gremico
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 32
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death
Dec 21, 2014 23:43:47 GMT
Post by gremico on Dec 21, 2014 23:43:47 GMT
I've recently nursed someone to their end. Wondering if anyone else has been there. Its weird, like I've discovered that there is nothing after, at all. I didn't really believe before but never felt the nothingness that I feel now. Is this usual with ADD?
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gremico
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 32
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death
Dec 22, 2014 0:05:31 GMT
Post by gremico on Dec 22, 2014 0:05:31 GMT
Oh here we go ADD moment, I googled what "A good death would be" and the district nurses didn't give it,more than a whole day after the doctor and I talked about it. I hate them for it. A nurse was there 45 mins before they died to pick up their diary (Id popped out for 5 mins at this moment) and still said theyd be back the next day.It was hell, the death rattle and all but being told that there was a tomorrow was the worst. I was on the phone to 111. I was boiling water to help breathing, why didn't they say .
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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death
Dec 22, 2014 0:25:13 GMT
Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2014 0:25:13 GMT
I have never gone though your experience but I didn't want to read and run without saying that I am so very sorry for your loss.
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gremico
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 32
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death
Dec 22, 2014 0:30:52 GMT
Post by gremico on Dec 22, 2014 0:30:52 GMT
Much appreciated pelargonium
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Post by contrarymary on Dec 22, 2014 8:42:15 GMT
hey gremico. I'm sorry for your loss and also for that pain of what might have been easier if you had been better supported and informed. i have had experience of being alongside a close family member in her long journey through cancer, which eventually led to what i think was a good death i think that being with someone when they die is hard. i can still remember every moment, and the things which nurses did which were intrusive or wrong were so painful; in a situation where details are magnified and everything matters, it was extra painful and took time to process and let go. i think too that when you have been with someone in their illness for a long time it feels strange that at that point they leave and you continue. even tho it had been expected it was still strange, altho it was not until after the Doing Time of the funeral that it really hit me hard. i'm still glad that i was there in all of that, and that i put the being alongside her at the centre of my life for that time. it has helped me to go deep and find a peace in it all. i hope that all that you did and were will help you too.
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mrsh
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 106
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Post by mrsh on Dec 23, 2014 18:43:57 GMT
Hi there, I was a carer for 10 years until I realised I couldn't cope anymore, but not for the reason of death and dying. It can be awful, some slip away peacefully and some don't. I believe if it wasn't for my experience as a carer my nan would have had an awful death. I made sure the nurses were giving her the right medication/support etc. I have witnessed an awful death I wouldn't wish on anyone. A lady who was in her 80s in pain like it was labour. I promised myself, this will never ever happen again when I am on shift, and it didn't. I think the only comfort I can give you is that you did everything you could, you didn't know what to expect, they didn't help you/support you like they should have done. That said, you were there for someone at the end of their life, this I feel is one of the most privileged things. You supported this person, cared enough to help as much as you could even though it was distressing. That was an amazing thing that a lot of people can't/won't do. I hope you can see that xx
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 23:55:26 GMT
I'm at a very awkward age - all granny generation rellies have gone and from my parent's generation only my mother is left, we got a bit unlucky with that generation, and my last fifteen years have been over-run with funerals.
Quite a number of my generation have gone under extraordinary circumstances (two on 'the table', one DVT, a brain tumour, a throat cancer and a pancreatic cancer). These days you don't really expect the under 60's to check out early.
I've not been a primary carer in any of these, though I am for my mother and I'm not doing well - I'm much better being a second string ie running errands, giving lifts, taking to appointments and standing in when the primary isn't available.
It's never the death that bothers me - it's the natural conclusion to a body in decline. What gets to me is the grinding decline and helplessness on both sides. Having your skeletal 49 yr old best mate, who has never had a day off work before, hold your hand and say something incoherent because the secondaries have taken hold and the morphine has stopped working, makes quite an impression on you.
Growing old sucks.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 30, 2014 14:06:06 GMT
I remember that empty feeling after looking after my nan on her deathbed... i can only describe it as weird too. it almost sucks a little life out of you helping someone else get there (not helping but you know what i mean). I recall with my nan she'd had a fall and it triggered renal failure ultimately. she was almost lifeless for a good 8 hours into the night. sat in the the hospital with my motionless mother (she was literally statuesque at the whole thing) cleaning up any mess and calling the priest etc (nan was VERY catholic with three nuns for sisters). the bit that got me was when the priest arrived - this lifeless little old lady almost became completely alert in bed and joined in with the prayers (albeit in a very weak manner) of her last rites. this threw me a little and kind of helped me cling to some vague hope that there is something beneficial in some kind of belief. mind wanders down that road all to often and when thoughts of possibility of any of my kids going first it gets all a little depressive. at the end of it all it springs back to making the most of now i guess though. sorry for your loss gremico.
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gremico
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 32
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death
Jan 13, 2015 0:36:33 GMT
Post by gremico on Jan 13, 2015 0:36:33 GMT
I have read all of these replies and don't mean to belittle them with a "Like" as each one had so much to say, thank you, your experiences help.Faith, though its a lovely fairy tale, doesn't help, though that's my opinion. wish i could believe in fairy tales!
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