mike
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Post by mike on Sept 8, 2015 18:48:54 GMT
adhd and sex i am naturally very keen as it were just when life gets too much i completely loose my mojo....no desire for it cant handle it life has got too much in the last few years the pressures/stress of moving from the country to london trying to get more focused and specialised with my work and a marriage and all the associated commitment that these bring. is this something directly linked to adhd? how to turn this around? its quite major to me as im loseing the love of my life because of it and a chance of children.....obviously! if anyone has anything to say or experience of this please let me know a private message would be great if its embarrassing mike.
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duckster
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Post by duckster on Sept 9, 2015 23:23:33 GMT
are you sure you aren't depressed? the things you say are also symptoms of that so it may be worth looking into... keep us updated
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mike
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Post by mike on Sept 10, 2015 6:54:47 GMT
thanks for the reply duckster.
yes i think depression is more than quite likely. i am as yet still awaiting a diagnosis for adhd, im trying to understand in the meantime wether the adhd is the likely cause of the loss libido and if this is a "normal" trait?
please do consider im 40 and never really considered haveing any mental health problems! im still i guess going through a process of coming to terms with it all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2015 9:07:58 GMT
I don't have any wisdom on the original question but what you said about reaching 40 before even considering that you might have mental health problems really resonates with me. There is so much to think about.
I'm glad you felt comfortable to raise the question of libido on here and I hope others may be able to help, but do go to your GP if you feel able. They will be able to look at the specific issue in context of your overall health. If it is contributing to secondary fertility issues then don't delay in seeking professional help, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, even though it can feel that way.
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mike
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Post by mike on Sept 10, 2015 19:59:16 GMT
hi pelargonium ive been to quacks, had test for thyroid 3 times,even had a test for testoserone which was hugely embarassing nobody at the hospital had ever heard of it being done! and of course tested to see wether i was firing blanks! all tests fine and in normal levels for someone my age. hey ho more work to do yeah not figuring i had any mental health issues is a bit of a biggy for me, yeah i knew i used to feel a bit down but just carried on battling through it bit like life in general! when it comes to being embarassed i think ive given up on that now,the discovery of adhd has been liberating in some ways and painful in others
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Post by manson88 on Sept 10, 2015 20:27:51 GMT
I just wanna say that libido is one of the first things of interest a man looses when they are depressed.
But the orther thing sex increases pleasure- endorphins and dopamine levels. So to feel good about yourself you should still be trying.
From experience, medication makes it difficult as well, cause you find yourself work twice as hard for same pleasure if you can get it to work lol.
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mike
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Post by mike on Sept 10, 2015 22:49:08 GMT
manson88 thanks for the post ok so most likely caused by depression... so can adhd cause the depression? cant say i quite know where im going with this topic but lets tickle it and see if i laugh ! then i should know if im getting somewhere manson88 erm not being intrusive but when you say "From experience, medication makes it difficult as well, cause you find yourself work twice as hard for same pleasure if you can get it to work lol." could you enlarge? sorry that wasnt meant to be but i guess it is a pun! oh shit ok think i understand,i have done a fair bit of speed in my time and sex well that was never gonna happen. so sounds like im erm......insert whatever expletive you like.... dont think im liking this
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Post by manson88 on Sept 11, 2015 6:29:11 GMT
manson88 thanks for the post ok so most likely caused by depression... so can adhd cause the depression? cant say i quite know where im going with this topic but lets tickle it and see if i laugh ! then i should know if im getting somewhere manson88 erm not being intrusive but when you say "From experience, medication makes it difficult as well, cause you find yourself work twice as hard for same pleasure if you can get it to work lol." could you enlarge? sorry that wasnt meant to be but i guess it is a pun! oh shit ok think i understand,i have done a fair bit of speed in my time and sex well that was never gonna happen. so sounds like im erm......insert whatever expletive you like.... dont think im liking this Well it's fairly simple some types of antidepressants cause interference with your reproductive organs. It says on the labels as well . I have noticed that it doesn't stop it from working. They just don't work as well or as effective as what they would or they might work too well!! Lol But if you are with your partner & she understands you, loves you dearly and respects you and gives you the time you need. It's only you has the issue to get over it? You gotta think about is it worth being on medication if it makes this issue in bed. Cause if she loves you she will not care about the small details and try help you find away round it should it mean going slow at things or doing things slightly different --lol. You will find a way. Depression I'm no expert, but a lot of my depression is caused by high levels of anxiety. Example, if I had an appointment tomorrow morning it would be on my mind all day long. My anxiety levels would be fairly high to the level were the anxiety would be crippling me. The next day I would be neckered - wrecked no interest in anything. Would be looking to lying on in bed and if I did get up I would have little motivation. Hope this helps.
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jonbob
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Post by jonbob on Sept 11, 2015 7:23:05 GMT
manson88 thanks for the post ok so most likely caused by depression... so can adhd cause the depression? cant say i quite know where im going with this topic but lets tickle it and see if i laugh ! then i should know if im getting somewhere manson88 erm not being intrusive but when you say "From experience, medication makes it difficult as well, cause you find yourself work twice as hard for same pleasure if you can get it to work lol." could you enlarge? sorry that wasnt meant to be but i guess it is a pun! oh shit ok think i understand,i have done a fair bit of speed in my time and sex well that was never gonna happen. so sounds like im erm......insert whatever expletive you like.... dont think im liking this I'll weigh in on this one too I think. The way my Psychiatrist tells it is that in a lot of cases where ADHD is co-morbid with the depression, the depression is essentially a symptom of the ADHD. Because of the enhanced 'failure rate' that us ADHDers tend to have, our self esteem takes a pretty substantial pounding, both by external factors i.e. 'oh there's such and such, looks like they've failed again' as well as internal factors, particularly when we are undiagnosed. So, 'oh look, there's another thing I've tried, been über enthusiastic about for 5 minutes and then failed at, everyone is right, I AM just a slacker/lazy/useless/stupid etc'. If you don't know you have ADHD and this goes on for years, then it's fairly easy to get depressed due to those factors. I was treated for depression for years before I got the ADHD diagnosis, and it tended to follow what I mentioned above. ADHD > Low self esteem = depression basically. So where does that leave you in terms of libido? Well - again speaking from personal experience - when life is good, I'm a regular 'horn-dog', sky high libido, just can't get enough. Thankfully, the Mrs has a similarly 'healthy' sex-drive, so not a problem. Even when she's not available, 'self-amusement' does factor in. It's my natural sim of choice I guess. However............. When I'm going through a period of depression, the opposite becomes the case. Weeks/months can - and have - gone by. I know I'm become very introverted and selfish when I'm depressed. The outside world and anyone in it cease to factor. My energy levels drop, and any enthusiasm that I might have had for the 'good stuff' goes out of the window. I think this is less about my appetite for sex, maybe more about how I'm viewing myself at the time. The mindset being somewhere along the lines of 'I'm so useless, I don't understand why anyone would want to be with/touch/like/value me' a vicious circle that self-perpetuates when I push my other half away. Depression loves to be proved right in that respect. I'm not sure what advice I can give you, I'll need to give that some thought. But I'd start by having a bit of a think about what is your mindset when you're knocking your good lady back. As much as you might think it is, it won't be a purely reflexive thing, there will be a thought process behind it. Understand that, and you might be able to get somewhere.
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Post by manson88 on Sept 11, 2015 9:02:21 GMT
I thought I was discrete lol ⬆
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Post by vagueandrandom on Sept 11, 2015 9:36:12 GMT
I've been thinking about the cause/link/comorbidity between depression and ADHD a lot recently.
It's well documented that depression can effect your libido, which is related to not liking yourself very much.
I came to ADHD diagnosis through searching for the 'cause' of the many bouts of depression I've had throughout my life.
My lifetime mantra has always been 'Not good ENOUGH'.
I set my standards too high and take on too many things at once. I try to do 'normal' things and have an expectation that I 'should' be able to do everything.
I set myself up to fail. I become overwhelmed. I have temper-tantrums. I hate myself.
So does ADHD cause depression? It certainly makes it worse and probably more frequent and prolonged.
I think that being undiagnosed for 48 years made my depression and low self-esteem more ingrained.
Treatment, particularly talking therapies, for depression will never be successful if the ADHD is not recognised as a factor.
I became aware of this in my latest batch of counselling when I'd read a lot about ADHD and was awaiting diagnosis. My counsellor interpreted my inability to get things done/started as a lack of motivation. When I tried to explain why I thought that I might have ADHD he obviously thought that I was deluded, as part of my mental illness, thinking that there was something wrong with the working of my brain, which was causing my depression. . and I can see why. . . but he also didn't know anything about ADHD and didn't think that some of the things that I now know *are* ADHD were any more than symptoms of depression.
The depression questionnaires ask questions which are always going to score highly because it's how I always am, depressed or not, such as 'do you move quickly as if powered by a motor or move so slowly that others don't notice?' 'do you eat too much, or not enough?' 'do you have problems sleeping?'
We all know the questions, so I won't go on. My point is that if a therapist doesn't know about ADHD their advice isn't going to work. I've been told to 'try a bit harder' when I try harder at everything all the time more than anyone I know. . and I still fail.
I don't know if my undiagnosed ADHD caused my depression. I think I'll always have a tendency to become depressed, but I'm hoping that now I have some tools to improve things.
I've gone on too long now about depression when this thread started about sex. But I agree with the others that it's actually about depression.
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mike
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Post by mike on Sept 11, 2015 13:52:10 GMT
. I've gone on too long now about depression when this thread started about sex. Haha word !
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mike
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Post by mike on Sept 11, 2015 13:59:08 GMT
thanks everyone so much sense has been made. it is confirming what i feel and hoped to hear. i might still be wrong but it will all come out in the wash i reckon. so no libido from depression,depression from anxieties,anxieties from adhd. a nice chain there helps seeing it written simply. maybe it is just to simplified logic but currently im finding it settling. i'll mull this lot over and put more up when its been chewed over a bit! thanks again all
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jonbob
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Post by jonbob on Sept 11, 2015 14:17:40 GMT
thanks everyone so much sense has been made. it is confirming what i feel and hoped to hear. i might still be wrong but it will all come out in the wash i reckon. so no libido from depression,depression from anxieties,anxieties from adhd. a nice chain there helps seeing it written simply. maybe it is just to simplified logic but currently im finding it settling. i'll mull this lot over and put more up when its been chewed over a bit! thanks again all De nada buddy
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