worth, I used to have a pretty awful relationship with my parents when it came to Mental Health. (Actually scratch that, when it came to a lot of things.) They blamed my friends for the way I was, not realsing that those strangelings I considered my companions were also all that kept me afloat, even though they didn't understand me either.
I ended up writing my folks a letter, explaining what was going on. Things I couldn't say without being cut off. And somehow, this, after years of back and forth and dismissal from them is what broke the ice and got them to stand behind me. They had a similar attitude about being soft "In my day nobody had depression. Nobody had time to be sad. They just got on with it. You need to buck up." That sort of thing. But here we are now and they've learned from me. Even so, I dont think they saw ADHD coming. I sure didnt.
Urgh... ok rambling now, the point is time changes things. We move with it. The frustration of now won't be forever. You can find your path. And whatever you do or don't do... you have the board of differently minded magic moos here to help or just listen. They're a clever lot to be honest. I'm rather in awe.
x
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Post by Foxtrot on Dec 10, 2014 19:48:00 GMT
Nice to have a place to rant about this sort of thing!
So, at first I thought it was just a bad day. Turns out, bad week. Bad month. Bad life.
Being overly dramatic there, but that's how I feel atm. I started working as an admin assistant at the end of August. At first it was fine - making mistakes here and there, getting confused occasionally - things easy to brush off as me being a newbie. But I'm over three months in now, and if anything I'm getting worse and I can tell my manger is getting pissed off. She's been really patient up 'til now - re-explaining how to do things when I go wrong - but in a way it makes me feel worse. I *know* how to do these things, and having someone feel they have to explain simple tasks to me is kinda demoralizing.
We're busy at the moment, and my day is basically a mess of phonecalls, math, problems and hotel bookings that make me feel like my head is going to explode. So I'm making stupid mistakes - adding things up wrong, doing things twice, getting names wrong, being told things and then forgetting the details mere seconds after hearing them. Its not only pissing my manager off, its pissing me off. Trying not to get negative on myself, but failing a bit right now.
I feel like a failure basically. An idiot. Useless. My emotions are all over the place, and its just... exhausting really.
I'm not officially diagnosed. I can't talk to my parents about it (told them about the anxiety years ago, and was told that I'm just 'nesh' aka weak/overly sensitive/soft - not particularly helpful). My friends don't understand, even if they try to be supportive. I'm not very good at being open about feeling like crap, 'cause in my family you put up and shut up.
So its all going down here. Where I can whine in relative anonymity.
I've started looking into support groups (virtually none in S. Wales - boo) and maybe counselling or something, but I'm not sure how to go about it while avoiding outright lying to my parents. I'm looking into self-help things too, but right now I'm just too knackered to think about it. My brain is officially giving up. And its only Wednesday.
Aaand that's all for today, because I need a cup of tea.
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Post by Foxtrot on Dec 10, 2014 19:59:12 GMT
You mentioned counselling but you're not sure how to arrange it. You can arrange counselling through your GP by making a GP appointment and explaining you'd like counselling, or many employers provide a free, confidential counselling service. You can check if your employer provides this and get the number to ring from your hr department. Counselling can be very helpful. They can help you identify what you are finding difficult and support you to put things in place that will hopefully help you. If you did decide to arrange counselling, it would be entirely up to you if you chose to tell your parents or manager.
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Post by Foxtrot on Dec 10, 2014 20:06:53 GMT
*meant to say, I don't know if your manager is aware you have ADHD. If they are, some employers would support you to attend counselling sessions during office hours as part of their commitment to providing reasonable adjustments. That won't be every employer though, and by saying this, I don't mean to suggest you should tell them if they don't know. That's very much a personal choice.
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Post by Babble on Dec 12, 2014 14:43:41 GMT
For what it's worth, I used to have a pretty awful relationship with my parents when it came to Mental Health. (Actually scratch that, when it came to a lot of things.) They blamed my friends for the way I was, not realsing that those strangelings I considered my companions were also all that kept me afloat, even though they didn't understand me either. I ended up writing my folks a letter, explaining what was going on. Things I couldn't say without being cut off. And somehow, this, after years of back and forth and dismissal from them is what broke the ice and got them to stand behind me. They had a similar attitude about being soft "In my day nobody had depression. Nobody had time to be sad. They just got on with it. You need to buck up." That sort of thing. But here we are now and they've learned from me. Even so, I dont think they saw ADHD coming. I sure didnt. Urgh... ok rambling now, the point is time changes things. We move with it. The frustration of now won't be forever. You can find your path. And whatever you do or don't do... you have the board of differently minded magic moos here to help or just listen. They're a clever lot to be honest. I'm rather in awe. x Thanks for the reply shiveringsky (ooh, it rhymed!) I have a pretty good relationship with my parents these days - didn't used to, mind you. I guess I'm a little scared of rocking the boat. I know what you mean about your friends - the 'rents are always commenting on how weird my friends are (lost count of how many times Mum has asked 'Can't you make some normal friends?'). It's difficult to explain to them that the odd cast of misfits who make me feel so at home keep me sane. I've thought about writing to them before, but it tends to happen that I get part way through writing and then rip it up in disgust. Something about putting everything down to be seen just makes me feel pathetic tbh lol. I should really do it though. Better than me blurting it out randomly, as I've nearly done several times. Thank you for sharing, and giving advice. It's given me something to think about
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Post by Babble on Dec 12, 2014 15:00:59 GMT
You mentioned counselling but you're not sure how to arrange it. You can arrange counselling through your GP by making a GP appointment and explaining you'd like counselling, or many employers provide a free, confidential counselling service. You can check if your employer provides this and get the number to ring from your hr department. Counselling can be very helpful. They can help you identify what you are finding difficult and support you to put things in place that will hopefully help you. If you did decide to arrange counselling, it would be entirely up to you if you chose to tell your parents or manager. Thanks for the advice Foxtrot Signing up to a local GP would be one of things I've not gotten round to doing (also, dentist... 3 years is nothing, right?). Might be worth it for the referral alone though My employer doesn't know about the whole ADHD thing (bit wary of discrimination tbh), and its quite a small company so there's no real support system in place. I'll definitely take your advice though - I think counselling would probably do me some good. I have trouble getting out of my own head sometimes. (does that sentence even make sense, what the hell) Thank you for your reply!
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Post by Foxtrot on Dec 12, 2014 17:07:56 GMT
I've been pondering the 'coming out' thing myself lately. For me, I don't feel compelled to tell my parents but on the other hand, it would be helpful to get their take on what I was like as a child etc. particularly because the only other person I can get a different perspective on my behaviours from, is my partner, who thinks the sun shines out of my backside...for some strange reason! Work wise, they have an obligation to help you manage things that cause you stress with or without a disability. You can ask them for help without the need to mention ADHD. Definitely consider registering with a GP though. Rule number one, look after yourself! X
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Post by DKL - darkknightslover on Dec 17, 2014 2:57:09 GMT
I'm so out I'm "camp"! My step mum (a counsellor) and Dad (a GP) generally hate "labels" and my step mum hates the fact I'm on medication. Growing to though she used to say exactly the same thing "why can't you make normal friends?". My reply? "normal kids don't like me". I was diagnosed two years ago. My Dad seems more accepting but I get the symptoms from his side of the family. My mum is an alcoholic smoker currently dying from cancer and didn't have custody of me growing up. I tell her about stuff and she seems positive but we're not exactly close. My sister I am 99.9% certain has adhd and worse than I do! But that's another story and she's not keen on the idea about looking into it.
Work wise again I've been very open. I now work in a healthcare environment and most people are really intrigued. I'm also training to be a health care professional, so for me it's important that any issues in having are pointed out so that I can work on them. I get support which helps immensely, but soon I'm starting CBT which will hopefully help as well. I want to get to a point where all I have to say is "I might do things quite differently from most people, but if you do see me doing something wrong or loosing track, please tell me right there and then."
Before working in healthcare I worked in laboratories and offices. I found having a laminated A4 sheet with a time table for myself and a standardised prioritisation system invaluable, as well as a "shift log" that I was initially forced to do as part of a special measures thing but worked so well I continued with. It was an excel spreadsheet that was my own design and evolved over time. I remembered to do it because I had to send it to my manager every day so adding accountability.
Now I use a filofax (I now have many...) and when in the hospital I use cheaper ones with thin covers so I can use mini bulldog clips to hold to do lists to the front. Frequently used info like phone numbers, dairy, hospital map and other bits - especially mini post-its (great for passing on info without interrupting a Convo or task and allows me to carry on with other things without waiting for a pause and feeling awkward about song so) . Not as effective as my old things because once in my pocket it's "out of sight out of mind " but I'm getting better at referring to it more.
Sent from my C6603 using proboards
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