|
Post by contrarymary on Apr 25, 2014 19:22:09 GMT
yesterday was a bit miz rubble, and couldn't believe i'd said how well my week was going.... but what a difference a day makes. today i have designed and coloured in (my friend kindly sketched out the drawing for me) four 10m x 1m banners for a charity fundraising thing i'm helping with on sunday................... that was almost SEVEN HOURS of colouring in! and they look amazing, tho i say so myself. and so glad that i plucked up courage to ask for help - i feel v lucky and my mother came for tea and it was fine. i was relaxed and colouring in and the visit went really really well - first time in a couple of years we've been so relaxed. she actually stayed much later than she'd planned because she was enjoying herself. woop woop.
|
|
|
Post by Bee on May 1, 2014 17:57:29 GMT
I am a quiet person; withdrawn and socially awkward.
I like to talk, but trip over all the conventions and niceties -like greeting someone before you begin quizzing them on the whereabouts of that stapler I lent you last week..
I've found I tend to ask questions that are just so blatantly obvious to everyone else that I'm simply met with stunned silence at my stupidity. OR I wasn't listening and the question was answered "LITERALLY about 30 seconds ago".
I find voicing my opinion tends to cause confrontation. Even if all I say is "I don't really like carrots.." Someone, somewhere, will hear and take it upon themselves to verbally attack and humiliate me.
Or that's how it seems anyway. I don't have radical opinions and I'm not hateful or judgemental. Just don't like carrots very much..
So my anxiety holds me back from social situations.
I've been to 4 staff meetings at my place of employment, and have never said a word. I just do my best to concentrate and listen. Or at least LOOK like I'm listening- sometimes I don't even manage that.
Today, at the staff meeting I raised »TWO« points ~AND~ gave supporting evidence for 2 other points raised.
One of the points I raised was an opinion on something. I voiced it to the man who pays my wages. This particular point was supported by a senior member of staff. He nodded at me and whispered "Yeah, that was a good one."
To me, this all cements how invaluable my diagnosis was. In time, I can be the me I want to be.
A tiny thing, which I bet no one really took note of, but it's made a world of difference to me, on the inside.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 2, 2014 10:23:29 GMT
Lovely place to post this link:
|
|
|
Post by astraka on May 2, 2014 19:21:16 GMT
I changed my gp! This is really big for me it's taken me over 10 years of shilly shallying and then 2 days of utter paralysis but I got there at 4.30 today. Note: not even just before the doors shut. I am awesome.
|
|
|
Post by twix on May 3, 2014 11:48:49 GMT
It makes me so happy to come on here and see stuff like this.
I know we all need to vent and winge sometimes but its the positive support we give each other that is so powerful.
Anyway I came here to say that my car is taxed. :-)
|
|
|
Post by inca on May 4, 2014 22:45:17 GMT
Mowed the lawn, which i have been putting off all week, then when i finished, remembered to put lawnmower back in the shed along with extension cable and put the grass into the garden wheelie bin. Astonished myself, yay!
|
|
|
Post by meepmeep on May 6, 2014 9:46:39 GMT
Super awesome new GF. Words cannot describe the link I have with this person. ADHD traits FTW.
|
|
|
Post by Bee on May 7, 2014 15:46:14 GMT
Signed up for Health and Social Care Diploma Level 2. Lots of studying required, and find the textbook to be somewhat condescending.
However, if I complete it without getting angry at being talked to like a child, within a year I will have a fairly useful qualification!
|
|
|
Post by fuzzywuzzy on May 7, 2014 23:21:01 GMT
Mowed the lawn, which i have been putting off all week, then when i finished, remembered to put lawnmower back in the shed along with extension cable and put the grass into the garden wheelie bin. Astonished myself, yay! Well done you! Me too! .......Only I'd been putting it off for a bit longer than a week... I didn't manage to put the grass into recycling bin ,
but, miraculously, I re-diarised for next week! My new policy!
|
|
|
Post by twix on May 8, 2014 18:13:23 GMT
Wow putting things away and doing jobs. Thats too much!
Mostly not been very late for work....
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 8, 2014 18:53:20 GMT
There's a lot going on in my little world at the moment, none of it is good and much of it is beyond my control. I'm not the happiest I've ever been from a work point of view but have stayed calm through it all (so far) and have let none of it trigger ADHD. I'm very proud of that.
|
|
|
Post by Bee on May 8, 2014 19:01:53 GMT
Sorted out a kitchen cupboard today. Found a mouldy pack of flour! Threw it out.
It was an ADHD moment, because I was actually looking for a box to put my mini tools in, and somehow I ended up cleaning out this cupboard...
Eventually found a shiny cosmetics bag to put my tools in.
Tools tidy, kitchen cupboard less of a health hazard. I should forget to take my meds more often!
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on May 8, 2014 19:44:27 GMT
DRUMROLL...... i have done 30 mins of online italian 40 days running.
and nearly finished a 22 day online meditation course (albeit it will have taken me 27 days).
that is simply astonishing, both of them. previously my record for doing anything consistently will have been less than 3 weeks.
....i too have had some bad days and stressful days and disorganised days and lost days. and days where i didn't think it was possible to get through the Stuff and i would be found out and fail big time....
but i have not yet let all these derail me from Everything and into utter despair, even when i've been teetering on the brink, or when it has been a huge effort to keep going. and the Keeping Going feels like a Major Achievement.
sometimes we gotta celebrate the small stuff. like stopping to breathe in and out and marvelling in the sunshine or the wind and the rain. (breathing is definitely under-rated)
|
|
|
Post by annie on May 9, 2014 18:23:45 GMT
Congratulations to everyone. Whilst the forward steps might not seem a huge deal with people without neuro-development difficulties, give yourself lots of Brownie/Cub points!! It's a step forward to not allowing the deficits of ADHD to determine the rest of your life.
So, onwards and upwards, one step at a time... but it would be nice to have the CCG's in all area's to recognise the need for properly funded Adult ADHD services!!
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 14, 2014 16:57:37 GMT
Really nice compliments tonight from a new recruit that has adopted me as her mentor. She's got a personality type that's easy for me to get along with (ie not the type of person that would trigger ADHD for me) but still nice to have some compliments all the same.
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 16, 2014 17:53:57 GMT
Just a nice calm-ish week. A good enough week. I feel great, and best of all I made my boss laugh the other day. Like everyone he has a "proper" laugh - the kind of laugh that people make when something is unexpectedly funny. That made me happy.
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on May 16, 2014 21:22:33 GMT
I made some elderflower cordial, and it tastes Amazing - just like elderflower cordial, in fact, only i made it i am somehow astonished , as tho i have successfully performed a small miracle by turning water into... elderflower cordial It would appear that I am discovering that i can do some things, just like a Proper Person i put my success down to meditation and learning to breathe and centre myself, which would seem to be slightly transforming my life. who knew? (and i'm sure there's a Very Grown Up reason why i keep having to go and open the cupboard to smile at the bottles)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 19, 2014 11:02:32 GMT
When you become disappointed by the lack of love offered by humanity, you can start to watch the wonders of nature. Some fantastic moments to experience as birds nurture their young this time of year. A wonderful sight to behold.
And the real positive? Successfully learning about bird species, their relationship to the dinosaur/Jurassic period and the way they interact and survive is really quite a marvellous process to behold.
For me, an invaluable eye-opener to the wonders of the natural world on our doorsteps.
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 30, 2014 18:09:50 GMT
I can get very driven with ADHD. I don't know if it's a type of hyperactivity but when I am managing my ADHD well, I am nicer, happier and not as driven. I had a great lunch with a couple of people yesterday. I was just my normal, stupid amusing self, and I made the other people laugh a bit which is an extra bonus. I struggle with lunches like that in hyper driven mode, and I can never think of anything much to say. Yesterday I was just happy and chatty, and I felt like a normal person having a conversation. It surprises me a bit when I can be social like this. I don't expect normal things to pop into my head. It feels like I've forgotten I can have a normal conversation that isn't about work, and even lead it at times like I did yesterday. I know the above isn't very coherent but my brain has gone into shut down mode.
|
|
|
Post by petra on May 30, 2014 22:08:43 GMT
Yesterday I was just happy and chatty, and I felt like a normal person having a conversation. It surprises me a bit when I can be social like this. I don't expect normal things to pop into my head. It feels like I've forgotten I can have a normal conversation that isn't about work, and even lead it at times like I did yesterday. I can so relate to this! Sometimes I spend so much time on my own, I can't imagine ever being able to have a normal conversation ever again. I can't imagine I would have anything at all to say about anything. And then when it happens I think perhaps I'm not such a freak after all!
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on May 30, 2014 23:29:14 GMT
I can so relate to this! Sometimes I spend so much time on my own, I can't imagine ever being able to have a normal conversation ever again. I can't imagine I would have anything at all to say about anything. And then when it happens I think perhaps I'm not such a freak after all! me too!
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 31, 2014 4:17:03 GMT
Isn't it the strangest feeling? I think I recognised the ridiculously normal thoughts because they feel so abnormal still! At some points I wasn't even thinking about what to say, I didn't say anything dumb or impulsive, I was just carrying on a natural conversation. I just thought to myself "Hey, that was a normal thing to say." *thud*
|
|
|
Post by petra on May 31, 2014 13:18:32 GMT
Do either of you, after a not so normal conversation, engage in a conversation post mortem in your own head and then cringe as you realise just how stupid what you said was, and then go on to die a thousand deaths and vow never to open your mouth again in public? Or is that just me?
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 31, 2014 14:50:13 GMT
For sure. I can even still feel the embarrassment of my worst impulsive comments - all work situations with colleagues when I'm not in a good spot. Fortunately I've detached from it all now but I know exactly what you mean.
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on May 31, 2014 17:09:29 GMT
yup, i'm afraid so. i get home and look back at conversations and want to curl up and fall through a hole in the floor and never have to speak to these people again. or (and somehow worse) i read over emails i have sent - often years ago - and from my instinctive toe-curlingly overwhelmingly embarrassed shock in reading what i have said, wonder what on earth these people must have thought of me and am suddenly not at all surprised that i have problems in sustaining friendships. yet the effort that has to go into being careful about saying appropriate things, being present in an acceptable way, is SO exhausting. i have had a difficult week with too many changes to routine and not enought of the good things - sleep, yoga, meditation - and the effort of getting them back into place seems beyond me. i am too tired to even work out how to get things done to be able to get an early night! i think i am at that place that fuzzywuzzy was v recently when realising that a more normal, organised life is possible but it is a full-time job. perhaps this is why people take medication? and yet i know that it is matter of perception, and finding the way to reset my brain and it will become easier again...
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on May 31, 2014 19:54:43 GMT
Don't be too hard on yourself Mary. You is human.
I'm sort of in that spot now. A new normal organised life can be possible. There'll no doubt be things I'll always need to keep a check on. I believe new good habits can develop naturally. I know what my biggest triggers are (at least at the moment) so I avoid those, accept some days and times will be easier and harder than others and just try to do the right thing each day.
|
|
|
Post by petra on Jun 1, 2014 5:09:07 GMT
yup, i'm afraid so. i get home and look back at conversations and want to curl up and fall through a hole in the floor and never have to speak to these people again. or (and somehow worse) i read over emails i have sent - often years ago - and from my instinctive toe-curlingly overwhelmingly embarrassed shock in reading what i have said, wonder what on earth these people must have thought of me and am suddenly not at all surprised that i have problems in sustaining friendships. yet the effort that has to go into being careful about saying appropriate things, being present in an acceptable way, is SO exhausting. Because of these things, I find I avoid these situations and people more and more. It's like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, but avoidance just seems the easier option. i have had a difficult week with too many changes to routine and not enought of the good things - sleep, yoga, meditation - and the effort of getting them back into place seems beyond me. i am too tired to even work out how to get things done to be able to get an early night! i think i am at that place that fuzzywuzzy was v recently when realising that a more normal, organised life is possible but it is a full-time job. perhaps this is why people take medication? and yet i know that it is matter of perception, and finding the way to reset my brain and it will become easier again... This is what I think I find the hardest thing. I am forever trying to live a semi normal kind of life. Now and then I appear to touch on it (I'm talking at an incredibly basic low level here mind), but for one reason or another I can never sustain it. Then all goes pear shaped which feels soul destroying. And then the effort to try and get going again, knowing even if you manage it it's going to be short lived - well for me this is just the hardest thing.
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on Jun 3, 2014 19:08:38 GMT
I achieved the best outcome out of about 40 something colleagues in the first quarter of this year, and just as importantly my behaviours during this time were also good. What's even more amazing is that this period of time was ridiculously hard at work and at home, and I managed to keep it together, manage ADHD 95% of the time and I got through it. I'm so proud of what I achieved.
I was going to say I achieved this despite having ADHD but in some ways it's because of ADHD too. Not because any of the ADHD behaviours helped me (they really didn't!) but because like lots of us on here I've had to work so hard to achieve and just "be" what everyone else can do and is naturally. Get ADHD managed and I'm super powered!
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on Jun 3, 2014 19:18:17 GMT
WOW WOW WOW purplepower that is well worth a victory name change well done - go you!!!
|
|
|
Post by purplepower on Jun 3, 2014 19:24:14 GMT
*bows* Thank you Mary. Purple power rocks!
|
|