davem
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Post by davem on Jan 22, 2016 23:05:45 GMT
As a child, I was incredibly hyperactive. I used to climb under my desk and crawl about on the floor in my classes in primary school until I was aged about 8. I was quite difficult to teach as I couldn't focus and I'd spend the entire time talking to my class mates. As I got towards aged 10, I'd settled down a little bit but, by this time, I was prone to shouting out the answers. It's odd because I was one of the most able children but, what I know is ADHD, held me back.
In the end, I left school with no GCSEs, having not taken a single GCSE examination. After years of minimum wage jobs that I would leave pretty swiftly as I'd get bored beyond frustration doing them, I decided to re-enter the education system. Eventually, I secured a first class degree in Psychology and an academic prize for outstanding performance. This was followed by an MSc, which was awarded with distinction, and last year I had my PhD in Experimental Psychology/Behavioural Neuroscience accepted with minor revisions. I am currently making the revisions to my thesis. I've been burned out since the PhD as I struggle incredibly with planning and especially working in an environment that requires absolute focus. Tasks take me so much longer and I am prone to silly errors.
Since my viva, I have struggled to secure work. A lot of this is probably because I have been applying for jobs that I am now far too qualified to do. I simply can't face working in a high pressure environment that demands sustained attention and rigorous planning just yet. Thus, I am left looking for dead end jobs. I feel like I have gone full circle.
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luna
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Posts: 18
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Post by luna on Jan 31, 2016 23:15:28 GMT
I only want to say that, wow, that is an amazing feat! I'm struggling badly getting through anything at all (I lack motivation and persistence, not brains - I'm not always sure what's worse), and here you are with a PhD! Truly inspiring to read
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auxilia
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Posts: 22
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Post by auxilia on Mar 29, 2016 11:15:24 GMT
A great achievement Davem.
I am in my mid/late forties and have only recently been diagnosed - I've managed to get a degree but with all my qualifications, it was always a case of 'scraping through' (all my exam passes are C grades!). I always feel that I have not reached my full potential in my various careers, for similar reasons that you give in your account.
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Post by easilydistracted on Apr 7, 2016 19:57:36 GMT
Having risen from a regional shop floor job to a head office job only for the role to change so much that hard work cannot make up for my disorganisation and inability to time manage or complete jobs, I am the embodiment of the Peter Principle. And I have been found out I will not have a job for long, the moves to have me sacked have been temporarily stalled by my referral for an ADHD assessment, but that won't last. And to be honest, I'm not sure I want to stick it out. I'm in a role I struggle with, that I'm under scrutiny also means that any error or omission gets noted rather than waived and the public lecturing and corrections are taking their toll on me. I really want out. I want my old job back, the one where I was frenetically and chaotically busy and nobody noticed my chaos amid the all the other chaos, but that's the stuff of dreams, it ain't gonna happen. That perfect middle ground was a creature of its time and of companies that no longer exist. So it's bye bye open plan office with its too many distractions, the deadlines, the report writing, the anal dress code and the seat that I'm not allowed to move from and instead hello forklift licence renewal and agency work in nightshift warehouses where the tasks and priorities are tangible and a bit more obvious. The drop in wages will suck and take some getting used to, but trying to stick it out where I am with my head the way it is will either put me in the loony bin or six feet under. And who knows, maybe that happy chaos still exists out there, somewhere
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Post by Ormally on Apr 7, 2016 22:09:27 GMT
Wow. Painful though that is, reading your post has lit up several lightbulbs in my mind like Christmas trees and I'll be processing these for some time. You are so right...happy chaos. I love events myself and a quickly changing whirl of a task log where things are predictable only to a certain extent - because, yes, the likelihood of being "found out" is much reduced, and I look unflappable and capable. And oh, the misery of 8, 9, 10 hours on a torturous chair. It seems to take 2 years for me to go to pieces when turned into a pressure cooker of responsibility. I have never managed more than that and the more it happens, the greater the despair. I much prefer a job where I have the option to bolt if it comes to it (i.e. temping).
I really hope that you find something that makes you contented, without too much painful machinations to get it, and wish you luck. I'm grateful to you for putting this in writing because it's going to make me digest some truths about myself, somehow or other.
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Post by easilydistracted on Apr 8, 2016 21:00:19 GMT
Yes, temping Van driver, roof insulation maker, milk bottle maker, nan bread packer*, cake packer, security guard, polystyrene packaging maker, luxury cruise luggage unloader, milk bottler, shelf packer, home security canvaser, traffic census taker, shipping container loader and at other times unloader, spice packer, pc case front assembler, hoover nozzle maker, leaflet distributer, stocktake taker and probably a few more, some for just a day, some for a few months. Some of the work was dull, some of it difficult to manage to stick a shift out for, but for the worst there was always the option of phoning the agency at lunchtime and saying "don't send me back here tomorrow". The upside massive though, new places to go, new people to meet, new things to experience and learn, all the time feeding that craving for novelty and a complete lack of responsibility. Finding the balance between being the man with the broom, the man who tells the man with the broom what to do and the man who tells the man who tells the man with the broom what to do what to do is difficult! Technical ability pushes me towards the higher end of that scale, organisational ability towards the lower and it sounds like you are the same. That you get yourself into positions of too much responsibilty means you have the technical abilities to be recognised and then be pushed upwards. How to find the balance in the need to meet commitments, the ability to buy toys come payday, the desire to have some (but not too much) responsibility, the joy of finding a job that is challenging and interesting in itself, that awkward moment when you meet an old friend and they ask "what are you doing now?" and the peace of mind that comes with being able to turn your back on work come 5pm? Suggestions please! Truth be told, what will probably happen is... I still won't have my CV done** by the time the trapdoor opens under my feet and I find myself without a job again, I'll sign up for the first employment agency that will promise me a shift tomorrow and I'll go back to doing what I do best, drifting through life. * This was probably the worst, the place stank to high heaven and we had to hide in the toilets for a smoke even during our breaks. ** Hey, I'm thinking about thinking about doing it, that's progress, right?
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auxilia
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Posts: 22
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Post by auxilia on Apr 10, 2016 11:35:46 GMT
easilydistracted (love the nic BTW!) I don't like the sound of "public lectures and corrections", which sound a lot like workplace bullying to me; can I asked if you are in a union?
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Post by easilydistracted on Apr 10, 2016 21:34:38 GMT
Hi,
No, not in a union and, to the best of my knowledge, there isn't one, it's not that kind of place. It's probably a bit late for me to join one now.
I'm not so sure about the bullying. Yes, the lecturing is carried out in an inappropriate manner, but I'm also aware that I am able to inspire feelings of immense frustration and annoyance in people, so for me to cause someone to boil over and snap is unfortunately not a particularly new experience.
So, yes, hurtful and humiliating, but no, I don't think deliberately so. We can and do talk when calmer heads are in place.
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Post by justsawasquirrell on Apr 23, 2016 10:23:49 GMT
New here but can relate to all of this. Started out in a tiny village school and excelled at maths/spelling, got a bursary to an all boys public school ( no way my parents could have afforded it, or without help from my nan ).GCSEs fine then downhill, failed uni, failed agricultural college, failed to fulfill my potential! I see traits in my father as well....failed veterinary medicine and spent the rest of his working life as a house builder, his van ( office lol ) forever full of rubbish,receipts,tools, general crap; and I still can rarely get a word in at times. Being preoccupied by the thought of ' I could do better than this ' has always affected my attitude to work, but the concentration and motivation to do anything about it has never come. I must just be lazy Hats off to those of you that have managed to achieve your potential
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emory
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Hi, not been on here in a while so just saying hello to anyone who's there
Posts: 30
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Post by emory on Jul 19, 2017 15:10:06 GMT
I can relate to some of this, but honestly its the feeling of being a failure and feeling that everyone is better, or better off than me that really gets me (at work and at home, but its at work that it really affects me). makes me feel depressed and I lose the will to do things, People notice this and I don't think I could even begin to explain it to them. I get that "impossible mountain to climb" feeling.
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