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Post by andy12345 on Nov 5, 2009 21:02:59 GMT
So, I was sort of wondering about when ADHD'ers flip...
Do you find that it sometimes takes hours before you really feel "yourself" again?
Any examples would be good.
Here's one of my own as an unDX that happened in October.
I was at home making a cup of tea and my mother said the following to me. (bearing in mind that I have spent the last year trying to deal with my life issues that have piled up due to what I believe is undiagnosed ADHD AND I have been processing all of the childhood crap etc in my head and all the past life that just seems like a blur)
"I was thinking that maybe you could move into the same residence where one of your close relatives is and perhaps get your independence etc"
My response was instant and quite brutal. Within about 1 second I thought "hmm, do you think that all of my problems in life are caused because I still live with you?"
Then I exploded like a volcano but without moving from my tea making zone. I did not even look at her.
"What the £$£$ are you talking about? Do you think that my problem is going to be cured by just moving out? What the £$£$ planet are you on for god sake? Do you think I can really even be bothered to be independent, why do you think I never considered moving out for a good reason (LIKE feeling like I might as well be dead)? Do you think I would bother to even LIVE if I was on my own, for instance? Why would I even waste my time at this point, going through all that £$£t?"
She babbled a bit and I just said "don't talk to me again" and I stormed off.
The trouble is that I am 100% sure she has ADHD, so what was the point in even saying anything..
That's the trouble though, .........no thought goes into what I said or what she said.
It took me hours before I recovered from that and felt er......"normal"?
Give me drugzzzzzzzzzzzzz for god sake. Oh well only 6 months away.
I can't really say I love my mother tbh, but then is it not all related to the dreaded ADHD/other ?
I suppose I am really like a robot, doing what I think is right (most times) but unable to really save myself....
Blah blah, anyway, I am sure we've all been there, done that, t shirt etc.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2009 21:25:46 GMT
Arnt we meant to be good at forgetting stuff?
I got wound up the other week and just saw red for about an hour as it was kids B day and havin nice time when some idiot caused a load of hastle but was made worse by me thinkin tipical for them to cause trouble, bad news. It didnt dawn on me for a week or two how moody it made me but I just couldnt release the rage, I had to appoligise to people weeks later I didnt flip out i was just sulking but not good when people come to visit.
It said about this issue in that barkley video did you notice that, glad I watched that better discription of ADHD and then some.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 5, 2009 22:32:54 GMT
Yes, that's why I like his latest vid as it tied up a few questions I had, well hopefully...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 0:42:38 GMT
Andy, I recently flipped. It is why I started the “I’m melting” thread. I don’t flip often and I know what leads up to it happening. It happens when I get fed up with people around me who are abusive. I grew up being my mother’s scapegoat. She verbally, emotionally and physically abused me and constantly told me that I was the cause of anything and everything that was wrong in her life. I was also verbally, emotionally and physically abused by my older sister who at one time handed me a knife and told me I should kill myself because no one in our family wanted or loved me. She said that I was a burden to my family.
I hate confrontations and I will do almost anything to avoid them. This is probably due in part to my having been abused so badly growing up but it is also a product of having ADHD. I have always been a very caring person who loves to help others, so when I am confronted with the actions of a person who is mean and could care less if they hurt me or others, it is devastating to me. I don’t understand how someone can be that way. I try my best to avoid these people; however, it is not always possible (e.g., when they are members of your own family or people you work with).
I have flipped in response to mean people in the past but immediately afterwards, I spend the rest of the day crying. I cry because I don’t understand why they are so mean. I cry because it brings up feeling from my past. I cry because I know I don’t deserve to be treated that way. But I especially cry because I feel horrible that I reacted that way.
With that said, I am very aware that I am an overly sensitive person. I am not referring only to my emotions, but also, to my overall body. I am sensitive to lights, to smells, to noises and so forth. If I allow myself to be in an environment which is over stimulating for me, I start to melt down. At these times, I am vulnerable to flipping. I have to work very hard to keep it together and get myself out of the situation so that I can reduce the stress level in my head and body.
Life for me is a delicate balancing act. One of the reasons I live alone is because I can better control stimuli in my environment. I feel safe and know that I can shut the world out if I need to. The down side to this is that I get lonely and sometimes, I shut the world out for too long.
Andy, I think you flipped because you felt dismissed and/or threatened in some way. You know you are not at a point in your life where you can survive living on your own. This is frustrating to you without being reminded of the fact that you are an adult still living with you mother. It is even more frustrating when it is someone who should know you better and be understanding of your situation. I think it might be helpful if you could sit with your mother when things calm down and explain to her that if you could, you would be the first person to jump at the chance to live on your own. However, that is not the case and you need for her to be more sensitive to what you are going through. If you are unable to do that, maybe you could write her a letter. Also, if you feel bad about having flipped on your mother, apologize to her. You don’t have to apologize for getting upset at what she said, but rather, for reacting in such a negative way. I always find it healing to apologize when I have acted harshly.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 1:18:53 GMT
Andy, I just found this most wonderful website. You should check it out. It has some answers for your questions about emotional instability and adults with ADHD. I don't know why I have never seen this website before. the name of the website is HelpGuide.org. It is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people with their mental and emotional health. The link to the Adult ADHD information on that site is:
www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm
Oh, and the website is ad free...yippy!!!! Plus they offer free programs that help people manage their symptoms.
Let me know what you think.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 6, 2009 3:26:44 GMT
Upsydaisy,
Thanks for your comments.
I feel quite ashamed to post on any site with my own issues, when they seem quite tame compared to others' lives', but what can I do?
I sometimes think that my ADHD is quite mild and wonder if its really is in me, but then I realise now that only when I try to do something difficult (like cooking, breaking from computer, multi-episodic watching of series in one go, getting stressed (easily) do I really become a lame useless specimen. Even so, it's still so difficult to do things like tidy up etc, but then I have zero incentive and a hell of a lot to catch up with in the real world, so why bother and that's probably a big part of my problem, but oh well whatever.
As Barkley et al have proven, you will never see the true characteristics until people have to start doing things for themselves, ie it should show much more when they have to earn money, get to work, suck up to managers etc etc drive cars, go to bed on time,deal with relationships and all that jolly stuff.
I think I always avoided moving out because I was very conscious of the fact that I would never be able to earn a great deal of money (ie. low paid) because I would never be able to educate myself. Even if I was educated I knew that I could not manage in the non-ADHD world of deadlines, backstabbing employee "friends" etc and that I would rather never bother at all.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 5:20:49 GMT
Well, I think everyone with ADHD experience times when their symptoms are not as bad as others. I know that when I was going to graduate school, I actually felt for a while that I had a “normal” life…with the exception that I never felt I fit in. However, there were reasons why I felt that way. For the very first time in my life I was living without the stress and pressure of having to take care of a family. I didn’t have others around telling me (or reminding me) that this or that had to be done, or done is a particular way. I did things at my own pace which actually enhanced my desire to do things that are normally difficult for me…like keeping up with the house cleaning. I was spending my days studying something I found extremely interesting…no general studies…I was eating a very good diet (no processed foods or meat)…I was exercising every day and doing yoga…I was even doing a lot of art work. In other words, I was doing most of the things which reduce the negative symptoms associated with ADHD without knowing it. I was even able to get a decent job and was doing fairly well financially. However, that all changed dramatically when several events happened in my life within a short period of time.
Within a matter of months from each other, my father died, I found out that my OH was using and dealing in illicit drug, I was not exercising as I had been because my job was stressful (for all of the reasons you mentioned) and I no longer had the time, I had to drop out of my PhD program and I simply no longer cared how I ate…chocolate had become my way of self medicating. It didn’t take long before I was back to square one with no job, no money, no car, no place to live, symptoms that were out of control and no desire or motivation to pull myself out of the rut I was in. I honestly felt that something inside of me had broken and it would never be fixed again. I was utterly depressed, my anxiety level was off the chart and I felt as if my brain was short circuiting. My frontal lobe literally ached; I could not for the life of me concentrate on anything; and I had lost my sense of balance…I would literally walk into walls. I spent my days in bed and my nights mind racing about anything and everything…I had no control whatsoever. I had lost all of my friends because I was unable to follow through with plans to get together and was too embarrassed to let them know what was happening inside my head. I felt as if I was an utter failure and that I had let everyone down. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up. It was horrible. The truth of the matter is that I have ADHD which requires a delicate balancing act in order to maintain any level of “normalcy” in life. Although I am able to do well in school when I am studying something I am interested in and have no other major responsibilities, my ability to deal with the stress of having a job, a relationship and an active social life is very poor. My brain simply cannot keep it all sorted out. I have since learned that I need to be more realistic with respect to my abilities and limitations. At the present time, I am working on finding ways to improve the quality of my life within the parameters that are defined by having ADHD. I know in my heart that I can have a meaningful life, a life that I feel good about and which affords me a sense of accomplishment. It might not be “normal” or successful in the eyes of most people but that doesn’t matter unless I allow it too of course.
An adult with ADHD must learn to let go of social norms and the expectations that arise from them. They must define what success means to them and not what the world considers successful. If the ADHDer is able to do this, he/she can go beyond mere surviving. They can step out of the expectations of the world and into the comfort of being themselves.
So, don’t worry about being something that you are not and take control of being what you can be. Life will definitely be more fulfilling that way.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 10:32:53 GMT
OMG upsydasy, that link had a link to borntoexplore.org/addexp~1.htmthink Andy put on another thread, but never read, was like good but frustrating at same time listed loads of positives but in a very wooly type of way that gave know practical application? Maybee so like a cliff hanger/intiser to by the books but I could relate to every line and one that made me laugh: Divergent and Lateral Thinkers
These terms are useful for confusing your friends. Divergent thinking is a creative style of thinking. Instead of coming to a point or a close, your thoughts tend to branch out, constantly exploring new avenues. These avenues may take you well into the ozone. Divergent thinking leads to creativity. Convergent thinking leads to getting things done.
Convergent thinking: I need to make supper, but I don't have any celery. I'll go to the store and buy some.
Divergent thinking. I need to make supper, but I don't have any - look a bird - celery. Actually, I had some yesterday, but I ate it all with peanut butter. Why did I do that? The peanut butter was good though, and it was that all natural kind. Surprised me. I thought it would taste terrible. I should try some other all natural products. Like those cookies I saw in the store last time. They were sweetened with molasses. I wonder if molasses is just as bad as sugar. Maybe there's a website about that, perhaps if I searched under hypoglycemia or diabetes. While I'm here, I'll check my email. Oh look, a letter from Ann! Wow, she want's to go to Lilith Fair with me. Alright! I should get some CDs from the Lilith Fair artists so I know what they're singing. Good idea, I'm going to the music store right now. Wait, but I'm hungry, what do we have to eat! Oh yeah, no celery...
Lateral thinking is similar to divergent thinking. The idea is that most people think in a sequential or serial manner. Step one, step two, step three. Lateral thinkers don't do that, and find serial thinking dry and boring. Lateral thinkers are intuitive and often come up with answers without knowing how they got the answer. Serial thinkers can explain each step they took to arrive at the answer.
Both divergent and lateral thinking are associated with the right hemisphere of the brain, while convergent and serial thinking are associated with the left hemisphere. This is why creative people are more likely to exhibit mixed or right brain dominance than the general population.[/color] reminds me of the spinning lady gggrrrrrrrr ;D borntoexplore.org/addexp~1.htm
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 11:26:28 GMT
I want to answer this, but am having panics about my imminent visit to the post office shortly, please don't ask, theres something about them..I'm in a state, but'll be back later lol x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 11:46:21 GMT
O know shes not gona stick the place up is she No body move fill this bag with gelly tots come on granny and the fruit pastles LOL
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 17:25:04 GMT
Hi everyone i so relate to the posts above. In the last 6 months i have lost my way completely, its life became too much and ive shut down, its like i couldnt cope with normal life anymore.
I've lost friends and hate going places these days its like i've lost my identity. Being off sick my return to work is 25th Nov and have loads of s$^t to deal with this week. I feel like im living in fear of losing everything i love.
I'm so ugly ive puyt on 3 stone and feel repulsive but ive no motivstion to diet, I dont understand why my partner loves me all i have ever given him is grief he deserves better much better.
I know things will eventually get better and hopfully in January ill be put on adhd meds and get my anxiety under control.
Its like i have to change my whole persona to fit into this world im so impulsive i really really really want to change and i'm trying i really am.
I agree updaisy i think ill end up scaling my job down and may be unemployed before much longer before i find a job that may be slightly boring but at least i can do it.
Im not spoilt i dont want loads of money i just wanna be able to pay my way and stick a job for more than 5 minutes without running into problems and provide security for my wonderful man. If i could look in the mirror and like myself it would be a start, this defi ately definately has been worst of my life, but im all for postive thinking.
Youi all sound like yoiu have had hard times, its na good job for this site so we can relate to each other. I too felt put down as achild and what i did was never good enough, and alot of the experiences on herte have mirrored mine.
Its comforting toi know i'm not totally alone, with my adhd mind.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 17:44:30 GMT
These moments are the reason I smoke waccy baccy. It is THE ONLY thing that can calm me down when I am like this. And I cant let it go either, it runs round my head all night to the point where I dont get any sleep. This is one of the reasons Im struggling to kick my smoking. I know I shouldnt think like this but its trooooooo. There is nothing on the planet that works so effectively or so quickly.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 6, 2009 18:43:56 GMT
Is it not a shame that pure THC (is that the active?) of cannabis sativa is extracted, trialled for ADHD. It's almost like there is money to be made somewhere and I don't mean dealing, I mean somewhere unknown?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 19:03:58 GMT
Well i'm back, with my loot!! LOL What flips me out? Mostly my mother...She knows exactly how to manipulate me into a stupor, nasty bully. i've put up with it forever, but recognise whats going on, it took a long time to figure it out ...I just have to take it, she's an old lady with serious health problems, (i'm blamed for) so i just keep my mouth shut as often as poss, but the damage is done. I'm living in her house, & currently blamed for the increase in dust affecting her asthma, the fact everything is breaking (its an old place), i'm absolutely NOT allowed an opinion, she is Never wrong & give me no privacy... I'm giving her high blood pressure..everything's my fault for being adopted & not being like her family?? The list goes on..In fact i call it drip torture, then i finally retaliate & she's the winner, she can then blame me to her family when she phones them all upset..She's not well mentally, so we're a bad combination.. Then it affects how i am with the kids. They can come home & i'm just useless, really down & quiet..My adhd daughter needs my full attention & i've got mothing left its all screwed tbh, i've got to get out of here..I'm slowly falling apart..Why i didn't get to the other side of the world when i could, what is it about staying close to those who abuse you? So family issues set me off emotionally but small things do too, like other drivers, people generally, i do tent to be quite rude..very impatient..sorry public!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 19:06:43 GMT
Sorry Andy rant & no answering yor question, i do take a long time to pull myself together, frest air, time out or taking the kids to the park/walk helps..Getting away from the house & keeping busy..not too hard.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 20:06:55 GMT
well this might sound nasty but its good to know others feel crap to. Think i will just sleep for a week.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2009 21:29:22 GMT
I have come to realise that my ADHD flip and my victim story flip are two different things but are rolled into one. When I had a large back up of unresolved rage at my own 'abuse' and my ADHD people got out of my way I could go mad and when I drank I could be dangerous. I now dont drink and have dealt with alot of childhood issues through years of anger work,groupwork and breathwork. Now I feel I am left with the shear frustration and madness I can feel when my ADHD is triggered. It can be over loosing a tool at work somebody being to slow to get me something or just a fiddley job. I go mad for a 2 minute period then it goes away. It used to last for days.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 2:21:57 GMT
Safe, I didn’t see that link but I am very familiar with the books listed there. In fact, I have some of them in my private book collection. I love the book The Highly Sensitive Person. When I first read it, it was so enlightening to me. I have purchased many copies of that book which I have given to people whom I perceive to be HSP or have children that are.
I am also very familiar with Jung’s theory on temperament diversity as well as theories on resiliency. I have several good books on the subject. In fact, these were the books I read in the past to try to find out why I was so different than others in my family. I totally see the connections between the books, the theories and ADHD. I had always tried to look at myself in a positive light although those around me did not.
I am a very creative person. My creativity was what helped me make it through the years of living with people who did not understand me. I was able to escape because of my mind and also was able to get some much needed attention when I worked on art projects at school. Still to this day, I get totally caught up in my most creative moments. I lose all track of time and there is a sense of urgency. There is this urgency to get it out…I refer to it as being artistically nauseated. But I also feel completely connected in a spiritual way at the same time. I know those two things seem like a contradiction but when I am in that state of being, it is unbelievable and I am joyous. Afterwards, however; I feel completely drained but in a contented kind of way.
I am definitely a divergent thinker. The description cracked me up because it is so me. I actually contribute my divergent thinking along with my ability to hyper-focused with my success at the university. Divergent thinkers make great philosophers….LOL...that’s me I have both a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree from the university in philosophy; however, I have not yet completed my PhD. I am completely and utterly petrified at the thought of writing a dissertation. I know I have what it takes in my head to do it, but the problem is that it has to get from my head onto paper so that others can read it. When I start to think about how I am going to organize what’s in my head in a manner that will make sense on papers, I get anxious and start to mind race about it. It was so bad that instead of finishing up my PhD, I started a second master’s degree program in Educational Psychology. I know now that doing so was definitely an avoidance tactic.
After my father passed away (and several other seriously stressful things happened about the same time), I simply dropped out of school. Since then, my life has changed dramatically...for the worse. I had a major melt down...or maybe it was simply one hell of a flip that has taken me the past ten years to work through.
Now that I am in therapy and trying to find meds that work, I will hopefully try to go back and finish my dissertation. The difference between then and now is that I am aware of what the problem is so I can take the necessary steps to make it work for me. At least I once again feel that it is possible. That’s a start...right???
Being a member of this group has definitely been a great help to me. Having people in my life that understand what goes on in my head and being able to openly discuss these things has been both amazing and healing. It definitely boosts my motivation level.
So, thanks all for letting me be a member of this great forum.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 7, 2009 5:38:26 GMT
oh yes the divergent thinker...............ooh look a bird, ooh celery , peanut butter, molasses, lol.... I am much a why is this person, instead of cool , use it .......... Bloody ell dissertations are like 100 pages or more?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 10:19:36 GMT
Upsydasy
I love philosphysizing over polotics and economics sociology at a basic level have some crazy talks with my grandad about stuff some of his ideas are so old school very funny. My essays were never writen well as my basic education is limited but the content was always spot on due to enjoying researching hyper focus like am a private eye, just hated all the detail of having to list refrences etc. I suppose I had a point as if end up in industry they just want the facts not interested in 1/2K word report. I ended dropping out one reason being no basic support for me to get through algibra which I thought was quiet bad but whatever.
I would like to get all arty only thing that grabs me most things bore the pants of me, think for now will have to do as a side line but its hard to keep the flow when your not consumed in stopin and startin is harder.
Therapy dont go there cant get any like gold dust in Liverpool next on the list apparently. But yes this forum is a life saver well for me anyway probably quiet literally.
Andy
peanut buter dont go there I can only buy once in a while as just go mad for the stuff put it on meat with honey and chilly and all kinds of crazy combinations. Feel an idea for a thready comming on. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 13:07:33 GMT
Maybee we should try this:
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 7, 2009 15:09:36 GMT
Best flip scene.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 15:46:02 GMT
Safe, I love that movie...I haven't watched it in a while. Definitely need to watch it again soon. In general, I'm not an Adam Sandler fan but I think in that movie, Jack Nicholson's over-the-top performance made Sandler's usual obnoxious character not so bad. Or maybe I just felt bad for him after Jack got hold of him...LOL
Andy, I don't know if I agree with you about that being the best flip scene of all times. Have you seen the movie "Mommy Dearest"? I should go look for some clips on YouTube but I don't know how to insert them into posts here. Maybe you guys can give me a little help and tell me how I can do that Oh, and maybe you should start a thread..."Best Fip Scenes..." I think that would be a blast. We could all go there and watch the videos to make ourselves feel better after our own flips...LOL
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 15:57:11 GMT
Andy i dot know to me thats is as bout as dark and scary flipty flap as mary poppins, suppose when you live in a place thats like a scene out of the departed mixed with the sepranoes mixed with jacobs ladder then what do you expect.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 16:19:48 GMT
LMAO Safe, I was thinking the same thing I do love the Anger Management movie though. One of my favourites. Jack does do a good nutjob. Try watching Falling Down. Michael Douglas is a complete fruit loop in it. Great movie.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 7, 2009 16:50:21 GMT
I think I sort of did a FAIL! in my dexter post. Dark and scary as mary poppins LOLLLLLLLLLLLL, now thats funny.
I suppose I should have called it
"good dramatic scene blah" in my opinion Disclaimer: Anything I say cannot be taken seriously.! you have been warned.
MADscot, I was only thinking about falling down a couple of hours ago, must be that scary psychic link that adhders have.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 17:57:00 GMT
Ye fallin down thats allways in my head when havin that kind of time I had one other week but wont say anythink till after court case LOL BTW not me in wrong someone ows me.
Dexter is the nutter like the movie phsico? but I saw that guy in 6 feet under and will always think of him as the nice funeral director. Do you watch dexter then I would like to see that one were they all faint for five minutes my mrs has been watchin it but I never watch telly much any more tipical you watch rubish as a kid and then grow up to 300 channels and decided to stop watching when its getting good me all over always walk away on the turn.
Psychic thing have I mentioned about kid at party who read my mind twice over in a party and her entials are ESP freaked me right out 5yr old and no one was listening when it happened. She told me what colour my car was and what colour my room was SPOOKY!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 18:12:21 GMT
Upsdays if i started watching flip scenes I recon it would make me worse, you think your big time Ill see you in court big time.
TO PUT U TUBE in paste into reply as usuall and then highlight and press the Utube button and it places tag at start and end
Sandler he's OK bit main stream nothing outstanding comes to mind bit like Will smith commercial but smith is entertaining and has done some good stuff like seven degrees of seperation?
O ye scott
the jacko boy is great love that one easy rider although not a great one for him about shmits a funny one but he does play a good nutter, but then dont we all whats hard is being positive and trying to get on and do the right thing at the end of the day any knob can shoot a gun.
I wana know how to insert other site content surley theres a way
Also am now on Utube as Safens0und but no vids as yet let you know when I do.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2009 15:32:37 GMT
Safe, sometimes it's good for us to get a little peek at what we might look like when we flip...crazied and utterly ridiculous I suppose. Actually, I believe my oldest daughter would get the grand prize for her flips. I should try to sneek a cam recording of one of her famous "several-times-a-day flips." Being around her is like being around Christian Bale on set...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2009 17:11:22 GMT
Enough said:
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