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Post by adhdude on Nov 17, 2015 1:14:47 GMT
I'm working on a big project at university, in a group of 6. The other 5 in my group love meeting up to work, during the day, well in advance of deadlines.
I've been trying my best to fit in with their way of doing things, but they've still been complaining that I'm late to meetings and don't get anything done (which I actually do, just not in their presence). I'm working at least three times harder this year than the last and it's still not good enough, apparently. It seems that they want me to be working while they are, which I try my best to do but really struggle with. What's most annoying is that I've actually contributed the most work - I contributed to 29% of the marks so far, which should ideally be 17%.
I prefer working on my own parts of the project at home and during my own time. I don't know how my group manages to get stuff done with everyone talking so much and distracting each other.
Anyway, they've been getting really annoying. At one point, I couldn't hold it in anymore and yelled really loudly at one of my group members about his nagging, which immediately silenced the entire room - I'm usually the quiet one lol. I stepped back a little and skipped a couple of meetings after that (I still did the work from home). A few days later and I rejoined the meetings to find they've all started it again.
Only one person in the group knows about my ADD and he complains the most (the one I shouted at). This is really frustrating. I hate coursework as it is - I'm much more of an exams person. I feel like I'm in a deep pit with my group and I have no idea what to do about it.
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Post by mypineappledream on Nov 17, 2015 5:20:34 GMT
I have found that being open about my adhd and just telling people that this environment isn't working for me helps a lot. It makes people more willing to work in smaller groups, quieter areas or even letting me work from home. Uselly when I have to sit in larger groups to do work I can "fake" looking for information and do the work later, but that may not work in some scenarios. I also try to get people on my "side" socially as that seems to help with their tolerance for crazy. So baking and bringing cookies, pies and such. Driving people home. Taking a intrest in whatever they talk about socially. Also taking on responsibility for certain tasks.
Not sure if any of this is a help to you. I used to have a lot more conflicts, but it can get better.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2015 10:04:27 GMT
Do you have a personal tutor with whom you could discuss this? You may also get advice/help from Student Services. If group work is a necessary part of your course, then the university should be willing to put in support mechanisms for you, eg perhaps offering mentoring support for you to work through the frustrations, to help you manage not to have outbursts which unsettle the relationships in the group. What course are you on, and what does your course marking scheme have to say about groupwork? It depends on the course but, often, you will be marked as much for your "working with others" skills as for the actual content you contribute. In which case, the work you do on your own at home may not be enough in its own right to fulfil the marking criteria. It is really important that you look at those marking criteria to make sure your efforts are being directed in the right place. Something I would say is that lots of students find difficulty in group working, whatever their own strengths or weaknesses. Some groups "click" immediately, some take longer. It is important that you take some steps to deal with this but please don't feel alone. Your tutors will see this sort of thing happen all the time, and they should be able and willing to help you.
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Post by adhdude on Nov 17, 2015 19:56:01 GMT
Do you have a personal tutor with whom you could discuss this? You may also get advice/help from Student Services. If group work is a necessary part of your course, then the university should be willing to put in support mechanisms for you, eg perhaps offering mentoring support for you to work through the frustrations, to help you manage not to have outbursts which unsettle the relationships in the group. What course are you on, and what does your course marking scheme have to say about groupwork? It depends on the course but, often, you will be marked as much for your "working with others" skills as for the actual content you contribute. In which case, the work you do on your own at home may not be enough in its own right to fulfil the marking criteria. It is really important that you look at those marking criteria to make sure your efforts are being directed in the right place. Something I would say is that lots of students find difficulty in group working, whatever their own strengths or weaknesses. Some groups "click" immediately, some take longer. It is important that you take some steps to deal with this but please don't feel alone. Your tutors will see this sort of thing happen all the time, and they should be able and willing to help you. Thanks for the response. I'm studying Chemical Engineering, so there is quite a bit of group work. In terms of grading for this project, we all get the same mark for the reports and aren't graded based on contribution, although there is a peer review. I do have a tutor and even a coordinator dedicated to this project. The thing is that if I bring it up with them I'd feel like I'm using ADHD as an excuse, which I kind of vowed to myself that I'd never do. Thanks for the reassurance btw
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Post by adhdude on Nov 17, 2015 19:59:59 GMT
I have found that being open about my adhd and just telling people that this environment isn't working for me helps a lot. It makes people more willing to work in smaller groups, quieter areas or even letting me work from home. Uselly when I have to sit in larger groups to do work I can "fake" looking for information and do the work later, but that may not work in some scenarios. I also try to get people on my "side" socially as that seems to help with their tolerance for crazy. So baking and bringing cookies, pies and such. Driving people home. Taking a intrest in whatever they talk about socially. Also taking on responsibility for certain tasks. Not sure if any of this is a help to you. I used to have a lot more conflicts, but it can get better. Haha, kissing up to them - I could give that a go I don't know if I'm ready to tell them openly about my ADHD just yet, though. Thanks btw for the reassurance - it does help. It helps to even just know that there are people like you who are willing to take the time out for things like this .
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2015 21:13:25 GMT
It might help to talk to your tutor, especially if you get a sense that your outburst has been brought to any staff member's attention. Tutors generally like to feel they can help, so you could be upfront and say that you don't want to use ADHD as an excuse, but you would value some advice.... You don't need to mention ADHD to your peers but they might be more sympathetic if you explain that you struggle a bit focus in group situations, but that you don't mean to cause any tension. Sometimes it disarms people when they get a sense that you are struggling but that you are aware of the need to work on it.
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