Post by aceface13 on Aug 25, 2015 16:32:24 GMT
Difficult day today..
I love my job with young people who have additional needs, but the training is so hard for me.
In meetings and training I can listen, engage, discuss ideas, give new ideas, be creative. However, at the same time I feel like a massive spring inside me is getting ready to explode and that I am actually physically and mentally in agony due to the long periods of sitting and listening and being still.
I feel terrible towards the trainer because he must have thought I was so rude and ignorant and arrogant, but I was taking in everything being said and thinking it through, the only difference was that at the same time I was lesson planning, drawing a rather intricate pattern (which I was quite pleased with) and shifting seated positions every 2 minutes. Torture!!
Okay, so this doesn't have to happen often in the job I'm in. Mainstream school days are over and now I have creative and independent freedom in my teaching. Good. However, I am always surprised and disappointed and left feeling like a failure when I cannot endure a day of 'sit down' training.
I do take medication and try to only use it when I know I will need it. I am quite happy to run wild during times when I am around accepting folk and in open spaces!! Only, the medication doesn't stop me finding it incredibly tricky to keep still during these meetings/training sessions.
Yes, I go to the toilet every 30 mins or so and walk around the area as much as possible, yes I ask as many questions and answer them to prove I am listening, but NO! No, it still hurts my brain and actually, my very soul to sit in that chair without moving for any longish period of time.
I am the one sat in full lotus pose on my chair with 10 different coloured pens spread out before me, two different types of drinks, a note book filled with anything from 'The spiritual properties of Lead' to 'How to incorporate sign language into whole school literacy' notes arranged within countless doodle borders. Gosh!
On the plus side, today, I got my safeguarding certificate, planned the first month of my lessons, worked out how lead in the soil might effect biodynamic crop growth, organised fellow bridesmaids in assigning cake making duties for my best friend's wedding, applied for a middle management role as my job, helped two new staff members with their planning, saved an earthworm about to be trod on, harvested my courgettes in the garden, created a choreography to a yoga/mantra dance, made the final wedding lantern, and did a mammoth gym session at 5:40a.m this morning including a 5k interval run/sprint in 30 mins.
Efficient.
Hopefully no torturous training/meetings again too soon. Maybe some sedatives would be useful.
Although this is a rant, I am also grateful to be who I am and although I am a giant pain in to arse to myself (and possibly others at times), I mean no harm and try my best to be a kind person.
At least I get things done, sometimes not finished!
Thanks for reading my rant. Would be interested to hear similar experiences, advice or comments.
Blessings,
x
I love my job with young people who have additional needs, but the training is so hard for me.
In meetings and training I can listen, engage, discuss ideas, give new ideas, be creative. However, at the same time I feel like a massive spring inside me is getting ready to explode and that I am actually physically and mentally in agony due to the long periods of sitting and listening and being still.
I feel terrible towards the trainer because he must have thought I was so rude and ignorant and arrogant, but I was taking in everything being said and thinking it through, the only difference was that at the same time I was lesson planning, drawing a rather intricate pattern (which I was quite pleased with) and shifting seated positions every 2 minutes. Torture!!
Okay, so this doesn't have to happen often in the job I'm in. Mainstream school days are over and now I have creative and independent freedom in my teaching. Good. However, I am always surprised and disappointed and left feeling like a failure when I cannot endure a day of 'sit down' training.
I do take medication and try to only use it when I know I will need it. I am quite happy to run wild during times when I am around accepting folk and in open spaces!! Only, the medication doesn't stop me finding it incredibly tricky to keep still during these meetings/training sessions.
Yes, I go to the toilet every 30 mins or so and walk around the area as much as possible, yes I ask as many questions and answer them to prove I am listening, but NO! No, it still hurts my brain and actually, my very soul to sit in that chair without moving for any longish period of time.
I am the one sat in full lotus pose on my chair with 10 different coloured pens spread out before me, two different types of drinks, a note book filled with anything from 'The spiritual properties of Lead' to 'How to incorporate sign language into whole school literacy' notes arranged within countless doodle borders. Gosh!
On the plus side, today, I got my safeguarding certificate, planned the first month of my lessons, worked out how lead in the soil might effect biodynamic crop growth, organised fellow bridesmaids in assigning cake making duties for my best friend's wedding, applied for a middle management role as my job, helped two new staff members with their planning, saved an earthworm about to be trod on, harvested my courgettes in the garden, created a choreography to a yoga/mantra dance, made the final wedding lantern, and did a mammoth gym session at 5:40a.m this morning including a 5k interval run/sprint in 30 mins.
Efficient.
Hopefully no torturous training/meetings again too soon. Maybe some sedatives would be useful.
Although this is a rant, I am also grateful to be who I am and although I am a giant pain in to arse to myself (and possibly others at times), I mean no harm and try my best to be a kind person.
At least I get things done, sometimes not finished!
Thanks for reading my rant. Would be interested to hear similar experiences, advice or comments.
Blessings,
x