milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 6, 2015 13:55:29 GMT
Does no one, like, you know, just roll with the punches? The thought of meds really doesn't sit well with me at all. Am I thinking about it wrong?
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Post by JJ on Jan 6, 2015 17:33:47 GMT
There's no right or wrong way to think about it Some people don't get on so well with meds and some don't want to take them.... Aside from any reasons to do with aversion to changing your brain chemistry etc (which I assume is what you're thinking about?), I guess it also depends on how well you're coping with your life without medication .... I would say that the media's general representation of meds isn't accurate or balanced What doesn't sit well with you?
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 6, 2015 17:41:58 GMT
I'm really struggling to articulate my answer to your question. I understand your point about accurate representation in the media, or rather the lack-thereof, but it kind of feels like it would confirm what I've always suspected...that I'm not quite right in the 'ead. Fucking meds FFS. You know what I mean?
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Post by JJ on Jan 6, 2015 18:25:30 GMT
Yes I know exactly what you mean I'm assuming you've been diagnosed..... In which case, sorry to say, but you're not quite right in the 'ead On a serious note, if you've not long been diagnosed, then it does just take quite some time to properly come to terms with it. You wouldn't think so with the general lack of support available for this grieving / acceptance process, but reality is that it does for lots (most?) people. In which case, you don't need to make any decisions just yet if you're not ready. Are you coping ok at the moment? I think it can affect us differently at different times and stages of my life. I certainly feel more impaired now than I did 20 years ago - my life is different and I've got more responsibilities - that's the difference for me I think. I was impaired and a short history of my life clearly illustrates this, but I feel it more now... Maybe also because of the long term repercussions of the things I did / didn't do 20 years ago as a direct result of my adhd.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 6, 2015 18:52:06 GMT
I haven't been diagnosed but I do have my first doctor's appointment next week so the ball is rolling. I definitely have it, though, of that there can be no doubt.
How do I feel? Well I've "known" for about 18 months now, but I've only really started to understand just how far this thing stretches these last couple of months. Reading this forum has been mildly cathartic at times, but at other times it's just downright frightening if I'm honest. I'm just very aware of it in everything that I do at the moment, and I'm even more aware of the fact that I'm really aware of it, so that's loads of fun as I'm sure you can imagine. I went away a couple of years ago, before my grand realisation, in an effort to try and clear up the absolute mess that I felt my life was becoming. I decided to document my thoughts the whole time I was away, and I only dared to read back at what I'd written last night. Let me tell you it made for some very interesting reading (the parts that I could just about read through my fingers that is). I may post some of them it here at a later date to see how people relate. The thing is i've kind of isolated myself these last couple of years and I know the signs of wear and tear are showing, but amazingly enough I actually see myself as a mentally strong and largely positive individual overall so I never allow myself to get too down about things, as difficult as we all know that is for us.
Am I coping? I don't fucking know man. If never being able to stop thinking about what I'm going to do about it, and me, is coping, then yeah I'm definitely coping.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 6, 2015 18:56:52 GMT
I'm just a bit fed up I suppose, and feeling a little bit sorry for myself, but I won't let that last too long. I'm going far, far away in March for a couple of months. It's my gift to myself for enduring these last couple of years. I'm hoping It's going to give me an even bigger boost than the last one did as I understand so much more about myself these days.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 6, 2015 18:57:40 GMT
Sorry, one final thing... Is anyone else totally sick of the sound of their own whinging?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2015 22:06:31 GMT
Does no one, like, you know, just roll with the punches? The thought of meds really doesn't sit well with me at all. Am I thinking about it wrong? Here's another way I have a disorder. I see a specialist and they did a thorough examination and made out a prescription. The prescription was filled and I'm happy with the result - without it I wouldn't be able to do many things and would be nearly housebound. I'm talking about my glasses. Meds are a tool - if the prescription is right then it can change your life. I was sick of me. Meds will change your brain chemistry - but it's your brain that's causing the problem in the first place so as long as you don't damage it why not find out what it might be able to do. If I lived in a country where spectacles were unaffordable I'd be stumbling around - not being able to read, drive a car or watch TV. It would be a very different life - a poor one. As someone who takes meds I can stop taking them and return to my previous state within hours - it's like choosing to stop wearing glasses. It's a choice and most of the time I choose modern medicine and life is a lot better for it.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 0:37:14 GMT
I appreciate what you're saying but there's one glaring hole in your argument...glasses don't go in to your blood stream and fuck with you internally. They're not going to turn round to me in 20 years and say 'it's the glasses what done it'.
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Post by JJ on Jan 7, 2015 10:19:48 GMT
All evidence would say that the glaring hole is in your argument actually....
Meds do go into your bloodstream, but they don't f**k with you internally - they affect you of course, they're supposed to, but not in the negative way that expression confers.
And there isn't evidence of long term detrimental effects - 20 years or otherwise. They've been prescribed since the 1950's and, while there are many more shorter term studies than such long term ones, it's quite reassuring that so far, a drug on the international market for 6 decades hasn't so far caused evidence based scientific consensus opinion to conclude it f**ks anyone internally.
Evidence based consensus scientific opinion however, most definitely concludes that untreated adhd is overwhelmingly associated with a whole raft of significantly poorer life outcomes on virtually every measure and that stimulant medication improves these.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2015 11:21:23 GMT
I appreciate what you're saying but there's one glaring hole in your argument...glasses don't go in to your blood stream and fuck with you internally. They're not going to turn round to me in 20 years and say 'it's the glasses what done it'. Actually they have (but not in the bloodstream). They create a physical dependency so the more I wear them the more I need to, my eyes have permanently changed. They're worth it.
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Post by Babble on Jan 7, 2015 13:16:24 GMT
Bit late to this party, but I thought I'd boogie in anyway. I absolutely know where you're coming from. I've always been aware that there was something not quite right about me for over a decade - and I finally figured out 5 years ago that ADHD fit the bill rather well (confirmed, though not officially, by the shrink I was seeing at the time). So yeah, five years and I'm only just starting to come to terms with it. I've been toying with the idea of medication recently - about getting myself some professional help etc, and it all seems quite daunting. This might only be me, (and I'm thinking while I type so this is going to be a ramble and a half, sorry) but I think I don't like the idea of it because I hate the idea of being dependent on something. And I know, logically, that I wouldn't actually be dependent, and that I could stop any time I wanted, but the fact that I might feel that I need them simply to function... well it kind of pisses me off. It might also be something to do with admitting weakness or needing help (both things that I hate with a passion). Also, there's a difference between knowing/admitting that you need help and having actual real life proof to suggest to the whole world that you need it. The difference between thinking about getting a tattoo and actually getting a tattoo if that makes sense I also worry that it might change me. I may be screwy in the head, but I like who I am, and I don't want medication to make me any less nutty/weird/random. That said, I'm increasingly aware that I do need help. It's all well and good rolling with the punches (my tactic so far), but there's always a chance that one day you'll get knocked to the ground and need a helping hand to get back up again. The alternative would simply be to stay down, and that's something I want to avoid at all costs. On another note - I also wear glasses. But it took me a hell of a long time to admit that I needed them, and longer still to finally concede to wearing them full time. I'm stubborn as mule sometimes There's probably a link there to how I feel about medication/ an official diagnosis. This is all probably incredibly unhelpful and badly written, but I'm just coming off my lunch break at work so don't have time to re-write it. My main point anyway - I get where you're coming from, and I think you should just go with what you're comfortable with. There's no rule saying you have to take medication - I had CBT for my anxiety and it helped with my ADHD too - so you could just reserve that option for a later date if nothing else works for you.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 15:52:26 GMT
I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone. I should have qualified the 'glaring hole' sentence with 'from my current perspective'. I'm totally clueless around the facts surrounding meds, you'll have to pardon my ignorance. I wasn't stating my words as fact, just saying them out loud so I could try and give you a picture of the thoughts running through my head at this stage.
Babble you've really captured my thoughts perfectly with your post. That's exactly how I feel.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2015 16:07:52 GMT
I can't see anything offensive here - it's in the nature of ADHDers to be a bit 'robust' - the degree of honesty and openness on this forum is incredible. I'm not a fan of sugar coating or not speaking your mind. As yet we've not heard from the 'anti meds' brigade, their opinion is just as valid as anyone else's (except mine, obviously ). I'm very pro meds in that I think everyone should give them at least a go - sometimes I feel like a mother duck trying to entice the ducklings into water except I don't have the 'what the hell, I'll just push them in' option
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2015 17:46:04 GMT
Some people don't get on so well with meds and some don't want to take them.... Yup, that's me. My body simply rejects Big Pharma solutions and am currently embarking on the niacin, Vitamin B-complex and ascorbic acid route in high doses. Will let peeps know how I get on PS - I'm still a vegan and expect this to remain the case for ethical reasons. I use Vitamins B-12 and D-3 as supplements to help in this process
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 17:52:16 GMT
it's in the nature of ADHDers to be a bit 'robust' - the degree of honesty and openness on this forum is incredible. I'm not a fan of sugar coating or not speaking your mind. Amen! p.s. I should have mentioned I ditched glasses some years back because I didn't like what they were doing to my eyes
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Post by shiveringsky on Jan 7, 2015 18:12:51 GMT
milesaway, I see where you're coming from and you can totally try other options like CBT and such. When I was diagnosed last year I went through a myriad of thoughts from "Wooop! not actually an idiot just brain different." to being livid that I'd ever felt that way about myself at all. And I hate, hate, hated the idea of taking medication. I rarely even take a bloody aspirin if I have a headache (but to clarify here, I wont deny experimentation with other things. Drink for example.) Today I filled out my first prescription anyway. And even now I don't see it as a thing I will necessarily take forever. And yup, I am freaked the hell out about sticking amphetamines into my system, even if it is going to help my brain. But what scares me more is that I am 31, going round in circles and being held back by something I have zero control over. Something that wont just go away. I am smart, creative and wildly imaginative. I am far from egotistic believe me, but those three things I know I have. But I cannot track one thought to another. I cant link things together and I go from complete disinterest to whole obsession. Anyway I am rambling.... as usual. Getting back to the point, I dont think I will be on meds forever. I am seeing how it goes. And hoping to learn that I can do these things. That my brain is capable. With just a little assistance to aid my own efforts. Cos from what I'm told the meds wont make it better on their own. They're just training wheels for the brain. Yer still gonna need that attitude man. And you'd still be you. But then again... I not only wore glasses and contacts... I got my eyes lazered. So I'm a bleedin' renegade.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 18:24:03 GMT
milesaway, But what scares me more is that I am 31, going round in circles and being held back by something I have zero control over. Something that wont just go away. I am smart, creative and wildly imaginative. I am far from egotistic believe me, but those three things I know I have. But I cannot track one thought to another. I cant link things together and I go from complete disinterest to whole obsession. Bloody hell this place can be a little overwhelming at times. Can everybody just stop being me!
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 18:25:41 GMT
Shiveringsky, I would be very interested to hear how you get along in the next few weeks. Good luck.
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Post by shiveringsky on Jan 7, 2015 19:24:35 GMT
Haha. And now you know the truth! We're all in your mind, buzzing away like fairy-chainsaws. But yes, I will report back how it goes. Otherwise I might forget myself. <---(I just like this guy. He seems like he knows his business.)
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Post by skycaptain on Jan 7, 2015 19:55:08 GMT
milesaway you sound far too much like me lately... Especially the whole knowing what's going on and being overly conscious of it now that I'm aware of AADD. Kinda like there being a party going on and you're the last to be invited but actually having been there this whole time without realising...
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Post by blaze on Jan 7, 2015 20:12:04 GMT
I stopped wearing glasses yrs back for the sane reason, and noe have perfect sight! Theres no one size fits all answer. you jst have to figure out what suits you, and possibley what suits you at different times in your life. quote author=" milesaway" source="/post/85981/thread" timestamp="1420653136"] it's in the nature of ADHDers to be a bit 'robust' - the degree of honesty and openness on this forum is incredible. I'm not a fan of sugar coating or not speaking your mind. Amen! p.s. I should have mentioned I ditched glasses some years back because I didn't like what they were doing to my eyes [/quote]
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2015 20:52:32 GMT
I was averse to the idea of meds at first, but I am in my second month of trying them and I am pleased I started. My emphasis now has shifted towards now wanting to ensure that, since I am taking meds, I want to find the best molecule and optimum dosage so that the effects are as smooth as possible. I was also very worried that on meds I would "no longer be me" but I am not finding that to be the case at all. I don't actually "feel" different at all, now that the mild side effects have ceased. I am just aware at the end of a good day that I have achieved a bit more than I would normally achieve. I am not "there" yet in terms of having found the right drug/right dose. so far there haven't been many "good days" at the dose I am on but, when I do notice an effect, it is more that I will look up from a project that I intended to do and realise that more time has passed than I thought because I am being productive, rather than because I have wasted the time. At this stage, I want to continue on the drugs journey and see if I can have more of those productive experiences. I am using self-CBT and various apps alongside the meds, but when I was using these alone, during my year on the waiting list, I didn't get as far as I have now that I have started on the meds. I don't know if I will use the meds forever but, now that I have started, I am much less worried than I was before I started. Taking the first pill was the biggest hurdle - I was terrified of what would happen! The result was: nothing much at all. Quite a let down until I titrated up the dose.
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Post by JJ on Jan 7, 2015 20:55:05 GMT
For the record, I wasn't remotely offended either And all the feelings you've described, were what I experienced too. The only difference for me was that I was desperate for something to make my life better and more manageable, so I didn't question taking them at all. My same fears about being on medication forever came after they started working and I realised just how much difference they actually made - in areas I'd not even realised I was impaired or different. It was the realisation at just how disabled I'd actually been and how I never ever wanted to go back to a non-meds life again - a temporary facsimile of NT-ness is so much easier. And I remember well being really scared at the forever dependant on a tablet feeling - it was horrible. And it took a long time to accept. Fwiw, I too had prescribed glasses in their new case on the side for months before I actually got my head round things and accepted life was a lot easier if I actually put them on and used them I am curious though about one thing milesaway - well not so much curious because our emotions are, by definition not logical - but I wanted to ask you what you thought about this : You said in a previous post that you've been a heavy cannabis user since age 15 - which means you've put nicotine and cannabis in your bloodstream for years....both of which are v common brain self-medication for ADHDers - the former for sure f**ks with you internally and the latter has some definite question marks over it..... Long term smokers are properly dependant on nicotine, in the proper scariest sense of the word, and it sounds like you're also somewhat psychologically dependant on cannabis. How does thinking about that compare with your thoughts on adhd meds? Don't worry if you can't answer - like I said, logic doesn't come into emotional gut reactions and us ADHDers aren't known for our measured emotions and reactions at the best of times
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Post by JJ on Jan 7, 2015 21:06:04 GMT
As an aside @pelargonium, I'd recommend you look at www.addcrusher.com. You can buy a set of self help online stuff (which I have and highly recommend) but, if that's too expensive ATM, at least look at the website, read his blog and look up his stuff on You Tube / twitter feed. (He's an adhd'er too btw, so knows exactly what he's talking about) In my opinion, you can get the most effective benefit from this kind of stuff if you do it at the outset and this one ticks all the boxes IMO. I'm just getting my head round being able to follow all his instructions and advice and it totally makes sense and definitely helps. In fact, this is useful for anyone to help with tips and strategies to 'crush' their adhd. It's easier to doing meds, but only cos they give you some tools to work with, it's still the same instruction manual. I think I was emailed a discount code for the full set of recordings - 10% off I think - I'll have a look if anyone's interested.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 21:53:46 GMT
JJ...where to begin? Well, by this stage I'm guessing I no longer to make apologies for the random way in which I articulate my thoughts, so here goes;
Let me kick things off by saying I know I am not addicted to neither cannabis nor cigarettes, and could probably give them up tomorrow (he says half way in to his 2nd joint of the night). How do I know this? Because when things are great and I'm with someone I really love I don't even think about it. I don't mean a partner btw, I mean someone whose company I adore. Not only that but it's the way I smoke as well. I drain a cigarette in about 5 pulls (honestly it's insane), when it's bad and I'm smoking spliff after spliff, I don't think it's because I'm trying to get more stoned, more that I want to feel that hit in the back of my lungs (the non-smokers amongst you will find that repulsive, as do I). I know that must sound crazy, and I've no idea why it works like that, but I really think it holds a lot of truth.
Secondly, I've been shit scared of what it will mean if I suddenly cut all that out of my life, and what I'll do to replace it. Obviously now that I understand more about why I have these crazy trains of thought I need to really think long and hard about exactly it is I want to 'make right' about myself.
And the of course...it's just fucking easier this way, man. Instead of spending the whole day thinking 'I'm not going to smoke tonight, I'm not going to smoke tonight, I'm not goi...' repeat ad nauseum, over and over in my head, I just smoke the fucking spliff and do whatever the fuck it is I have to do with a quieter mind. It's kind of like I say to myself 'well if you're going to be a fucking pot-head then you'd better be one that gets shit done'.
Then there's the ritual that is skinning up. I just fucking love it from start to finish.
I no it needs to go. I've always known it's needed to go.
Please feel free to quiz me on any part of what I've written, I'm sure I've explained it terribly. I had to freestyle the whole thing and not look back, otherwise we'd have been here all night.
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milesaway
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Post by milesaway on Jan 7, 2015 22:00:28 GMT
p.s. I don't ever really smoke cigs unless I'm drinking, at which point I smoke like a bastard. I've never really smoked at work. I remember that people used to come in to my office smelling dastardly and it really put me off to think people might have felt like that if I'd stepped in to their office smelling like a burnt pot of fetid shite.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2015 23:52:07 GMT
Bloody hell this place can be a little overwhelming at times. Can everybody just stop being me! No we can't! Welcome to ADDville UK
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Post by blaze on Jan 8, 2015 7:02:30 GMT
Jst for the record lots of people with addictions to cigs/canabis (among others) can stop suddenly when they want, thats not a sign of no addiction, its not returning to it that shows they arnt addicted. No disrespect.
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Post by carly31 on Jan 8, 2015 16:55:09 GMT
I don't take medication. It just feels wrong for me. I know a lot of people who do take them and find them very helpful. I also know a lot of people who get anxiety from the medication. I guess it's about finding the right way for you. Sometimes I feel amazing sometimes I feel awful. Some people say their 'amazing' times are dulled from medication but they feel more stable. I often wonder whether I should at least try medication but I'm determined that there must be a way to manage without. I guess I just want to be accepted for who I am. I also wonder whether there is some psychological factors to developing ADHD such as attachment disorder. I want to find all the answers before trying medication.
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