Lucie
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Post by Lucie on Mar 12, 2017 17:12:38 GMT
I was interested to read what William Dodson writes about RSD and was wondering if others find themselves affected to the degree he describes and if so if anything has worked to ease the impact of this. Has medication made any positive difference? What Dodson says totally describes my experience. It comes from such a visceral place and even though I totally logically get 'it' it doesn't stop it from totally debilitating me if I'm triggered. I assumed this 'theme' was connected to early separation trauma as I was adopted and attachment issues aren't uncommon for adopted people . . so I was interested to look at in a different light.
Any thoughts or reflections on this?
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 13, 2017 10:04:00 GMT
Yes, absolutely! It's the thing that bothers me about my ADHD the most.
I've written about it on this forum before.
It's frustrating because, as you say, I can be aware of it, but it doesn't stop me
over-reacting emotionally to the slightest suggestion of, or even perceived rejection.
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Lucie
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Post by Lucie on Mar 13, 2017 19:52:43 GMT
Ulgh, it's absolutely horrid hey! It is so debilitating and I lose so much time and productivity due to this. Have you found anything that helps vagueandrandom ?
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 14, 2017 19:00:58 GMT
I haven't found anything to help . .but I'm not getting any professional help for ADHD.
I'm trying to do DIY adapted CBT ATM . .writing down my thoughts and reactions
(when I remember) so I can become more aware and possibly learn to rationalise and
get less upset.
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Post by marionk on Mar 15, 2017 8:40:44 GMT
I lost mine as a teenager, along with the last vestiges of low self esteem. I think maybe I was lucky in that some of my peers were nice to me, so that I could turn the others' blatant rejection of me, back at them, without losing hope of ever having friends. It was an epiphany at crisis point. I was desperately unhappy, but suddenly realised that I was being utterly nonsensical. I was actually better off having no friends than having her sort in my life. I think it must have been shortly after that, that I figured I needed to find people like me, in order to have decent friends. In reality though, anyone decent and reasonably understanding/accepting has the potential to be a good friend. Since then I've been very picky as to who I actually consider to be a friend. Basically if someone doesn't like me, I don't want them anywhere near me! I'm not going to break my back trying to have everything perfect, so that Mrs. Snooty-pants can't find fault with me, she can F off and mind her own business! Read more: aadduk.proboards.com/thread/10711/shooting-mouth-off-consequence-info#ixzz4bNZn1kL2All in all, it was like I'd flipped a switch. It still needed a few affirmations, but I'm pretty sure it was only days or at most a week or two for it to become automatic. Instead of being desperately upset, I would take a mental step back and decide that, no, I don't want this person as a friend anyway. Over the years, I have refined this to the point that I have actually (and still do) used people's reaction to my 'querks' (or someone else's) to decide whether or not they are 'worthy of my time'! In a nutshell, nice people don't reject others as being inferior, and if someone is not nice, I don't want to have anything to do with them, let alone care about their crap opinions. Thinking back to before that epiphany, I reckon that it's RSD misery that bullies are trying to push their victims into. My local peer group, (not the ones I was at secondary school with) actually had a phase of making 'clubs', just so that they could refuse to let so-and-so join. They were shockingly vengeful over some perceived slight or other, more than once, it was because someone had refused to let them join their 'club'!
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Post by poutykinz on Mar 15, 2017 13:31:09 GMT
Disclaimer: I benefit from reasonably high self-esteem for no obvious reason. Rejection sensitivity never goes away, unless you withdraw from society completely. I don't recommend doing this When you put considerable effort into helping someone and one day you realise they simply don't have the capacity for change and have been humouring you all along, the tidal wave of disappointment we feel can be quite something. "Ah hah! That's not rejection sensitivity!" roars the crowd. I suspect it is How to avoid it...? Fuck knows. I'm not a fan of watching slow motion car crashes so often feel compelled to 'help' lol. People have to make their own mistakes. I sometimes wish I wasn't able to predict them or forced to watch
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 16, 2017 12:22:22 GMT
It isn't just about friendships and relationships. .it can be absolutely everything! When you've spent ages applying for your 'perfect' job and you don't get an interview. . 'The System' when it doesn't go in your favour. . .ie PIP or, in my case, every time I get turned down for ADHD treatment . . Pervceived rejection, when there's no evidence for it, except in your head. . . ie "OMG! Why did I say that? . .they're going to think that. . ." when they probably didn't notice or care . .it can cause a sudden sense of shame, I'll probably burst into tears and dispair and will ruminate over the incident for days. . it doesn't make any difference if I'm aware of my over reaction, or even if I'm told that there was nothing to worry about www.dodsonadhdcenter.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria/
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Lucie
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by Lucie on Mar 16, 2017 21:27:00 GMT
Yeah, for me it's not only about friendships and relationships and it's often not founded in anything that has actually happened, more my 'perception' or fear of. I appreciate that many people may have this kind of thing to some degree in some situations, but my understanding is that RSD is more than this. For me it's totally disproportionate, not rational and leaves me overcome with dread/anxiety and unable to focus on anything else for days. Actually it's probably worse in situations where I don't know the person well as I can't directly ask to at least try to resolve my anxiety.
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Post by marionk on Mar 17, 2017 6:26:11 GMT
I have a long reply started on the other computer, but shortly before coming to bed, I got to Dodson's last paragraph on vagueandrandom's link.
Basically, I either externalise, or avoid situations that could trigger it, but occasionally I do still get struck by full on dysphoria. Basically it's the same few people responsible, but I cannot avoid them as to do so would be to suffer the loss that the threat of losing is the trigger of the dysphoria. Gah! I just can't find a short neat way of explaining. It's very similar to the 'clubs' situation, only I really really want to stay part of this club. So much so, that it's the threat of not being able to go that causes the dysphoria. The only way to avoid the potential for it happening again, is to stop going, but it's unique and for me it's absolutely awesome. I repeatedly move hell and high waters to attend, and if it ever 'folded' I would grieve it's loss immensely.
Talking of loss, and grief, I wonder if my reaction to a series of bereavements is also related. There was certainly a major amount of dysphoria involved. Perhaps RSD is why we are so prone to PTSD.
Fairly frequently, I do overreact, and it's clearly linked to 'emotional lability', and I have definite problems with 'fear of failing' which is probably linked too, but most of the time I manage to avoid classic dysphoria.
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