Post by 1jja on Nov 16, 2015 9:20:55 GMT
Hi there,
Newbie, ignorant and still in denial here.
My DW is not happy with me generally at the moment and has decided to take a few days off away from me to…. do what ever she does to try and calm down, no matter what my work schedule, hobbies (requiring meetings and out of work get-togethers) or taking care of our son. So less hours at work, let people down from hobbies and spend more time with my son…. well, that I don't mind so much lol. But otherwise is all fine, because she is important to me.
Anyway, this morning I get up and get dressed to go to work. I need to get in early and my wife will sort our son out. I get up, say goodbye to my wife and give her a kiss. I go downstairs and get my things together and am on my way out the door when my DW, not quite shouting or anything but with a slight aggressive and annoyed undertone in her voice, asks me why I did not wake her up because, apparently its late for her to get our son up ready for school.
Now, when I get out son up, I do it about 1hr and 15 before we have to walk out the door. My DW doesn't need that long. I don't know how long she needs. I am either out the door before she wakes up or in bed snoring my head of when it is her who is getting our son ready. My wife a very capable person and she is 99% on top of all things she is involved with. So to think that she wasn't in control with getting up in time to organise our son for school did not ever for one second enter my mind
So she has a go at me for not realising that is was late and that I didn't get her up.
1. I did not know she was late.
2. Did she think I intentionally did to wake her up for some reason.
3. If she overslept, why take it out on me, like it's my fault.
4. And by waking her up to give her a kiss goodbye, did I not by definition, wake her up. I mean, In waking her up, I gave her a great opportunity to have a go at me from the top of the stairs. (jest)
Sometimes I think that it is not the single situation that has p'ed her off. But the result of a collection of, what I can only assume are let downs, disappointments and lack of meeting her expectations. You know, to a standard that where I am supposed to behave, think and act how she wants me to act. Oh, and apparently I put her down with short, small quips of mentions all the time. Which in my head are only suppose to be helpful comments, suggestions and trying to figure out how her brain works.
I was reading another tread here about a car parking situation where the passenger had suggested a really useful, practical, logical and most of all a caring, thoughtful, selfless and loving solution to a car parking situation. A suggestion, I myself would have been grateful, thankful and appreciative of. But instead was met with frustration, annoyance and generally negative response.
And as I am reading the responses, which generally say, "you shouldn't have said anything…, You should have put it a different way…, etc. I thinking to myself, who is the one with the problem here? The passenger or the driver? For me, it's the driver who is emotionally inept. The driver is the one who doesn't know who to handle emotions or a conversation/discussion.
Now admittedly, I have no idea on the back story or anything leading up to the point or to know anything about that straw and the camels back. So is it really about the parking or waking up late, or about something else?. This is the denial part in me at the moment. I feel like it is the people who are getting upset with me that they are the people with the issue. Not me… Am I wrong to think that?
Thanks guys.
J
Newbie, ignorant and still in denial here.
My DW is not happy with me generally at the moment and has decided to take a few days off away from me to…. do what ever she does to try and calm down, no matter what my work schedule, hobbies (requiring meetings and out of work get-togethers) or taking care of our son. So less hours at work, let people down from hobbies and spend more time with my son…. well, that I don't mind so much lol. But otherwise is all fine, because she is important to me.
Anyway, this morning I get up and get dressed to go to work. I need to get in early and my wife will sort our son out. I get up, say goodbye to my wife and give her a kiss. I go downstairs and get my things together and am on my way out the door when my DW, not quite shouting or anything but with a slight aggressive and annoyed undertone in her voice, asks me why I did not wake her up because, apparently its late for her to get our son up ready for school.
Now, when I get out son up, I do it about 1hr and 15 before we have to walk out the door. My DW doesn't need that long. I don't know how long she needs. I am either out the door before she wakes up or in bed snoring my head of when it is her who is getting our son ready. My wife a very capable person and she is 99% on top of all things she is involved with. So to think that she wasn't in control with getting up in time to organise our son for school did not ever for one second enter my mind
So she has a go at me for not realising that is was late and that I didn't get her up.
1. I did not know she was late.
2. Did she think I intentionally did to wake her up for some reason.
3. If she overslept, why take it out on me, like it's my fault.
4. And by waking her up to give her a kiss goodbye, did I not by definition, wake her up. I mean, In waking her up, I gave her a great opportunity to have a go at me from the top of the stairs. (jest)
Sometimes I think that it is not the single situation that has p'ed her off. But the result of a collection of, what I can only assume are let downs, disappointments and lack of meeting her expectations. You know, to a standard that where I am supposed to behave, think and act how she wants me to act. Oh, and apparently I put her down with short, small quips of mentions all the time. Which in my head are only suppose to be helpful comments, suggestions and trying to figure out how her brain works.
I was reading another tread here about a car parking situation where the passenger had suggested a really useful, practical, logical and most of all a caring, thoughtful, selfless and loving solution to a car parking situation. A suggestion, I myself would have been grateful, thankful and appreciative of. But instead was met with frustration, annoyance and generally negative response.
And as I am reading the responses, which generally say, "you shouldn't have said anything…, You should have put it a different way…, etc. I thinking to myself, who is the one with the problem here? The passenger or the driver? For me, it's the driver who is emotionally inept. The driver is the one who doesn't know who to handle emotions or a conversation/discussion.
Now admittedly, I have no idea on the back story or anything leading up to the point or to know anything about that straw and the camels back. So is it really about the parking or waking up late, or about something else?. This is the denial part in me at the moment. I feel like it is the people who are getting upset with me that they are the people with the issue. Not me… Am I wrong to think that?
Thanks guys.
J