donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Jun 11, 2015 10:48:33 GMT
Every second of every minute of every day!
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on May 21, 2015 17:38:57 GMT
Miffy, hang in there
It's a very long story but I am diagnosed with BPD and my recovery team have now decided I am adhd (a fact I've been telling them for two years). Anyway, I am going off subject.
I have both conditions, I really do truly feel your pain. Try and ride out the current 'wave', it WILL pass. You know it in your heart of hearts. To have both conditions is possibly about as tough as it gets. It ain't easy to have either. If you have both it shows you have immense strength to even get this far, even though you don't feel it right now.
If you need someone to talk to, just shout. Happy to chat here or via PM or email. Whatever you feel comfortable with. The most important thing, talk. Don't feed the monster x
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Mar 26, 2014 1:05:57 GMT
I do have to laugh at myself sometimes. Being out of work, I am using it as a chance to change career completely to something more suiting my traits. So there I am browsing different interests... Tonight I became a boat builder for a while. That was fun, but then I became a blacksmith, because that's my dream job. Obviously forgetting that yesterday I would have made the best puppeteer in the world. I'm thinking tomorrow I might see if I can get into CERN, cos physics really interests me. I can't do journalism again cos I did that last week. Anyone else?
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Mar 23, 2014 10:21:31 GMT
It said I'm amazed how many phone calls and appointments I'm getting since I raised a complaint to CCG level. I have also found a mental health advocate to support me through the process.
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Mar 22, 2014 23:48:18 GMT
an MH Advocate, I have PALS on my side (though I am going to have to drop them since lodging CCG complaint or I will fall foul of the 'vexatious complaint' clause by utilising to many group resources. Yes folks, here is my bedtime reading -
FUCK THIS BOARD... I AM TIRED OF RE-TYPING COS THE BOARD FUCKS UP MY POSTS, I CAN ONLY EDIT SO MANY TIMES
Proboards hates Android
Please Mods, find a board that doesn't delete what you've just spent half an hour typing. It's not helpful to people with stamina issues
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Mar 17, 2014 13:26:39 GMT
Just wanted to say I'm still floating about but life is so bad at the mo I struggle to even write on here. I am still reading though.
I am just about worn down to the bone with fighting three different NHS departments who are all passing the buck. I have a psycho-social team who are doing nothing. I rang them last monday to say I'd been kicked out of home and had slept on the street, and that I was worried I might do something stupid out of despair, and a week later they still haven't even rung me back!!! Fucking good crisis support they are providing. Unfortunately my gp thinks they are my care providers so wont get involved.
So what with this battle, a big risk of homelessness (I am back home but its hell), and Pluss trying to force me into work when I cant even motivate myself to eat I am sinking fast.
If anyone is round bristol way and could do a coffee I could really do with a friendly face
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 20, 2014 8:29:59 GMT
Thanks Roland. I didn't mean to make more work for you, feel kinda guilty now. And odat I'd love more than anything to help but at the moment I can only just hold my life together. Besides, I know diddly-squat about running a website. Thank you to the guys that do though, be assured your efforts have played a massive part in my road to recovery.
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 19, 2014 8:21:56 GMT
I can talk to strangers no problem (when I am not avoiding the human race in it's entirety). Yet as soon as someone 'gets close' I clam up and find it difficult to share.
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 18, 2014 8:56:31 GMT
Forgive me guys, I'm feeling totally shit lately, so this might turn into a rant...
A lot of websites tend to point to the main AADDUK website (not forum) as the go-to place for UK support. Why then when I go there myself in need of a new reading fix is it very rarely updated? It just comes across as neglected and forgotten. I kept checking back to see if there was anything new or interesting and would end up heading for ADDitude which is so Americanised it annoys me. I don't even bother checking AADD now. I wonder how many people we miss due to the site looking out of date and migrating elsewhere?
So I guess I'm asking what is the purpose of the main site? What information or articles are considered suitable, and why is there not more activity on there?
grumpy out
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 14, 2014 13:39:29 GMT
Quick update...
Gave it a week, as advised by Bristol clinic, and rang them back (4th Feb). Yes! 'Referral received and response by Dr **** has been written to your GP. Can't say what contents are as it's on dictaphone awaiting typing'. Fine I thought. Had GP appointment booked for the 10th, so would wait to find out contents then...
Saw doc on Monday 10th... No reply received! Thought he was dragging heels. Rang clinic that afternoon to be told 'oh, it appears to be still waiting for typist'. Aaaaaaargh!
Now I have to wait ANOTHER BLOODY WEEK until I see GP next week.
#frustrated
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 14, 2014 12:40:21 GMT
You know you are when...
Simply cooking yourself toast is a major achievement :/
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 14, 2014 11:34:38 GMT
I avoid drinking where I can as I never know when to stop. I am usually the one at five in the morning shouting 'come on you boring bastards', feeling pissed off that nobody can keep up. I frequently lose memory of events. the embarrasment of having to ask what I did the previous night should stop me, but I always forget this the next time a party comes round. I think the confidence that alcohol gives me to be myself is the addictive part. When I first start I like the way my 'shackles' fall away, and so want more of this brilliant feeling. I suppose I get a glimpse of what it must feel like to be confident and 'normal'. It is so liberating when I am released from my daily prison of low self esteem and fear of social interaction that my brain just wants to sustain that release for as long as possible - unfortunately forgetting about the cumulative effects of alcohol. I love being the 'life and soul' of a party, but unfortunately lack the self control to know when to stop. I have often redefined 'inappropriate'. Like grim I have lost count of the arrests and A&E visits. I also have lots of memories of being punched in the face for what I thought at the time was no reason. I now know it was because I'd lost control and was being a total cock.
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 13, 2014 9:24:44 GMT
Must read this.. Struggle with all three. Like emma I'm going through a shit time (signed off work completely - alienating family/friends like a boss - was nearly homeless cos of it last Sunday)
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 5, 2014 17:03:51 GMT
If I had one I'm not sure I'd ever put it down
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 5, 2014 9:50:13 GMT
I have it synced on every device. Partly because of my regular need to put on headphones for ambient noise avoidance.
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 3, 2014 0:02:53 GMT
I always though I might be bipolar, but psych diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. I think, possibly like you, it explains some of it... But there's always that last piece of the jigsaw missing
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 2, 2014 23:30:26 GMT
IF YOU WON'T LET ME BE ME THEN OF COURSE I'M GONNA BE FUCKIN MISERABLE!!!
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 2, 2014 23:22:38 GMT
Mrsh I would love to talk with you, but at present I'm on such a massive up I can't even focus on what I'm writing. (I am currently trying to 'take down the buffalo' with amitriptyline and rum/coke) but even that won't knock me out.
I just wanted to say in all the posts I've read to date, nobody has ever written such an exact description of how I get. I totally relate to what you describe. I'm afraid I have no answers, but just wanted to make contact with another 'cyclist'. It's bloody frightening ain't it
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 2, 2014 22:54:02 GMT
OMFG! I need this in my life!
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 2, 2014 9:29:18 GMT
That would drive me mad too. I have to admit I subscribed ages ago to get rid of the ads from the free player. Wouldn't be without it now
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Post by donkeykebab on Feb 1, 2014 18:25:08 GMT
Thanks, I'll try that
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 31, 2014 10:54:11 GMT
'you bore me to the point of wanting to stick random items in my eye for personal entertainment'
(Not you lot!)
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donkeykebab
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 31, 2014 10:36:28 GMT
insert code here Why does my tablet/keyboard hate proboards? (Android Jellybean with Swype Keyboard) When I am typing the cursor keeps jumping back to the beginning, without me noticing, and putting random shite everywhere. It then takes me 5 or 6 edits to make corrections and thus readable, by which time I usually give up and watch cats on YouTube. It is sooooo frustrating If I quote someone it is worse, it seems impossible to control the text input point. And autocorrect also causes massive erratic cursor behaviour. Please help forum gods. Writing stuff once is hard enough sometimes, but 5 times? Pffft! Please save my tablet from death by fist... Anyone got any ideas?
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 31, 2014 10:16:11 GMT
No body appears to fulfil all the criteria. ADDISS is still mainly responsive rather than active, UKAAN is a bit up it's own professionalism and AADD-UK,the various independent support groups, are too fractured. UKAAN is the most promising but hasn't grasped the nettle of advocacy preferring to concentrate on being 'medical'. I'd love to get involved in something that ties everything together - I've put out feelers to a couple of regional groups but they're so ADHD (focussed on what they do but useless at replying to mail etc) that it's a bit dispiriting. Does this not exactly demonstrate the need for a National Association? A body for all concerned to convene and agree strategy and policy? I for one would feel passionate about forming a national association, but I'm a 'nobody' from Bristol, so who would listen? There is an excellent (but long) guideline for setting up a national association HERE
It gives some amazing background and guidance
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 31, 2014 10:00:38 GMT
Hey music types
Does anyone else in here use spotify? Do you find (as me) that it caters for your unquenchable thirst for 'newness'?
I know there is a good music thread in here, but usually I like to listen to music without the added distraction of video and images. Does anyone else find the same?
Cheers
Rob
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 31, 2014 9:50:29 GMT
Agreed, but I have to learn that ripping peoples arms off and beating them with the soggy end is a trait that I should not pander to
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 31, 2014 9:35:49 GMT
Don't worry. ONCE I have my diagnosis I may have to point out how many missed opportunities there have been for doc's to spot the signs (read ignorance) and thus prolong my suffering. I will do my utmost to raise awareness at my local surgery at how EASY it is to slip through the net of diagnosis. I feel this might be more constructive than simply 'tearing him a new arsehole'
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 29, 2014 11:26:31 GMT
Would it be worth jumping the gun on getting another appointment with your GP now? Tell him exactly what the clinic said and explain what they need to see with the referral. Get another one sent off before the first refusal arrives. I was tempted KM, but I am in danger of wearing my docs patience a bit thin, and I have to keep him on side. I think I'd better sit on my hands for this one. I know my own ability at getting doors slammed in my face for questioning/criticising authority (and not knowing when to stop) Curtis - Inappropriate frankness is my speciality
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 28, 2014 10:27:04 GMT
Why is there always a 'but'?
After the third visit and a letter my gp has told me they have sent a referral request to Bristol ADHD clinic for me to be assesed. I walked out of there on a high I haven't felt for weeks, maybe even months. At last! Someone is taking me seriously.
This however came crashing round my ears when I rang the clinic to confirm their receipt of said referral. Nope, nothing. My gp had told me it was sent last week so there is a chance if it was sent Friday they wouldn't have received it by Monday. As they only review referrals on a monday morning I now have to wait a WHOLE GODDAM WEEK to find out if they've recieved it.
To add to this, I was asked if the gp had asked me questions about my relevant history... Nope. Did he enclose the self reporting questionnaire? Nope, I did one myself and took it in first visit. He took it, glanced at the cover then handed it back without reading the contents. To which I was informed if he has merely requested referral with no supporting evidence it will be bounced back.
I now have a week of suspense. I don't do suspense...
Meh!
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Post by donkeykebab on Jan 27, 2014 14:53:44 GMT
Hah, glad I'm not alone. May I ask how your brother makes a living PlanetDave?
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