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Post by vagueandrandom on Jan 29, 2016 1:33:38 GMT
Semi-good. . .but you really need to be more assertive about getting an ADHD assessment. As someone who's had various MH/depression issues over many years and then found out about ADHD . . . Treatment for 'normal' depression is WRONG for someone with ADHD. . it will never address your issues and difficulties and may confuse traits with MH and not in a helpful way. INSIST on referral. I had a letter-writing campaign - a letter every day until they called me in - if not for being a psycho - as a trouble-maker! Good luck
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jan 29, 2016 12:13:10 GMT
Also it's my opinion, in my case, that a lot of my depression and other MH issues are if not caused by, then definitely made worse by ADHD. I've only had one course of depression counselling since I became aware that I may have ADHD (my diagnosis came just before the last session) and was looking at it with the knowledge about the way my brain worked differently. At this stage I was still being made to think (and often felt myself) that I was delusional and a hypochondriac. My counsellor was probably good with low mood depression, but found me difficult to reach (he told me) and I found that some of his questions and suggestions were misinterpreted and unhelpful when directed at someone with ADHD, which, of course, he had little knowledge of. Examples: The mood questionnaire that I had to fill out at the beginning of each session. When a lot of the questions are describing typical ADHD traits, we'll always score highly and they won't change, depressed or not. ie. having trouble sleeping. . eating too much, or not enough. . not being able to sit still. . .mood swings. . .nor being able to concentrate. . I could go on. According to these scores, my condition only stayed the same, or got worse, even when I was obviously much happier. Here's an example of a typical one: NHSI was trying to explain why I thought I might have ADHD to my counsellor by using examples, one of which was having to do things straight away before I get distracted, like taking out the bin which requires having shoes on. If I don't do it on leaving or entering I take my shoes off. If I then notice the bin and go to put my shoes on. . I'll get distracted in looking for the shoes. . I don't need to elaborate here. The counsellor took this to be a lack of motivation (depression) when it's a lack of focus. This is why I'm now wary of being treated for depression by someone who doesn't understand ADHD and am determined to focus on dealing with my ADHD first.
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Post by JJ on Jan 29, 2016 12:41:27 GMT
That's a really good explanation there vagueandrandom , I've tried to explain why those questionnaires don't apply to me so many times, but no MH professional has understood - or accepted there even really was a difference - this explains perfectly.
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Post by Babble on Feb 10, 2016 11:14:08 GMT
Thanks for replies, and insight into your own MH problems vagueandrandomI know I need to be more assertive (I used to be too assertive when I was little, so God knows what happened there), but when the doctor asks me to explain why I think I have ADHD, I have no idea how to explain the boatload of crap that led me to seeking diagnosis. Try again, try harder - that's all I can do. I'm definitely going to be upfront about the ADHD thing with whoever or whatever counselling thing I get assigned to (I had a call last week from a woman called Sue, who made an appointment to discuss my referral with me over the phone at 5.15pm on Monday. Guess who didn't call. And I know I didn't have the wrong date/ time 'cause I made sure to write it down.). But at the moment, I just need someone to talk to, and my primary concern is the depression, because I'm really struggling. I feel like I'm trying to fight against gravity or something, and it takes so much freaking energy just to get through the day. But I will keep what you've said in mind vagueandrandom - and I'll certainly try and be more assertive about the ADHD. The doctors implied that the counselors may be able to recommend the ADHD referral to them, but I dunno how true that is. I've got to chase up on the missed appointment now, so that's my next challenge.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 10, 2016 11:46:03 GMT
I'd just like to say that I had my first session of counselling in my new city and I think you'd be interested. I'm going to write it in my diary. . .should be there this afternoon. Please stick to your guns re: getting ADHD assessment and talk about it to your counsellor (I know how hard it is to get ANY kind of help, so please use it) And take care of yourself
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Post by Babble on Mar 18, 2016 12:25:05 GMT
Haven't updated in a while (over a month! Yikes!).
Still waiting for the people I've been referred to, to get back to me. I was referred on Feb 28th, and they've promised to phone me back about 6 times now without actually doing so. How am I meant to trust them with my mental health if I can't even trust them to return a bloody phone call?
Meh.
So I'm just keepin' on keepin' on at the moment. Not much to report. Have been trying out mindfulness techniques (got a book called 'Calm' and its matching App) - not sure how it's going yet, but I'm open minded (one day my brain may actually fall out).
Realised today how pedantic I am. My bosses at work keep telling me to do things, and I have to push for clarification pretty often, because one word out of place or misused throws my brain into turmoil. I love being so uncertain all the time. Great fun. Mostly afraid of misinterpreting and screwing up - like most ADDers, criticism and being told off is like the mental/emotional equivalent of a nuclear explosion.
Living up to my user name today - having trouble keeping my mouth shut, and my typing fingers tame so gonna disappear before I start going on about Godzilla vs Moose sized Geese (golden egg laying fyi), how irritating bras are, and the current ongoing argument/discussion with my Dad about how nothing can be taken as fact (I was complaining about the Daily Fail's article about ADHD, and how they just seemed to copy and paste bits out of papers with no context so they can sensationalize shit that they know nothing about. Very problem. Much annoying.).
See, wild typing fingers cannot be tamed.
Disappearing now.
*poof*
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Post by Babble on Mar 18, 2016 15:44:36 GMT
Aaand now crying at work again. I'm a classy lady.
I swear to God I used to have better control over my emotions before. I thought that sorta thing was supposed to get better with age, not worse.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 18, 2016 16:55:14 GMT
Ooh. . I used to write a lot in turquoise. .
Bursting into tears in public seems to have become more frequent with age in me . .
or maybe I've stopped caring so much about what people might think?
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Post by contrarymary on Mar 18, 2016 18:25:21 GMT
me three
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Post by Babble on Apr 14, 2016 11:48:22 GMT
Finally got an appointment with my local MH team! Wednesday 20th, 5pm (if I write it down enough times, I might actually remember).
I'm going to have to see if I can find all the ADHD things I printed out (or else do it all over again... and I know how likely that is) that I've long since lost. Hoping that the doc will be the sympathetic kind rather than the non-believer kind.
Will soon find out I guess!
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Post by clubby on Apr 14, 2016 16:09:04 GMT
Isn't it funny how when we go to assessments/counsellors/doctors we have to make a list. I reckon that is a diagnosis in itself. When I got counselling I took a whole box (well a pile of papers inside a box) . Isn't it funny how a pile of papers inside a box is organised, but a pile of papers outside a box is adhd. Normal people seem to use their skulls as a box, whereas we keep our brains in our pockets. Good luck Babble
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Post by Bee on Apr 15, 2016 12:01:29 GMT
Babble would you like me to (try to remember to) remind you about it a coupla times? I could FB msg you.. If it's linked to your phone it's as good as a text! Xx
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Post by Babble on Apr 15, 2016 12:55:01 GMT
That'd be great! Thanks Bee I get alerts on my phone, so that'd be super helpful Much hugs in thanks Xxx
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Post by contrarymary on Apr 15, 2016 23:30:40 GMT
good luck Babble - hope it goes well ! xx
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Post by Babble on Jun 2, 2016 13:43:40 GMT
Can't tell you how many times I've come to this thread intending to update and then realised I have nothing to say lol.
Just gonna ramble, 'cause that's how I roll.
Had my appointment with the local MH team (ages and ages ago now), thought it went quite well. The woman I had was quite insistent on treating 'people not problems', which I think is a fair enough approach. I think my insistence on using labels annoyed her a bit. Tried to explain how finding a label wasn't a way of finding an excuse for things that go wrong - I'm always going to hold myself accountable for my actions or lack thereof, ADD or no bloody ADD. Not knowing you have an MH problem is like trying to build a house on a bog - no matter how much you try, the house always sinks or cracks, or crumbles. Having a 'label' is like putting down foundations - burying them deep into the bog - so even if the house gets shattered into a million pieces by a storm, you still have that foundation on which to start building again. You can't sink further than the foundation.
She's referring me to someone else in the team, but I haven't heard back yet. Apparently there's a waiting list, so I'm just going to have to be patient (not my forte, urgh).
I've been looking into some of the things she suggested. One of the things was isolation. I do isolate myself quite a bit, and all my friends live miles and miles away. I've signed myself up to a pottery class, 'cause I can meet people, indulge my creative side, and play around with awesome messy clay (I freakin love how tactile clay is) all in one day. Also assertiveness, which is something I definitely struggle with. Been trying to consciously stop biting my tongue so much. I could never figure out when something I said was going to upset/ offend someone, so I just stopped saying much of anything, so I basically went too far in the other direction and became completely passive. All or nothing lol having trouble finding that perfect medium.
Otherwise feeling less dark and gloomy anyway - starting to think SAD is something I have a problem with over autumn/winter 'cause I feel a lot better now the sun's shining. Still not 100% though - I think sleeping problems have a lot to do with it. Turning off my brain at night isn't always easy.
Been having a hard time with my senses recently? Don't know whether it's ADD related or not tbh - sunlight is a real headache (literally), and my taste keeps getting really strong (like, it's not normal to be able to taste very clearly what food was near what on a plate right? To the point of being unpleasant). In the other direction, sense of touch is a bit numbed - like there's a disconnect between my body and my brain. Feels very weird.
My brain is flying everywhere rn lol. Gonna do more work, hopefully without getting distracted by stories in my head.
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Post by contrarymary on Jun 2, 2016 19:17:49 GMT
hello Babblelove your edit reasons
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Post by Babble on Jun 16, 2016 8:49:49 GMT
Pottery class was like a mindfulness session - very relaxing, very nice to have all my focus on one undemanding thing, and simply enjoy the experience.
Felt pretty zen afterwards, and a bit more 'present' if you get me.
Definitely going back there again!
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Post by marionk on Jun 16, 2016 13:36:00 GMT
Ahh, pottery . . . so many memories. These days I'm indulging my first love though, weaving. There is a very nice guild fairly local to me, they meet once a month, but I have stopped going in favour of weekly craft meetings that are only an afternoon, and very close indeed. Long live craftiness!
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Post by Babble on Jun 20, 2016 9:26:58 GMT
I'm always looking for new things to add to my long list of 'love em and leave em' craft projects. Weaving sounds fun marionk - is that with wool? I tried knitting, but I found my concentration drifted too much, and I could never remember to count, or what pattern I was supposed to be doing lol.
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Post by marionk on Jun 20, 2016 10:11:49 GMT
I'm always looking for new things to add to my long list of 'love em and leave em' craft projects. Weaving sounds fun marionk - is that with wool? I tried knitting, but I found my concentration drifted too much, and I could never remember to count, or what pattern I was supposed to be doing lol. I mostly use real wool, spun for weaving, not fluffy knitting 'wool'. Depending on what kind of weaving you want to do, you can use pretty much anything though, even strips of old T-shirts! My favourite weaving is tablet weaving AKA card weaving, because I can do it without without an actual loom, so it's very portable, and I use old playing cards cut down and holes punched in the corners for the 'tablets', so it's zero equipment cost! It's pretty complicated to start off, but once you have got it started it's highly addictive, and I go into hyperfocus with it.
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Post by Babble on Jun 24, 2016 13:34:24 GMT
Sounds interesting! I like the idea of weaving old t-shirts - I have about a million that I should really get rid of, but don't like to since it seems a waste.
I know what I'll be watching on Youtube tonight!
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Post by Babble on Jun 29, 2016 13:51:10 GMT
Still haven't heard back from the MH team, and I've lost interest in pursuing it tbh. Other more interesting things going on. Fed up of Brexit (though, I was fed up with it about a day into the whole thing anyway). Have a lot of political friends who've been ranting and raving about the Brexit voters on fb, calling them all sorts of horrible things (racists, bigots etc), and I'm just sat there reading it all like 'Wow. So not only are you calling my parents racist assholes (which, FYI, they're not), you're insulting people on the basis that they're spreading hate by expressing prejudice. Well done - hypocrisy at its finest.' Democracy. It's a thing. Just because it didn't go your way, doesn't mean you get to piss all over everyone else opinions. I'm a disappointed Remainer too, but I'm more disappointed that instead of making something meaningful of the situation, a lot of people are just taking the opportunity to scream over each other. Not helping, hindering. How the fuck do they have the cheek to spout ideals of being a united force for good in the EU, when they can't even show a united front on home-fucking-ground? Sorry. Social injustice gets me mad Ignoring all that before I get start channeling Xena again, I've set myself the goal of writing, reading, and drawing every day. Trying to get better at all 3, and practice makes perfect. Struggling not to hyperfocus on writing atm - finding it very difficult to focus on anything else!
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Post by Babble on Jul 1, 2016 8:07:39 GMT
Camp NaNoWriMo starts today!
Set myself the challenge of writing 52,700 words in a month.
Wish me luck, 'cause I'm gonna need it!
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Post by Babble on Jul 1, 2016 11:28:51 GMT
I'm running with the theory that ADDers are like muggles, and NT's are wizards and witches (what would they call a gender neutral/ genderfluid/ genderqueer/ intersex magical person btw? That's something for me to ponder late at night when I should be sleeping). That's the only way to explain their magical feats of memory. My manager remembered something I'd organized and dealt with that to my knowledge had been completed, but actually hadn't due to an issue (either no-one told me, or I don't remember them telling me) weeks ago and said that I couldn't 'keep just dropping things and waiting for someone else to deal with them, because couldn't be bothered.'
Yeah, that's me - totally lazy. I just sit here all day and think of all the things I could be doing if only I could be arsed.
And yes, it's my fault for not disclosing my condition (which I have no 'official' proof for anyway), but I feel like it's pretty obvious how hard I work, so having it insinuated that I'm lazy really fucking hurts.
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Post by Bee on Aug 5, 2016 1:34:51 GMT
Babble I hope you're well! I just typed out an addition to my diary, but realised around half way through that I was trying to post it in yours! I just looked at the thread name (Abble Babble) and was like 'yep, that's me'... This whole shared name thing is weird I enjoy having a doppleganger though xxxx
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Post by Babble on Aug 12, 2016 8:42:30 GMT
Hi BeeI'm good thanks! You? Your house looks amazing btw - love all the Nightmare Before Christmas stuff you've painted. Seriously freaking awesome It is pretty cool having a doppleganger. Sometimes I see things you've posted and think 'I don't remember writing that', then realise it was you lol Off to read your diary post now
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Post by Babble on Aug 12, 2016 8:52:34 GMT
Life update! 'Cause it's been a while. Still undiagnosed, still having a daily fight with mental dragons (as in dragons in my head, not crazy dragons), still haven't heard back from the MH team (nearly 7 months later. Great service.). Buuut... I've had a bit of a brain overhaul recently. Gonna stop trying to find answers about the way I am, and just focus on dealing with it. Exploring new things to see what makes me happy. It's been keeping me busy, and I've ben pushing my boundaries a lot - been kinda fun So far I've had a camping weekend at a folk festival, went on holiday to see a friend (went swimming in the sea!), chucked out about 5 bin bags of clothes, and this weekend I'm going to Cardiff Pride! So yeah, all good at the moment. I'm never going to be perfect, and sometimes I'm even okay with that lol.
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