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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2009 9:49:44 GMT
Hi everyone, I hope i've put this posting in the right place! I have just been reading the thread about organising an National Adult ADHD charity which sounds brilliant it would really give me some encouragement for telling people. When I was dx'd (2 years ago) I did the usual blurt it out to who ever Iwas talking to. This soon stopped once I realised the look on peoples faces It funny that people will look at you and think you are odd for saying but it will never occure to them that you are behaving like that because you have ADHD LOL!! So I was wondering is anyone very open about saying you have ADHD? I am sure if we all 'came out' it would really help. The thing is how do you 'come out' And how do you explain it to people. For example my family know I have ADHD but if I forget to send a birthday card/write a thank you note, thant kind of thing I can hear the muttering of disaproval. THe anoying thing is i am a really caring person who hates to upset people. I also find it stange that my nephew (he is 20) has ADHD (with some learning difficutlies) and my family make allowances for him (not that begrudge that at all). I think a late dx makes it harder. Anyway, back to the point! Do we tell and how do we tell??? ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2009 12:48:26 GMT
I seem to tell people constantly. Ive been thinking I need to stop because of those same looks. Should I be bothering about what society thinks of me?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2009 12:50:56 GMT
I am very careful about who i tell as in the past (when awaiting diagnosis) i have found people can be quite thoughtless and sometimes say things like, 'but I'm quite forgetful' or 'I do stupid things from time to time, maybe we have all got adhd (said in jest, regardless of the fact that they invariably have degrees and good jobs and I don't, despite us having been in the same classes at school and despite my two woeful attempts at university). People can be such t1ts.
My parents know, my partner, employer and a few close friends. I would be happier about 'coming out' if there was more favourable coverage about adhd in the media tbh...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2009 12:55:12 GMT
I tell those that need to know or can be trusted to be understanding.
My new boss knows.
My old one didn't (occupational health did).
I get a bit fed up with people saying 'well I'm like that' when they patently aren't.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2009 12:59:37 GMT
your last line echoes my sentiments exactly planetdave! f*ck 'em!
Occupational health made me cry! Aged 28!
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Post by tequila on Apr 30, 2009 13:13:30 GMT
A lot of the people who I know think it is just an excuse.. esp ones I work with. They don't get how I am ok some days and not on others. And guess what?! These are people who work with vulnerable young people. The word I have started to think of now is..regulate. I have no control over which bits and days are good or bad, but how the h*ll do i get others that actually don't care that much to care?? It's exhausting. I can see them looking at me and thinking,' she's at it!' or, 'she just makes excuses for the way she behaves and for being lazy, skatty. emotional, stupid'... Anyway something else.. Guess who is the one who has great results at work? Who can organize a royal visit in 4 days with NO help from anyone else? Who started a boxing club when everyone said it would never happen? Who has y/p queuing up to do the Duke of Edinburgh's Award and take part in youth activities!!?? ME! ME! ME! (happy now Gordon!!).. but seriously...Although I try really hard not to get upset, I sometimes do. Although I try the hardest I can to concentrate, I can't always do it..Although I try not to disrupt the office with my chat and continual activity.. I just can't help myself some days..!! Regulation just not happening.... The joys of ADHD.. Oh and something else.. The office moo...since she found out that i ahve AdHD and am not at it..has started to be my friend..She is making me biscuits and cheese and asking me if I am hungry.. (did she read something on this forum about hunger!!) I doubt it but anyway i am making the most of it while she is being nice and yesterday i caught myself thinking she was quite nice!! See I am deluded.. or maybe the jury's still out...
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Post by lily on Apr 30, 2009 14:40:37 GMT
Hi mrsmuddle
If (more likely when) I get diagnosed as having ADHD I am going straight to my boss to explain the situation and I am going to try and briefly explain why and how it effects my not being able to work as well as I should be able to. I wouldnt have bothered telling my boss but hes getting so fed up with me being basically crap that im terrified im going to lose my job and if he knows I have adhd then its gonna make it harder for him to fire me!
Im also going to tell all my family and friends. Well most of my family know already but have just been basically taking the mick out of me! Not my immediate family cos they know what im like but aunts, grandparents etc. are not havin any of it!
If im in social situations I probably wont mention it unless I do something excruiatingly embarassing then I might end up blurting it out to try and explain odd behaviour!
I am just going to sit down with my grandma and try and prepare something brief beforehand like a simple explanation of what adhd is (no working memory etc.) and how it effects peoples daily life (money, work, relationships) then encourage her to ask me questions so I can try and dispell any negative pre-conceptions she might have. Does that make sense?
Lily x
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2009 16:35:57 GMT
Hi mrs muddle,
I've taken a similar approach to many people by only telling those that I need to tell- i.e. my partner, my family, my friends. I haven't told my bosses since I'm better at my job than most of the people in there so I don't see the point trying to get dispensations when i don't need any. But then everyone's situation is different, I'm lucky that I work in a factory floor style environment where you work at your own pace, up on my feet moving around all day, no customers, no phone calls, no paperwork (well for now, just been promoted to manager, what was I thinking?!). I can see that an office environment where you are stuck to your desk would drive me mad and my ADHD would need more accommodation, and I notice that most people who have told their bosses seem to work in those environments. To be honest, its only my very closest friends who seem to actually care about it, i'm going to a hen night with friends from school back in scotland tomorrow and i'm pretty sure i won't bother telling them because i don't think it will even register in their heads! Its not that they don't care about me, i just think it will go in one ear and out the other!
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Post by roland on May 1, 2009 9:38:11 GMT
When I was first diagnosed, I was so excited I told everybody I met, and a few were genuinely interested and a couple even said they had been wondering about themselves, but I did encounter some stares as well as negative comments (thanks Panorama and others : after that I cooled it a bit and really only told people who I knew would understand or who needed to know. But for some reason that made me feel guilty and untrue to myself, so since then I've been more open and advocacy minded (although I do try to pick my fights judiciously--what a lovely word so un-ADHD!) for example I've tackled my own PCT head-on, and my name goes on all the aadd-uk letters. But like lemonsnake, I know that for some people it will go in one ear and out the other so I don't bother with them. BTW I completely agree with you about the press and that's why on the website under the press enquiries section we've posted a link to their own Code of Practice, and why we keep looking for sound and positive articles. Anyway, I'm rambling now, and this post is getting too long, and my dog is barking at something so gotta go for now!
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2009 11:16:00 GMT
Thanks for all your replies. Seems like we all did pretty much the same thing. Franticly (sp!) telling people then grinding to a halt! I really don't want to be imbarrassed about it but what can you do? Damned if you do, damned if you don't . Thanks again everyone. X
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2009 11:16:34 GMT
Thanks for all your replies. Seems like we all did pretty much the same thing. Franticly (sp!) telling people then grinding to a halt! I really don't want to be imbarrassed about it but what can you do? Damned if you do, damned if you don't . Thanks again everyone. X
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2009 15:46:06 GMT
hey everyone! i honestly find telling people very hard, it's not actaully a problem that people know much about, if you say "i've got asthma" they know what it is, but if you say "i have ADHD" they say "i thought that was only kids," "you don't seem hyperactive to me" or "everyone's forgetful, what makes you different" etc... in fact, i had an NHS mental health nurse say these to me!!! i've had someone say "i've heard lots of doctors don't believe that exists!"frankly, i find it all so frustrating, i don't tell anyone really... although i would tell a girlfriend (definitely!) or an employer (i think) my mum & dad know, and they're good about it, i've told my brother, but he doesn't believe in ADHD. ('cos he's an arrogant git!) ;D basically i wish i was a bit braver, and could tell everyone and be an ambassador for adhd. but there's SO MUCH bad information and moral judgements in the media it makes it hard! Grrrrrrr another thing i've tried, is to say "i have a neurological disorder which affects my short term memory and my ability to concentrate" and deliberately leave out the term ADHD, because people seem to accept it more easily. -matt
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2009 16:40:05 GMT
Hey Matt, I love your fancy ADHD description, think i might use it to baffle people in the future ;D
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2009 19:00:43 GMT
cheers mrsmuddle, it does tend to stop people asking any further questions! ;D
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 8:26:07 GMT
It is sad that you should need to hide what is a kind of disability because others (including mental health workers?!!!) not understanding, nor wanting to understand the condition. Why is it people can make up their own opions about facts that is it is only a child condition, bad parenting condition, it doesn't really attitude? I initially thought why should it be hidden behind a 'nerological condition' because of other's attitudes, the I thought a change of name might have a change of attitude. For example, we tend not to use the term mentally handicapped, but learning disability instead, cerebal palsy instead of spastic. We say: those with autim or ASD instead of 'autistic'. Just a thought...... I meet with the same attitudes referring to my son's needs. It is all about ignorance. Can we not have a national awareness raising day/week perhaps and sit outside our local mntal health services and supermarkets?
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Post by annie on May 3, 2009 9:03:40 GMT
Hi jayj and everyone else!
There is actually and adhd awareness week (started about two years ago) It's in September so perhaps we could have some ideas about how we can promote the awareness of adult adhd?
annie
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 14:50:37 GMT
well done jayj and annie! -i can feel the fire of activism in my belly! maybe we could get somone without ADHD to organise it for us! ;D seriously though, i think we should be thinking of ways to raise awareness. i've decided to spend the day thinking about it, and i'll get back this eveining with some ideas! although, i'd recommend everyone else thinks about it too, 'cos my ideas are highly likely to be a bit pants! -m
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 19:19:44 GMT
Matt,
we should organise it ourselves! Its good practice, we'd just need to organise it in an ADHD friendly way!! Lots of post it notes or something...
We could make a video of a boss looking man sitting behind a big desk telling us something, but keep cutting a few of the frames out every few seconds then end with a caption that says something like 'this is what people with ADHD experience every day'
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 19:23:28 GMT
Actually, i just remembered I'm running the Great North Run this year, maybe I could dress as ADHD Armadillo or something?!
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 19:33:20 GMT
don't worry lemonsnake, i was just being silly by suggesting we get someone else to organise it! ;D i like your idea for an advert type thing!.. and the ADHD armadillo, i wonder if there's an animal that sums up adhd?... hmmmm actually, better not think of that, or i really will get distracted!
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Post by twix on May 3, 2009 19:40:33 GMT
Goldfish. Well I have a memory like one.
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 19:42:59 GMT
goldfish is an AWESOME suggestion!!!...
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 19:56:57 GMT
Twix,
goldfish is a totally awesome suggestion, not least because I'm fairly obsessed with fish, owning the salmon of knowledge costume from the wicker man film is one of my ambitions!! Yeah I know, we can be a bit weird sometimes can't we?
I might just go as a goldfish anyway!
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 20:19:46 GMT
The Salmon of Knowledge the ADHD Armadillo I must be dreaming... I do love the image though of adults running around with an armadillo outfit on, acting like children, loving every minute of it. Brilliant.
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2009 21:52:55 GMT
Hey these are great ideas. Just trying to imagine a hyper gold fish. What's the deal with armadillos? Are they bad at remembering birthdays LOL!! How about 20 little people running someones brain, all shouting and distracting, then now and again they all disapear and he's left with no one in his head. Can I be this random here and get away with it . X
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2009 9:49:51 GMT
I just suggested an armadillo because it started with an A , you know like Paisley Panda, actually maybe you wouldn't know that one, I expect i'm the only St.Mirren supporter on here!
I was amused at the thought of running around in a goldfish costume, so up until this point i hadn't told my bosses that I had ADHD then they turn the telly on and I'm standing there in a goldfish costume raising awareness of ADHD!! I'm sure it would go down like a lead balloon!
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2009 10:10:06 GMT
LMAO, I know the Paisley Panda but its only cos Im a football nut. Im a Motherwell fan so its almost as bad, but not quite. I wondered where the Armidillo came from:)
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2009 14:11:24 GMT
HAHAHA, fantastic lemonsnake!.. i'd love to see your bosses face if that happened!
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2009 14:50:33 GMT
lol funny lol
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Post by Mouse on May 4, 2009 18:45:16 GMT
As well as an animal .. what about a symbolic act of some kind... The word was that feminists burned their bras... I could have an inferno with my knickers - the fire'd be seen from out in space!
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