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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2009 16:17:37 GMT
I strugle with being assertive anyone found good ways to deal with this. I hate confrontation so i will let things fester and get worse and somtimes get out of hand. This is mainly as i have little patients and if some one has done somthing i find stupid i just wana take off on them. Attachments:
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2009 17:37:30 GMT
i think that problems with assertiveness, confidence, self esteem, things like that, don't come from ADHD itself, they come from living with undiagnosed ADHD for years. i know i've had problems. i think the trick, is to get the ADHD under control, which you're doing, then read all the confidence/assertiveness books and stuff which is out there for 'normal' people (NT's as Planetdave calls em!) here's a link to Lance Armstrong's LIVESTRONG website, which has a little about assertiveness. www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavioralso, i've been reading a book from the library about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) which i've found really fascinating, as i didn't know much about it before... they have lots of techniques for gaining confidence, getting over phobias, and lots of stuff like that. -which you might find helpful. ...now i'm totally determined to learn how to attach a JPEG like you've just done! ;D -MM
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Post by boo on Aug 23, 2009 18:06:19 GMT
matt, i totally agree with your comments, the link looks good too i will be back to have a proper look later
safe, its an issue i need to work on too, i just dont get it quite right when i have an issue i need to tackle and end up
a) a blubbing idiot b) an aggressor c) not saying even close to what i really want to get across d) festering and chewing it all over inwardly and making things a whole lot worse
or
e) all of the above
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2009 19:54:46 GMT
Cheers matt ye it isnt ADHD is it. hadn't even thought about that and the confidence thing aswell that i can see thinking out loud is probably playing on my anxiety. That site looks like a good start i did asertive course b 4 even new of ADHD but was just talking about diffrent types of behavour IE passive agresive etc didnt realy do much for me couple of months later was getting harassed with tons of work and ended just flipping out. NLP thats very interesting thanks for all the info think i need to get more proactive and do more research. The atachment brows on the PC to file and thats it i was looking for atach button but not needed. I live by beach and docks were Antony Gormleys another Place is attached it not the best eg of it. Boo Ye its my meds making me more aware i think feeling like a bit of a door mat or the hulk Attachments:
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 23, 2009 19:57:05 GMT
Well, what a surprise. I can relate to this but always wondered whether or not it was because I was a cowardly lion or custard/pansy/wussy etc.
It seems that I swing both ways. However, due to my sometimes flaring up of irrationality under "perceived stress" I can be the custard one second and then get verbally aggressive.
However, the last time I got involved in violence was at age 12 lol. 22 years later.....
That does not mean that there are not many people that probably wanted to injure me due to "undiplomatic" communication errors at my old retail workplace ( a petrol station for 13 years.)
I call it "getting ahead of yourself" "jumping the gun"
In fact, I even call it mars, jupiter, uranus syndrome. Simply explained, this is the equivalent of a deity hearing something incorrectly, instantly reacting, destroying said stellar bodies and then 2 seconds later saying "oh........what did you say?" NOOB deities are dangerous. Oh, the deity thing is not how I see myself, it just makes it crazy funny in my mind.
Hmmmmm, I think this video clip sums things up.
0-37 seconds is the diplomacy in action until the perceived stress occurs. Note perceived stress can be typically caused by verbal slights, insults, injustice, plain old pathetic people syndrome etc. (victim of the moment lol)
37s+ is my response equivalent, but without the violence. I don't really lose it verbally, but my mind reacts like it is a castle under siege, no "executive functioning" lol just blurt blurt, oops they did not like that.
Of course, the worst thing is when you have to tackle an issue that you have more than 3 seconds to think about............
ie, you need to tell your boss that they need a kicking, or tell people to do this do that. My mind will just overload and I will mostly avoid until I reach 37 seconds, then it all comes out wrong.
Does this sound familiar? Also, I have a doctor's appointment soon and need to tell him what I think of the last 11 months of zero progress and get some hormone blood tests blah blah.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2009 21:24:41 GMT
UPDATE: i've been reading more about the NLP thing, and, the more i read about it, the less scientific it seems... i rekon there's a chance that it's a load of old cobblers! ;D
-MM
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 23, 2009 21:41:20 GMT
Neurolinguistic programming? Yes, I heard that it's a bit debatable. Have you looked into Mindfulness? I think it's also known as dialectical BT? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavioral_therapyActually matt, I was not aware that you were diagnosed inattentive but NOT taking meds. I am still on the path to an adult add specialist, but trying just a few things first. The thing is, how do you really manage? If your symptoms are anything like my unDx symptoms it's a damn nightmare. .
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2009 21:44:48 GMT
Matt
MH ADHD very complex no simple answer at Garys group we were talking about Raki and some other thing he mentioned were you tap yourself and tell yourself your going to have a good day. I was skeptical of alternative therapy until saw doc on TV were they did MRI scan on someone with arthritis and then used acupuncture and did scan and all the pain parts activity in the brain had dropped dramatically. Kind of a different type of touch to what Gary was talking about but just makes you realize how little we know about the brain.
The best one i saw was on that ted .com were the doctor told you all this stuff they knew about the brain and how he used this to get rid of phantom limb amputees by using a box with a mirror to think arm was there when it was other arm so you've got sight and touch doing things you wouldn't imagine.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2009 22:45:10 GMT
hey andy, yeah, i've posted about it before, but maybe it was before you joined.
-i'm really interested in the actions of medicines, and i've read more scientific studies than i care to remember! ;D
i'm also an advocate of people taking medicine for ADHD!
so, because i've been diagnosed, and i'm very pro-meds, i can understand why you might assume i take 'em.
-but i'm not at the moment, although i've always planned to do it when the time was right.
how do i manage?... not so well really, you're right, it is a bit of a nightmare, although, even being formally diagnosed helped me a lot, because it changed the way i see myself! -finding this forum helped a lot too!
but when i was diagnosed in June 08, i had problems which were more urgent, and unfortunately meant i had to postpone taking stimulants.
thankfully, this is now 90% fixed, so i'm hoping to try meds in the near future, as i mentioned in the other thread.
-Matt ;D
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Post by laura on Aug 24, 2009 18:46:25 GMT
being assertive what a new concept! ive started saying no to people which i never did and its amazing, i have time for myself i dont do extra shifts at work everytime they ring and im starting to not feel guilty about it. that article was really good thanx, while reading it i just kept thinking 'really, your allowed to do/say that' ive always put others first. and like you said andy getting defensive even tho u didnt hear what they said in the first place, im always doing it. with my OH we have full blown arguments until we eventually realise we both have the same opinion so there was nothing to argue about, i just heard him wrong or didnt let him finish. oops and matt i agree with your comments too, not having answers, feeling so different and always being critised is bound to affect anyones self esteem and assertiveness, it certainly has mine boo i love reading your posts it always sounds just like me ;D
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 24, 2009 21:50:07 GMT
Blimey, we are all agreeing here. Can't we find something to disagree about for a change?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2009 14:00:11 GMT
matt
do you know much about anomoxatine as i dont know much cant seem to find much on
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2009 15:53:33 GMT
hey, yeah safensound, i know a bit, what do you want to know?...
hope you don't mind me saying, but you're spelling it slightly wrong, it's Atomoxetine
could be the reason for your fruitless searches! ;D
-Matt
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2009 19:15:34 GMT
Matt
I just want to know how it works what it does, not the best discription just havent been able to find anything either real basic or real scientific.
i'll ave to sort my spelling out just being lazy.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2009 19:22:31 GMT
hey safensound, no problem mate, but i'm in a bit of a mad rush... ;D so i'll have to send you the details when i get back!... hope that's okay -have a good evening!
-M
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Post by boo on Aug 25, 2009 19:46:02 GMT
haha.... oh yeah its matts big date night hope it goes well mate
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Post by laura on Aug 25, 2009 21:41:36 GMT
i hope it went well!!! ;D
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 25, 2009 21:42:31 GMT
who's the lucky girl, lol
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2009 21:42:31 GMT
boo
are you sure you don’t own a bridal shop watch out matt she just wants to buy a big hat. ;D
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 25, 2009 21:58:47 GMT
btw-back to assertive bit- sometimes, it's easier to be bossed around, not cos im lazy but often i am good with someone's lead, not always, because I can be assertive in things that are important to me, like I get persistent, very focused on my passions, yet sometimes for some weird reason, I can be too accomodating and laid back and people try to take advantage- yet I am a strong person who can be strong headed and stubborn, anyone find that they can be all things to all people- sometimes I think I could be reincarted as a chamelon, adaptable and camaflouging to all people!!
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Post by laura on Aug 25, 2009 22:09:18 GMT
yeah i think i get what you mean, i can be assertive if im interested or enthutiastic enough.
but as soon as im out the house with people i dont know well or am not interested or bored its like the assertiveness gos, and i find it quite easy to be led especially when its boring , but i wish i could stand up for myself a bit more
i also find it really hard to say no when people ask for favours and i think people do take advantage of it, ive started saying no tho and its great.
chameleon is a good comparison ;D
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Post by boo on Aug 25, 2009 22:26:48 GMT
hahahahaha safe, yeah you got me! ;D
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 26, 2009 1:12:42 GMT
Yes! I could be a chameleon as well. How strange......
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 26, 2009 8:44:40 GMT
we could all be a chamelon family lol
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 26, 2009 14:03:48 GMT
Andy, have you seen twix.....no, have you seen haydreamer,,,,no, have you seen planetdave, no, have you seen safensound, no, have .........SNIP
On second thoughts, the chameleon family is not a good idea, methinks.
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 26, 2009 16:42:17 GMT
I'm back!! ok scrap chameleon family bit,------------ my ramblings taking a wrong direction per usual lol
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Post by laura on Aug 26, 2009 20:04:31 GMT
i know i worry too much but, where is matt? do you think hes been kidnapped by his date? ive got a million scenarios running round my head now! ;D
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Post by boo on Aug 26, 2009 21:04:25 GMT
oh no.................... now i'll never get to wear my hat
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 26, 2009 21:29:31 GMT
oh drat, Matt, come back!, Boo can't wear her hat!!
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 26, 2009 23:08:52 GMT
You secure that head, laura!!!!! Don't think, it's bad for you...
Where in the world if marvellousmatt?
Maybe he and his date hit it off a bit too much? o.O
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