Post by fjord on Feb 3, 2015 13:42:39 GMT
Long story made short. Diagnosed with ADD (pos H, but not fully proven) in 2014. Main reason for going was my wife going on and on about me dropping out or not being there. She also works been on a course. At the same time, my wife was struggling for many years with at then a unknown mental health problem that I could never really get a straight answer out of her what she was suffering from or for that matter what support she wanted. Unfortunately things got messy, as her health suddenly dropped through the floor and she went on sick leave. I was told again and again that she was not depressed. Last year was hell for several months I lived with a person that suddenly would just explode. Some times for a few hours up to 3 days. Some times it was a tidal wave of negativity, blame and sham just flooding in. I was completely lost what to do. I just sat and listened. Often being the emotional punch bag for what ever darkness was going on inside her head. After I was diagnosed with ADD suddenly this came the focus of her rage. If you weren't ADD I would have never fallen ill etc. When she is low I get blamed for everything. Eventually one day when I came home and told her some really good news, instead of being happy she flipped out and had a tantrum until 2am. I couldn't go to work the next day as it continued when she woke up and it continued for 2 days afterwards until one day at breakfast after a huge screaming tidal wave she broke down and suddenly told me how she felt about her self. She felt utterly ashamed of herself. She felt totally shit inside and wonted to die and the only way she could cope was to vent her anger at someone she trusted. That being me. I was glad she told me about it. I didn't go to work that day. I was totally out of it. This has kept happening for over a year. we see improvements and then suddenly like right now its a crash again. I am totally tired by it all. I keep a diary for my ADD and i notice I need good sleep to stay on track. I have not slept properly now for 7 days. Last night was the first time I got 8 hours. My wife sometimes wakes up feel like shit, turns on the light and sit up in bed. If I ask how it going honey (I don't really say that) there is a big chance there will be a tantrum or rage for a few hours. Im not getting anymore quality sleep. this impacts on the next day, my ability to remember things, stay focused, procrastination and general health. I have asked her to stop but its just ignored. I tell myself its not my me,its my wife illness, but after 7 days now of her tantrums, being difficult and yelling at me about things that have nothing to do with me I get tired. When she can't get the reaction she wants (whatever that is), she will suddenly start being mentally abusive. She will suddenly remember something sensitive about me and start lobbing comments at me. at this point I normally just have to leave the house and go for a drive until she rings and says sorry.
I who back I drove her to the shrink he suddenly invited me in to chat. I told him about the rages and tantrums because I thought my wife wasn't telling him about all this shit. Well she had and he explained she was depressed and had personal conflicts (but not a BPD, son sever similar but apparently it is not).
throughout all this we have like anyone else couple problems that happen from time to time. This is normal, but when they get rapped up in the tidal wave of depression it is hard to see what is mine to correct and what is illness.
For the last year with ADD and problem I did not want she told I was wrongly diagnosed (she is a Dr), as I had doubts myself I questioned the diagnose myself until the top dr dragged me into the office one day and made it clear I was a solid diagnose and there was no doubt.
The problem with depression, i thought it was just about someone sitting on the sofa looking sad, I never thought it would be a person raging at the oneĀ“s they love and support them. I never thought it would sit up half the night shouting at you about something that only exists in there head and has no basis on reality. A single word in a sentence could trigger a 3 days tantrum (its never the word its also ways the shame in the back ground).
The hardest past is when they start talking about someone else, they become enraged and then project those feelings onto you, and suddenly you become the object of hate. Or they feel terrible inside and project those feelings onto you and start raging.
We do see a therapist together. She is really good. once my wife started projecting her feelings onto the therapist I sat for 1.5 hours while the therapist worked with my wife helping her out of the darkness. It was at a purely observational level enlightening to watch.
Rant over. this dark period will pass and my lovely wife will return. I just wish it would happen quicker. The sun is shining, the snow is crisp and white and covered in beautiful crystals. Time to go for a ski. Hopefully I will get some northern lights.
Thanks for listening.
I who back I drove her to the shrink he suddenly invited me in to chat. I told him about the rages and tantrums because I thought my wife wasn't telling him about all this shit. Well she had and he explained she was depressed and had personal conflicts (but not a BPD, son sever similar but apparently it is not).
throughout all this we have like anyone else couple problems that happen from time to time. This is normal, but when they get rapped up in the tidal wave of depression it is hard to see what is mine to correct and what is illness.
For the last year with ADD and problem I did not want she told I was wrongly diagnosed (she is a Dr), as I had doubts myself I questioned the diagnose myself until the top dr dragged me into the office one day and made it clear I was a solid diagnose and there was no doubt.
The problem with depression, i thought it was just about someone sitting on the sofa looking sad, I never thought it would be a person raging at the oneĀ“s they love and support them. I never thought it would sit up half the night shouting at you about something that only exists in there head and has no basis on reality. A single word in a sentence could trigger a 3 days tantrum (its never the word its also ways the shame in the back ground).
The hardest past is when they start talking about someone else, they become enraged and then project those feelings onto you, and suddenly you become the object of hate. Or they feel terrible inside and project those feelings onto you and start raging.
We do see a therapist together. She is really good. once my wife started projecting her feelings onto the therapist I sat for 1.5 hours while the therapist worked with my wife helping her out of the darkness. It was at a purely observational level enlightening to watch.
Rant over. this dark period will pass and my lovely wife will return. I just wish it would happen quicker. The sun is shining, the snow is crisp and white and covered in beautiful crystals. Time to go for a ski. Hopefully I will get some northern lights.
Thanks for listening.