Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2015 8:52:50 GMT
I apologies in advance for poor grammar and spelling.
About a year ago after years of depression and anxiety( I'm 37) I was diagnosed with ADHD. OH! how I am starting to hate those four letters! Don't you just hate the non - believers! and the people who say there is no scientific evidence for this condition! Yet they don't question the validity of other medical conditions or psychiatric disorders( as much, or with as much vigor).
Then there are the anti - stimulant med brigade. They make me sick. Their perception of stimulant medication is that it's basically cocaine and we ADHD 'ers are just drug addicts.
Then there are those kinds folks that highlight the gift of ADHD. Sure, a lot of talented people have ADHD, and i can see that if you happen to be talented or clever then the fast thinking of several things at once would be incredibly useful. But if like me your of average intelligence then it simply means that you want to know everything but can't focus on one thing to learn it properly at any given time because your focused on the other several things that you need to do NOW!
I also detest the way ADHD is described. As in how it's present's itself, or shows itself. Inattentive, unfocused, etc. Those are tame words that do nothing to reflect the severity of it. Zoning out, fidgety, poor concentration. Makes ADHD sound like a lazy day in snooze town and gives arms to the disbelievers. And don't get me started on those piffy articles that attempt to explain ADHD as highly treatable, non psychiatric, neurological disorder, because, it's both!
I hate ADHD with a passion. It's not big or clever.
Almost a year on from diagnoses and I haven't improved one little bit. Prior to diagnoses I was heavily depressed. Many medications tried, many psychological therapies attempted. After twenty six years of struggle finally a referral to a psychiatrist. I didn't believe it at first. Sometimes now I still think you can read a mental health condition's symptom's on any mental health webpage and see something that relates to your own struggles, like reading the astrology section of a magazine.
I had high hopes. Help at last. Maybe I'll turn my life around and have some of those things that had been previously out of reach. A job I like, money, social life. Bye bye depression and anxiety, hello future. Well that hello is still echoing round the vast emptiness of what I thought was recovery.
Buoyed by the help I thought was coming I at least got back to work. And right at this point in time I am on my forth job in less than a year. And I am avoiding it. Job number five beckons.
Ah familiar misery. Back to the ADHD merry go round.
When I left school at fifteen I embarked on what can only be described as a merry go round. Actually misery go round is more apt. Jumping from job to job without much pause for breath. Family thinking you want to be unemployed or that your selfish or can't be bothered. I only now realize this was an anxiety problem. Which is back. I haven't slept properly for days. I have a really bad headache. I am too anxious to go back to work, probably sacked by now anyways. I want to call the Dr but what's he or she going to do? Nothing i expect. I don't even know if i can contact my psychiatrist directly? Should I have a crisis plan? Because I am in crisis.
The crisis that is the crippling shame and anxiety of ADHD. Of never ever attaining anything. Of getting big ideas of which nothing occurs. Just ideas. Because when you sit down to the idea/s, you get another, and another, and another. And as you get older with it, the slow realization.....This is not going to get better. You'll never find a good job. You can't have a social life or a partner really because you haven't those qualities that a significant other would would find desirable. Last I checked there weren't much folks into plonkers with issues and a cash flow problem. Yet sometimes I look at others and it amazes me they actually have the cheek to be in a relationship with some one!
I think the only reason Concerta worked initially was because I though I'd finally gotten somewhere. I do think it works a bit, don't get me wrong. It's just not enough. I had high hopes. High hopes.
I hate the vast nothingness of my particular brand of ADHD. I have no plans. Nothing. I physically have nowhere to be. No one to see.
Is my face bothered? Erm a little bit.
I am off to dream about things I'll never achieve. Keeps me going.
I have been housebound more or less for five years. In that time i have given up. All those things I used to juggle, Partner, kids, job, finances, hobbies, social life, all gone.
My anxiety is over powering me. I want to sleep but i just can't.
I try to write on here what i am thinking, and i think i am writing what i am thinking, but something else comes out!
I think i am going to be sick
This is becoming unbearable. I can't cope with this ADHD anymore. It's too late.
I don't understand why i can't make sense of all this.
I wish my mind would just be still!!!!
About a year ago after years of depression and anxiety( I'm 37) I was diagnosed with ADHD. OH! how I am starting to hate those four letters! Don't you just hate the non - believers! and the people who say there is no scientific evidence for this condition! Yet they don't question the validity of other medical conditions or psychiatric disorders( as much, or with as much vigor).
Then there are the anti - stimulant med brigade. They make me sick. Their perception of stimulant medication is that it's basically cocaine and we ADHD 'ers are just drug addicts.
Then there are those kinds folks that highlight the gift of ADHD. Sure, a lot of talented people have ADHD, and i can see that if you happen to be talented or clever then the fast thinking of several things at once would be incredibly useful. But if like me your of average intelligence then it simply means that you want to know everything but can't focus on one thing to learn it properly at any given time because your focused on the other several things that you need to do NOW!
I also detest the way ADHD is described. As in how it's present's itself, or shows itself. Inattentive, unfocused, etc. Those are tame words that do nothing to reflect the severity of it. Zoning out, fidgety, poor concentration. Makes ADHD sound like a lazy day in snooze town and gives arms to the disbelievers. And don't get me started on those piffy articles that attempt to explain ADHD as highly treatable, non psychiatric, neurological disorder, because, it's both!
I hate ADHD with a passion. It's not big or clever.
Almost a year on from diagnoses and I haven't improved one little bit. Prior to diagnoses I was heavily depressed. Many medications tried, many psychological therapies attempted. After twenty six years of struggle finally a referral to a psychiatrist. I didn't believe it at first. Sometimes now I still think you can read a mental health condition's symptom's on any mental health webpage and see something that relates to your own struggles, like reading the astrology section of a magazine.
I had high hopes. Help at last. Maybe I'll turn my life around and have some of those things that had been previously out of reach. A job I like, money, social life. Bye bye depression and anxiety, hello future. Well that hello is still echoing round the vast emptiness of what I thought was recovery.
Buoyed by the help I thought was coming I at least got back to work. And right at this point in time I am on my forth job in less than a year. And I am avoiding it. Job number five beckons.
Ah familiar misery. Back to the ADHD merry go round.
When I left school at fifteen I embarked on what can only be described as a merry go round. Actually misery go round is more apt. Jumping from job to job without much pause for breath. Family thinking you want to be unemployed or that your selfish or can't be bothered. I only now realize this was an anxiety problem. Which is back. I haven't slept properly for days. I have a really bad headache. I am too anxious to go back to work, probably sacked by now anyways. I want to call the Dr but what's he or she going to do? Nothing i expect. I don't even know if i can contact my psychiatrist directly? Should I have a crisis plan? Because I am in crisis.
The crisis that is the crippling shame and anxiety of ADHD. Of never ever attaining anything. Of getting big ideas of which nothing occurs. Just ideas. Because when you sit down to the idea/s, you get another, and another, and another. And as you get older with it, the slow realization.....This is not going to get better. You'll never find a good job. You can't have a social life or a partner really because you haven't those qualities that a significant other would would find desirable. Last I checked there weren't much folks into plonkers with issues and a cash flow problem. Yet sometimes I look at others and it amazes me they actually have the cheek to be in a relationship with some one!
I think the only reason Concerta worked initially was because I though I'd finally gotten somewhere. I do think it works a bit, don't get me wrong. It's just not enough. I had high hopes. High hopes.
I hate the vast nothingness of my particular brand of ADHD. I have no plans. Nothing. I physically have nowhere to be. No one to see.
Is my face bothered? Erm a little bit.
I am off to dream about things I'll never achieve. Keeps me going.
I have been housebound more or less for five years. In that time i have given up. All those things I used to juggle, Partner, kids, job, finances, hobbies, social life, all gone.
My anxiety is over powering me. I want to sleep but i just can't.
I try to write on here what i am thinking, and i think i am writing what i am thinking, but something else comes out!
I think i am going to be sick
This is becoming unbearable. I can't cope with this ADHD anymore. It's too late.
I don't understand why i can't make sense of all this.
I wish my mind would just be still!!!!