Post by pieces on Mar 2, 2015 14:59:55 GMT
I've decided to try and start writing down things I do daily and my thoughts just as a way to vent/keep my mind fresh.
2/3/2015
Just a normal Monday today. Had a bit of a rough weekend, so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I visited my hometown with my girlfriend for the weekend, so she could meet my family (we've been together around 6 months before). All my past relationships haven't really been what I'd call serious, and I would get bored easily and change partners often. However, my current girlfriend is the only one who I've truly opened up to in terms of ADHD, depression, family matters, etc. She's been with me for my worst and best moments since diagnosis.
Anyway, it was a fairly normal weekend, we saw my mum on Saturday daytime, then went for drinks and to a comedy club later on in the night, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Afterwards we came home and went to bed as we hadn't slept much the night before. The next day we had an argument about the fact that I seem to be using my phone a lot and struggle to keep attention on her, which I understand and apologised for. I was extremely hyperactive in the morning so I took my medication and calmed myself down a bit before we headed to my dad's house.
I've never been truly close to my dad and this was the first time my parents had seen me since they became aware of my mental conditions, so I was worried. Regardless, they treated me the same. I found out that one of my older brothers (21) was becoming a dad, which was a big shock to me, I'm not sure why, he just seems a bit young. My dad hasn't been physically well for a long time, as he has diabetes/heart problems, arthritis, amongst other things. But whilst we sat in the living room chatting, he told me that I had to go and get screened. At first I thought he was making a joke about me having an STI (trying to embarrass me in front of my girlfriend as a joke), so I laughed a bit awkwardly. Then he explained that he'd been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, and 3 of my siblings have been screened, only to find out they have the heart disease also. I felt a bit strange after him telling me this, and didn't really know how to react.
I found out later that I'm at 50% risk of inheritance and I know this will have an effect on my ADHD stimulant treatments (see other post). He also told me that he was having to move house into a bungalow because he was struggling to get up the stairs in his current house, and I think this underlined how serious everything was. After leaving my dad's me and my girlfriend headed for something to eat before getting the train home, and I just felt empty and really upset. I don't ever really cry but I felt like I was going to the whole time and just wanted to go back to university, away from my hometown.
I also started feeling nauseous and depersonalised, and I think this was because I was getting withdrawal from my antidepressants which I'd forgotten to take on my trip with me. Back to today, I'm just writing this and considering where I go from here. I'm meeting my ADHD doctor on Thursday to discuss medications. I just feel really lost at the moment - Recently I've been withdrawn and don't want to attend any social events because they're at night, and I always seem to be crashing from my ADHD meds around that time. I haven't really been speaking to people as much anymore and I'm finding it difficult to confide in my friends, and I'm worried about telling my best friend about the heart condition, which means I know that things aren't right, as I've never doubted telling him anything before. I feel a bit alienated recently but not completely depressed like I have in the past. I'm hoping that speaking to the ADHD doctor will clear things up.
2/3/2015
Just a normal Monday today. Had a bit of a rough weekend, so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I visited my hometown with my girlfriend for the weekend, so she could meet my family (we've been together around 6 months before). All my past relationships haven't really been what I'd call serious, and I would get bored easily and change partners often. However, my current girlfriend is the only one who I've truly opened up to in terms of ADHD, depression, family matters, etc. She's been with me for my worst and best moments since diagnosis.
Anyway, it was a fairly normal weekend, we saw my mum on Saturday daytime, then went for drinks and to a comedy club later on in the night, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Afterwards we came home and went to bed as we hadn't slept much the night before. The next day we had an argument about the fact that I seem to be using my phone a lot and struggle to keep attention on her, which I understand and apologised for. I was extremely hyperactive in the morning so I took my medication and calmed myself down a bit before we headed to my dad's house.
I've never been truly close to my dad and this was the first time my parents had seen me since they became aware of my mental conditions, so I was worried. Regardless, they treated me the same. I found out that one of my older brothers (21) was becoming a dad, which was a big shock to me, I'm not sure why, he just seems a bit young. My dad hasn't been physically well for a long time, as he has diabetes/heart problems, arthritis, amongst other things. But whilst we sat in the living room chatting, he told me that I had to go and get screened. At first I thought he was making a joke about me having an STI (trying to embarrass me in front of my girlfriend as a joke), so I laughed a bit awkwardly. Then he explained that he'd been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, and 3 of my siblings have been screened, only to find out they have the heart disease also. I felt a bit strange after him telling me this, and didn't really know how to react.
I found out later that I'm at 50% risk of inheritance and I know this will have an effect on my ADHD stimulant treatments (see other post). He also told me that he was having to move house into a bungalow because he was struggling to get up the stairs in his current house, and I think this underlined how serious everything was. After leaving my dad's me and my girlfriend headed for something to eat before getting the train home, and I just felt empty and really upset. I don't ever really cry but I felt like I was going to the whole time and just wanted to go back to university, away from my hometown.
I also started feeling nauseous and depersonalised, and I think this was because I was getting withdrawal from my antidepressants which I'd forgotten to take on my trip with me. Back to today, I'm just writing this and considering where I go from here. I'm meeting my ADHD doctor on Thursday to discuss medications. I just feel really lost at the moment - Recently I've been withdrawn and don't want to attend any social events because they're at night, and I always seem to be crashing from my ADHD meds around that time. I haven't really been speaking to people as much anymore and I'm finding it difficult to confide in my friends, and I'm worried about telling my best friend about the heart condition, which means I know that things aren't right, as I've never doubted telling him anything before. I feel a bit alienated recently but not completely depressed like I have in the past. I'm hoping that speaking to the ADHD doctor will clear things up.