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Post by alpinelake on Feb 4, 2015 20:15:04 GMT
I feel totally and utterly convinced in myself that I have a serious problem with attention, although not so much hyperactivity. Every time I begin to go down the road of attempting to have this diagnosed and legally getting what I know will help from experience, i.e. medication, I am overwhelmed by the apparent arduousness of the process. Like some sick joke, the infrastructure that must be navigated in order to gain some sort of recognition, or treatment is as sparse, yet somehow convoluted as the connections in my brain sometimes seem. The area in which I live in, Nottingham has a specialist AADD clinic which can diagnose the condition, however it is a 'tertiary' service - meaning you cannot be referred by a GP or 'primary' healthcare practitioner. You must be referred first to dedicated mental health services within the trust, then by someone there with the necessary qualifications to the AADD clinic. The fact that I am extremely inassertive and afraid of putting forward ideas which I fear may be shouted down by someone "in the know" means that telling a healthcare professional that I believe I may have this condition feels impossible.
Every time I begin to describe my symptoms, I am conscious that they sound perfectly in line with depression, and indeed the doctor or mental health person with some arbitrary qualification unbeknownst to me immediately gravitates towards such a diagnosis. My response is that I have always had an issue with maintaining concentration for even a slightly reasonable period of time, and that I think this is why I am depressed, and that I haven't always felt depressed. I try to emphasise the inattentive symptoms of ADHD of which I experience all (and have done since childhood according to the DIVA test) to try and get them to mention 'ADHD' first. However even if they do, I find that they will begin to emphasise that I don't have any symptoms of hyperactivity (although I did have more before the age of 7) and they will always come back to "well usually this is something diagnosed in childhood, and it doesn't seem like it affected you at school." This is true, and I achieved mostly top grades at GCSE and at A Level, but this was within an extremely structured framework with little onus on me to organise myself. What little self-regulation was required was totally chaotic if existent. I never planned an essay or other piece of work in my life. I procrastinated to a stressful and destructive point with homework whereby I would start to hate the subjects I once found interesting because of one all-night period of hell. I never revised thoroughly for an exam, just crammed because the material was never so detailed or in-depth to me that it required much reflection. None of this ever got picked up, because most of the time my work was of a surprisingly high standard. And the times when I failed to turn in a piece of work on time or even at all or failed to do well in an exam were not seen as a symptom, but just a rare lapse.
Now that I am in my final year of university and all external structure is gone, I am at a loss with how to cope. My world is chaotic - I dont organise social events, or even keep in regular touch with my closest friends or family. I love words and poetry, but I can't read books, or articulate myself properly in speech. I can't watch films. I don't even bother playing video games (that should be fun, right?) I am a disorganised mess and I misplace everything even though I crave perfection with everything in its place. I am ridiculously indecisive. I am constantly at a loss of what to say in social situations as if there is too much to say and not enough time to say it. Like my dad would say; I have the attention span of a gnat. I need help and I don't know how to navigate the road to where I know that help is. I don't want antidepressants, because they extinguish the last remnants of cohesive creativity I can muster, which makes me feel worse, because depression is not the underlying problem.
I guess I need some encouragement, and a bit of direction on pursuing this, because I feel like it's going to destroy and make worthless all the potential I know I have.
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Post by twix on Feb 4, 2015 20:42:59 GMT
You are lucky to be in one of the best areas in the country with an amazing adult ADHD service non the NHS.
I had to fight from out of area to get referred to Nottingham, I got my diagnosis there and it was well worth it.
So in the nicest possible way, stop worrying and start doing. There are people elsewhere in the country who would love to be in your shoes.
Get the list of symptoms, tick those that apply and get your bum to the GP. Downplay depression symptoms and emphasise the inattentive if you are that worried.
DO IT. It will be OK.
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Post by alpinelake on Feb 4, 2015 20:54:14 GMT
Were you referred directly by a GP? What was the diagnostic assessment like and how long was did you have to wait between being referred and being diagnosed? Thanks for the motivational words BTW, it does help me overcome the fear of being dismissed. :]
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Post by twix on Feb 4, 2015 21:00:50 GMT
It was more than 5 years ago, so I cant remember exactly but my GP referred me to someone else and they referred me to them.
Also your university should be able to help you.
I think it was a few months I waited.
I had a long chat with the doctor, so did my mum, and we took in my old school reports which all said about me underachieving due to not concentrating.
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Post by twix on Feb 4, 2015 21:05:26 GMT
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ladybug
Member's posted somewhat
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Post by ladybug on Feb 5, 2015 9:47:36 GMT
Hi Alpinelake,
I am new here and not diagnosed yet although have finally taken the first step and have been referred by a GP. I too will have to go through an Assessment Centre before being hopefully referred to our local ADHD Specialist service (I'm in Brighton).
I wanted to reply as I hugely identify with your post! I did well at school, good grades etc. I think mostly it was because I got good at passing exams, the high pressure last minute cramming was something I could deal with although none of the info ever stayed in my head after that! The wheels came off the bus for me too when i was at Uni. It was such a massive struggle. I wen to try and get help from the student medical service and clearly remember telling the doctor there that I can't get anything done, I said that I constantly have this huge whirling list of things I know I have to sort out but can't ever get on top of any of it. I too was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-d's. I have battled for my whole life with disorganisation, forgetting stuff and losing things on a daily basis and only now at the age of 38 happened to read something about ADHD and had a life changing lightbulb moment of finally figuring out what was wrong with me.
The GP i saw was a locum but I knew from my partner and friend that she was pretty sound and nice and I went armed with info about the service I wanted to be referred too and a list of symptoms. I basically came out and said I am sure that I have adult ADHD! I listed all the symptoms and the serious impact they have on my life/work/relationship/kids/happiness and thankfully she was sympathetic, said "wow, that sounds like very hard work" (yeah, you don't say!) and was happy to refer me. I still have to get through he assessment centre bit but I intend to go in guns blazing!
You sound like an intelligent person who has a great deal of self awareness about the issues you're facing. So I guess try and find a decent GP to see and print out info, write down your symptoms and how the affect you (this helped me to remain on track and not clam up at the appointment) and if they try and dismiss it as depression then go and see another GP!
Best of luck....
x
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Post by annie on Feb 5, 2015 18:17:03 GMT
Hi alpinelake
Thanks for joining the forum - lots of very helpful people on here!
Your history is not at all unfamiliar. A bright student in a highly structured education setting, with a relatively supportive home environment, will make it through to university. However, leaving that structure and finding yourself in a situation where you have to take major responsibility for achieving the education goals expected of you... as well as managing your own finances, daily living tasks etc and that's when your weaknesses's become more exposed!
I'm picking up that more and more Mental Health Trust's are setting up an initial "assessment signposting" service. In theory this is supposed to offer a skilled screening service which will ensure patients are referred on the most appropriate service within the Trust. Sounds all well and good on paper, but if those "screening" stake don't have the basic skills to recognise the potential of a patient having ADHD, then the screening is likely to direct the patient to a dx of depression/anxiety.
In your situation, it would appear your MHT does have a specialised Adult ADHD service (lots of MHT's haven't begun to set one up!)so you are in a more fortunate position, if you can call it that.
I'm afraid you're going to have to overcome your deference to professionals who must be in the "know" and gear yourself to be more assertive - easier said than done, given that your self esteem has probably taken a battering in the last few years. Your Gp is not equipped to dx ADHD, so all you want from him is a referral to the "screening" service of the MHT. Your Gp will want to have some information about your symptoms, but if he begins to say things like "this would have been dx in childhood", remind him that until fairly recently only those children with severe hyperactivity were dx and many, many children went along having their condition unrecognised. He might also want to put your symptoms down to anxiety/depression, particularly as you're in your last year of Uni - anxiety/depression often goes hand in hand with undx ADHD - so don't let any of those opinions give him a reason not to make a referral to the MHT
Once you get your appointment with the Trust you might find yourself faced with another professional who wants to describe your presenting symptoms as something other than ADHD. However, the same arguement stands for that professional - they do not have the expertise to either rule in or rule out ADHD. Only a referral to the Adult ADHD clinic can do that.
I know this sounds all very easy from my position, but remember you are an "expert" when it comes to understanding how your difficulties impact on your day to day life and no-one can air brush that out - they don't walk in your shoes!!
Get that appointment made with your Gp and let's know how it goes.
annie
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Post by alpinelake on Feb 11, 2015 13:46:13 GMT
I have an appointment with a GP at my practice who has more experience with Autism. I saw a mental health advisor at the university and I brought up that in the past people have questioned whether I might be autistic. According to a simple test, I had an autism quotient of 33, which is borderline high, so he thought it was worth starting with that. I still feel that autism doesn't fully describe my symptoms as I do not have narrow interests. On the contrary, I have developed many over the years and find it difficult to concentrate on any single one. I am a jack of all trades, master of none . He acknowledged that ADHD can be comorbid with ASD's and knew all about the Adult ADHD team at the QMC in Nottingham. However he said if eventually referred, the process could take months and months. In any case, I feel like this is a starting point with regards to being seen by the right people. Thanks everyone so far for their encouraging words. You've really helped already :].
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andyk
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by andyk on Feb 16, 2015 1:03:55 GMT
You have just described my life.
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Post by rhiannon on Feb 16, 2015 6:42:49 GMT
Hi alpine, I'll agree with andy, that is my life all over, I'm also in my last year at uni and struggling a lot, I'm passing everything by getting it all done last minute and in many cases it is literally just a pass which is well below the standard I should be able to achieve. This might not be something you want to do but I wanted to say even if your depression is caused by the ADHD (which I believe mine is also) it is still worth treating it in the interim. Just after the new year I realised if I didn't at least treat my depression I was going to give up caring about the degree and pack it in, getting anti-d's was the best thing I could have done. It also made it possible for me to see that I don't just have depression and when it was suggested to me I may have AADD I was like really, nah. Of course I went away and had a look and bam it fits the bill exactly. Many of my hyperactive symptoms were significantly hidden by the depression and once on the anti-d's these became more prevalent, it was also very clear to me that I still had all the inattentive symptoms that had been put down to depression when on the anti-d's which is another clear indicator, particularly to health care professionals, that it isn't just depression. Anyway I'm still struggling and contemplating going private so I can get treatment before my degree finishes, not being depressed has definitely helped me because it means I do actually care again and want to implement strategies into my life to make it easier for myself so it is definitely worth considering unless you are seriously against it
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2015 8:19:13 GMT
I'm also in my last year at uni and struggling a lot, I'm passing everything by getting it all done last minute and in many cases it is literally just a pass which is well below the standard I should be able to achieve..... Yes looking back at my university life, this was exactly how I behaved and coped. Very rarely, and only in one subject for a bit(chemistry) did I ever not behave like this at school 1. Even at work and in PAYE employment, everything was left to the last minute leaving me to stay at my desk or computer terminals overnight to meet deadlines. If I tried doing this now then I'd collapse with burnout. So the procrastination at my age probably comes across as complete laziness because I no longer have the energy or capacity to burn the midnight oil, and so jobs can get left and deadlines often missed. alpinelake - I think it depends on your definition of hyperactivity. You could be hyperactive without realising. I had a disagreement with my Mother over this recently who insisted I wasn't bouncing off the walls as a kid. Well I was and as my brother remembered, but she's just in denial. And when I wasn't doing handstands, bouncing balls against the walls or jumping incessantly on everyone's mattress, I was playing tons of sport - often with myself, using balls against garden walls or practising triple jumps in the drive. The stigma of hyperactivity at school and the threat of violence from teachers (yes they hit you in those days) meant that hyperactivity or fidgety urges were channelled into lots of emotively driven day dreaming. When my parents used to go over to visit relatives, I just couldn't sit still and insisted they bring out games and play with me. I met one of them at a funeral a few years back and she remembered me as "the naughty kid". What she meant was: I was a pain in the arse. And I was References1 - And that was only as a result of some bizarre obsession that only lasted a few months
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Post by alpinelake on Feb 16, 2015 16:43:12 GMT
Thanks everyone for replying :] it's massively reassuring to know that other people are experiencing life from the same point of view.
I have tried 4 different antidepressants, and I'm just not sure how and if they benefit me. The overriding sense I have is that they blunt my emotions, and snuff out the creative spontaneity I feel constantly. I don't know whether feeling empty inside is better for me than feeling overwhelmed by ideas I can't express... But it's definitely not a a positive thing. I feel like I want to be able to focus on at least one idea, rather than none or seven at once. I never got any motivation from antidepressants, which is not to say that some people won't, but they made me not care about the fact I didn't care. That's one of the best ways I can sum it up.
I know I was definitely very hyperactive as a child and constantly acting "silly" and falling over. My parents made a point of not giving me sugary drinks because the results were chaos. My dad used to tell me I have the attention span of a gnat, and people would become extremely frustrated when trying to teach me something new.
As I've gotten older and certainly by secondary school, this wasn't really a problem and I have been a lot more withdrawn from then onwards. Attentionally, I don't think there's any difference though now, and to this day, I find it preferable to stand in social situations to the extent people make a spoken point that I'm always standing. And one thing that drives me and some others crazy is that I can't stop biting my nails in quiet or focused situations so much so that my cuticles often become infected (sorry that's kind of gross xD).
Anyway, I've seen recently in a study by an Iranian scientist that in a sample of children and adolescents who had a bad habit of biting their nails, 75% of them also had ADHD. I can't really vouch for the legitimacy of the study, but it's an eye-catching figure.
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pieces
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Post by pieces on Feb 20, 2015 17:24:27 GMT
Hi alpinelake!
I'm a student also. I know exactly how you feel, I consider myself to be quite bright, and did well in my A Levels, which made me worried about using school evidence. However, I knew the reason I did well because my motivation to leave my hometown and be away from family far outweighed my lack of motivation. If you are going to be tested I'd try and be prepared well in advance- writing down things of importance (symptoms) when it comes into your head, because I know when I went in, I became anxious and didn't say everything I wanted to.
In regards to the nail biting, I'm exactly the same. I'm a "wolf biter" (google it, but don't click images!!) and I literally cannot stop myself from biting my fingers/nails, and I thought I was alone in this. Apparently that isn't true, as there is a condition called "dermatophagia" which I appear to suffer from. It's associated with OCD. I honestly don't realise that I'm doing it, and when I become aware and stop myself, and then focus my attention elsewhere, automatically my hands are by my mouth again. It's quite embarrassing because my hands are quite badly damaged by it.
I'd say that study is onto something!
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