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Post by manson88 on Jul 26, 2015 14:51:17 GMT
I reorder when I get down to my last 7 so there's no messing about. Sometimes I get caught out though #notfunny
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Post by chaoticwitch on Jul 28, 2015 23:06:18 GMT
Feeling totally fed up after an even more frustrating appointment at the ADHD clinic in Exeter. I saw the prescribing nurse this time, he asked me how I'd been on the 18mg. I started to explain by saying that the first week had been surprisingly good and for the first time in a long time I had felt comfortable being me and how I didn't remember this from the last time I had taken it. He stopped me there, I didn't get to say anything else about my month on Concerta, he asked me if I had taken them previously, then flashed up my notes and the letter dated 2011 from the Doctor at Waverly to my GP, stating that I was on 54mg of Concerta XL! He asked me why I had stopped taking it previously, so once again I explained about my previous misuse of amphetamine and my fears around taking it. He then told me that he wasn't willing to prescribe Concerta for me, that I should never have been prescribed it with such a long history of amphetamine abuse due to the high risk of a stroke When I asked why it had been prescribed to me a month ago and previously 4 years ago, he said that perhaps I hadn't told them about my use of amphetamine! I have been more than honest about it and on more than one occasion expressed my worries regarding me taking it due to my long term use of amphetamine up until 11 years ago. At this point I sort of lost it a bit. Not only am I being told that I am not getting any medication, but it is also being suggested that I may have withheld information intentionally. Not that maybe, the doctor I saw on my last visit, maybe didn't listen to me, and that my feelings of not being heard may have been real! He has now told me that he wants to try me on Stra....... something, I've seen it mentioned on here and he gave me the very helpful NHS information sheet about it. But I have to wait for him to write to my GP and for them to write to me so I can have a liver function test and ecg, before I can start any new medication. On the plus side (I think) he is referring me to the clinical psychologist to do a more in depth assessment for ADHD. I don't really want to go to sleep tonight, because I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. Back to square one again.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2015 6:29:12 GMT
Strattera, it's currently one of the few meds that is registered as a treatment for ADHD in adults. It might be a good choice in your case as it's not a stimulant, but indeed you need to be checked out for liver function and your heart because there is a slightly higher risk in those areas. It does have the advantage of not requiring any paperwork when you travel, which makes it much easier to go on that world cruise. If you haven't been told yet, do check your insurance. I don't know about the UK system, but Strattera is quite expensive. I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough patch. I hope that the extra support you get from the clinical psychologist will help you.
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Post by chaoticwitch on Jul 29, 2015 7:38:49 GMT
I''m sure I read somewhere that a world cruise is another of the suggestions for ADHD, but I don't think you can get that on prescription at all
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2015 9:56:16 GMT
I''m sure I read somewhere that a world cruise is another of the suggestions for ADHD, but I don't think you can get that on prescription at all You can't get a five start journey on prescription by claiming "medical necessity"? How odd... Because I'm not really feeling like doing all the stuff needed for my drivers license I thought about asking for a prescription for a car with chauffeur instead, but I guess that's then probably not going to be covered either.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jul 29, 2015 23:00:42 GMT
I'm thinking at the moment that I might get more out of psychiatry/coaching than meds.
Why do you think @dutch has deleted his account?
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Post by Dutch on Jul 30, 2015 12:33:15 GMT
Why do you think @dutch has deleted his account? Sorry for the sudden disappearance. Between this and another forum I kept wasting 90% of my time while I should be working on a grant application worth £150,000 and an important academic paper due early September. I keep exhausting myself that way and my meds aren't helping me enough yet, so I need to take drastic measures. As much as I love being here and really enjoy the company (I can't even resist posting as a guest ) I need to focus, whatever the cost.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jul 31, 2015 15:44:33 GMT
Good enough reason, dutch!
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Post by chaoticwitch on Jul 31, 2015 23:57:45 GMT
Aw dutch, hope you come back soon, I was hoping to learn all about neurology. I have really pushed myself outside my comfort zone for this weekend, 180 miles outside it in fact. My sister-in-law asked me to come up to Birmingham with her and my niece to see her family. She hasn't driven on the motorway for a long time and it would be the first time with the baby, so she didn't want to do it alone. I had agreed to this before they decided to stop my medication. So after that I was a bit dubious about a trip to Birmingham. So much so that I have hardly slept for the last 2 nights. I thought I would get here and fall into bed, exhausted, but instead I am sat alone at 1am, the only person left awake in the house and no sign of sleep coming any time soon! Thank goodness for the internet In other news, I have been given a follow up appointment at the Exeter clinic on August 14th, I get to meet Dr Antwi again, and Mark, the prescribing nurse, to discuss my treatment options. I am presuming that I will have heard from my surgery before then and will have had the liver function tests. I am also going to contact Waverly to see if they can pass my records onto Exeter so they actually have all the information about me, before they go prescribing something else for me.
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Post by Dutch on Aug 1, 2015 10:45:21 GMT
Thanks, I will try to be back once the deadlines have passed (early September)!
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Post by chaoticwitch on Aug 2, 2015 10:19:42 GMT
In four hours time I will be on my way back home and I can't wait.
I love my sister-in-law and her family and it has been great to see them all again. But I am not used to being around so many people for so long. There has been a constant stream of visiting family and friends all wanting to meet the baby and there have been so many conversations going on around me that my head felt like it was going to explode. It doesn't help that I haven't left the house since we arrived on Friday night, but the thought of finding my way around here is a little daunting. So stir crazy, audio overload with lack of sleep have taken their toll, this weekend.
Luckily, I thought it was a bank holiday this Monday, so I cancelled my clients for this Monday. Strange not one of them questioned me when I said it was a bank holiday. I only got told by my brother on Friday just before we left! So at least I can have tomorrow to myself.
I have taken myself off into hiding this morning and I am really enjoying the sounds of a suburban Sunday morning in Birmingham.
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Post by chaoticwitch on Aug 21, 2015 20:09:03 GMT
I haven't been on here for a while because I felt like I was so negative and wanted to come back with a more positive head on my shoulders.
But today I really need somewhere to put my sh*t.
My poor dogs suddenly (and I mean, overnight, suddenly) were covered in fleas. Tonight I have discovered why. Once again my house has been taken over by rats. Every year for the past four years, when the weather turns the rats come running into my house through the old, broken water pipes that cracked when they put new roofs on the houses, adding extra weight to the foundations! There is nothing that can be done to stop it.
I have gaps in between skirting boards and floorboards big enough for an immature rat to get through (this is what I have been told every year by the man that comes and puts the poison down.) I am now certain they are getting into the house and this would explain why my house has suddenly become infested with fleas. One of my dogs is allergic to fleas and has chewed his back to pieces, even though he has a cone on when I am out,
I am sat in my living room at the moment with all the doors closed, listening to the rats run between the floorboards above my head, and it is the most disgusting sound you can imagine, it's making my skin crawl.
I have phoned so many numbers trying to get something sorted out but no matter where I try it seems that nothing can be done, at least until tomorrow.
Anyway, rant over, I'm off again now, hopefully next time I come back I'll have something more positive going on!!!!
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Post by contrarymary on Aug 21, 2015 23:06:10 GMT
((((( chaoticwitch))))) you don't have to be positive to be here. i hang out and moan away in contrarycorner. it's good to have somewhere to put stuff, and people have a choice to read your stuff or not hope things get better for you v v soon xx
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Post by vagueandrandom on Aug 22, 2015 18:00:29 GMT
chaoticwitch as contrarymary says, this is one place where you can have a big moan/rant emotional dump. I'm finding it more help than a lot of the so-called therapy that I've had over the years. It's good to see you here again, even if you're not having a great time
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Post by chaoticwitch on Nov 5, 2015 6:15:22 GMT
Wow, it's been ages since I have been on here. I stopped coming on and writing because I was starting to feel that everything I posted was really negative and it was bugging me. I am pleased to say that I am now feeling 100% better. After being given Concerta again, then taken off of it due to past drug history, I was then put on Strattera. Funny story, the prescriber gave me my prescription and told me to take one tablet for the first week and two tablets thereafter. Great, I can do that. Went back to get second prescription and carried on taking two tablets as he had said on my first visit, but this time I was getting palpitations, I couldn't stand up without getting dizzy and was so irritable I could have bitten my own head off. Phoned my prescriber in despair full of anxiety and not able to leave my house. He told me to see my doctor, which I did. The doctor asked me how much I was taking and I told him 80mg - two tablets a day. The next morning I get out the strattera and as I turn it over I notice the tablets are 80mg each!!!!! When I told the prescriber he was shocked and said, "didn't you read the label?" Duh, no, guess the clues in the name Attention Deficit!!!!! Anyway finally on a manageable dose of strattera and things have just got better and better, I haven't had a panic attack in weeks and have managed to go into shops on my own for the first time in over 6months. My mood has improved and so has my health as I've started to care about what I am eating and doing with my life. I have even given up smoking!!! I have just adopted a new dog to add to my pack, he is a 3 year old tri-pawed husky mix from Bulgaria and he is gorgeous, I am out walking twice a day again and I am loving it. Now just gotta plough through the mess I've made of my life over the last couple of years, sort out finances and get myself back on track and all will be well. IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK
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Post by vagueandrandom on Nov 5, 2015 10:10:34 GMT
Hi chaoticwitch Good to have you back! And felling much more positive. I've missed you!
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 5, 2015 17:31:05 GMT
hello chaoticwitch great to see you again, and so pleased you are feeling good
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Post by chaoticwitch on Nov 7, 2015 17:21:31 GMT
I have been having some strange things happen to me at night on the new meds.
To start with I was having dreams of the day ahead almost every night and would wake up in the morning quite disappointed that I had to go through it all again. I even dreamt that I'd taken my meds on night, it wasn't until late in the day I looked at the pot I keep them in and thought "Hmmm, didn't look like that when I took the tablets earlier."
But recently my sleep pattern has been completely disrupted. I am waking up at around 1am feeling refreshed, like I've had a nights sleep. I go back to sleep and seem to wake up every hour or so. Usually by around 4-5am I give up and get up in the hope that I will sleep better that night. But no matter how tired I am feeling during the day I still wake up at 1am. So far the only way I have managed anything more than that is by taking a sleeping tablet, but then I feel like a zombie for most of the following day.
I wouldn't mind only getting a couple of hours sleep a night if I felt ok the next day, imagine how much I could get done with only two hours of sleep needed. The possibilities are endless.
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Post by chaoticwitch on Dec 17, 2015 17:55:59 GMT
I am not looking forward to this weekend and I feel horrible about it.
It is my brothers wedding this weekend and my future sister-in-laws family are on their way down. She has a big family and all of whom I know (they lived with me for some time and have been family friends for 12years or more) so I am supposed to be going over to my brother's house tomorrow and joining in the celebrations. But it is going to be so crowded there and so noisy. Jen is going to be around all her family, her mum and all her sisters and I always feel awkward and left out when I am around them all together. The whole weekend is going to be full of people and all I want to do is stay at home, just me and my dogs.
I can't wait til this weekend is over oh and christmas too!
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Post by chaoticwitch on Dec 17, 2015 19:01:46 GMT
I have been put on some different anti-depressants as I have been getting unbelievably irritated recently. So much so, that I have had to hide away at home. My son only has to breath loudly and I am wanting to jump down his throat.
My gp had increased my flouxetine as it wasn't touching my depression and she thought that the irritation may be due to that increase combined with the Atomoxetine. I really don't like changing meds. I always get quite panicky about it. So have spent today sat around analysing every second of my day for any differences. What a waste of a day!!!!
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Post by contrarymary on Dec 17, 2015 21:52:33 GMT
((((( chaoticwitch ))))) so sorry you're having such a tough time just now i don't cope at all either when taking/changing things that change my brain chemistry. which is probably everything from sleep to breathing but meds are esp challenging (nowadays i even get anxious taking paracetamol!) i hope that the weekend goes as well as poss, and you can find some spaces and places to escape, breathe and find yourself amidst all the busyness
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Post by vagueandrandom on Dec 18, 2015 12:19:07 GMT
chaoticwitch Glad to see you back - not so glad that you're not doing so well. I have a big family gathering this weekend too, which I'm not looking forward to (my sister will be there). Just do what you have to do to get through it (lock yourself in the toilet for a bit if you have to). It will end and you can get back to your dogs. In my experience of antidepressants, they seem to work up to a point, then it doesn't matter how much you increase the dose, any benefit does not increase - just the side-effects. and some of the side-effects are not worth the small benefit that they have.Fluoxitine didn't do anything for me anyway - tried loads, including lithium. Venlafaxine's the only one that seems to work for me, but the side-effects and withdrawal are evil, so I've been avoiding going on it again. Look after yourself.
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Post by chaoticwitch on Dec 31, 2015 2:28:20 GMT
I'm in and out of here at the moment. I've been busy doing nothing, or at least that's how it feels. This holiday period is really confusing me. I have to keep on asking what day it is. I will be so glad when I get some routine back in my life. I am currently on my 2nd night awake. Well sort of awake, my head is buzzing. My arms are aching from taping away on this keyboard for hours. I am gutted to find out today that there is a conference next month, but that it is all sold out I would love to go to that. If anyone on here knows of anyway of obtaining access, I would be very grateful of any information. I see that @planetdave is on the flyer. If only I was "member who goes to conference"
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2015 18:27:33 GMT
I'm in and out of here at the moment. I've been busy doing nothing, or at least that's how it feels. This holiday period is really confusing me. I have to keep on asking what day it is. I will be so glad when I get some routine back in my life. I am currently on my 2nd night awake. Well sort of awake, my head is buzzing. My arms are aching from taping away on this keyboard for hours. I am gutted to find out today that there is a conference next month, but that it is all sold out I would love to go to that. If anyone on here knows of anyway of obtaining access, I would be very grateful of any information. I see that @planetdave is on the flyer. If only I was "member who goes to conference" Sorry - I don't get a guest list so I can't get you in. Keep trying the booking system. I know that people are dropping out and their returns will become available.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jan 7, 2016 1:04:27 GMT
chaoticwitch I know, it's shit! I was on the waiting list, but have been without internet for the last week. When I finally got my emails, I found that there was a ticket - 2 days ago - and it's expired, so I've had to re-join the list - not holding out much hope. Good to see you back!
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Post by chaoticwitch on Mar 17, 2016 11:25:26 GMT
Again it's been a while since I have been on here. I am going to see a clinical psychologist, next week to look at the possibility of Bi-polar being a comorbidity. It feels like I have been asking for this for ages and it took a bit of a breakdown to get anywhere.
I am also in the process of making a 20yr dream become a reality and I can't wait for that to happen.
When I was pregnant with my second child (my oldest was a year old) I went to stay with some traveller friends in Portugal for a couple of months and absolutely loved it out there. I was tempted to stay and was even offered a truck to live in. But as much as I wanted to stay there, I didn't think it would be fair on my children or their dad as they would never see each other, so I came home and settled into life as a mum. But in the back of my mind there was always the dream of travelling and Portugal.
My daughter, 21 this year, is at Uni, she loves her independence and is considering staying in Cardiff when she finishes her degree. She is settled, responsible and very independent. My son, who is 19, has met and fallen in love with a lovely girl who puts up with all his weirdness (and he does weird very well!). He has asked her to marry him and they are now living together here with me (nothing like playing gooseberry in your own home!). They are independent and no longer need me to help them with adult living and so it is finally my turn to follow my dream.
Over the last couple of years I have bought some things that I can now sell to make the money I need to buy myself a rolling home and I am now waiting (very impatiently) for everything to sell so that I can be off. My son and his girlfriend have agreed to take on the tenancy of my house as it is so cheap, leaving me free to wander around the world. I am going to stay fairly local until I am sure they can cope with the added responsibility, but then I am going wherever the mood takes me. I have already made contacts around England and Europe who have offered me a park up and work if I want it so it's all falling nicely into place.
I can't imagine anything better than pulling up my truck somewhere quiet, isolated and beautiful and enjoying the peace and tranquility of just being with myself and my furry friends.
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Post by contrarymary on Mar 17, 2016 17:06:39 GMT
hello chaoticwitchlovely to see you what a great story, and well told, thanks for sharing. and i'm SO glad that you now get the chance to do your thing. how cool is that? well done you!!! amazingly there's another lovely forumite cheekybuddha who has also fulfilled a longterm ambition & settled in portugal now. (and i think she also has bipolar as well as adhd?) it's absolutely fab, and i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pleased for you xx
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 18, 2016 16:57:26 GMT
Fabulous chaoticwitch . . how exciting for you. Glad things are finally working out
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Post by chaoticwitch on Dec 30, 2016 15:55:31 GMT
Really need to vent today. My plans to drive off into the sunset with my dogs isn't going so well! I managed to pull together £1000 but by the time I had the money saved up we were coming up to my son's birthday and christmas, so that has gone now . But on the plus side, my son has the money for his bike test and we all had a good christmas. Not moving out of the house has meant I have to watch my son's girlfriend break my son. She moved in with us just over a year ago. He proposed to her after they were together for about 5 months and she moved in to live with us a couple of months later. Since then I have watched their relationship become very co-dependant and unhealthy. So much so that she has got some volunteer work where my son works and is with him all day apart from the couple of hours that he goes in to do office work (he runs an afterschool club and is her boss when she is volunteering). She is sulky and moody most of the time around the house, and I have just found out that she is the same at work, apparently there have been a couple of complaints by the staff about her attitude and the way she speaks to my son when they are working, and that other staff find it difficult to communicate with him when she is there she will try to answer for him. He is such a gentle soul and it makes me angry that she is doing this to him. But it also makes me ashamed, because she is me and that is the reason he is so tolerant of her behaviour towards him!! I am bossy and controlling and can be very manipulative. As a parent, I learnt to relax more and step back but it has never been something that has come easy to me and I have to be aware of my motives and behaviour. I am now watching this situation play out in front of me and I feel I'm in an impossible position. I can't be bossy and controlling, I can't show my son what I see, he has to see that for himself, but I hate watching him being manipulated. Until today I haven't really spoken about the situation as I want to support my son in the decisions he makes, but it completely overflowed when I was talking to my daughter (she also worked with both my son and his girlfriend before christmas) she told me about the situation at work. Right now I am sat in the living room, for the first time in months she has gone out without him as he is too ill and is sleeping upstairs. I really want to go up and talk to him, but I am worried about what might come out my mouth. I am biting my tongue so hard it's bleeding, I really struggle with keeping my opinions to myself and it's made harder because it's my own son.
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Post by chaoticwitch on Dec 30, 2016 16:32:22 GMT
Another rant.
Two in one day, definitely need to get everything off my chest before 2017, start the new year with a clean slate.
The last time I posted (before today) I was going to see a psychologist and felt like things were moving forward in that department but it didn't really happen that way.
I felt confused as to what the purpose of the appointments were, I believed we were going to talk about bi-polar, about me getting an understanding of what was going on.
It didn't start too well, I struggled with her from the first time I met her, I can't really say why, I just didn't click with her. But one of the things I learned whilst doing my counselling course is that sometimes the reason we don't like someone can be because they are speaking a truth we aren't ready to hear, or that they are mirroring behaviours of our own that we don't like. So I decided that I would keep going to see where it went. The second or third meeting we had, she asked me how my move was going. As I haven't moved anywhere in the last 10 years I was a bit confused, she also asked me how I had got on with my goal of eating properly? When I said that neither of these things were related to me, she tried to tell me I was wrong and that whilst she may have been mistaken about me moving, she was certain I had made a goal of eating healthier, I know I hadn't and couldn't believe she was disputing my memory of the last appointment.
I decided to continue on, then the next week I was left waiting for half an hour after my appointment was due before I got told she was off sick. I was put on hold until she was better, so went another 6 months waiting for her return. I have probably seen her 6 times since she came back to work and each time I have seen her I have found it harder to go back the next week. I don't feel heard by her. She has suggested mindfulness, I explained that this is something I am constantly attempting, (I am aware of how beneficial it can be) but it is something I really struggle with and always have, but when I said this she said I was being resistant. I found this a little patronising, I wasn't saying I wouldn't do it, I attempt some form of mindfulness or meditation every day and it has never been easy, I have not become better at it. In fact there are times that it actually makes my head hurt, it feels like it's buzzing, like how it is under a electricity pylon.
I had expressed that I didn't think she liked me, and that this was perhaps because I didn't like her very much. But I found her very negative and on our last appointment I had really had enough. I told her how I had been up all night because I was attempting mindfulness, that it hadn't helped with the negative thoughts that I was having, if anything it had made it worse. I really struggle with the "feeling" thing, my head kicks in so quickly and takes over. I had struggled to sleep for the whole week whilst attempting mindfulness. When i went in to see her I felt like absolute shit, I had barely made it to the appointment, my anxiety was really bad and I had even struggled to get out with my dogs, when I asked her if she thought I looked more relaxed than usual she said yes!!!!! I was a fucking mess, I was twitching, showing obvious signs of anger and frustration, and she said she thought I looked more relaxed than usual?!? What was the point of seeing this person? She couldn't see what was right in front of her. I walked out, as much as I want to do something to improve the situation I am in, I have to accept that she isn't it.
So I received a letter from her a couple of days later that she was sorry that I hadn't managed to stay to the end of the appointment, that she wasn't sure that there was anything else she could do for me, but there was another program available which was DBT and she thought this might help as I was showing signs of personality disorder and this therapy, alongside CBT was helpful with that and to contact her next week if I want to be put on that program.
So lets see how that goes. I'll keep taking what they offer, because there has got to be a better way of living than the way I am living now.
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