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Post by skycaptain on Jan 15, 2015 23:04:35 GMT
I feel I should have one of these. At this point I am 98% certain I have a form of adhd/add and perhaps a little suspicious of possibly having aspergers as well. I want to use this thread as a place to get my thoughts out and create a log of what's happening and where I'm at.
This is my journey to the sky. The sky being my happy place where I am successful in my own meaning.
So as you can tell, I'm not diagnosed with anything yet. I spoke to my GP about it (the adhd at least) and they referred me on 15th December last year so I'm currently awaiting some form of correspondence from Malham House. While I wait, I battle with my inner demons in order to find a level of acceptable peace within me. Today I feel more like myself, hopefully it means I'm getting past the whole shock of looking at my life wrong all these years.
Onward we march.
I was going to write more, but I've been writing this all day, and now most of the momentum has fizzled :/ and i can't be arsed!
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Post by skycaptain on Jan 30, 2015 16:03:21 GMT
A recapp since i'm starting to get responces to my recent requests I sent out over the christmas period. First up is Malham house. Ok, so it's more my fault as to why it's took so long to find out how long the waiting list for these guys is. I finally called them today after a boost in productivity when I found yself checking into the O2 shop to enquire about how to claim on my insurance (that in itself has took about two months to get around to.) Well, anyways Malham house have confirmed it's a 6 month wait -_- that might kill me... Oh well, at least there's only 5 more months to go! >_< I received an email today from the ADHD support group in West Yorkshire! (I only emailed them about three times lol) I just need to amend my shift at work next week to see if i can go as the group starts at 7:30 and i finish at 7pm next week. It takes me a good 1 and half hrs to get home from work and the support group is in the opposite direction Hopefully, someone will swap my shift with me and I can go! Excited and bricking it at the same time. Social events scare the crap out of me, but I want to go. I want to meet people face to face who are in a similar or have been in a similar situation to me. You never know, I might even make a friend out of it. I've lived here for 2 and a half years and the only friend i have is my bf who i live with. And last but not least, I requested to have my hours dropped at work from 37 to 30 to help me 1, organise my life better on a set shift and 2, manage my stress better by not having to work such stupidly long hours and long weeks. dropping my hours down by 7hrs a week doesnt sound much, but the way my shifts are at work right now are a nightmare! They're horrible! A mixture of 9hr days 5 days a week and 5-6hr days 5 days a week with a 6-8hr saturday (thats a 6 day week!) and especially with the travel time i put in too with work being in the next city approx 4hrs a day are spent travelling to and from work. It's exhausting me. But anyways, I gave them that request before christmas and today it was agreed that i can drop my hours! I'm well happy! back to standard 5 day weeks working 6hr shifts! Oh my days, that would releif so much stress! They finalise it on Monday and they should start in about two weeks! XD So all in all, today has been a good day. I'm more than ever convinced i'm aspie too. The more i read up about it, the more I remember how i was when i was a kid and how i am now with people, social situations, changes and dealing with things in general... the jigsaw puzzle fits. But i'm deciding to keep this to myself for now. I dont believe there's any point discussing it with my GP since i already have the ADHD referral in process. But it's something i hope to bring up when i finally do get my appt with them for diagnosis. I say that now, but i will probs chicken out or completely forget, or want to say it and feel like i cant fit it into conversation anywhere... But that's... a long time in the future Plenty of time to mul it over and think about it. I also want to note that I have bought myself a notebook (no idea why... i have dozens of unused ones just laying around my room, but hey ho, whats another new notebook, eh?) and i've started using it to keep track of my to-do list. It goes everywhere in my bag with me. I dont look at it as often as i'd like, i forget it's there. Or I always think of something to put in it that i need to do when it's impossible to get to it, so then i forget to write in it. But the main thing is it IS being used, even if just slightly, and it DOES help! I also have a diary that i'm trying to make use of too! We'll see how long that lasts... I give it until end of feb lol
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Post by JJ on Jan 30, 2015 16:56:40 GMT
As ASD and adhd are so commonly comorbid, any proper adhd assessment should screen you for ASD too as a matter of course. So no need to tell your GP and no need to work up the courage / worry about forgetting in your adhd assessment
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 30, 2015 19:45:31 GMT
sounds like a really good day skycaptain whoop whoop re the work hours, and great to know how long you will be waiting for assessment there's nothing like a new notebook - there are one or two threads on adhders and stationery, esp notebooks. i think you'll find you are not alone
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Post by Bee on Jan 31, 2015 1:30:45 GMT
Bloody love a new notebook! Good work Sir! - not just on the notebook, the whole post XxBeexX
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Post by skycaptain on Jan 31, 2015 8:47:43 GMT
As ASD and adhd are so commonly comorbid, any proper adhd assessment should screen you for ASD too as a matter of course. So no need to tell your GP and no need to work up the courage / worry about forgetting in your adhd assessment Ah! That's good news! It's something I sort of hoped they would do It's good to know I'm not the only notebook hoarder! And good to know it's a 'stationary' thing too! No lone, homeless pen goes without notice when I'm around Lol
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Post by Foxtrot on Feb 9, 2015 17:28:29 GMT
Hi sky captain,
I posted my own journal today as a record of my experience getting diagnosed. You may recall, you were the first person to welcome me to the forum in my introduction? It feels like we're in the same class at school, going through the same experience at the same time! (Even though school is some years behind me now). Keep the updates coming, I enjoy reading them.
I also bought a notebook today and one of those plastic wallets with compartments inside. To be honest though, they'll probably just gather dust. My preferred tool for staying organised is definitely the to do list and calendar in my phone because I am guaranteed to look at it every day and it has an alarm.
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spotlessmind
Member's not posted much yet
REGRESSION AT ITS BEST!
Posts: 8
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Post by spotlessmind on Feb 12, 2015 13:25:08 GMT
A recapp since i'm starting to get responces to my recent requests I sent out over the christmas period. First up is Malham house. Ok, so it's more my fault as to why it's took so long to find out how long the waiting list for these guys is. I finally called them today after a boost in productivity when I found yself checking into the O2 shop to enquire about how to claim on my insurance (that in itself has took about two months to get around to.) Well, anyways Malham house have confirmed it's a 6 month wait -_- that might kill me... Oh well, at least there's only 5 more months to go! >_< I received an email today from the ADHD support group in West Yorkshire! (I only emailed them about three times lol) I just need to amend my shift at work next week to see if i can go as the group starts at 7:30 and i finish at 7pm next week. It takes me a good 1 and half hrs to get home from work and the support group is in the opposite direction Hopefully, someone will swap my shift with me and I can go! Excited and bricking it at the same time. Social events scare the crap out of me, but I want to go. I want to meet people face to face who are in a similar or have been in a similar situation to me. You never know, I might even make a friend out of it. I've lived here for 2 and a half years and the only friend i have is my bf who i live with. And last but not least, I requested to have my hours dropped at work from 37 to 30 to help me 1, organise my life better on a set shift and 2, manage my stress better by not having to work such stupidly long hours and long weeks. dropping my hours down by 7hrs a week doesnt sound much, but the way my shifts are at work right now are a nightmare! They're horrible! A mixture of 9hr days 5 days a week and 5-6hr days 5 days a week with a 6-8hr saturday (thats a 6 day week!) and especially with the travel time i put in too with work being in the next city approx 4hrs a day are spent travelling to and from work. It's exhausting me. But anyways, I gave them that request before christmas and today it was agreed that i can drop my hours! I'm well happy! back to standard 5 day weeks working 6hr shifts! Oh my days, that would releif so much stress! They finalise it on Monday and they should start in about two weeks! XD So all in all, today has been a good day. I'm more than ever convinced i'm aspie too. The more i read up about it, the more I remember how i was when i was a kid and how i am now with people, social situations, changes and dealing with things in general... the jigsaw puzzle fits. But i'm deciding to keep this to myself for now. I dont believe there's any point discussing it with my GP since i already have the ADHD referral in process. But it's something i hope to bring up when i finally do get my appt with them for diagnosis. I say that now, but i will probs chicken out or completely forget, or want to say it and feel like i cant fit it into conversation anywhere... But that's... a long time in the future Plenty of time to mul it over and think about it. I also want to note that I have bought myself a notebook (no idea why... i have dozens of unused ones just laying around my room, but hey ho, whats another new notebook, eh?) and i've started using it to keep track of my to-do list. It goes everywhere in my bag with me. I dont look at it as often as i'd like, i forget it's there. Or I always think of something to put in it that i need to do when it's impossible to get to it, so then i forget to write in it. But the main thing is it IS being used, even if just slightly, and it DOES help! I also have a diary that i'm trying to make use of too! We'll see how long that lasts... I give it until end of feb lol Did you attend the support group? How was it? Where are you based? If you don't mind me axing
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Post by skycaptain on Feb 14, 2015 16:25:13 GMT
Almost forgot about this. Yes I went to the support group and I really enjoyed it besides the group ororganisers, I was the only one who went though lol but that's a good thing, if it was loads of people, I think I would have panicked! I'm in West Yorkshire btw. Every so often I remember all the awesome stuff I'd like to do with my life. And when I realise I've not done it, and realise what a massive struggle it is to obtain such dreams and goals, it gives me an unhappy Maybe one day... I'll get to taste what it's like to fulfill a dream. That day is not today :/
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Post by contrarymary on Feb 14, 2015 22:57:39 GMT
glad you went skycaptain bite-size bits, bite size steps, add up. i read a thing t'other day about it being helpful for adhers to set goals in a much shorter time frame than the usual this year/next year/five years stuff (eek). instead it's supposed to help to set goals for six weeks max - tho i think i'm going to do 4 weeks, cos i plan my life in 4 week chunks. and break BIG Goals up into the step (or two) that needs to happen in this 4-6 week chunk. then the next step for the next chunk and so on. that way, over the course of a year you can make real progress, rather than having a list and expecting that somehow we're going to be able to do it all in one step, so it never happens. (I think we're missing a bit of brain that explains about things like steps, consistent application etc. seriously) the great thing about progress is - if you keep track of it! - you can see how far you've come and actually get things done becos you realise you are making a difference. otherwise it feels as tho we never get anywhere becos we're always moving the goalposts and thinking this is the only place we've ever been and we've still got So Much to do..
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Post by skycaptain on Feb 15, 2015 1:22:45 GMT
It doesn't help that I also set myself expensive goals lol What I've always wanted, and what I always dream of doing is racing. More so stock car racing. Except, I can't drive. And every so often I get this massive desire to need to do it. And I can sit on my arse on the bus as long as I like and be filled with confidence that tomorrow I'll just go out do everything that's required and it'll be the best day of my life. NO. Let's zoom back to reality here. It's not going to happen. Why? I can't drive for one. Why cant I drive? because I can't afford the lessons. Wait, hold on a minute. What do I mean, can't afford the lessons? I'm in a well paid job. Ok, it's not fantastic, but for a low skill job, I get paid quite well. And I do this almost every month. Where the hell are my wages going? Why am I always skint? How are other people in less paid jobs than me balancing their rent, bills, upkeep on their own vehicles and still manage to afford a night out every week with change left over for a subway at the end of it??? I've proper sidetracked. Oops. But I do have a point. How the hell do people afford to have these hobbies? It makes no sense. I've planned it out time and time again, everything I need to do to even get started in this direction, hit a brick wall every time and given it up as a lost cause. The very fact that I'd have to speak to people about it to become 'involved' in the scene is also another step that I crumble at And I sound like I'm making excuses. And I probably am everytime. But how is something so difficult to do? Am I expecting someone to have figured it out for me and provide to me a very basic and simple checklist for me to complete in order for me to reach that end goal? Yes. Yes I am. Because I feel like i haven't got a clue otherwise. I'm just completely hopeless. Wow, what a whinge that was. I'm going to bed now, before I chew all yours ears off lol
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Post by skycaptain on Feb 25, 2015 21:11:33 GMT
I have forgotten and I can't remember.
It's not even all that important.
I'm left not even the end of the week with very little out of my weekly allowance and I honestly cannot remember what I spent my money on Monday or Tuesday. How??? How can I not remember?? How have I spent £25 in two days on food??? How on earth does that happen?
Nothing makes sense and I've spent the ENTIRE day trying to figure it out but I can't even remember what I've actually had for my dinner the past two days or where I've been getting my dinner from while I've been at work!
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pieces
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 36
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Post by pieces on Feb 27, 2015 20:24:27 GMT
Hey skycaptain, I'm enjoying reading your journal and just wanted to say good luck at Malham House! That's where I receive treatment from also. They're really helpful. I was told it was a year waiting list when I went for assessment in the period of April-May 2014, and had a call in the summer for an appointment in September 2014. Good luck!
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Post by skycaptain on Mar 11, 2015 12:44:43 GMT
Hey skycaptain, I'm enjoying reading your journal and just wanted to say good luck at Malham House! That's where I receive treatment from also. They're really helpful. I was told it was a year waiting list when I went for assessment in the period of April-May 2014, and had a call in the summer for an appointment in September 2014. Good luck! I'm glad to hear you got your assessment sooner than expected! I'm still waiting to hear anything at moment, but I'll keep my fingers crossed! Last few weeks I've found I've been feeling happier! These new shifts I'm on at work are amazing! It's the best decision I ever made to change my hours, it's made a whole world of difference! I now have a work/life balance. My relationship with my bf has gotten better and it continues to do so! And in time I now have available I have rediscovered my artistic talents. I've dug out all my pencils and currently in the middle of a drawing. I've also got back into photography and even learning some new editing skills! I enjoy it so much!! It's like my new ecstasy. And I also found my hard drive with all my old pics and projects and things and have been watching some old AMV's I did a few years ago and kind of aching to do that again too. All in all, I've realised that, despite the fact I find it hard to get into and hard to complete once I start, that I'm actually quite talented (at least I think so) and that makes me feel good! I'm good at something! And I'm realising this perhaps a good 15yrs too late maybe :/ but still. Everything still feels heavily chaotic, but at least I'm feeling happy amongst this chaos!
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Post by skycaptain on Mar 18, 2015 20:43:21 GMT
Sometimes I get this stupid mood. Like today for example. And I can't really pinpoint exactly what it is or why.
It's like I'm not really here. I feel detached from reality. Zero enthusiasm. Even if I tried to focus, efforts would be futile. It's almost kinda like my brain can't fixate on any one thing inparticular and so is crying out for a distraction because it doesn't have one. And at the same time I can't focus on anything either.
And I feel jittery, like I cant keep still. I don't want to keep still. But I also don't want to move. Because if I move, something going to fall apart.
Satisfaction level 0.
If im not careful I might actually slip through space and time and disappear 0_0
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Post by skycaptain on Mar 26, 2015 9:30:49 GMT
It was bound to happen eventually.
I have made the decision to hand in my notice at work. I've had another failure, so after my last final warning, dismissal will be imminent when I get my meeting for this last failure. Better to resign before the meeting.
It's sparked a ton of mixed eemotions tbh. I do in fact like that job. I've been there almost 3yrs, I got a pension out of it and free dental insurance. I've learnt loads. It means giving up on my luxury of having a good wage and being able to afford nice things. When you grew up in poverty having to hide in the dark behind the sofa with your mum when you were a kid because she wanted to avoid men demanding money for bills she hadn't got who were knocking on the door and living through winter in layers and layers of clothing because we couldn't afford to heat the house - having that kind of wage was extremely appreciated. So the next few months and maybe beyond are going to be difficult, especially since my bf also lost his job at the beginning of the year too.
But. It's also a sense of relief. I'm tired of trying too hard at something I'm constantly failing at (story of my life). I'm done with that shit for a while. I need something now that requires very little brain power. I'd be quite happy to retire to a small empty room with a lifetime supply of colouring books and tea lol
I'm just scared that if I quit my struggle I won't be able to get back in the game :/
If only my assessment could come in next month or so, get it out the way, get a diagnosis, get the right meds and dosage and maybe start anew in a more focused arrangement. I should be so lucky :/
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Post by skycaptain on Apr 1, 2015 11:40:56 GMT
This is just to state what an amazing feeling it is to throw shit in the air and bring on the new. This is a prime example of my contradictory personality. I absolutely hate change in routine. It stresses me out. Makes me anxious. But I also welcome change. It's just something I feel needs to be done. For example moving the position of my bed must be done every 6 months or so otherwise I can't sleep, get restless at night. With my current situation I have been quite scared to just quit my job because it's that step into the crazy unknown of skint and unemployment And will I actually ever get another job? I've not officially quit yet, but today when I got up I booked a docs appt for the anxiety and talked it over with my bf my decision and it's in process and it's now my end result that I can 100% see clearly. I feel today I have allowed myself to break free from the routine of this job and I'm encountering a feeling I didn't expect to have. It's not a feeling of anxiety. It's not a feeling of worry for the unknown. It's a feeling of relief. It's a feeling of being in control. I'm facing an unknown period of uncertainty and I'm feeling in control. It doesn't make sense, but while it's a positive feeling, who cares? I feel good today!
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Post by skycaptain on May 11, 2015 7:48:12 GMT
Not posted here in a while. So just for update in this section, I have my assessment booked for 1st June so if anyone is waiting for Malham House, it's taken me 6 months from referral to assessment! Their main guy I believe is Dr Robert Baskind. I've heard he's good, but apart from that don't know much else about him! They told me if I can to take someone with me who can go through some stuff like how they think I am and such. So that's a toss up between my mum and my bf. Bf has some major anxiety issues lately, so even though he says he might do it, I doubt he'll be up to it. My mum will have to come from south Yorkshire, but I've spoken to her about it and she's up for it. I just doubt she'll be very useful. She doesn't know what Adhd is. She's the kind of mum that won't want to see anything wrong. But you never know. And also I have a new job! it's part time, unsure at this point in time if that's a good thing or not. I have bills to pay and no money to pay them with at moment... So I'm worried. Very worried. But at least some money is better than no money. And I'm excited about the actual job. It's retail and dealing with mostly second hand stuff. It's the games and console section that interests me more. I've been in that scene before and was best job ever. This position resonates a similar atmosphere and perhaps the replacement for that amazing job I once had that I've been looking for! But anyways, I start that today!
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Post by Foxtrot on May 11, 2015 21:14:18 GMT
Great news you have a date for assessment, I bet that will come around so fast now.
How did your first day in your new job go? It sounds like a fab job
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Post by skycaptain on May 11, 2015 21:31:12 GMT
We're almost half way through this month already! Today went ok... It's been so long since i was in retail and with my ear being all blocked and annoying, it could have gone better. I've been clumsy and i've struggled to keep up with everyone socially. No ones said anything but i dont feel like i've left the best impression. But, as i say, it's been so long since i've been in retail. That also means it's been the same amount of time since i actually communicated properly, face to face with *gasp* 'the public'!! I just need perhaps a week or so to re-adjust back into this lifestyle, learn the customers, be comfortable around the people i work with. I wish i could do it quicker, but thats impossible for me. But overall, I really enjoyed today. I'm looking forward to tomorrow
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Post by Foxtrot on May 11, 2015 21:49:53 GMT
Try and relax and not put yourself under pressure. You'll settle into a routine and get comfortable with your coworkers soon enough. X
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Post by skycaptain on Jul 14, 2015 12:54:09 GMT
I'm just making an entry to document what's happening right now.
So currently recovering after an operation that occurred on the 4th July. So because of this op, my assessment for ADHD has been delayed. Their excuse when I spoke to the centre to try and get an appointment booked before hand was that having an operation is stressful and without going into too much detail, they also used the excuse that it is 'life-changing'. And thus they didn't want to cause more stress by introducing medications to the complications.
Yeah, that's great and all, but what about now? What about while I sit here recovering and all the things in my life that need to continue on or get sorted one way or another? What about while I sit here and can ONLY focus on recovering and everything that does need attention may as well just disappear into its black hole of non existence. Things like sick pay. Oh haha! Yeah that. I know it's something that requires my attention so that I can pay my bills. So if I wasn't in the mood, or couldn't remember to do it while I was in the mood beforehand, it most certainly isn't going to get done now! So I best say goodbye to being able to pay next month's rent. I'm lucky that my bf is able to help wash pots and such. My mum and nan aren't all that lucky in the fact it takes me probs a bit longer than a week for me to remember to call them.
While I sit here and watch programmes on Netflix from dawn to dusk, occupied by pain management... There's probably a list as long as both my arms continuing to grow that needs my attention that I'm (at the moment) quite comfortably oblivious to.
No, they don't think of that :/
Roll on 6th August!!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jul 14, 2015 15:26:41 GMT
Hi skycaptain - I know you're frustrated having your assessment postponed. As a lot of us here are adults at the point of being diagnosed, we've been waiting the whole of our lives so far, so another few weeks isn't so long in the scheme of things. I also know that the simple fact of being ADHD means that we hate waiting for anything!!!!!! at least it's only a few weeks and not months. I hope that you recover from your operation quickly and are in good health at the time of your appointment.
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Post by skycaptain on Aug 13, 2015 20:51:23 GMT
Firstly, for the purpose of this journal;
ADHD assessment 6th August with Dr Rob Baskind. Result: ADHD traits but not enough for any treatment.
My feelings on this? He's the expert, I suppose. But this resolves nothing.
One doctor appt later and I have an initial councelling assesment booked for 27th aug. Hopefully, using a stranger to upload all my internal thoughts and feelings to might help me obtain some guidance. Well, thats how I foresee how it will happen. But bet I do what I always do; clam up and nod and be brief on everything because my mind will refuse me access to my thought and feelings databanks and then my head will explode with all the things i should have said one hour after the sessions over which will then span out into bed time and I wont be able to sleep -_- i know me too well.
And now i'm only just remembering that i still need to get that report from the ADHD assessment which ive still not requested. Which also reminds me i need to call the IVA people to tell them i havent received my free post envelope i should have got 5 weeks ago!! Why do i always remember things i need to do when it's not possible to do them???
Anywho. My emotions today because of the docs appt have run wild. I've gone from confident, almost cancelling the docs appointment because i felt god enough to tackle my life on my own. Which i know i'm not, but i do get these odd rare moments where i feel good about myself and wonder to myself what am i really stressing about here? I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine! It's all in my head! And then the whole stress and anxiety of having to make sure i get my point across so the doc understands what it is i want sent my into a massive confidence plummet where i ended up taking it out on my bf when i got home because i was mainly taking it out on myself, but it projected outwards and he got hit in the firing line :/ and it makes me feel so embarrased and ashamed that i am such a tool! The more i'm shouting at him for no reason, the more i'm beating myself up aboiut it, the more i'm beating myself up about it, the more i'm shouting at him! So i went and hid in my room for the rest of the evening :/ too unfocused to do anything at all.
I hate myself. I dont hate myself. Why do i have to be so negative all the time? Once upon a time when i had plenty of money (which wasn't mine but i didn't understand) and I had no bills, no house to upkeep as my mum did it all for me... back in those days i was happy. Then this thing called growned up shit was slapped on me and i honestly dont know how to do it. I'm 30. I have a poor part time job that hardly pays the bills and i have to scrape by for food because i dont even feel confident i can keep a full time job anymore. I can only just about juggle a part time job with home life. Even when i dont have a job i still struggle with keeping up to date with important things. I feel lucky in a way that my bf helps by taking care of the bills and rent, but even without having to deal with that i still have to manage the IVA people, my medication for other things, making sure the house is clean, keeping in touch with family and friends... it's just not happening. I dont know how to do it.
What i want to do is keep a diary of all the things i struggle with, document everytime i have an 'issue' with this stupid adulthood life. Cant even keep that up. Got half a day before i struggled with that too. If there was any way i could focus on that.
And another thing. If only i could stop buying shit! Ok, a great massive part of me loves the junk food that i buy, i love eating it, i love indulging in it. But it's costly. At moment i'm accidentally breaking into next weeks bus fair to buy crap food. I'm going to hate myself next week when i cant afford to get to work!!
oh, dont you all love hearing about my problems. Even i'm getting sick of hearing them tbh.
Why am i like this?
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Post by vagueandrandom on Aug 13, 2015 23:03:18 GMT
Oh skycaptain (that makes me feel like I should salute!) Yes, growing up /becoming an *adult* is something I've still not quite managed at 48 1/2. . . I know you've had a whole hill of shit recently. . . up and down, confident and hide-under-the bed, OK and hell. . . That's OK, there's an awful lot more people out there like this than you think. I think that it might be useful to look at ASD - apparently, I have an 'odd' presentation of ADHD as I have 'significant' ASD traits (but not enough for an aspie dx) Also see if you can pursue the ADD thing further because from what I've read here, I think you've got a good case (but who am I to say?) maybe you're just being too 'british' and not admitting your totally mortifying traits that you'd much rather forget about. . . Any hoo . . don't leave us. . . I want to know how you get on
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Post by skycaptain on Aug 17, 2015 20:47:19 GMT
Thank you vagueandrandomI think an ASD is something I want to look into more. I just feel like I'm making excuses for my issues. Like I'm looking for an easy fix. I've gotten this far in life just fine haven't I? But then I think I've only got this far due to the extra hard work I've put in to pretty much survive this far. All that hard work and I haven't really got anything :\ I'm feeling more and more closer to burning out and crashing and a part of me wants to welcome the crash just to give myself a break! I rambled a bit. Oops. I actually came here as I just wanted to... I don't know, what's the word? Just mention what happened today. It was odd. Most people might not see it as a big deal but my boss (as weird as it sounds) invited me to join her for a spliff out the back at work and I obliged. I've not smoked weed in like 10yrs and one drag went straight to my head. But I immediately felt the calm and I loved it. I was still a klutz, actually a more prominent klutz but it was nice to not care for a while I'm just worried this will turn into a bad habit that I'm going to start depending on :\
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Post by vagueandrandom on Aug 18, 2015 14:49:36 GMT
Hi skycaptain I was made to feel like I was looking for an 'excuse' for my depression and generally being a bit wierd and crap when I first asked for ASD assessment, then for ADHD. The very fact that you keep banging away, even when you're knocked back, indicates that you're not looking for an excuse. Having an excuse implies that you want an easy way out, so why would you expend such a lot of effort on finding out why you have difficulties, if you're someone looking for an excuse? surely you'd do something easier, like faking ME, or a bad back to get signed off work? (I don't know where that came from!) You might get a different opinion on ADHD if you get assessed for ASD. That's how I got here - ASD assessment was the first time ADD was mentioned to me (I knew nothing about it before then). OK, weed! there's nothing wrong in it from time to time IMO and only you can know if you can keep it to that. It does work on your brain, though, which might not be beneficial when you're trying to work out what goes on inside it. If you do it too often, it destroys your motivation and creativity - I lost a couple of years to it in my late 20s, smoking joints like cigarettes from first thing in the morning, at work too! I functioned fine, but life was not much fun and I got even less stuff done.
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Post by skycaptain on Aug 27, 2015 17:19:07 GMT
Feeling Confident I just had my appt entry assessment with a local therapy team dedicated to stress, anxiety and depression issues. Such a positive session! At first I stuggled to know what to say but within about 10 minutes I was pouring out my issues with an ease I've never really had before. It surprised me (and the therapist) at how high I scored on depression with that questionnaire thingy :/ and towards the end he even said "have you ever looked into ADHD?" Lol I told him about my previous assessment and he was very positive about it and very positive about help that I can receive, even though it won't be directed at treating ADHD itself. It was great to hear they can help me, unlike the ADHD clinic who said very direct they couldn't help me. I have been assessed as having complicated social anxiety and stress that has been present my whole life. Unfortunately I'm now on yet another 6 month waiting list for a 16 week CBT course. Apart from the waiting, that is good news. And the therapist was extra nice, because my stress and anxiety affect me on what he described as a large scale, he's booked me in for a 2 month group stress course that starts 16th sept to see if it helps while I wait. Initially he gave me three options of help to fill the gap and the other two were online based more 'self-help' with activities and one with an online guide who would contact you throuout the course, but I knew with those I would struggle more with keeping my attention to them. The group course might not even work as I can see me failing to attend after 2-3 weeks, but it has the best shot as at least its a scheduled thing away from home (away from distractions). He was happy to acknowledge my ADHD traits and it's nice to be able to say social anxiety is my main issue (even though its 'complicated') I feel like I've made a small yet significant breakthrough.
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