cloud9
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Post by cloud9 on Jan 5, 2015 13:06:18 GMT
Apologies if this is something that has been discussed before but I'm struggling. He says school makes him depressed but the subjects he enjoys. At this point I just want to throw it out there and see if others have experience of this or even just a point of view to help me. I don't want to dismiss the idea out of hand as I remember clearly feeling this way myself and a lack of support and options led to unofficially leaving school at 15!
Head scratcher! Xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2015 16:42:04 GMT
What subjects and level of study is he proposing and who would be his home educator? Generally, post-16 education is quite a step up from GCSE level, and so it would be no mean feat for him to study alone or just from books/online resources. Also, are you still struggling yourself with chronic illness? How would that work for you?
I think I would start by trying to unpick what is currently behind his feelings of depression. Is he diagnosed and getting treatment? Are there other people who know him at school/health service who could help work out what is behind his struggles?
I don't think it is possible to give you advice based on what you have said so far but, depending on the underlying issues, but it could be that he might benefit from medical help/counselling/mentoring/extra educational support/maybe a change of scenery from school to further education college... or something else altogether.
It's great that you aren't dismissing his concerns out of hand, but if I were you I would take an exploratory approach to finding out what exactly is troubling him, rather than jumping into something as big as home educating without exploring the situation more first.
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Post by petra on Jan 5, 2015 18:40:03 GMT
I couldn't agree with @pelargonium more. I was home schooled for a little while - for me it was a disaster...I'd forgotten about that period of my life till now! I'd got zilch self discipline to get on with any work - I must have driven my mum nuts!! There is no way I could have home schooled my kids. My friend did, and very successfully, but then she doesn't have adhd!
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Post by JJ on Jan 6, 2015 13:30:15 GMT
Ive pm'd you with some potential local info / help
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cloud9
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Post by cloud9 on Jan 6, 2015 18:41:26 GMT
support/maybe a change of scenery from school to further education college... or something else altogether. It's great that you aren't dismissing his concerns out of hand, but if I were you I would take an exploratory approach to finding out what exactly is troubling him, rather than jumping into something as big as home educating without exploring the situation more first.[/quote] You are so right! Maths physics and music are the three he wants to continue with and I know I would be close to useless in all of those. He has an answer for all my reservations tho and has the look of a horse about to bolt if I push it. I can't get him an appointment with his sp nurse til the 30th but I might get him signed off by dr for a couple of weeks to take a breather, and as u say get to the bottom of things. I don't think it's anything specific tho, just had enough of the system and if I'm honest does not feel able to put the work in to catch up (but insists it will be different if he's left to get on with it in his own way!) as he has never disciplined or organised I do find it hard to believe but have to start to treat him like an adult if I want him to start behaving like one, and he's always been the sort to have to learn the hard way . I am setting up a meeting with the school to get work for him and see what they can suggest. I really hope he comes round. He's best of staying academia as he has a brilliant (I know I am biased) mind but isn't exactly a grafter (hard to admit but true). Maybe more of an adult education setting would be better. I won't be rushing into anything for sure. Just wondered about others thoughts/experiences to make a complete picture. Thank u tina
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Post by JJ on Jan 7, 2015 13:52:21 GMT
Just pm'd you again - with the local info
X
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2015 16:34:55 GMT
I'm curious as to how your son could self-study for A level Physics without having access to a laboratory for practical work? Or music without a teacher to provide a critique on practical work?
I don't think it is necessarily a good idea to get into argument with him though. I remember the misery of A levels myself, and being convinced my parents could never understand! Towards the end, I took myself off to the university library (in the old days when you didn't need a swipe card to enter) because I really struggled to settle down in a very noisy A level study area. I was also miserable to be failing and getting poor feedback for the first time in my life, at a time when my ability had helped me to get through GCSEs without proper study habits and focus. My struggles were 20+ years ago though and I was undiagnosed until recently. I would give my back teeth to go back in time and have the kinds of support that is available now. The thing is, it only gets harder when you avoid the difficulties. So many of us then crash and burn in our careers because we never learned to manage ourselves in school.
If at all possible, I would try to separate out your son's pleas from your own job as his mother. Let him have his say but remember that you are the parent and you have a right, in your own right, to look at all the options available.
The two weeks off school sounds like a good plan. It would also be a good idea for a GP to see your son on his own for at least part of the appointment, to explore any mental health issues that might benefit from treatment.
Just be clear with him that any time off sick is a breather and that you are on his side, but part of "being on his side" involves taking advice from people more experienced than you about the longer term. Ring ADISS or whatever help is available locally and look at all sides of the problem to see what possible solutions are out there.
As part of this, you could maybe ask your son to try to jot down a list for you of what is depressing him and what he thinks will be solved by leaving school. Sometimes writing it down (even though hard for an ADHDer) can identify issues that wouldn't otherwise come out in a stressed conversation. There may be things that are resolvable by another route.
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Post by mypineappledream on Feb 1, 2015 9:51:09 GMT
When I was 15-16 I would spend 1-2 days a week studying at home so my brain could rest from the busy school life. It was an agreement I had with my teacher, my parents didn't even know about it. We wouldn't decided on tasks before hand but goals and then I would show my teacher afterwards what I did to obtain my goals. It was kind of a lifesaver for me.
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