jules
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You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
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Post by jules on May 28, 2009 0:06:56 GMT
Hi
Stuggled to keep friends all my life.
Being a single working mum and having years of dealing with every type of doctor's appointment, therapys, kids clubs educactional stuff etc for my son. I wasn't able to maintain my friends very well or get for one reason or another. I had too much else going on running a house on my own and everything which goes with that, being mum, fighting with the NHS for years over Adult ADHD and my own health problems. My dad died and I was never the same he was my friend.
I haven't progressed in my career for years because of the problems with my son and being constantly called to school with hardly any support from anyone. I now work part time in an IT Company with doesn't excite at all, not what you would call a career..... yet past I have managed people, trained people, had wonderful and rewarding times with friends everywhere but still suffered with ADHD.
Now medicated I see how I have been manipulated and bullied in my life. Sometimes certain people have to be weeded out of your life for one reason or another. Leaving even less peps in ones life.
At this moment I have never felt so lonely in mylife I have little free time from my son and have lost myself the past two years.
I never knew lonely comes with a really sickly lost horrible feeling it's awful I have so much to share.
I'm to young to feel this way!
Anyway ....
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on May 28, 2009 0:10:17 GMT
Should read........ Friendships - Lonely « Thread Started Today at 12:06am »
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi
Stuggled to keep friends all my life.
Being a single working mum and having years of dealing with every type of doctor's appointment, therapys, kids clubs educactional stuff etc for my son. I wasn't able to maintain my friends very well or get OUT for one reason or another.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2009 12:13:10 GMT
Hi Jules,
Welcome to the club. Your story is very familiar to many onthis board. I know it is one of my biggest problems. ATM I haven't any great answers. I have spent years feeling quite lonely and never seem to 'fit in' with the other Mums at the school (I have 2 boys).
But this is a VERY friendly forum and we are here to discuss serious issues or just to have a chat. Join in on any of the discussions or start your own thread, we will all welcome you. Take care xxx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2009 16:20:14 GMT
Jules, Im going to answer you when I can compose myself. Im currently obsessed with bringing my ex gf down and I cant think of anything else. Lets say for now that I can totally empathise.
As the great Arnie said "I'll be back"
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Post by roland on May 28, 2009 19:33:01 GMT
Hi Jules,
I too can definitely empathise!
And in part this feeling may be because you've now got a diagnosis and are taking meds and can see things from a different perspective.
I'm wondering if Dr Mason knows of a therapist who could help you deal with the loneliness?
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Post by twix on May 28, 2009 20:16:32 GMT
Try and see this as the beginning of a better stage in life now you know what's going on and you can start to deal with it little by little.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2009 22:57:46 GMT
Hi Jules,
A quick intro. When I moved to Spain and came back after 3 years I was already a little isolated from my friends but Ive got gradually worse. After breaking up with the ex gf I have been on my own for about 5 months now and coming home to silence has driven me up the wall. So I am now getting myself out, even if it is for a couple of hours on my bike, and it really has helped. Ive bumped into some old friends as well.
Whatever the reasons, we are that same juncture. Caught up in so many things and not having any ME time. I know how easy it is to say go out, but it is the way forward. I really can empathise with how easy it is to not go out. Way too easy, but we got to try. Try organising at least some free time where you can begin to get out and about to start with. You will be surprised at how much better you feel for it. Be it going out walking, meeting some old friends, anything.
Being alone just makes things worse in my book. I totally realise you might feel alone and there a big hurdle there that you cant get over but you can tackle it in small chunks. Think of some things you have a passion for and start there.
Hope this helps. Im no master at all this, its much easier saying than doing I know. PM me anytime as well Jules.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2009 0:02:37 GMT
MS That was the begining of the end of my friendships! I moved to Spain for 2 years,I actually did pretty well at keeping in touch for about a year. Then when I came back everyone had moved on. Bummer!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2009 11:24:48 GMT
Jules can I also suggest that you try and stop doing so much. I know that isnt easy in your position but I didnt mean stop looking after your son Ive noticed since I stopped my studying and stopped doing everything for everyone else, I actually have some free time where I dont feel the need to be doing something. I think this free time is where I have found my lease of life. Obviously you have to fill it with some enjoyable things but you got to start somewhere.
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 3, 2009 19:40:31 GMT
Hello Everyone, Thank you all for replying - this forum is great - I will login more often - Thinking of starting a support group for Adult ADHD here in Liverpool. We all need to share our experiences so we can grow and learn. Love Jules x
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2009 20:41:42 GMT
You not close enough to Gary Sendall's group...or Teresa's?
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 5, 2009 17:08:28 GMT
Hi I live in Liverpool and have been to Gary's group on the wirral..... thanks
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2009 18:26:57 GMT
So you've tried Gary...how about Teresa? I've met her and she's very......tall and Scouse Liverpool ADHD Support Group Supporting People With: ADHD Contact: Teresa FitzGerald Phone: 01512 505911 Email: TERESAMARIAF@aol.com Voluntary Organisation We meet every Thurs between 10-12 at; West Everton Community Council, 33 Everton Brow, L3 8PU Ask for Teresa
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2009 19:29:39 GMT
Hi Dave
I thought the Liverpool one was mainly for parents with Adhd kids? Have you found this?
I'm planning to go to the next Waddsup one on the Wirral, it is a bit of a trek to get to from Liverpool especially if you don't drive but i found gary very welcoming last time i went (admittedly quite some time ago, maybe 2 years i am rubbish)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2009 19:53:29 GMT
I met Teresa at another ADHD event and she didn't specify parents only. I'm pretty sure it's strong on parents (the timing suggests it) but, as always happens with these things, they found a lot of them have ADHD too. Teresa will tell you all about it - in detail And 'my' support group is the same - I turned up for a parents meeting (I don't have kids) and now it's 'anyone interested'.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2009 20:05:45 GMT
yeah just checked the website and as per my memory of contacting them a few years back their service is specifically for parents & kids up to 18.
I'm told I look young for my age but that would be pushing it a bit!
A
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 16, 2009 17:27:11 GMT
Hey Everyone,
I feel so much better in fact I amaze myself some days the meds are helping me so much (still have downs and worries) - i have lots of friends everywhere just not in this neighbour hood and wasn't making an effort to see them. i am turning things around and my old pre mother business mind is coming back and I have achieved lots in work and boss in pleased. It's a good feeling. We need an adult group in Liverpool !!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2009 22:13:37 GMT
yeah just checked the website and as per my memory of contacting them a few years back their service is specifically for parents & kids up to 18. I'm told I look young for my age but that would be pushing it a bit! A ;D No harm in contacting them again. 'My' parent support group now welcomes adults (used to be parents/<25s only) - such as me. Well..I'm over 25 officially
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 16, 2009 22:32:20 GMT
I really want to help parents myself no one should struggle as I have - i want make it my new career !! ... and still work 2 day's in an IT company.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2009 22:42:24 GMT
Ideal - nip along to one and see if they want a bit of help.
I did.
I'm loving it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2009 10:38:45 GMT
That aint a bad idea at all Dave. Its something I might actually enjoy myself
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2009 19:06:30 GMT
Hi Jules
I am also in Liverpool I agree with what your saying think I might be able to help out with city centre location for support group, and general help let me know if you are interested.
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 18, 2009 21:49:23 GMT
Hi Safensound,
My house is so big I could do a group here !! - went to Gary's group on the wirral last night which was great.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2009 22:06:40 GMT
OK if you need any help promoting etc let me know would be interested to come along or just generaly help out
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 18, 2009 22:15:22 GMT
I enjoyed Gary's group last night - I loved being with all the ADHD Adults and sharing stories it feels like home!!! Don't have to explain myself. Safensound - Do you takes meds Jules
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2009 9:45:18 GMT
Hi Jules & Safensound
do either of you work near the city centre? Would be great to meet up one lunchtime or something.
Andrea
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jules
Member's posted somewhat
You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
Posts: 83
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Post by jules on Jun 19, 2009 16:06:38 GMT
Hi Pipkin, I work in Tithebarn Street - but don't have time for lunch (long intense days) I would be good to meet up chat and being with people who understand helps
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2009 18:16:30 GMT
i am all over the place at the moment no routine would be good to meet up though have to arrange something, maybe at a support group have you ever been to one, i went to Wadsup this week with Gary. Was good to talk to others could of talked all night so much to say its like a dam has given way when you find out. People who you can relate to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2009 4:43:10 GMT
Hi Now medicated I see how I have been manipulated and bullied in my life. Sometimes certain people have to be weeded out of your life for one reason or another. Leaving even less peps in ones life. At this moment I have never felt so lonely in mylife I have little free time from my son and have lost myself the past two years. I never knew lonely comes with a really sickly lost horrible feeling it's awful I have so much to share. I'm to young to feel this way! Anyway .... # me 2! before meds everyone used to mess with my head- they would see they could confuse me, play with my mind, make me feel I was bad and because I'd forget the string of the convo so easy- pretend they were someone they were not and something they were not; aka innocent and a real friend. On meds I could understand what they were up to- the games they assumed they could still play with my head- the way they tried to manipulate me and make me feel bad about myself cos they thought I was the old gullible confusalot me. I wasn't - I could fight back- but that was till I got home and realised- if you have friends like these who needs enemies. Now I have a few friends only- a new one who post-diagnosis turned out to be my rock- the best friend I've ever made. But one solid friend just isn't enough- I feel I depend on him too much- I'm scared I'll rinse him like I have a habit of overdoing, But when you know what you know about how too many people work- what they are after- how they aren't real - just pretenders. How do you know who to trust? who is safe? how many good real honest people their are out there? and when you have been jaded- when too many bad experiences from people who should have scared you if you knew what they would do to you in retrospect- how do you have the confidence in people; moreover in my own judgement to trust others and me again? hey I got lots of questions as you can see but still no answers so if anyone else's self-confidence has been shattered by -past experience- and they have found a way to get it back- please share ! ps does anyone else use the word you and I interchangeably to mean me? lol that's confusing in itself- but I can see now why people get so confused that I am talking about them when I really am referring to myself in a 3rd person kinda way. dunno why i do it though or how to stop
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Post by roland on Jun 22, 2009 7:38:35 GMT
For me it helps to understand that there are different levels of friendships; one or two very close friends whom I trust completely, half a dozen or so additional friends that I share some aspects of my life with but not all, and a much larger circle of acquaintaces who pretty much know nothing about me. I should be honest and add that I really only understand this when, like now while I'm answering this post, I take the time to look back objectively. Most of the time I blunder around either bluntly stating my position, or arguing my point intensely with accquaintances who couldn't care less, or feeling like a zero and saying nothing at all, and all the while neglecting to stay in touch with my closest friends. Anyway, I've now confused myself and I've lost the point I was trying to make . . . . nope it's gone It was my birthday yesterday and I'm still in bit of an alcoholic fog this morning so I'll quit my rambling and go chug another jug of coffee And welcome to the forum Ally
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