|
Post by haydreamer on Oct 19, 2009 18:41:41 GMT
How does anyone find living alone ??? I want to be independent, but past experiences made me feel lonely and I liked to talk and share the day with someone in evenings, if your single, how do you motivate yourself to get into work, is it self-respect, fear, bills what, i think i would work more if I had a child then it wouldnt be all about me, me , me? I also enjoy the comfort of home with parents, but I see friends living in their own homes, could i survive or will everything come tumbling down on my head? ??? i have inattentive adhd, so, motivation and proscrasination is hard ::)
|
|
|
Post by twix on Oct 19, 2009 18:48:11 GMT
I like it, no one moves my stuff around, I can do what I want when I want. I suppose I like a bit of peace in the evenings because I have to talk to people all day, so sometimes I want quiet when I get home. If not then I can go and see friends or phone people, but I have the choice. How about moving to a shared house if you want to be more independent from your parents but not on your own. But be careful not to end up with bad housemates!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2009 18:53:23 GMT
I live alone
On the plus side no-one tell me what to do/when etc and it's very liberating.
But it's bloody expensive, you can get VERY lonely and the place could slide into a choas of untidyness/general ADHDness very easily.
If you are prone to not eating properly then stick with the folks - if not then find a roomie to split the bills with...and make sure they have a tidyness gene without being too annoying.
Best to share with the most boring person you can stand (as long as that includes them being a tidy nut).
Solo and ADHD? It's not easy.
|
|
|
Post by laura on Oct 19, 2009 20:08:36 GMT
i live on my own with my son, with my bf flitting in and out.
i have to say i like it on my own, my son definately helps motivate me into doing things, i have 4 cats so there is always at least one of them around and at night they all sit on the bottom of my bed warming up my feet ;D
i dont eat well tho, find it hard to motivate myself to do things washing clothes always gets done pots dont (luckily my bf does them for me when he comes round ;D) as ive said b4 my house has piles. so sorry not really answering your q, i suppose there are positives and negative to both
i just dont know if i would be able to live with someone, i dont like people telling me what to do, where to put my stuff ect (even tho i need it)
and are there really tiy people that arnt annoying?! ;D
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2009 20:25:52 GMT
I hate being alone one time became realy isolated and actually thought if i dont go home and see family soon i am going to go mad! but I dont think i suit a family life to self centered just like others in my family find a family hard work and not much fun work work work!
But yes Dave is expensive economy of scale I hated sharing accomidation as little patients for people who decide to eat my food or have a party mid week etc as just felt like butchering and having a roast with a nice bottle of chiantee fiiff fiffi! LOL
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 19, 2009 21:50:47 GMT
Honesty deserves honesty so I can add my own thoughts this, as an non-DX, but the feelings are exactly the same. I have so far, never had the inclination to leave my parents, or to even bother with relationships. It puts me in a position of literally being a hermit potentially. I am very intolerant of people who don't fit my regime but because of my short patience level towards tasks, I just can't be bothered if no one else can..... All or nothing? ?? I live in a catastophically grenade detonated room lol. Sometimes , I just get the overwhelming urge to tidy up a sector and then after a while, the feeling fades away. If I had dimension pockets, it would be great. I have the feeling that I have perfectionist tendencies but with symptoms of ADHD + general lack of motivation + apathy and all of that crap so its like a battle. Therefore, I never seem to get anywhere, not that I am really bothered at the moment as I am waiting for the endocronoligist appointment in november based on low testosterone (as I have posted elsewhere) and hopefully eventually adhd evaluation. Could I live on my own? Not at this time. Everyone needs a damn good reason to exist. If you don't have one, then you will always go round and round in circles wondering why you bother. I know I do. Motivation to work. I have none, so I don't bother, because I know currently I will most likely fail. Do I care what others' who do work think? Not particularly and they can £$£$£ off because they don't really matter to me anyway. I once wrote that if I had a million pounds would it make a difference? I don't think my opinion on that has changed one bit. (I wrote that I would rather have a clarity and stabilised mind and confidence etc) As I am low on the achievement list of life, I say to myself "until something changes that makes me feel very very different about life, then I am certainly not going to bother doing anything to change my current outlook" I have several options in the pipeline, but it's just taking time and I have a reluctance to move onto them anyway, for obvious reasons..... So, why do I give the longest answer......because I like detail....or because I have too much time on my hands.? lol....who knows? who cares? Am I happy? No. but, as they say, it could be far far far worse, especially if you have children (young or old) to look after. In which case, you have my severest of symptathies and respect for your efforts. I have learned plenty but am a master of nothing so my current expected financial outcome may as well be that of a burger flipper or generic servant of society. Still, I would rather have stability than uncertainty. Anyway, I think I have gone on far too long. One thing I have learned though.. I do work better with others' as opposed to on my own, until they £$£$ me off, of course..
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2009 23:28:33 GMT
I love living on my own. This is because I am usually most at peace when on my own, although in principle a very sociable person.
Sometimes when I have had a very long day focusing and interacting with people all I want to do is go home and shut myself up in my little flat. And because there is no one there it doesn't matter that I am putting on my pyjamas at 6.00pm to curl up in bed with a book or film and a cup of tea.
Being on my own recharges my batteries. I guess we are all different - if I had to have constant company I would get depressed very quickly. I don't want to be completely alone either, I love my partner and my brothers and parents and a few good friends and the odd large social occasion where you can meet interesting new people, but I like to be in control and have the choice of retreat.
In terms of motivation - I DO have difficulty making it into work on time, but I just can't imagine not working. I am also driven by this inner restlessness, I constantly move house & jobs (although have been in my current one for 3 years - they give me opportunities for change, but I know next year I'll move on!) and always have at least 10 great plans on the go - which on good days I genuinely believe I will achieve, everything seems possible, I can imagine doing ANYTHING. (WHereas on bad days I will turn into a braindead zombie that plays Peggle for hours and hours)
It's also about the ambition to get an INTERESTING job at some stage - at the moment I am putting myself through [glow=red,2,300]hell[/glow] by working full time and studying part time, because I can see from experience that my Group Director's job is much more interesting than mine. He also gets a PA - the ultimate ADDer's dream ;D - lots of travel & exciting conferences and never has to fill in any paper work...ahhh, a long way off... That focus DOES mean though that pots remain unwashed and boxes unpacked, that bit isn't easy and my chaos annoys me.
Haydreamer - if you could pick and get paid for any job in the world, which would you pick and would the prospect of motivating yourself for work then be easier?
BTW - don't you have an appointment with an ADD specialist coming up? One of the best effects of CONCERTA for me so far has been that it makes things seem do-able. Where I would previously "freeze" mentally and physically because of a seemingly insurmountable amount of tasks to do, I now do something even if it might not always be the most urgent one first, but at least I start!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2009 7:20:03 GMT
Hi I hate being on my own its done my head in been off sick, its like i get scared being on own. When my boyfriend in house its like a comfort, he has calming affect to some degree and is very supportive. Ive never lived on own so dont know what its like, I think id have to have a dog or somthing to rely on me to motivate, if lived on own. need to feel loved and needed and am a very emotional person.
|
|
|
Post by Skybird on Oct 20, 2009 12:12:44 GMT
There are times when I'd really love to live alone as I'd like to be able to do what I wanted whenever I felt like it but I know I'd really struggle in remembering things like what bills needed to paid and when, getting housework done and I also think I'd miss having someone to talk to. Some people also see living alone as being a sign of maturity which is really not helpful if you're the kind of person who likes to be surrounded by people or you're the kind of person who's too disorganised to keep on top of things.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2009 9:28:23 GMT
I have never lived on my own!!! I lived at home, than in various places with mates, then i got together with my husband 14 years ago, now got so many kids i'll never get any peace let alone a night to myself again!! They'll probably never leave home...
I'm definately craving some solitute, its very frustrating!! Saying that we're all different, i'm sure its better for us as humans to be around others, but we MUST HAVE SPACE!!! tell my youngest that pelase!!!
Sorry, off topic, would i motivate myself on my own, probably not if i'm honest. The kids motivate me, theres nothing like being woken up at crack of dawn??
Its very important to be around people who are good for us too?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2009 10:50:01 GMT
Im starting to get used to living on my own. Ive always hated it but Im kinda realising I piss less people off this way. I would still prefer someone here but its kinda do-able if everyone leaves me alone to deal with my problems. I dont eat as well as I should however. When Ive got my wee girl I eat really well because she is relying on me but when Im alone I fin it hard to motivate myself to do it. I do eat well sometimes, just not often enough.
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 22, 2009 15:43:39 GMT
Adhders are best in pairs I think (subject to compatability laws)........in some things. Not much fun cooking on your own, but plenty of stimulation when there is someone else to shout at in the kitchen instead of yourself.
I think we established before that 1 adhder on their own is probably a sure fire way for them to sink a bit. Not speaking for all, but if there is someone else around then you have to have a slightly positive attitude to things.
|
|
|
Post by twix on Oct 22, 2009 16:27:56 GMT
Having been married to most likely another adder, I can assure you it can go badly the other way. I need a certain amount of my own space but support is good. Not convinced I am wanting a living together relationship again I like to do my own thing.
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 22, 2009 17:05:35 GMT
I should clarify 1 adhd person + 1 non adhd (of a calm, non reactive nature) = good?
Oh, whatever lol.
|
|
|
Post by boo on Oct 22, 2009 17:21:14 GMT
if i ever become single again, i can honestly say, i dont think i would live with someone again. sounds horrible to my current partner, but i dont mean it like that, just in the future if i was single, thats the way i would stay ....... i think,. but then i am so bloody fickle at the moment, i might think differently in 3 2 1 no, not yet, but you get the picture
|
|
|
Post by .... on Oct 23, 2009 2:07:23 GMT
Hi Haydreamer, your post echoes a conversation I had with a close relative yesterday. He's a stand-up guy when it comes to responsibilities, but he doesn't actually have any that matter . He's happy but nomadic. Everything he owns fits in a suitcase. For him to change job three times a month is not unusual! Often permanent posts. He frustrates the hell out of himself, and is convinced that he'll not be able to straighten himself out until he has the incentive/pressure of having kids to bring up. I've no idea how this theory is going to work in practice. But if he ever finds a woman that can keep his attention for more than 5 minutes, then I'll let you know how it works out
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2009 4:03:43 GMT
Am gona bekom a monk & start an adhd monk monastry were we all do kung fu maybee he could join he would have to pass the test though.
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 23, 2009 14:25:58 GMT
hehe. How about a vow of silence monastery? I would last hmmm not long I think.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2009 15:43:42 GMT
i'm crap at living on my own!...
-I always need someone around like flatmates, friends, girlfriends... even my annoying brother! (who doesn't believe in ADHD!)
3 weeks ago, everyone left the house, and i was on my own for a fortnight, i ended up so bloody depressed, that it's taken me a week to recover!!!
...i think that living with someone else can be great! i lived with one girlfriend for a long time and it was the best thing ever. she was really sweet and forgiving of my flaws... -although in my mind, i can still hear her shouting at me, in her high pitched cockney accent... "maaaaaaatt, why 'ave you made six cups of tea, and not drunk ANY of 'em!..." ;D
i don't think we're bad to live with. sure, we might do annoying things by being forgetful/ distracted/ procrastinating etc...
but we're also up-beat, entertaining, funny, silly, up for doing daft stuff... basically, i think that while we're a bit poop on the practical side, we're damn good company.
so i rekon we shouldn't focus on "ADHD people are hard to live with" we should say "ADHD people are AWESOME to live with, but sometimes need a little patience!"
-MM
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2009 15:49:16 GMT
oh, and i think, that keeping it to 1 ADHD adult per house, is probably a good idea too! ;D
(there's a fine line between fun and mayhem!!!)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2009 16:13:37 GMT
Ye I read that isolation is not good for the brain I hate being alone but like every think with ADD I like my space AND DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO so its like the old saying F'd if U do F'd if u dont. cant win = apathy about everythink= low motivation= o F it!
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 23, 2009 22:56:30 GMT
Matt,
Yep, I can be a laugh as well as I never take myself seriously, but if people accuse me or I interpret incorrectly, then watch out! It's like I become an irrational madman (only verbally and I have never demolished my room or anything...........well I suppose it's on auto-demolish anyway.....)
I live in a house with my parents.
Whoah! let me rephrase that.
My carcass and mind resides in a building which also has 2 other people living in it that are also people that created me. (well, I should say one is a stepfather of sorts but effectively it does not matter to me anyway)
I have a computer which I plug my eye/brain/hand interface into wirelessly using photonic exchange.
The only thing that this interface can't do is upgrade my firmware to useful versions.
When they go away, I become even less motivated.
As established from when I joined this site, the social and bonding shortcomings are as prevalent in me as others ADHD dx or otherwise...
Putting it bluntly If I was capable of sustained anger, I would probably be so damn 3$£"$"£$"£$"%$%$"%$"£%£$%£$ off with the situation, but as always, it's just a cycle that I learn to manage.
I am always in 2 minds..... should I, shouldn't I I am about as unadventurous and apathetic as they come, with the emphasis on pathetic. Roll on , endocrinology appointment for hormone evaluation and treatment which "will" change a lot of related things about me, but unfortunately not remove my adhd "symptoms"
The really good thing is that there are at least 7 things that I am going to try within the next 3-4 months, so I am not lost!!!!!!!!
Only prob is the winter darkness and coldness is starting to irritate me. Oh, well at least as long as my room is warm, I can just hibernate for the next x months.
My only worry is that even after relevant treatments that my "social and relationship chill" is still present.. That would really p£$£ me off!!!!!!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2009 23:51:53 GMT
If anybody ever wants to live with me they'll also need to get used to me breaking everything. And if there is a full red wine glass around anywhere I WILL find it and spill it.
|
|
|
Post by haydreamer on Oct 24, 2009 17:23:18 GMT
Cool!! so good that the post has encouraged so many wise and diverse views, Thanks all for your posts, Twix, Planet,laura,safe,andy,heifa, meggie,blue, simone,boo, mad, marvelous, chrysallis, well, I am staying put with parents for now, for the reasons that 1.Its cheap, PlanetDave is right, its expensive and the loneliness together it just not worth the hassle!! 2. I am off to be assessed soon, so, Heifa, hope to bring some of my points up with the specilaist, ie posible treatment for a greater independence. Tried Concerta-didn't work for me, hopefully try something else soon!! Heifa, if i could pick any job-I actually like the healthcare work, i do now, i work part time but suppose running an ebay shop, cos love selling stuff, also for charity reasons- but I would not like to spend too much time on the computer, as I would cut myself off socially, think for adhd you need to connect with the real world, even if its a short while- otherwise depression and low self-esteem sets in, well, that happens to me anyway I need people yet I also need my space, so ironic ;D A nice glass of red wine mmm , don't worry I'll help pick up the glass if you break it I agree Heifa!----------- Being on my own recharges my batteries. I guess we are all different - if I had to have constant company I would get depressed very quickly. Im not the most patient person, but, hoping the appointment will reassure me a little at least!! 3. I get to chat to someone in the evening, so, I like that, and am motivated too, well, sometimes nagged , but at least I have to wake up now and again!! ;D 4. Been there Twix with the bad housemates-done that got the T-Shirt-so, pretty wary of who I would share a house with, not easy with strangers and ADHD, not a good mix!! 5. Andy, thanks for your honesty comments, I empathised with much of what u said: the apathy thing, yes, I suffer alot with this- sometimes, I wake up in a sweat at nite and wonder what I am doing or have done with my life? I have all these wonderful imaginative thoughts, yet not able to execute many of them Definately this....... yes, yes!! Adhders are best in pairs I think (subject to compatability laws)........in some things. Not much fun cooking on your own, but plenty of stimulation when there is someone else to shout at in the kitchen instead of yourself.
I think we established before that 1 adhder on their own is probably a sure fire way for them to sink a bit. Not speaking for all, but if there is someone else around then you have to have a slightly positive attitude to things.Totally agree!! ;D Blue jeans Some people also see living alone as being a sign of maturity which is really not helpful if you're the kind of person who likes to be surrounded by people or you're the kind of person who's too disorganised to keep on top of things so, it seems there is a mix of pros and cons to this one, but the main thing is what everyone feels most comfortable doing? well, if I move out, probably have no teeth and a walking stick by then, but hey who said life was fair!! ;D xx
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2009 17:35:58 GMT
Hey Matt I agree we are upbeat people, I get down occassionally and frustrated withnselfnbutngenerally im upbeat with loads a motivation and my partner loves that and i have friends that seem to like it to although I may seem odd occassionally. Its good being unique, dull people are boring.
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 25, 2009 1:08:07 GMT
HAY QUOTE but I would not like to spend too much time on the computer, as I would cut myself off socially, think for adhd you need to connect with the real world, even if its a short while- otherwise depression and low self-esteem sets in, well, that happens to me anyway I need people yet I also need my space, so ironic. END ...Always in 2 minds, you want but you don't want. I suppose everything in moderation in a good rule, but how to achieve that.......pftttttttttttttttttttttt. CATS.......Our cats always avoid the kitchen zone when too many pairs of legs are around. Must be the cat space vs human foot stomp potential ratios......... In the front room, they are far better. IT's all about space......... QUOTE sometimes, I wake up in a sweat at nite and wonder what I am doing or have done with my life? I have all these wonderful imaginative thoughts, yet not able to execute many of them da da da ....whistling noise..........I don't do sweating, but imaginative thoughts argh...if I had my mental faculties I have many potentials. (famous last words) Oh well time to do what I do best and get some food......oh.......more posts to read first....... :/
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 25, 2009 1:08:49 GMT
Heifa---------------the doorbell!!!!!!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2009 12:35:49 GMT
The internet is a good place to meet people just need to be carefull did you see that women who ended up having acid thrown all over her. Think thats why face book is probably better as its not a cold lead are others there who know person so get some indication if they are a nutter. That said no amount of info will protect you I have met some real odd people and you wouldnt believe what they were up to behind the face normal front, bit like stuff off TV but it does happen. Just need to get out there but be very carefull and personaly i would say intuition is the best safe guard if something doesnt seem right then it probably isint.
|
|
|
Post by andy12345 on Oct 25, 2009 16:53:23 GMT
Are you referring to the female tv presenter who met a nutter from facebook? who used another nutter to throw acid at her? No one in the world could have avoided that attack.
I feel a rant coming on........
Thanks to the dailymail and pysih I now have serious concerns regarding what the nutters can get away with or if not getting away with it, the damage is still done.
It's a big reason why childhood psychological screening is so important, even if it's in your face.
Also, I have learned big time that similar to the Dexter series things are certainly not what they seem. Maybe I will have to become Dexter 2?
It really does not matter how many good people are out there.....They have no effect on anything as they are placid and conforming generally. It's the nutcases that get away with so much, and cause so much suffering and are generally protected in some ways.
So shields up is a great idea. Don't drop your guard, even if you are a big man, it only takes a knife to destroy everything that you "ever" achieved.
Also, i believe that the more someone tries to impress you, the more they are likely to be a pain in the ass at some point in the future. I dealt with a narcissist once, what a £$£"$"£% £"$"£$ he was.
I gave him enough rope.......and he hung himself.. job done, kick, bye. you are the weakest link.
|
|
|
Post by haydreamer on Oct 25, 2009 18:02:45 GMT
oh woe poor me rant coming--sorry!! I am my own worst enemy,canceling a social eve again 2 nite that booked a week ago, it is with strangers, some social grp, if I ever what to increase my social circle, I need to do better than this!! I can;t cope with talking to a bunch of 9 strangers I don't know, it;s the fear of not finding an compatible person to share my time with, it's silly, but, often , I do find men easier to chat to, as I am not a bitchy girl and most girls I meet are eyeing you up and sussing you out in competition before even going to the bar to get a drink!! Or usually I am a one-to one gal and find it easier to chat to one person all nite, but then that's wrong cos most people want to mingle ahhh!! my brain can't stand the STRESS also, its a comedy nite, would have loved to go, but, it's such HARD WORK, to socialise, wish I could just imagine me being there and having a wonder fun time without being their in reality-am I sharing this madness with anyone else, or am I just a pathetic, no hoper, lazy girl, who will be enernally single as she makes nil effort to get into life and tough things out, once upon a time i did, think the run up to my appointment makes me feel that I won't start properly living until seeing the specilaist-does this make any sense-or per usual the waffling monster from my mouth has started speaking blah blah blah!! xx
|
|