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Post by vagueandrandom on Aug 25, 2015 11:05:13 GMT
Someone I saw a month ago who said "we must do this and that etc. etc while you're off work" (I've known them for 30 years)
Replied to an email I sent yesterday notifying that I'm back at work in 2 weeks with "Full on after today . . . how about now?"
This was as 10pm last night! By email, not text, so I didn't see it until today! I'm inclined to just reply "fuck off then!" but I don't really have any other 'friends'.
This is a recurring theme. When we see each other, everythings fine and I can be myself without any filters or guards and they always say 'let's do this again'.
If I suggest meeting they're always busy except for the one time I'm not free, or "how about now?" We live about a mile apart and have met 3 times this year (once by coincidence).
At least I'm moving hundreds of miles away soon, then I won't have to worry about it.
And, of course I TAKE IT ALL SO FUCKING PERSONALLY!! and now I'm convinced that everyone hates me.
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Post by tessaract on Aug 26, 2015 17:35:22 GMT
Sounds familiar
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Post by contrarymary on Aug 26, 2015 18:06:50 GMT
i can identify with at least some of what you say : i really don't get that thing of how to book something up with someone, which seems to have some sort of unwritten code that everyone else knows and I was off school that day apparently i generally either leave it an unacceptable length of time, or hassle too soon. i have no idea what i'm supposed to do - say yes around someone else's diary when i don't want to? not say yes to anything? keep people hanging on for ages so they've forgotten about me? i'm just not good at "normal" everyday keeping in touch with people. if they're there, great, i'll see them. if we're friends, i'm happy to meet up/get in contact whenever... weeks, months or years don't matter if we're friends . answer: find neurodiverse friends who have similar expectations? or make an effort to get into the pattern that fits with a particular friend if that particular friend is important to you? I feel like an alien giving advice to another alien as to how to pass for an earthling!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Aug 26, 2015 20:32:31 GMT
I feel like an alien too contrarymary when it comes to making/keeping friends - I just don't know how people do it! The thing is, that I'm really good at talking to people, I'm good fun (sometimes too much), funny (not always intentionally) and I've been told that I'm good company. I have loads of casual aquaintancies, I just don't know how to convert them into friends. My default for being popular socially is that I mainly socialise with gay men - the slightly nerdy art/music-obsessive types - and they love my unconventionality. BUT gay men always prefer to hang out with each other and that's fine. It's always me that has to go to places/events where I know they're going to be. I invite myself, and they're always pleased to see me. I've been doing a lot of reading about ADHD and social skills and this is going to be my main focus after I've moved house. I'd really like to get some good therapy or training to try and work it out. PS. The friend who was too busy sent me a text an hour before a film started in the West End. I was in the gym after seeing the same film at 2pm near home!!!! PPS. The Wolfpack is a good film
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Post by petra on Aug 27, 2015 0:07:51 GMT
Fellow alien here...social skills is one area meds don't seem to have helped with - apart from giving me increased insight and clarity into how poor (read none existent) my social skills are
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Post by JJ on Aug 30, 2015 2:08:46 GMT
Have I understood properly @vaguerandom ? "Friend tries to make plan at short notice having not committed when it was expected they would" For that I read ADHD .... I may well have got wrong end of stick.... But of the limited friends I have, the best ones are those who don't make me commit to anything in advance and make plans at the last minute... Tho I do get how ADHD traits are infuriating / hurtful - even when you totally get / are them
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Post by vagueandrandom on Aug 30, 2015 16:03:30 GMT
I have had my suspicions JJ about my friend possibly having ADHD. I think that it's more that they don't want to see me, but want to look like they're willing to by offering a time that they know I can't make. It's a regular thing. However, they're always late, lose stuff and have had treatment for substance and sex addictions. But also tidy, organised and self-motivated. This post was more about my reaction to them doing it AGAIN and how shit it made me feel.
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Post by computermandan on Sept 7, 2015 13:01:12 GMT
Cue singing.... "wooaah I'm an alien..." sorry had to post it - me too.
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Post by contrarymary on Sept 7, 2015 17:33:06 GMT
funnily enough computermandan i ws going round the house singing that earlier today.. brilliant song
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