bonji
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Post by bonji on Jan 20, 2016 23:02:19 GMT
I am falling apart, I'm drinking ten pints a day I don't know why it's like an escape from my mind. I can't switch off I'm failing my open university degree that my work decided to put me on, as a last chance to get my essay in on time I bought a load of speed thinking it would help me, but no I am no further forward. All that happened was me taking the whole lot and not being able to sleep for two days! Now I just feel depressed and more hopeless than ever. My doctors are messing me around even though I was diagnosed as a child, my life is literally falling apart, I have two young kids and a fiancee whom I love to bits and the whole time I just think I'm failing them, why can't I get my act together? I don't know what to do next.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jan 21, 2016 1:00:26 GMT
I know you feel like it's just you who's like this. You don't know how many times a post like this has occurred on these boards.
It's what happens to some of us when our ADHD gets out of control.
Keep talking.
Dump your worries on the boards and you may be surprised by the support you'll get.
I'm too tired to write more now, but I don't want you to feel like you're not being heard.
Take care.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jan 21, 2016 10:52:55 GMT
bonji I've just noticed your other post from last night about leaving all your stuff in the pub. I hope you managed to get sorted out - it was cold last night! I understand your frustration, especially trying to get back into treatment (and drinking to escape) and the feeling of being out of control and out of your mind. I've just moved cities and my GP won't prescribe my meds and I'm back on the referral list *again* after such a battle to get assessed last year. Sometimes it feels like they've invented this extremely illogical and difficult assault course to see if you're really serious about wanting to see a specialist and hoping that you'll give up along the way, or develop a serious mental health and/or substance abuse problem. Or start thinking that you're deluded to think that you might have ADHD because the answer couldn't be something so simple. Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant. I'm angry about this at the moment too. Take care, and don't give up.
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fudge
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Post by fudge on Jan 25, 2016 10:59:47 GMT
Hi Bonji. Read your post the other day and related to it, sent you support vibes (don't suppose you got them did you?), and then did nothing else. However, you have been on my mind and I hope you feel better. I thought this time I would actually articulate it instead of wishing it. I know it will sound unhelpful if u r in a loop of drinking.....but I did dry January and only messed up one day. Amazing how much better I feel each day. Has not helped me sort out all the horrendous pile if shit I have to do but at least I am not hungover while attempting it. I thought I would try to do dry February for the first week of Feb at least. You wanna join me? Am going to let myself drink on 7 Feb. I may actually let myself drink on 2 Feb. But thought I would try to start the 2nd month of the year dry as well.
Easy said. I might gave found this suggestion really irritating if it had been made to me during my 'knock back a bottle of wine a night, or cans of cider, or beers, or whatever' normal routine. So just ignore me! Or tell me u r irritated! I can take it! But hope u r feeling better....
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Post by computermandan on Jan 27, 2016 12:30:26 GMT
bonji ... you know what you're not failing them at all. You've just been trying so so hard to get where you think you need to be that it's all got a little untidy. I can't say I've been in your exact position but I have some of the same work / family responsibility issues I think. Shedding the worry etc on here really really does help - especially if the experts are making life hard at the minute. chin up and you will get there I'm sure of it
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Jan 30, 2016 15:55:51 GMT
Thanks for your replys. Sorry I haven't replied sooner but I have been feeling a bit low. Iv stopped drinking so much. Well until last night! I realised I had missed another deadline so decided sod it I'll have a beer to help chill out.... One turned into 12, very think head this morning. Anyway I had a phone call appointment with my local mental health team. After 45 minutes I was by the lady "it sounds to me like all off your depression, anxiety and inability to focus is because you are stressed, I can recommend a book"...... My reply, "what the hell are you on about stressed, are you for real? did you just choose to ignore me this last 45 minutes? if you can't be bothered to actually help people why are you in this job?. Anyway after this she told me she is unwilling to speak to me again so I'm waiting for another appointment with someone else, hopefully she/he will be better. Not a good start so far for getting myself sorted out.......sighhhhhh. Thanks again for the replys
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jan 30, 2016 16:26:03 GMT
bonji I'm glad you've come back. I've had the "read this book" advice. . . . It seems so hard to access any help through NHS, even for straightforward depression, let alone anything more complicated. 'Stress' is an easy, catch-all which will placate the people who are experiencing a reactive low mood distress. . and if you're happy with "read this book" the MH services can tick the 'success' box for the price of a phonecall. I've been told many times by MH professionals that I'm too ill for their services, but not ill enough for the next level and to present to A&E!!! I can't remember where you are with getting to see an ADHD specialist again, but I think you need to make a big fuss! Can your partner help too? Maybe go with you to the GP and say what a mess you are at the moment and how difficult it is for them? Anyway. . positive thought. . you said you managed to cut down on the drinking, which proves that you can. Just because you slipped, doesn't mean that you can't try again.
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goldie
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Post by goldie on Jan 30, 2016 16:32:17 GMT
Read a book is the most unhelpful recommendation to someone who finds reading quite difficult. Self help in the ADHD population is extremely difficult when we struggle with poor motivation and procrastination. Bonji where do you live, which part of the country. Are there any groups near you. Maybe we can find you a support buddy, someone who can give you hands on help
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Jan 30, 2016 21:20:32 GMT
I know! That's why I got so angry at her. I literally just told her that I find it so hard to sit and work, reading email and books is impossible! By the time I get to the end of the page I have forgotten what the beginning was on about. "I have a book you can read that will help you with the stress of reading" do these people not listen to themselves!. I live in the Gloucestershire area. I don't really feel comfortable taking my partner, there is a lot of things going on with her and I don't think it's fair to add my stuff on top. Thanks for the replys again. For a while I thought I had been unreasonable.
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Post by Lesley on Feb 2, 2016 19:10:13 GMT
Hi bonji As you're in Gloucesterhire, is the Bristol support group accessible for you? Details here (though I see it's not been updated recently) aadduk.org/help-support/support-groups/bristol-adult-adhd-support-group/but I've copied the essential bit from the middle of that page: "MEETING INFORMATION We meet on the second Friday of the month from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Bristol Mind. Our meetings are friendly and loosely structured. We exchange information, talk about issues related to adult ADHD, and have a good time. All meetings are confidential, and no judgements are made. For more details you can email me at bristoladhdadults@googlemail.com Bristol Mind is located in the centre of Bristol at 35 Old Market Street, Bristol, BS2 0EZ, and directions can be found here. There is no fee for the support group. It is free and you do not need to reserve a place. Adults with or without a diagnosis, as well as spouses, partners, and friends are welcome. If you need further information email me at bristoladhdadults@googlemail.com"
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 4, 2016 15:20:31 GMT
Hi guys me again.so iv just been to see my new mental health nurse. I explained how the telephone appointment had gone last time and he seemed to be sympathetic, he asked me what I thought to be relative questions, and did not try and pigeon hole me like the last "Burke". Anyway he seems to be on the same page in terms of my issue being adhd related and has told me he is going to write to my doctor to recommend a trial of the concerta medication, so hopefully just a matter of time now. I had met this guy previously and found him to be quite condescending, so that's what I started the conversation with, " we have spoken before and I found you to be quite condescending" He apologised for it and came across well this time. I'm Feeling positive for once :-)
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 7, 2016 10:50:26 GMT
So from feeling positive to anxiety, panic attacks and depression! I received a letter on Friday to say that I have been suspended from work, apparently I have committed serious misconduct, I have e-mailed them to ask what this is and all that they replied with is that I did not follow a procedure! Since then I have had three panic attacks and feel very very low. I'm scared that I am going to lose my job. I don't know what to do!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 7, 2016 11:50:28 GMT
Oh bonji . . . how awful. . . Maybe you could use this time when you're not required to be at work to sort out other things in your life. I know you'll still be worrying about what action your work will take, but there's nothing you can do about it now. If it helps, I've been disciplined and sacked for serious and gross misconduct, as has someone I know who has autism. The reason why I've mentioned this is that each time, we weren't aware that our actions were *that* wrong. It sounds like you didn't deliberately fail to follow the procedure, or know that you had. Now that you've come further on with getting your ADHD recognised it may be relevant to your case when they call you in for your disciplinary. If it's possible that ADHD could be part of it, they can't discriminate for a disability. I'm not up on this, so hope someone else can help, or you can look into it while you're suspended. It would mean that you'd have to 'out' yourself at work and I don't know how you'd feel about that. I also don't know how important your job is to you and if you really want to keep it. Take care x
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Post by contrarymary on Feb 7, 2016 12:13:12 GMT
hi bonjii'm sorry this is happening; it must be really stressful and it's no wonder you are feeling anxious there's a fair amount of useful information available online about what happens in this sort of situation, rights and processes. altho each organisation will have it's own policies & procedures, they have to follow employment law and respect workers' rights. maybe start by having a look at this guide from the Citizen's Advice Bureau ? this will pass and things will get better
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 7, 2016 15:18:12 GMT
I really do not understand which procedure they think I have not followed! This job is very important to me, I have spent ten years working up to the position I am in now,if I were to lose my job I really do not know what to do, I would be unable to find one that has the same salary and considering how much debt I am in, it would ruin me. Thanks for the link I will have a look into this today and try to make notes. I have not informed my company about the mental health issues I have as I have seen guys being ridiculed behind their backs from the top management downward!and I makes me feel very uncomfortable about sharing my own issues. I feel bloody hopeless.
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Post by contrarymary on Feb 7, 2016 16:30:35 GMT
bonjifrom what i've read, they have to give you details in writing when they notify you of the disciplinary procedure; they can't just suspend you without giving information. have a read. also have a look at the TUC website which is really helpful for stuff like this eg they've got a v good free publication about understanding disciplinaries & grievanceshang on in there. it will get better
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 7, 2016 16:45:24 GMT
Thanks for clarifying things bonji - it's what I thought, but mustn't presume things. As it's a job you really value, I would seriously consider 'coming out' to them at least about the ADHD. I understand that you'd not be keen to disclose your comorbid MH/substance difficulties, although your colleagues may already have suspicions. You may also get extra help and allowances with the OU course. You could choose to only disclose to them and they shouldn't tell your work. If your company has a decent disciplinary policy, they should give you a chance to answer charges and give your side of the story. Hopefully they will send you a detailed letter/email informing you of what they think you've done to warrant a suspension. This is important because you don't know what you've done. If they invite you in for a meeting and you're not satisfied that they've explained thoroughly enough their case against you, try to get them to do so BEFORE the meeting so you can prepare yourself. Don't leave it until you're in the meeting. This brings me back to disclosure or not. If your failure to follow procedure is something that could be as a result of ADHD, if it's forgetfulness, not following instructions, 'blurting' (I've had that one - Unless someone tells me that something is confidential, or sensitive, I don't know and tell people things) or generally not being aware there was a procedure for that thing. I would be tempted to disclose. You might like to bring someone to advocate for you - ask goldie or the Bristol group - you are entitled to bring someone with you (it's generally a union rep, but can be anyone). I'm saying this because it may be something that's likely to happen again and you may just need better explanation of procedures from your line manager, and you want to keep your job and not keep unconsciously messing up. If you disclose a disability, your workplace has to make 'reasonable adjustments' and protect you from workplace discrimination ie if colleagues are ridiculing you behind your back. Wow! I didn't mean to write so much! To finish. . .I'd just like to repeat that you should use your suspension time to sort other things out. . and try to find some time to do something that you enjoy, relax, repair. . Above all, look after yourself x
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 7, 2016 16:46:45 GMT
Seemed to have cross-posted with CM!
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Post by easilydistracted on Feb 8, 2016 0:11:37 GMT
Hi Bonji,
You are me a few years ago.
I didn't manage to stop in time and my world went crash, lost my job, destroyed my marriage and my kid is now a virtual stranger to me.
Desperate times call for desperate actions, you've come here for help, somewhere else maybe to look is in the phone book for AA. They are a very open bunch and if nothing else, going to the meetings is two hours that you won't be drinking and maybe you'll feel a bit stronger for a couple of hours after as well. They won't judge you and you don't need to talk if you don't feel like it.
Baby steps, lots of them, gets us there eventually
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Post by computermandan on Feb 8, 2016 14:58:05 GMT
oh man this sounds harsh. just had disciplinary at my place for similar kind of things... I got a written warning after an "intervention" but no suspension etc. losing work would be the beginning of the end here too - I can relate to the pressure you must be feeling I hope you can keep going and work out the work issue, and unload on here if needed. I can see some sensible way above my head advice has already been given... just felt the need to offer my support! just keep swimming!
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 9, 2016 1:22:38 GMT
Hi Guys,
This is a drunk me, so I will apologise for the bad grammar and spelling mistakes now. as you have probably guessed im off the wagon! I have just got home following a heated telephone conversation with my fiancée. she is asleep now! I feel like this is my time.
So I do not know what to talk about first really....... Ok I do.... I am no longer suspended! I spent the hole of last night and most of today studying employment law and to be honest it turned into a bit of an obsession! thank you soooooo much fore the links you added, it really started the ball rolling, so much so I couldn't stop! I was called in for an interview today and after giving my statement I was asked to wait. I waited around 30 minuets and then one of my managers came out.
"Hi Ben, thank you for coming in, given your statement you are no longer suspended and we need you in work tomorrow night, no further disciplinary action will be taken against you"! WTF!!! all that stress for nothing! after all I have learnt the last 24 hours I think I am going to raise a formal grievance.
Back on the wagon tomorrow! although I have had a drink this week it has been three weeks since I have taken any Drugs. Although I have not been a big drug enthusiast since my late teens this is good for me, No want or need for anything that "makes me happy". I want to take the time to thank Vagueandrandom, and everyone else that has supported me the last few weeks. You have all made the difference between psychotic and coping.
Thank you.
Sorry if I have been waffling......DRUNK......... TUT.......TUT...........
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 9, 2016 1:33:51 GMT
Hey bonji Ben. .excellent news! So what if you've had a drink. . I think I would too, under the circumstances! Just get back on track tomorrow. Go back to work. Be more assertive if they try to faff about with your ADHD treatment. Think about your OU and work and how you might feel about disclosure (even just for the OU) You need to think about yourself, your life and your work and make it as good as you can. PS Bloody Hell! only one day off?!!!
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 9, 2016 1:33:50 GMT
Hi Bonji.
Great to hear that your suspension has been lifted. What a relief that must be! Did they manage to explain clearly why it had happened in the first place?
I hope they are going to apologise for all the stress they caused if there was no fault on your part?
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Post by contrarymary on Feb 9, 2016 8:34:43 GMT
great news bonji well done!
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Post by Lesley on Feb 9, 2016 13:25:44 GMT
So pleased for you, bonji !
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Post by computermandan on Feb 10, 2016 12:27:36 GMT
Good Stuff... and "Phew!"
keep going !
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 17, 2016 1:12:32 GMT
Hi guys,
its been a while, thank you all for the support. I just want to give a few more details on the situation at the moment. I have re-read my previous posts and realise that although it makes perfect sense from the inside out it may not make sense from the outside in!
This may be a long one so bare with me....... if you want to that is!
I will start from the most recent events and hopefully move on and cover any points that I have only touched on or questions I have not answered yet.
The suspension;
to cut a long story short a grievance had been raised to a colleague of mine by a member of staff about a falling out he had with another member of staff.– I came in to work at 5:40 and walked to the Shift Managers office, the complainer (who from now on I will name person (A)) was talking to my colleague, Person A was red faced and quite angry. I dropped my stuff down and my colleague said to me (A) has made a complaint about another member of staff person (B). my colleague and I sat down to make the formal statement. When we got through the statement (A) signed it and at the end I said enjoy your days off and I’ll complete the full investigation, finalise and let you know the outcome.
So after interviewing the other people present (on my shift) at the scene of this falling out and gaining only one statement! from person (B).(the others did not see or here anything!). I waited for the statements from the other shift which my colleague told me he would collect, which he did not collect!. I then had a few days off, at this point thinking its just a petty squabble and thinking it can be sorted out informally.
I then received my letter of suspension. within this letter it stated I had committed serious misconduct, as I had not reported the formal grievance to my superiors and as such had broken company policy. I will now add that no such policy exists within my company. I had then requested the information on the policy I had apparently broken and also asked if my colleague had been suspended too, the reply I received was...... and this is from the human resources manager! "We did not realise your colleague was involved or that an investigation was taking place, so you probably won’t be suspended but I need to talk to your manager and one of us will call you or e-mail you this afternoon"
BTW my manager has got what I would describe as a personal issue with me!
anyway they did not get back to me and I remained suspended, I requested to see the procedure that I had broken three more times to then be told "I don’t believe there is anything else I can give you in response to your request". I then find out that my colleague has not been suspended! in fact he had been given overtime, to cover me!
Since being back at work I have raised a grievance for unfair suspension and unfair treatment at work, which has now been brushed under the table, it was merely break down in communication between myself and my manager was the official response I received when I had asked what was happening!
So since then I have had multiple panic attacks and I am F**king miserable, all I want to do is jack it in but I cant.
I have seen in previous posts advise about contacting the AA, thank you for your care and concerns but I don't think its a addiction issue. but I suppose denial does ring alarm bells!!!
I am angry! so so angry, I feel like I have been let down by everyone I work with... betrayed and hung out to dry. I am so close to giving up on everything but I know this isn't the answer. has anyone felt like they were actually in the middle of a break down? do I go to the doctor and talk about it or do I just plod on miserable? ow and to top it off I have received the letter the mental health team guy I had seen and it goes against everything he had told me face to face..... I have been referred again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Can I trust or rely on anyone in this world.
Sorry its long, but I did warn you.
over and out... from..... pissed off, depressed, anxious and hopeless Bonji
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 17, 2016 2:03:13 GMT
and after all of that I have another question!!!!! can antidepressants make you feel worse? I thought for a while they might be helping with my mood swings, but now just feel worse than ever. I feel comfortable saying this here because its largely an excepting community but I keep breaking down in tears one minuet and then the next its like im injected with rage. Why?
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 17, 2016 3:25:01 GMT
bonji Ben, I'm so sorry you're going through all this (still) Bureaucracy!!! AArghh!! What anti-depressants are you on? and prolonged release, or normal? I'm a bit of an emotional mess at the moment as well, if it makes you feel any better. . . Hey, I'm still up at getting on for 3.30 am . . .really should be sleeping . . Take care x
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bonji
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Post by bonji on Feb 17, 2016 4:13:59 GMT
bonji Ben, I'm so sorry you're going through all this (still) Bureaucracy!!! AArghh!! What anti-depressants are you on? and prolonged release, or normal? I'm a bit of an emotional mess at the moment as well, if it makes you feel any better. . . Hey, I'm still up at getting on for 3.30 am . . .really should be sleeping . . Take care x im still waiting for medication, I was told by the guy I had seen last week that he would write a letter to my GP saying I should start treatment again for my ADHD as I was diagnosed as a child, this is the letter that turned out to be a referral!!! im taking sertraline at the moment but I have tried most of the others. not sleeping... well as you can guess I am no stranger to that. Im sorry you are going through a hard time vaugeandrandom....... its hard and I do sympathies. and im sorry if this comes out in the wrong way but yes It does give my some comfort that someone else is going through the same thing. Its very easy to feel alone with this, Im not happy you are in the same boat but im glad you can see where im coming from if that makes sense?...... what to do what to do? sick of it, had enough, life..... im not so sure at the moment!
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