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Post by computermandan on Oct 23, 2015 16:12:50 GMT
oh man oh man oh man...
4 missed calls from ADHD clinic at maudsley today... silly phone forgot to switch itself off from the silent mode I put it in last night!!!
sometimes I wonder why I carry a "mobile" phone
grrrrrrr.... next week call back it is!
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Post by contrarymary on Oct 23, 2015 17:03:40 GMT
hints of progress there computermandanseems as tho you may be overtaking me... i'm still waiting for assessment part deux - may have to ring and chase next week if i'm going to stay in this race
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Post by computermandan on Oct 27, 2015 11:42:41 GMT
yep this is hopefully a call re assessment part deux too. well a "neuropsychological assessment - to investigate further attention and executive functioning" anyway. (not diagnostic for ADHD it specifically stated in report from first assessment.) anyway I called like a million times yesterday and left a message but didn't speak to anyone. If I was them I'd hate me by now lol.. perhaps mondays are busy like everywhere
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Post by computermandan on Oct 27, 2015 14:56:55 GMT
ok - got through to a friendly chap today. turns out leaving report with ADHD on your desk acts as a good reminder. for the "neuro" appointment it was said that someone from "behavioural genetics" has probably been trying to call. although after the chap quizzed the person that does that it turns out it wasn' them either. with nothing pending on the system he advised he was going to send an email round the team to find out if anyone called and/or what's happening with the process (well I think thats what he said anyway?) so back to waiting with phone on "ridiculously loud" setting.
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Post by contrarymary on Oct 27, 2015 15:56:51 GMT
well done computermandanbehavioural genetics huh? that's where i'm waiting for follow-up appt i'm so seriously tired this week, chasing up to see what's happening will have to wait until i can function well enough to speak on the phone ho hum. so we're under starter's orders...
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Post by computermandan on Oct 27, 2015 16:20:36 GMT
lol. im off to google behavioural genetics it sounds too interesting to miss out on...
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Post by computermandan on Nov 5, 2015 12:45:56 GMT
woo hooo - this afternoon I had a "private number" call me and I now have an appointment on the 18th Nov for the NeuroPsych assessment at Maudsley (or is it Maudsly?)
I have no real idea of what's involved but I need to remember my glasses apparently suggesting reading activity.
is it too cheesy to say "I'm Psyched" like they do in Aussie soaps?
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 5, 2015 16:24:13 GMT
Bums. I had a private number call yesterday and ignored it; no message Sorry - great news CMD, hope it goes well
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Post by computermandan on Nov 6, 2015 9:23:37 GMT
contrarymary - I know the feeling. I think they've been trying me 2 or 3 times a day all week. fingers crossed you get the call ASAP
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Post by annie on Nov 6, 2015 12:00:28 GMT
Wow computerman; this is some epic journey!! Have gone back through all your posts on this topic and can only marvel at your tenacity!!
Hope the assessment later this month eventually gives you answers. Also, stick in there contrarymary - another tenacious person.
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Post by computermandan on Nov 6, 2015 13:02:17 GMT
Lol I don't know about tenacity. hang on I'm going to look up the definition...
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Post by computermandan on Nov 6, 2015 13:15:48 GMT
yep... looked it up... that's definitely not me. thanks though and thank you for the good wishes too. I've muddled through some odd months & made calls eventually ("RememberTheMilk.com" as a homepage has helped massively) oddly enough using this "diary" as a reference of where I got to last has probably been the biggest assistance so far. I've learned lots in this forum in the last couple of years and was massively surprised it's been that long when I looked yesterday. a pick and mix of methods and tools for sure. I'll admit its usually the first place I go to now when something happens. here's hoping getting answers = some kind of personal progress too. Be it lots of "I said you were being daft - now what excuse are you going to make?", comments or "Ok what next? how is it going to improve things?" remarks at least it's going somewhere... as you may be able to tell I'm a little excitable about it all... (i've just deleted a few paras of random tangents to spare people the boredom lol) having a grumpy day today. been told off for upsetting folk deliberately on Facebook. (naughty dan!)
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Post by computermandan on Nov 19, 2015 11:22:08 GMT
ok... the morning after... my head hurts. The Neurological testing reminded me of those interview/HR type tests when I usually fall flat on my face, have a random panic and then don't get the job. It's not scary though - for those who may have to do them please don't worry lol. I had a three hour appointment with a very friendly lady named Stella. we went had a half an hour conversation about why I was there and relaying symptoms and examples and general day to day problems I guess to relate them to the test results at the end. Then we went through the various puzzles, mental arithmetic, memory tests, and so on. I won't go into detail but there's nothing too advanced, but they are tricky at times, but not in a "trick question" kind of way. You can take breaks as and when you need, I opted to just go through it all rather than wait lol. The direct outcome is going to be a report / interpretation of the test results, written by the tester (I was told you can ask for the results too but they're not sent otherwise). I was told this will not form an ADHD diagnosis on its own - been told that before too so not surprised. The report gets reviewed by a superior and then goes back to the original ADHD assesmnent consultant (you get a copy). He (sorry cant remember his name) will then summarize in an overall report with a decision on the diagnosis - I don't know if you get that in the post or if you need to go back first. Then you will get invited back to go over the diagnosis & treatment options (if adhd diagnosed) or other options to help with your issues if not diagnosed. to be honest I'm relieved its moved to the next stage but also feel a little empty because it's going to be 2-3 months for the report to get to the consultant, then more waiting for his decision. realistically I guess we're talking june next year as a guess. what is nice though is that the lady took the time to explain the process and timeline and I'm not worrying about it now. I could mumble on for ages now but this post is getting long so I'm stopping.
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Post by computermandan on Nov 19, 2015 11:24:31 GMT
lol here's the funny bit. got on the wrong train out of denmark hill station and almost ended up in dartford or something like that - but a nice lady who heard me talking to my OH on the phone pointed out I was going the wrong way for Luton so I got off and went back to denmark hill...
phew.
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 19, 2015 19:26:31 GMT
lol here's the funny bit. got on the wrong train out of denmark hill station and almost ended up in dartford or something like that are you sure no-one was following you? it sounds as tho it could have been part of the test well done computermandan sounds exhausting but helpful. utter bummer that there's such along wait for the next stages, but it's all progress. and better slow & sure than hasty and horrid. or something reminder - i must chase my follow up - been nearly 3 months now. tho no idea where the original appt letter with all the details might be now
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Post by computermandan on Jan 4, 2016 17:24:30 GMT
So.... got a call just before Xmas... I have an appointment with the ADHD chap at Maudsley. (whose name I can never rememeber, except it is long and Greek sounding - apologies if it isn't and for not remembering someone very helpful in the first place etc etc etc) it's on the 12th of Jan - now I'm reliably informed by my good lady wife that this is in fact next week and not "somewhere in the middle of January"... I'm still pretty sure it's somewhere in the middle of January but her version seems sooner so we'll roll with that. it's surprisingly quick for a "decision" (if that's what it is?) based on what I think I was told previously. If I'm honest I'm not really sure what it is I'm going for exactly... but when they call Dan says "YES" and must send boss holiday request immediately, then text wife otherwise everyone hates Dan. Sometimes I even let my parents know but then people ask what "this one's for" and I have no clue because I forgot that bit... little giddy, post xmas/new year recharge as wife is v good at responsible stuff (although a little peeved at do-nothing-Dan) lets see if we can prolong the positivity into spring... anyhoo... happy new year anyone reading... although I do write this for my own sly, selfish benefit in the main it's nice if it's remotely useful to someone. ahoy pirate rum drinker who's had to stop rum drinking because today is back to work day... this post is now longer than it should be and you're spouting nonsense it seems... shhhh.
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 4, 2016 18:22:07 GMT
happy new year computermandan 12 is next Tuesday,which is v good news indeed my appt is a week later, which i also called "mid-January". technically they're both in the mid part of January, but i can see it would be eary to remember the mid- and not check until around 15 or so, thus missing it and/or failing to plan and not being able to go. i have so far found that having a sense of what the appt is going to be about hasn't helped me at all. (i had my head so ready for what i had been told/read about, that i was completely thrown when the psych had v different plans for the appt and didn't cope at all. as can be read in the interim report, which puts all sorts of things in quotation marks, i think to draw attention to their inappropriateness ) but it might be worth ringing to find out, if you think you're likely to do any preparation. otherwise worth focussing on the fact that it's a week tomorrow. btw good luck with the back-to-work thing. it's traumatic
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Post by computermandan on Jan 12, 2016 15:27:02 GMT
Oh bums. I'm late. I hope they got my message eeeek.
How can you be late when you give yourself 4 hours to make a 45 minute journey and there are no delays.
GrittIng teeth, crossing fingers hopefully they let me in still
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 12, 2016 15:43:58 GMT
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Post by computermandan on Jan 12, 2016 20:51:38 GMT
Well I'm terrible.
Arrived 27 minutes late.
Consultant was kind enough to get me "half" the appointment - basically he was on his next appointment but the lady that did the tests last time was free to go over the result so it wasn't a wasted trip.
Results were interesting but I don't think they will affect the diagnosis too much... But that's Dan's random assumption of the day.
Was given some useful suggestions for life and work changes None of which I can remember but the report is in the post!!
Its interesting when you see what they were actually testing for. Seems I'm not too anxious but generally depressive in mood... Low expectations I said lol.
Not sure what to take from it... Really cross with myself for wasting time by not making enough time to get there maybe I will have another think tomorrow...
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 12, 2016 21:05:36 GMT
o bums. sorry it didn't work out as you had hoped it might. nil desperandum; done now, at least for now hope you are able to let go of the feelings and wait on the report; once you get it and have absorbed its contents is the next time that you can act to influence what happens next. glad you're not likely to be worrying about the result? and breathe... x
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Post by computermandan on Jan 13, 2016 12:50:21 GMT
back in the land of "I probably don't have ADHD, I've probably been wasting everyone's time and resources again".
guilty feeling day.
doesn't help having to explain to every concerned soul in the office - they're good colleagues and I know they mean well... blabber mouth prob shouldn't have mentioned it to them all in the first place.
"you were late?!!" "why? I thought it was Important to you!!" "so you have to go back again!?"
groan.
can I hibernate now please ? ? ?
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 13, 2016 14:43:04 GMT
((( computermandan))) find a way to reset your head? stayig stuck in the feelings & not remembering what happened is a great route to misery. for me what works is doing something practical or creative - i get absorbed in that and the perspective comes... or doing yoga or exercise which get me out of my head and into my body... or doing meditation, which gets me Really into my head - way beyond this sort of niggly thoughts - and trains me to be aware of them so i can think enough to switch off the loop
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Post by ImStupid on Jan 14, 2016 1:47:56 GMT
Dan, I can't quite believe it's been two years I'm guessing you have an outlet of some sort? I'm going to hazard a guess at games, drugs, exercise? Otherwise, you'd have surely gone insane by now? Are you still unsure about whether you have it? If I'm remembering correctly, your lack of hyperactivity symptoms? Have you considered whether you might be carrying the old COMT 'warrior' gene or similar? The need for novel stimuli is likely to be huge in the afflicted. Typical symptoms might well represent anhedonia or similar. Intelligence + rampant anger = internal volcano? Stress, depression, etc. Just thinking aloud. Best of luck
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Post by computermandan on Jan 15, 2016 17:03:40 GMT
Thanks for the support internet and tv is my escape... as a kid it was non stop football... like every free second, I would miss meals and get into bother for a game of football that said I found out yesterday I'm now getting a "hearing" at work for an official written warning. I went and overdid it at the company work do didn't I... there's rarely an easy to find STOP button when I drink+party. staggered home from London at 6am after getting lost and slept for an hour outside a train station waiting for it to open.. only to wake and realise it was the wrong station and the right one was still open! result = non attendance at work the next day and forgetting to call in. it's not going so well lately. Not sure I know what the COMT 'warrior' gene is? it sounds cool though. Yes to lack of hyperactivity and childhood evidence. One thing I do know is I'm pretty down at the minute. Friends seem to have clocked on and have made an effort to keep checking in on me by text etc so I'm lucky to have them around at least. in a bit of conflict internally - trying to be "the strong one" at home isn't working but there's a deep fear that "buckling" and going down the docs with the depression symptoms will just land me in more misery longer term when the OH subconsciously develops her own fears I can't look after them properly anymore. We've hit that road before and I really didn't enjoy it anyway... I'm not fishing for answers - pretty much venting to get it out of my head.... maybe I'll get to the docs next week ? ? ?
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Post by ImStupid on Jan 15, 2016 18:31:46 GMT
I don't really know anything about it but my basic understanding is that COMT is like a vacuum cleaner for dopamine and adrenaline. For some people, this enzyme is way too active (4x some sources suggest) constantly robbing you of your decision making basics. There are some benefits to it, apparently. This isn't the only enzyme that catabolises your transport network, apparently. Anyway, it's probably nothing and doesn't apply to either of us but I thought it worth a mention so you could at least rule it out. If you're anything like me, you won't help yourself until you're at rock bottom. I suppose some would say sitting one notch above rock bottom indefinitely is far worse than rock bottom itself. You didn't ask for any advice and I'm pretty sure I'm the last person anyone should be taking advice from but consider forcing yourself to rock bottom immediately or at least playing out the scenario of no job and no gf for a moment. Picture actual tears streaming down your face, uncontrollably. Theirs, too. There's no doubt in my mind that you have the power to turn this around. Do absolutely *anything* to ensure your family's happiness and success. People who gravitate towards this board are awesome. Always
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Post by contrarymary on Jan 15, 2016 22:42:32 GMT
Bums CMD it never rains but it pours (just mistyped twice as "purrs" - if only ) i'm sorry it's a struggle ATM this too shall pass honest
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Post by computermandan on Jan 18, 2016 11:28:20 GMT
hey we'll get there... one way or another lmao at not raining but purring... hehe. wet cats.
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Post by computermandan on Feb 24, 2016 12:26:38 GMT
month later... decided to give up sugar in my tea and coffee for lent.. (*brainwashed as a child) ...this has ultimately led to me also giving up caffeine rapidly, because I now can't stand the taste of tea and coffee and coca cola is cheating.
there's some kind of ingrained fear here though because "stuff I gave up for lent" I somehow manage to do really well at not forgetting???
Is it fear of my mother's look of disappointment? doubt it. It is most likely to some subconscious thing about being struck down... but I can't make sense of it. Still it's only two weeks in so I'll probably forget tomorrow and laugh at myself again.
Anyway - I wanted to post because sugar & caffeine free Dan feels different. A little more in control maybe, yet utterly utterly demotivated and disinterested in expending any energy whatsoever. Mind is a little de-fogged but still forgetful and "lazy" and MUCH MUCH more distracted. Goodbye conversation. Good Bye productivity... (well in honesty there wasn't much of that anyway). beginning to wonder if my sweet tooth/8 cups of coffee with 4 sugars in each was making a difference somehow??
This weekend (I had Friday off too) OH was mighty upset when I pretty much left her (on her own) to relocate our kiddies beds around their room, sort out all their toys and clothes and then clean it up after too and move their wardrobes. I put a shelf up. I'd promised to take the washing out of the machine but got kind of distracted. I got "told off", rightly so in fairness, but reacted in the oddest way by telling OH that if she got off her backside and did it she wouldn't have to moan at me forgetting! I apologised on Monday morning but it's another scratch against the "be a better husband" thing. NumptyManDan.
anyway... not heard from Maudsley since late/near miss appointment... let the when to chase up dilemma begin!
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Post by contrarymary on Feb 25, 2016 17:41:08 GMT
funny isn't it about Lent? ive broken all sorts of habits over the years by giving things up for Lent, it seems to work without fail. - sugar in tea - milk in tea & coffee - tea all of those have stuck - i now drink black coffee or herbal tea. and - Smoking! now 3 years and not a whiff i think i've saved about £5k and feel So Much Healthier caffeine and sugar are both stimulants computermandan so praps why they make a difference it ws stopping smoking that made me realise about adhd. and tourettes. both got worse when not self-medicating with cigarettes. and then i read a couple of studies that said similar if in doubt, chase - the worst that will happen is you have no new info
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