anjie
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Post by anjie on Jan 6, 2015 20:10:44 GMT
Emotions are incredibly frustrating. I feel things so strongly sometimes that I feel utterly paralysed by them. I'm trying to be more mindful about them now I realise that I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion or over think, but it's so hard to cool off or cheer up sometimes.
i can get really angry in a flash over small things and hate having the unused adrenaline in my system. I'm really trying to step back and realise I'm being silly, and though I'm getting better at calming down faster I still find I'm all tensed up and shaking over small indiscretions.
I used to embarrass my parents frequently as a child for voicing my anger or opinions at people when I thought they were in the wrong ( once got applauded on a train for having a go at buisness men for not moving their laptops from chairs to make space for mothers and children, which was satisfying).
Also what's annoying is that now I have my diagnosis people seem to think it's an instant cure or make believe. Like hey why are you so angry you know it's just your adhd, forgetting the fact it doesn't stop me feeling something intensely or not believing that I can't help being so upset, paranoid or anxious because of adhd and that I should just cheer the fuck up.
Having the the diagnosis helps me be more mindful but It doesn't help In the exact moment, only if I can grab a handle on it quickly and not lock on to the emotion.
My vent is rather aimless sorry.
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Post by JJ on Jan 7, 2015 10:32:52 GMT
Don't apologise - venting isn't supposed to have an aim The emotional side is very difficult.....medication made a huge difference to this in me - even now, if I don't take my meds, I'm amazed at how sharp my emotions are without and how exhausting it is to feel everything so much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2015 11:28:53 GMT
My vent is rather aimless sorry. Not at all - the point is that you've let it out. I used to frequent a car forum where we used to informally mark rants and give bonus points for incoherence (needs less structure, could actually work out what you meant etc)
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 7, 2015 23:04:27 GMT
i have also struggled with emotions for years, sometimes having no idea how i was feeling and at others being utterly overpowered by emotions. recently i was exploring a meditation site and came across a guided meditation exercise about becoming aware of emotions and learning to understand, recognise and manage them.... i'd be happy to post a link if you like. and i agree with t'others - venting is all about letting it out. no structure or substance is necessary, tho actually i found your post remarkably easy to follow
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anjie
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Post by anjie on Jan 8, 2015 10:37:23 GMT
recently i was exploring a meditation site and came across a guided meditation exercise about becoming aware of emotions and learning to understand, recognise and manage them.... i'd be happy to post a link if you like That would be great if you could contrarymary, thank you I do find it much easier to At least understand why I get so worked up now and can now explain or warn others if I think I have or will be reacting oddly at times to situations, now I have my diagnosis. I wish I had had it much sooner. Whilst doing my BA in illustration I almost dropped out and lost a close friend and alienate possible friends, as I would get so locked on and depressed, exhausted and confused because I couldn't understand why I couldn't just do simple things or feel happy. I lost control of my work, my interests and lived in chaos ( my flat mates played hide and seek in there once because you could hide within my hoarding easily and not be seen ). I went to uni therapy and NHS therapy which did nothing to help. At the time I couldn't see that it wasn't my depression stopping me working it was my problems with focusing and getting things done and feeling driven to do something and be somewhere that I couldn't explain that was making me depressed. I couldn't explain why I couldn't do my work on time or if at all even though j really wanted to or tried to but get so easily distracted in research and ideas. When i came home my mum would be hurt and baffled by my need to be somewhere. She couldn't understand when I told her that it felt like my insides where tensed like a spring and I had to be somewhere anywhere but where I was. That it physically felt like I was being pushed yet held in place. I failed my first teaching practice because I couldn't do just one task at a time, found it took me hours to do one lesson plan instead of an hour, that I couldn't track time passing, handle the anxiety that made my hair break and fall out. Though it didn't help I had an awful mentor who basically told me and her class that she was invisible ans not to talk to her. ( the university did deal with that when I told them after my practice and invited me along to mentor training so that I could tell mentors what not to do, which I really appreciated). It was my second placement where my new mentor refered me to get dyspraxia and ADHD diagnosis. She said at first she thought I was lazy then realised I was working incredibly hard to just do everyday tasks but somehow not get there or loose direction, for example I had to do a mind map on our class topic food and she gave me time to go off and do it. I came back with a list of all the beehive keepers and how we could make one or hey wouldn't a bug hotel be great? Etc etc All of which yes had started with food but not actually stayed on topic or was on how we could teach it that term. The school I was placed in to teach that time where incredibly lovely and understanding and let me pause my placement whilst I got diagnosed and let me come back with a younger class where being unable to concentrate for long lengths is a bonus as nor can 3-5 yr olds. With that age being able to think of many things at a time is brilliant as thats often how they are, wanting to know about what ever fascinates them. I got to bring in my creativity and everything is fast paced and demanding so my mind doesn't wonder off so easily. And I passed my teaching degree with high grades when I could put an explaination to my actions and see where I needed support and my pitfalls. Funnily it took going back into the education system for my difficulties to recognised as they went undiagnosed as a child. I don't think ADHD was something teachers knew to look for or all the traits besides "hyper little boys" back then and once you're in secondary teachers have too many students and little contact time with the individual to spot it. To a secondary teachers there's nothing new about depressed or manic teens who daydream their lessons/ do their homework During them and revise for exams an hour before. The traits get lost amongst the others and unless your failing then they aren't apparent. ( I have a supportive mum who sat with me and kept me on task, rearranged my essays into the correct order, dealing with the panic or manic moments.) and this seems to be a simple history vent. But not angry this time so that's good
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 8, 2015 15:15:42 GMT
ecce: one guided meditation exercise halfway down this page, in both text and audio BTW it's a buddhist meditation site but v accessible and not proselytising in any way; as a non-buddhist i felt v comfortable with it. and thank you again to @pelargonium for putting me on to the resource - i'm Hugely Grateful
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2015 15:44:48 GMT
Glad it is helpful! I went on a mindfulness based stress reduction course while I was going through a really bad time. Some weeks I was very overcome with emotions and unable to focus on the meditation at all. At those times, the teacher encouraged me to try to connect with where in the body I was feeling physical symptoms, so I could connect up how my body feels when my mind is in turmoil. After practising for a while, the practice of noticing my bodily sensations on the meditation mat, started to carry over into general life and I started noticing the early signs of stress, instead of ignoring them until I spilled over. E.g., I tend to feel tension high in my chest, which, if unchecked, turns into a knotted feeling in my tummy that is my point of no return and can last days. If I catch that tense chest feeling early, and name it, by saying to myself 'I'm feeling stressed', it causes me (on good days!) to take some action to de-stress, go for a walk, whatever, and helps me to ward off an internal meltdown. I think Jon Kabat Zin has described this process as 'developing an internal barometer', because it is a process of becoming sensitive to external changes that are impacting on your emotional 'weather', so to speak, allowing you more choice in how to respond to your early stress signals. Also the Mindfulness teacher advised me to take notice of what thoughts are coming to mind at the times when focusing on the breath seems impossible. Again, it took a while to get into the meditation practice but I do find from time to time that when I start feeling overwhelmed but don't know quite why, the answers come to me on the mat. Because while it is hard to work out what I am feeling, or why I am feeling it in the heat of the moment, those things that preoccupy us the most, very often come to mind to trouble us precisely when we try NOT thinking about them, during meditation. Can't focus on counting the breath? What thoughts are intruding? Yep - THAT relationship issue, THOSE unpaid bills..... they may have been stressing me unwittingly for days but they come to mind as soon as I try to get a deliberate space from them! I really recommend the Mindfulness courses to anyone struggling with emotional issues. With the caveat that you do need a good practitioner, so it is worth researching and checking feedback from previous class members. I went to a shocking "Mindlessness" course, courtesy of my local mental health team, before I found my way to a proper course that follows the original 8-week programme, led by someone who actually practices meditation and knows what he is talking about. Thanks contrarymary for bringing me into the conversation. I am by no means there yet with a regular practice and I need to get back into the 28-day programme I started and then trailed away from.....
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