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Post by Sam the man on Feb 4, 2016 18:19:45 GMT
I have been in a relationship for the past 12 months, with a very beautiful girl who has a brilliant mind. At the start everything was fantastic.. I couldn't stop thinking about her, i would deliver her flowers etc on our month anniversaries, always making a huge effort to let her know how much I appreciated her. After the honeymood period was over things began to go downhill. I felt as though she never made enough effort and she said 'just make the same effort i do.' There have been so many times i have nearly broken up with her, or suggested it to her, but secretly I know that if she agreed to it it would hurt like hell. I also make very stupid comments sometimes, for example I would say things to intentionally hurt her, even though its the last thing I want. I would frequently make stupid suggestions to see how she reacts, almost to make sure she loves me, and then when she doesn't respond in the way i wish, i get very low and once again consider breaking up with her. This happens on almost a daily basis and is very tiring, however even though I know its unhelpful i cannot stop doing it. I get very jealous very easily and very frequently jump to conclusions. I have just been diagnosed and im wondering if this is related, and will go away with medication, or i just suck really badly at relationships. Any help is much appreciated!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 4, 2016 22:37:01 GMT
I know exactly where you're coming from.
It's like we've got this massive 'self-destruct' button.
I have no advice, because I'm just the same.
Talk to her. Tell her how ridiculous this thing can be.
And that you mean it at the time (for 5 mins) but in half an hour, you'll love her more than ever.
Talking's good. Understanding's good.
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Post by anopheles on Feb 5, 2016 9:46:39 GMT
Relationships are hard. I went through a lot of short relationships because after the 'love hyperfocus', my inattentive normality would return and, I think, my partners thought I had lost interest and jumped before being pushed. Also, because 'familarity is the enemy' sometimes I would stop concentrating and let something inappropriate pop out of my mouth, which did for a few girlfriends.
I'm now in a 7 year relationship with a woman who, mostly, understands me. Communication is the key to everything, but try to go easy on the over sharing.
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Post by manson88 on Feb 5, 2016 17:59:46 GMT
Im just left a 17 year relationship..
All I can say is that you need frequent heart to hearts. Not pillow talk not but sit down at the kitchen table and talk properly.
It's difficult to get someone to talk who doesn't want to talk. I was in a position were I was happy to go to marriage counselling but the other half said no.
I would also suggest that if you go for counselling for yourself which you probably need. I would suggest you bring her a along also so she can hear and understand.
After being were I have been, my next relationship will be different.
Maybe I will meet someone who can understand has had experience of mental health. I would really like to meet someone who cares about me and wants to move forward also accepts how it is.
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